#buck talks

[npdzane]

We HAVE to stop the quirkchungus jay epidemic. If he gets his memories back and he starts acting like a 14 year old again im gonna start throwing hands. Ever since s11 everytime i see jay i cant stop thinking "he would not fucking say that.*

[halinski]

How the Diaz Boys saved (and adopted) Buck

Just some rambling I dare to call Buck character (development) meta that I literally babbled into my voice recorder on the wya to work after I saw gifs of the ep with the kidnapping and now just transcribed and am posting bc it's my thoughts and they're half coherent

The Diaz boys are his saving grace. Everyone knows it, you might as well have it branded on his forehead. Everyone knows it, the kidnapper knew it, Taylor knows and overyone at the 118 knows it. It's not something that he can hide. He spends all his time at work, always, and the Diaz family, Christopher. And talking about love languages, spending quality time, is obviously Buck's.

Right, where were we. So the Diaz boys, are his saving grace. Everyone knew he lived for them, everyone knew they meant a lot to them. They meant his life, but they still didn't know how much they had saved Buck. And that's where we delved into Buck's past, including BPD again bc I want to, and how he never had anyone to give his life for - except his parents a long time ago, and well, Daniel, without even knowing - but those two are probably what made him feel like he had to give his life, his everything, in order to have a purpose in life. Exchange his life for anything

And then with the sex addiction, basically saying how he just needed to be used so he could feel worthy- not even worthy, just to be alive.

Be worth something because there was no point in anything for him personally, so he had to have some other purpose. For someone else. There was no love there. Ever. Maybe not ever but since he was a child, a teenager, there was no love for himself, no love from others. No love felt, what's it called, usable/computable. He'd been given the wrong fuel, the wrong air to breathe. No oxygen, just poison. Not poison necessarily. Just, unusable, which made him feel like the broken one.

And first, he found the 118, which gave him a purpose and allowed him to give his life, his time - with his time being everything in his life - his whole being, his body. To the job, to everyone else, giving himself worth.

That still wasn't on a personal level. It was only professional level worth, because it was just a job. And the sex was at a personal level with interpersonal relationships, where he also just needed to be worthy. And so, he needed to feel used. It wasn't that he felt love(d). He just couldn't have down time, couldn't be alone with himself because then he wasn't worthy. He needed to useful to someone else. He wasn't looking for love then. There was no there was no confusion about what love is, because he didn't believe in it, not the way others knew of it. But the 118 giving him a purpose gave him more than he had ever had in life.

But he wasn't used to that kind of life, he still had all his harmful way, the self destruction that he had many different areas of this life, but especially with the sex addiction. Letting himself be used by others, being useful, serving a purpose on an interpersonal level. And it was harmful to his performance with the 118, with a healthy life, which is why it qualifies as a sex addiction and not just an active sex life. So it was harmful to his purpose in life. Alone the interpersonal worth would never be enough because in Buck's life people were a very, very fleeting presence. There had to be something greater than those interpersonal connections, which is why he was scouring the world, literally two continents.

So he gave up that interpersonal self destruction so he could be a good firefighter, be useful to the 118 and the City of LA, and have a purpose. And he was managing, but he still hadn't healed yet. So he tried, he was trying to do better and have healthy relationships but he didn't quite know how and that's how he ended up always choosing someone who wanted to use him. That's all he knew. It was the only thing he knew how to respond to. He didn't know how to respond to other kinds of affection. It wasn't something he even knew how to feel the need for, consciously, because he wouldnt allow himself that need. He didn't believe it to be a possibility for him.

And then that's where the Diaz boys came in, where he saw a chance for him to be useful. And he made an impact, because it was something greater because it was what the 118 had been teaching him about friends and family. And family was a the thing he could never quite grasp because didn't understand it. He couldn't understand it because it was always out of reach. It was never something he had with his parents emotionally cut off and Maddie having run away. It was always something beautiful in his mind that he was fighting for but it was never in reach- until the Diaz boys. And Buck wouldn't let that opportunity slip, he just jumped straight in head first, without a second thought. Mindless, adrenaline-junky (aka brave) Buck.

And he was welcomed with open arms because that was exactly what Eddie needed, and exactly what his son needed. And even if Eddie hadn't know he needed it, he knew he had to hold onto it with both hands once he felt it. He could see that Buck kept slipping away because Buck didn't believe he was allowed to have that. He knew how to be useful but he'd never been part of a family like that before, even though he really wanted to. Having that constant, that responsibility, that's love. Maybe. He doesn't know. He's still learning.

