I wrote this when i was suffering from a fever and in my second writing style, not my usual one, a first person perspective.
It's J-hope as the sickie with some unnamed sickness and apparently caught in a thunder storm? I'm guessing the storm exists because of another project I've been working on.
Warnings: Vomit and a nightmare that mentions hospitals and severe sickness
I'm gonna post it because even if no one likes it. I do. It's unedited, but i think editing it will ruin the charm I like and I had a request for a fever dream and one exists in here.
I can hear them calling my name, but my voice refuses to make a sound, and even if it did, the storm would drown it out.. I can't get my body to do anything. When I try to open my eyes, everything is just a green haze, and when I close them again, the door I'm desperately trying to reach is burned into the back of my eye lids.
Everything hurts, and I'm freezing, but I can feel the sweat dripping into my eyes, but I can't get my hand to move, only able to twitch my fingers.
I want them to come.. I don't want to be alone, but no matter how hard I try, nothing comes out except for coughs that make everything worse.
"Hyungie.. oh no..." I hear footsteps approaching and a voice I know, but I can't place who it belongs to. Why can't I remember?
"I found him.. he made it back!" He shouts to the others, causing the pain to increase. It feels like someone was stepping on my head, pushing it into the ground where I lay, but I know there's nothing there..
I feel my head being lifted, the person putting my head in their lap. I hear myself groaning softly. It hurts to move. Every muscle screams when it's forced to move.
"It's okay, it's okay.. we'll get you help.." I hear them speak again, feeling their fingers brush against my forehead, moving the hair that's been tickling my nose, for I don't even know how long. When did I fall? How long has it been?
They get the sweat from my eyes, and I try to thank them, but I only a cough comes out, and it hurts deep in my chest.
"What happened?" A new voice asks.
"Is he okay?" And another.
"He's burning up.." The first voice, the one holding me, answers. "I think he hit his head when he fell.."
I know they are still right by me, but their voices sound like they are getting farther away, like I'm sitting at the bottom of a pool trying to hear what the people on the surface are saying. The sounds of them talking made my head spin.
I try to open my eyes, but anything is still fuzzy.. I can't make out the person I'm looking at, but I know I should. It was like looking through a shower door..i could make out their shape, but all their features were blurred.. "I'm sorry. I don’t know why i can't remember.." I tell them, but they don't respond to what I say, only shushing me as one of the new people pick me up.
Being lifted made my stomach hurt, my chest tightening as I a painful gag comes, one after another, but nothing comes up, just the painful tightness in my muscles and spit. My eyes water, and my nose drips. I wanted to just get it over with, to just throw up, but I just can't get anything up.
"I'm sorry Hobi-hyungie..." The voice holding me says, cradling me closer to try to keep me from moving.
I try to reply, but only coughs come out.
"Hyungie, what do we do? It's raining too hard to go to a hospital.. even with umbrellas, we could hardly see where we were going.."
Someone says something, but I don't know what.. or who. I could feel the heart of who's carrying me race wildly. Were they scared?
I try to reach to touch them.. to comfort them.. but my arm won't lift. I couldn't hear them talking anymore, and everything gets even darker fading to black.. Everything is so heavy.. I can't keep awake...
I hear one of the voices from earlier. They're crying.. I can hear it in their voice.. It's different from before, and they sniffle loudly, making my head hurt.. everything still hurts, but my body listens to me this time, allowing me to reach for the person sitting next to me. "No..cry..." I had to push my voice out, and it was even more painful to talk than before, but the pain was worth it since they heard me.
"Hyung.. you're up.. oh, I'm so relieved.. you scared me.." They take my hand and squeeze it. I can feel the wet tears from them wiping their eyes. "Are you feeling any better? You fainted after Jungkookie put you down..."
"I don't feel well.. hurts.. it all hurts and I'm col..."I cough again, an awful hacking sound.
I don't recognize my own voice. It comes out wrong, too deep and yet somehow whiny. I hate it.
"Do you think you can drink some tea for me?" They speak gently to me. "It might help your throat."
