i’m coming soon
i shan’t be long
i’m just no good
i’m just really wrong
for everyone else so it’s hard to find you
but it will happen
i’m certain
it’s true
it’s true
it’s true

seen from Germany
seen from Russia

seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from Saudi Arabia

seen from Japan
seen from United States

seen from T1
seen from United States

seen from United Kingdom
seen from Switzerland

seen from Australia
seen from United States

seen from Germany
seen from United States
i’m coming soon
i shan’t be long
i’m just no good
i’m just really wrong
for everyone else so it’s hard to find you
but it will happen
i’m certain
it’s true
it’s true
it’s true
needy needy
I wish I wasn’t needy needy I wish I didn’t need you you I wish I don’t stare like a lunatic holding my breath for you you. I wish I wasn’t panicked to talk to you you and I wish it all worked out but we all know I’m a coward who is incapable of love now. I never learnt to do it and I never will so I will remain an emotionless shell begging for love love love. If you read this you would run away just as you ran away from me today. And all of this may be nothing and all of this may be everything but I don’t know what to do. I want you you. I wish I wasn’t needy needy. I wish you could see me see me.
A little word to wise,
Don’t hide so deeply behind that disguise
Don’t pretend to be someone you not
Because 20% of you feels like you should.
A little hint for next time,
Before you lay your soul on the line
Too much of you is hard to swallow
But it is better than not enough.
If you tell me a secret,
For god’s sake – make it true,
Make it pure and honest and spritely
Make it something that is so inherently you.
Make it a lie you fashioned for me
So that it appears the truth
So, I never know the real you
You never know the real me
And we remain completely uncouth.
I’m So Human.
I’m so human
I reek of bad breath, bad days, bad taste
My fingernails have too much dirt beneath them
My freckles are smudges from the sun
My ears have holes in them like some deformity
My eyes can’t see so far
My spine is crooked as it slithers up and down
My back which, by the way, has spots
My stomach is a kangaroo pouch, I keep the most valuable things there
My heart is a cage, I keep the most valuable things there, too.
My lungs do a good job, I guess, I’m really not aware
My legs are two tram tracks
My ankles crack
My toes are too long, they freak me out a bit.
I’m so human
I’m here. I exist.
Flaws and all.
something i shouldn’t say...
I’m wide awake sleeping on your floor
Whilst you’re fucking her at a quarter to four
What? Those texts didn’t mean shit?
What? You just wanted to play a bit?
Baby, you shout my name as you come
Whilst I lie there and just feel numb
Don’t pretend I’m not the girl you dream about
Don’t lie when I just heard you shout
My name as your girlfriend gets it
You’re obsessed with me, I’ve pulled you
Hook, line and sinker and I don’t apologise
You were mine the moment we first got high
And you couldn’t stop looking at my lips
And I knew that completely, I was his.
Almost.
There is no word quite as heart-breaking as almost.
And you, my love were my almost
We almost were something
We almost were polar opposite, fire-and-ice once in a lifetime loves
We maybe were too fiery, too icy for each other
We maybe were too similar
We, maybe, let it get in the way.
We almost were.
We were so close if it weren’t for you and me
Me, with my mouth and ambition and folly
You, with your lips and drive and foolishness
We were synonyms of the same word,
Perfect on paper
Clashing in ink
We were almost an almost and now
You’re with
Her and
My poor heart is still thinking about the
We, we almost were.
I Miss Home - An Honest Confession from a Student
I miss home. I miss just about everything about being home. I miss turning my key with its plush elephant key ring into a door that never really opens properly. I miss getting in the front doors as slowly as possible so the noise wouldn’t blabber that I was home so I couldn’t surprise anyone. I miss the perpetually lit fireplace in the Living Room. I miss my Dad with his glasses forever perched on his nose. Alternatively, his glasses would be lost forever. I miss my family’s little idiosyncrasies. I miss the march from the kitchen to the living room. I miss the eternally dusty staircases. I miss roast potatoes. I miss gravy. I miss warm food that doesn’t take two hours to make because of a broken hob, full stop. I miss cuddles. I miss the noise. Actually, sometimes I really don’t miss the noise. But sometimes I do.
I think about all the things I miss about home and my stomach ties in little knots. What’s stopping me? What’s preventing me from getting the next train home to all of the little things that I miss about home? And then the answer comes into my head. I’m forgetting one tiny detail.
When I was at home, I was dying to be here. I worked so hard to get here. I can’t just quit when the going gets tough. Because I know that if I quit I’ll miss home. I’ll miss shopping for myself. I’ll miss having blinds. I’ll miss my friends. I’ll miss having a small room. I’ll miss the nicer trains. I’ll miss the library. I’ll miss the creative freedom. I’ll miss not waking up and knowing that I’m doing something I love. I’ll miss not scraping by even though it’s scary. I’ll miss not having Pizza Hut downstairs. I’ll miss not being judged for having pizza at 3am. There are things that really suck about being away, really. There are and it hangs on my soul like a ginormous weight. But this is the time to try and alleviate the weight. Not run away from it, forever being shackled to home.
Rooted to home. Yes. Always. But being shackled to home? That’s a curse.
Where’s the freedom?
No. I will stay. I will continue. I will persevere. I will continue missing home.
Because it means I’m rooted to it.