Wayne Enterprises Internal Memo – Emergency Meeting Transcript
Date: [REDACTED]
Time: 03:47 AM (Because why would an emergency meeting happen at a reasonable time?)
Location: Batcave Conference Room
Attendees: Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Oracle (remotely)
Special Guest: Dr. Misaki Eto
Dr. Misaki Eto: [sipping tea, visibly unimpressed] Alright. Who called an emergency meeting at three in the morningbecause of a social media issue?
Tim Drake: [dead inside, holding an energy drink] It’s an engagement emergency. Nobody is commenting on the therapy post.
Jason Todd: [leaning back, arms crossed] Right. And this required DEFCON 1?
Dick Grayson: [soft gasp] Of course, it does! No comments means no interaction, no interaction means the algorithm buries it, and that means—
Barbara Gordon (Oracle): —less reach, fewer shares, and ultimately, fewer people seeing it.
Bruce Wayne: [clears throat] I fail to see how this is our problem.
Tim Drake: [snaps up to look at him, eyes wild] You don’t understand. It’s never happened before. The Batfam gets comments. The Therapy Series gets comments. Where are the people? Have they been kidnapped? Are they avoiding it? Are we shadowbanned?!
Damian Wayne: [arms crossed, unimpressed] Tt. You are all pathetic. It is an internet post. Who cares?
Dick Grayson: [gasps louder] Damian! It’s about engagement!
Dr. Misaki Eto: [raises hand] Okay, real talk—did anyone check if the site is down?
Tim Drake: [furiously typing] I did. Tumblr is fine. Engagement on other posts is normal.
Jason Todd: [grinning] Maybe they’re just afraid to comment after reading what you wrote. Y’know, intimidated.
Barbara Gordon: [thoughtful] That actually might be a thing. If it was an especially intense post, people might just likeit but not know what to say.
Dick Grayson: [dramatic sigh] We should’ve baited them with a “reblog if you relate.” Rookie mistake.
Bruce Wayne: [pinching the bridge of his nose] So what do you suggest we do?
Dr. Misaki Eto: [shrugs] Well, normally, I’d say just keep posting and it’ll pick up traction again. But since we’re clearly operating in full Bat-level paranoia mode, we could also just—
Tim Drake: —Stage a social experiment?
Jason Todd: —Threaten them?
Barbara Gordon: —Do a follow-up post?
Dick Grayson: —Make a meme about it?
Dr. Misaki Eto: …You know what? Do all of those. See what works.
Bruce Wayne: [deep sigh] I am far too tired for this.
Damian Wayne: [muttering] You are all disgraceful.
Tim Drake: [typing furiously] Okay, operation revive engagement is a go. Give it 24 hours. If nothing changes—
Dr. Misaki Eto: —Then what? Another emergency meeting?
Jason Todd: [laughs] Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Tim: Experiment with different post formats to boost engagement.
Dick: Meme the situation.
Jason: Threaten the algorithm within legal parameters.
Barbara: Monitor post analytics.
Dr. Misaki Eto: Continue questioning why she agreed to this in the first place.