I try to open my eyes, but even the natural light from the window was too much, making it feel like someone was drilling inside my head. I only get a peek of who was talking.. their large brown eyes sparkled with tears. I reach for them blindly, finding their wet cheek. "No cry.." I repeat, but doing so makes me cough, painfully shaking my chest.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'll try.." I feel them grab my hand, taking deep, shaky breaths. I'm the one who should be sorry.. I'm the reason why everyone was upset..worried..
"Here, hyungie, can you drink a little for me? Enough to take something?" They put a small pill in my cheek and straw by my mouth. If drinking will cheer them up...
I sip on the tea the warm liquid feeling nice until I swallowed.. It hurts to swallow, feeling like something constricting my throat to make it nearly impossible. I managed to get a few swallows before giving up just enough to feel the medicine slide down, turning my head away.
"Hyung is he up?" I hear the voice of another person entering the room.
"Yeah, but he's still really hot.. did you guys get any luck getting a hold of someone?" The first person answers.
"No. There's no service no matter where we go.. the storm must've knocked out the phone line..
That's right.. there was a severe thunder storm warning...
"No hyungie, don't worry... we'll figure it out okay? Is there anything you need?" The first voice asks softly after scolding me.
"Do you want me to hold you?"
I nod my head, then feel them wrap around me. "Tell the others he's awake okay? I'll stay with him." He softly orders the second voice, gently rubbing my arm. I bury my face in their chest, breathing in the familiar scent. I know them.. I know that I do, but I just can't remember.
"I got you hyungie, just try to sleep more okay?" They wrap the blanket tightly around both of us.
I try to answer, but only a low hum comes out. I can hear the others soon after.
"Is he still delusional?"
"Have you given him any medicine?"
All the voices mix together, unable to tell who was talking. It hurts...
I try to cover my ears to stop hearing them, and feel myself bringing held tightly to the younger boys chest.
"Go." The boy told them in a tone I hardly recognized as his... that's the last thing I remember before the pain became unbearable.. everything fading away to blackness once more.
"You're going to get sick too." I hear someone whispering, sounding either worried or angry, or..maybe both? Was it Yoongi's voice?
I try to listen to their voice more, but he didn't talk..it was the person holding me that did.
"I don't care. I left for a little bit to use the bathroom and when I came back he was trembling.. I don't want him to suffer hyung.. even if I go now it's probably too late. I'm sorry but I'm staying with Hobi-hyung.."
I open my eyes, not wanting them to argue over me, but I couldn't lift my head from the younger boys chest. My body is still too heavy...
"Hyung? Are you up?" The younger boy must've felt me trying to move, because they were trying to help me move so I could see who was in the room. I saw the pale skinned boy out of the corner of my eye.
"Yoongi...?" My voice comes out scratchy, still unrecognizable. They sit next to me on the bed, moving closer to me.
"I'm here..." Yoongi pushes the wet bangs from my face. "You're still burning up, do you think you can take some medicine? We need to get your fever down.."
"I know it probably hurts, but you need to at least try, okay?" Hyung gets up to get it.
What was the point of asking if I don't have a choice...?
"He's just really worried about you. Don't be upset with him okay?"
I try to reply to the younger boy, but only a cough comes out. They rub their hand across my chest and it helps ease the pain loosening the tightness. The coughing doesn't stop though until a yellow slime comes up out of my throat, making me gag.
He rushes to get a trash bin, sitting me up so I could throw up. It burns when it comes up, and it didn't only come from my mouth but also came out of my nostrils. He keeps his arm wrapped around my chest, holding me up as i hug the trash, mouthfuls of hot Vomit filling the trash bin.
"What happened?" Yoongi rushes back to the bed, rubbing his hand down my back.
"He started coughing so hard he started getting sick.."
My sides burned as the heaves kept coming even after my stomach was empty, only small strings of spit coming up.
"Breathe Hoba.. Breathe.." Hyungie gently urges me, but I only feel angry.
It's not like I'm not trying to already..
