#dc incorrect quotes

[eevee-the-cat]

Dick Grayson (age 12, waking up Bruce who’s asleep on the couch): hey, Bruce. I need you to sign this permission slip for a school field trip.

Bruce Wayne (hasn’t slept for 5 days and still thinks he’s in the office): what… what is this? One day at the zoo for $45 that’s a terrible deal! Tell them to negotiate… something… better… *falls asleep*

Dick: …um

Alfred: *taking the paper from him* I’ve been able to forge his signature for ten years now. I techincally sign my own paychecks.

[nina-s0]

Headcanon that Jason is deffo the sibling that eats everything and anything in the closest vicinity:

Tim: shit I burnt this ommlet.

Tim:

Tim: *slides plate to Jason*

Jason: *eats it without looking up from his book*

--

Dick: if I eat anymore I'm gonna throw up

Bruce: Alfred said you have to. And I'm not gonna fight him for you.

Dick:

Dick: *throws plate like a frizzbee towards Jason sitting in the corner*

Jason: *catches it flawlessly and swallows it whole*

Bruce: man, I'm just gonna pretend I didn't see that.

--

Duke, making breakfast for himself at 6am before his patrol:

Jason, spawning behind him: what you doing?

Duke: FUCK- omg what is wrong with you!?

Jason: make me sum

Duke: no???

Jason, intense stare:

Duke: I- okay sure

--

Bonus where Jason likes to sneak into the watchtower to fuck with heros:

Jason, eating a warmed up peporoni pizza:

Hal, walking in with the justice league for their break: what the hell. That's my pizza. You ate my pizza. What are u even doing here?

Jason: I don't see your name on it.

Barry, moving the lid of the pizza box to expose the "hal's - do not eat" message sprawled at the front in sharpie:

Jason, no hesitation: sorry I can't read, I'm dead.

Hal:

Bruce, holding the bridge of his nose: Jason, go home.

[secretsdcblog]

Based on a conversation I had at work

Steph: How do you guys wanna be buried? Like funeral rites and stuff?

Steph: I wanna be cremated and have my ashes be turned into a diamond.

Duke: I haven't really thought about it. I guess a regular funeral?

Dick: Yeah. Same.

Steph, nodding: Safe choice. Jason?

Jason: Viking funeral

Cass nodding along: Same

Steph, high fiving them: Fuck yeah! Damian?

Damian: I simply wouldn't die. But in this hypothetical situation I would like to be cremated and have my remains put in one of those biodegradable urns so that I may become a tree.

Steph: Aww cute!

Damian, definitely not blushing: I will kill you myself, Brown.

Steph, quickly moving on: Tim? How about you?

Tim: Bog body.

[Everyone looks at him in various degrees of concern, shock and repulsion]

Jason: I beg your finest fucking pardon?

Tim, shrugging: Bogs preserve dead things really well. My parents were archaeologists. It's what they would've wanted.

[sony-laptop]

Danny, after a close call with identities and the league: we have to tell them at some point, maybe they'll understand. . .

Billy holding Danny by the shoulders, trying to literally shake sense into him: Danny. We are two black-haired, blue-eyed, vigillante teenagers. I'm homeless and your parents are actively hunting you. My name is literally Batson. This is no longer just about age. Unless you want to become a rich Gotham kid, you better lie like your life depends on it!

[of-many-incorrect-quotes]

Bruce: Why are Y/N and Jason sitting with their backs to each other?

Dick: They had a fight.

Bruce: Oh… but why are they holding hands?

Dick: Jason gets sad when they fight

[book-place-incorrect-quotes]

Jason: *holding baby!Y/N* My little sister! My little sister! Yes you are! You're my baby sister!

Dick: Hey Jason can I hold-

Jason: Go the fuck away Dick! Can't you see I'm doing something?!

Dick: *walks out of the room with a sad expression on his face* But I want to hold the baby too…

Damian: *walking past Dick while holding a katana*

Dick: Where are you going with that?

Damian: It's my turn to hold L/N, but I know Todd won't just give her to me so I'm taking her by force.

[anyknotrants]

-after Damian turned 16, at the family dinner-

Bruce: so... Damian, do you remember the Oreov girl you met at the gala last week?

Damian: *looks up* yes

Bruce: what do you think of her...?

Dick: *tries not to laugh*

Tim: *fails not to laugh*

Steph: *doesn't even try not to laugh*

Damian: she was... acceptable, if a bit annoying, why do you ask?

Tim: He's trying to set you up!

Batkids -Damian: *laughs*

Damian: *stares blankly*

Bruce: of course, you don't hav-

Damian: father, are you unaware that I'm in a committed relationship?

Duke, Tim and Dick: *choke on their food*

Steph: *chokes on her drink*

Cass: *smiles*

Batkids: WHAT?!

Bruce: ... I-....

Jason: *laughs so hard he almost falls from his chair* oh Jesus Christ! The world's best detectives at their finest!

Dick: you knew? And you didn't tell me?!

Jason: where the fuck do you think he went almost every fucking friday?

Bruce: *turns to Damian* I- I though you were having sleepover with Jon

Damian: I was.

Dick: but you just-

Batfam: *stops all their movememnt as they realize*

Jason: *actually falls from his chair laughing*

Bruce: JONATHAN SAMUEL KENT!

-over at the Kent farm, also having family dinner-

Jon, who heard Bruce shout his name: I feel like I'm going to get murdered by a bat in my sleep

Clark, who was also listening in: right after you explain why I had to find out you're dating Damian throught their family dinner

Jon: hehe... fuck

[green-lantern-corpse]

Guy, I love you, but drinking milk while eating cereal is just too much milk at once