I continued to try to breath, but the dry heaving continues, followed by bouts of coughing that made my head feel like it'd shatter if even a feather landed on top of it. Hot tears poured down my cheeks and more voices started talking, but I couldn't process any of them.
My vision was becoming unclear again.. the pain becoming more than I could take..
The voice was either Jiminie or Seokjinnie hyung, but I don't know which.
"I already tried to drive to town, but there's a tree on the path out.." it was Yoongi hyung again. He was adding a wet rag to my forehead, trying to get the sweat off.
"Shi..Hoba you scared me!" Yoongi's eyes are wide open, clearly surprised that I was awake.
"Where'd...Where'd they go..?"
"Where did who go?" Yoongi hyung asks me, confusion on his face.
"The...the person who was wearing bracelets.." I try to remember who was holding me, but all I could remember was the black lock bracelet and a red thread bracelet I saw on his wrist.
"Taehyungie? I told him he had to go eat.. he'll come back. Me and Hyung are here though. Do you want anything?"
"Pain to go away.." I try to ask for something for the pain, but I couldn't think of the word.
"What hurts Hoba? Is it your stomach?" Seokjin-hyung starts rubbing his hand across my stomach before I can reply with gentle circles.
"Don't.." The word comes out in a wet burp that tastes foul.
"I'm sorry!" Seokjinnie hyung quickly pulls away, but it was too late. My mouth fills with hot sick, and I sit up quickly, swallowing it down.
"Hyung get the waste bin!" Yoongi-hyung desperately tries to help me, but it was too late. The vomit already came back up, spraying out across the bed and onto Yoongi.
Seokjin places the trash bin into my lap for the next round. My cheeks burn hot with embarrassment my eyes filling with tears that roll down my face dropping into the bin with the next mouthful of sick.
"Oh Hoeseok-ah.. don't worry about it, I'll go get some new bedding and wash up. It's okay. You can't help it if you're sick." Yoongi pulls the blanket off the bed, balling it up.
"What happened?" The voice I couldn't place earlier.. it was Taehyungie. I can't believe I'd forgotten..
"I was trying to help, but I only made him worse.." Hyungs voice is heavy with guilt.
The puking stopped just as quickly as it started, most likely because there was nothing for me to throw up.
"Oh my poor hyungie.." Taehyung wraps around me, pressing his head to my cheek. "You're burning up again.. we were finally getting it down.."
"Don't be sorry, Hyungie. Just relax, okay? We'll get you feeling better.."
I lean against Taehyung, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine. "Don't let go.."
"I'll lay with you as long as you like, but Hyungie, do you think you can take medicine for your fever?"
Medicine..that's the word I needed!
"It looks like he wants to. Hyung, let's try again." Taehyung eagerly shakes Yoongi's leg.
"I'm going, calm down, Tae." Yoongi gets up, bringing me a few pills and the tea from earlier now cool on my throat as I force the pills down.
"Good.." Yoongi smiles. "That's a big relief.."
Seeing him smile was worth the churning in my stomach. I had to keep them down for them, but I could already feel my stomach bubbling up, trying to push up my throat. I bury my face into Taehyung’s chest, forcing him to lay by pressing my head into his chest.
"Okay, okay. I got it. You're sleepy.."Taehyung gently runs his fingers through my hair. "I'll stay with you all night.."
"Let's let him get some sleep, Yoongi-yah.." Hyung pulls Yoongi-hyung out, leaving me alone with Taehyungie.
"I can't..everything hurts..no matter how much sleep.."
I've been in and out of it..but I still wake up feeling awful..
"Is there anything I can do to help you sleep?" Taehyung asks softly. "I know rubbing your belly didn't help, but maybe there's something?"
I nod, cuddling closer. Even though I said I didn't need anything, I feel his hand run down my back and feel the vibration of him softly humming a tune I knew, but I just couldn't place.
I'm supposed to be the older one protecting him. What if he really does get sick?
I wanted to tell him he should leave, that I'd be okay on my own, but the words don't come. It's selfish..feeling the warmth of Taehyung against my feverish skin. I couldn't bring myself to tell him to go..
The others will take care of him if he gets sick.. it's fine if I keep him.. just for tonight...
'The medicine isn't working. His fever is still rising.' A faceless doctor rushes around the also faceless nurses. The only one who did have a face was Taehyungie who lay shivering on the hospital bed, covered in wires as they try to help.
'Taehyung-ah!' I rushed to his side and grabbed his hand, but he was too hot to touch. It felt like I put my fingers on a hot pan. His skin was blotchy with rashes from the fever, and the only response I got from calling his name was a soft whimper.
The machine started beeping loudly, his heart working too hard to try to slow his heavy breathing, his oxygen levels still low.
One of the nurses covers his face with a breathing machine, and another turns off the blaring monitor. They check his temperature once more. 'If it gets any higher, he's going to suffer permanent damage..'
'No, no, there must be something you can do..' I sob grabbing onto Taehyung’s hand despite the burning feeling. 'Please.. please save him..'
'You did this to him.. this is all your fault!' Jimin appears out of nowhere, tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes like two daggers. 'You got him sick!'
'But I didn't mean to..' Was all I could get out.
'If he doesn't make it, it's all your fault, and I won't forgive you!' Yoongi appears next. His tears hurt even more than seeing Jimin.. my chest feels like it's about to burst.
'I'm sorry...I'm sorry..' I sob into my palms.
'Sorry won't make him better.' Jin's voice was next, coming out icy cold.
It was Taehyungie's voice.
It was only a dream. My eyes fly open, revealing I wasn't in a hospital room, but the house we rented for our mini vacation. Taehyungie was sitting up next to me. I cling to him desperately, relief washing over me when I feel his cool skin against mine. "You're okay.. you're okay.." My voice comes out as a sob, only now realizing the tears followed me from my nightmare.
"I should be saying that to you.. Aiigo Hyungie you scared me.." Taehyungie holds me close, stroking my back. "Don't cry, it's just a dream.."
"You..you..were re..really s..sick.." My voice comes out in Shaky hiccupy like gasps, unable to catch my breath. "I..I d..don..don't want you to..to..." I couldn't breathe anymore my words getting cut off my coughs. The room was spinning, I couldn't stay sitting up. I lean
"You gotta breathe Hoseokie-hyungie, deep breaths.." He takes deep breaths with me, the tightness in my chest loosening with every breath until the coughs stop. "Tae...?" I whisper.
"What is it Hyungie?" He responds to me while wiping the tears from my face with his Hoodie sleeve.
"Y..you could get si..sick fro..from me th..though.. are..are you sure you..you.."
"No, hyungie, I'm fine. You're the one who's sick. Don't worry about what ifs. Just worry about getting better, okay?" Taehyung speaks to me in a soft tone, still sounding worried as he continues to rub my back. "The storm is starting to let up, so we'll get you proper help, but until then, you gotta hang in there for me.."
I nod, trying to catch my breath. Hearing his voice was soothing.. I wanted him to talk more, but I couldn't find my words, just shaky gasps came along with tears I couldn't get to stop.
"Hyungie, please don't cry.." Taehyungie talks on his own. "I promise I'm okay.."
"What happened?" Yoongi's voice is in the doorway.
"He had a bad dream because of you saying I'd get sick from staying in bed with him." Taehyung says sounding a little angry at him.
"What?" Yoongi comes in the room, taking a seat near me.
"He had a dream I was sick.. it must've been from you talking about it earlier." Taehyung says with a pout.
Yoongi looks at me with a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry Hoba. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm sure Taehyungie will be fine. Even if he's not, we'll take care of him."
"What if it's too bad?" My voice comes out in a whisper.
"Taehyungie is strong. He can fight it off. Right Tae?" Yoongi sounds confident, but I can't tell if it was fake.
"Yeah. I'll be back on my feet a week tops." Taehyungie smiles. "Did you find out if it's safe enough to get him to the hospital?"
"Namjoon-ah says the roads are still flooded, so we can't go yet. You'll have to take care of him for a little while longer." Yoongi-hyung is trying to keep his distance, but I can see his hand moving towards me, wanting to take my hand.
I grab onto it, squeezing it. "It's okay.. I'm feeling a little better.."
"You don't look any better, but you seem to be thinking clearly again.. earlier you were just speaking nonsense.." hyung replies to me, but I'm not sure what he means.. not unless he meant when I was trying to ask for headache medicine..
"Don't worry about it Hoba. Do you think you feel well enough to try to eat a little bit? Seokjinnie-hyung made some jook for when you woke up." Hyungie brushes off my confusion with another question.
My stomach feels upset at just the mention of food, but I don't even remember the last time i ate. "I can try.."
"If you can't don't force it okay?" Yoongi squeezes my hand before leaving the room.
"What time is it?" I suddenly wonder when i realize how bright the room is.
Taehyungie checks his phone. "It's almost four.."
"I slept that long?" The words come out with a cough.
Taehyungie shakes his head. "You've been in and out of it since we gave you a bath.. do you not remember last night Hyungie?"
"A bath...?" I tilt my head, feeling confused. I don't remember anything after falling asleep after getting sick.
"Yeah, you needed it after getting sick like that and Namjoonie-hyung thought it could help with your fever. Me and him washed you up."
The memory floods back to me, Namjoon cradling me to his chest as he carried me to the bathroom, the soft light of candles lighting up their worried faces as they used a cup to wet his hair.
'I know Hoba, I know you're cold, but you're too hot, we need to cool you down.. just a little longer baby.' Namjoon's voice echos in my memory..
"You okay Hobi-hyung?" Taehyung waves his hand by my face, getting my attention.
"Yeah, yeah.. I remember..I'll have to thank Joon later.."
"You don't have to worry about that. He knows you're grateful."
Seokjinie-hyung comes in the room with the food Hyungie prepared. "Here, Hoba. I warmed it back up for you."
"Hyungie my tummy.." The smell of the food was sending my stomach over the edge. I started to gag, covering my face with my hand.
"I'll put it back in the kitchen. I'm sorry." He scurried out as if he did something wrong. But none of it was his fault...
"Hyungie.." I didn't want him to go..
"It's okay Hoeseokie hyung.. he understands.."
"You want him? Okay. I'll go get him for you. Stay here. I'll right back." Taehyungie gets up from the bed, and a shiver runs down my spine when his warmth is taken away. I pull the blanket closer while I wait. It's only been a few seconds, but I already feel lonely.
"You wanted me, Hoba?" Hyung returns quickly but doesn't enter the room fully until I reach out for him. "Hold me.." My voice comes out more whiny and needed than I intended, but I got the result I wanted. Hyung rushed to the bed to lay next to me.
"Come here, seok-ah, hyungs here now.." he holds out his arms, and I curl up against his side.
"Why are you sorry? You tried.. that's all that matters.. you can try again later, okay?" Hyung gently scratches the top of my head down to the back of my neck.
It felt nice, easing some of the headache. I could feel the tension in his body, though. He's afraid to make me worse.. I wanted to tell him he was making the pain go away, but end up coughing.
"You're still really sick, Hoba.. I think you should try to sleep a little more.." Hyung says, pulling his hand away from my head.
"No hyungie, don't stop.."
"You're being so needy right now. It's cute.." Hyungie starts moving his hand through my hair again, his shoulders slumping back down.
"I want you to laugh more.. I like your laugh.."
"We can laugh together when you're better. Okay? I'll tell you so many jokes."
"No baby, no jokes right now.. how about I sing to you instead?"
Hyungie doesn't feel like telling jokes.. he must still be sad..
"Okay.. sing to me...I want disease.."
"Disease?" I get a smile out of him, watching him take out his phone to look up the lyrics. "Alright..I'll try.."
I only make it halfway through his song before I fall asleep again, the gentle touches of Hyungie lulling me back to sleep.