So when did Buck know he wanted to become a Diaz. He never quite knew it but he felt that there was a place he could fold himself into. A place where he could be and stay, if he wanted to. A place that accepted him, just as he was.

There's no one instance when he knew he wanted to be a Diaz. He never dared to believe he could, that he was allowed. But he knows he would give eternity to them. And he knows it because he feels himself getting healthier, getting stronger. He starts to become more selfish, or more accurately, find self love, self preservation for his family. Just a little bit.

He wants it to be his family but he doesn't feel like he's allowed. And Eddie keeps telling him "you're allowed to" in many different ways, all kinds of words and forms, until Buck can finally slowly build up to that chapter of his being. Until he creates that new mechanism that will run smoothly.

When he realizes he wants to be a Diaz, he already knows he could be. He knows it to be true in a way that feels like he knew it forever. Because it has been a truth, he just had to grow first. He had to find solid ground first, so that a seed could settle in safely and take root, so he could grow.

So it's not that the Diaz boys give him just a family. They save him from himself.

The thing everyone kinda knows about Buck is that he's his own greatest enemy. But they don't know what that's like. Not really. Being your own greatest enemy in every shape and form, in many different ways that make up his being.

But they see him grow and they know that that never could have happened without Eddie in his life in that moment, right then and there. See it didn't matter that at the time that Eddie needed to grow too. They were so intertwined that they needed each other and grow together to grow individually.

And Eddie wouldn't be a fraction of this Eddie without Christopher, so...

Of course Buck has to be a Diaz.

Thank you for coming to an episode of the all new Buck Talks and keep an eye out for more character discussions and pls excuse my dumbass self

[salacious-mlm-snowbird]

I wanna kiss and bite Bill Williamson’s thighs~

[npdzane]

Why yall dont talk about how nadakhan is a literal racist caricature enough. No hes not a "well written villain" hes one of the biggest arab stereotypes there are.

[npdzane]

Can I say something without being murdered by an angry mob? I don't think Zane has superhuman abilities. I hate when people make him the "perfect, good at everything" ninja. You're literally stripping him of his humanity by taking away his most human trait - not being perfect. I don't think he's stupid or weak by any means, he's a nindroid, it makes sense for him to be naturally a quick learner because he's programmed to perform better than humans. But I think he's only slightly above average in terms of smarts and/or skill sets, especially pre titanium Zane. And expecting him to act 100% perfect all the time takes away a big part of his character, which is being seen as more than just a machine. He's programmed to act as human, and being human means you will never EVER instantly be good at something and you'll never be absolutely perfect in everyones eyes at something. I'm begging you guys to understand where to balance Zane in-between machine and human because for some reason despite the amount of people saying Zane is more than a talking toaster, I still see the majority acting as if him not being human means he's completely perfect and unable to make mistakes.

[npdzane]

Thinking about this scene again.. the look on Vex's face when he realizes his emperor doesn't need him anymore and the empire he spent 60 years building was crumbling. Zane looking at Vex with so much anger, so much hate, maybe even pity. Pity for the man who let his own paranoid delusions control him into hurting not just Zane but a whole realm, pity for the man who wouldn't have survived without finding zane, pity for the man who spent the majority of his life alone in the never realm aimlessly wandering, pity for the man who Zane thought he loved. And Vex thought he loved Zane too. But to Vex, Zane was just another traitor seeking to destroy him

[npdzane]

To whoever is posting gifs of the leaked episodes onto tenor, you will pay with your LIFE.

[npdzane]

Dr.Julien's mental health declined faster than his physical health did. The fact that Zane was the only person he talked to for years did a number on Julien. What made it worse was that Julien knew zane wasn't a real person, so even if he treated zane like his son, he knew he was just regurgitating information into a machine to teach it how to live. And that drove him to paranoid and depressed madness.

Do you think Zane keeps himself up at night thinking of him? Thinking of how badly he let his own fathers mental health get. Then blaming himself for Echo becoming mr.E because if Zane helped Julien, maybe Echo wouldn't be neglected like Zane was. But there was nothing Zane could've done to help Julien because he was just too young, he didn't know how emotions worked let alone an old mans mental health after isolation for god knows how long. The only thing Zane could've done was watch as Julien's mental and physical health declined while the small house they shared rotted away. Bugs everywhere, mold growing on dirty plates Zane was too busy with other chores to clean, Julien's workshop covered in splats of oil and ripped up sketches from his past outbursts, no place for someone so young to grow up in. Let alone have to worry about if his father was going to lose his marbles at the drop of a dime.

Then zane finds himself living with 10 other people by DR, and the moment someone maybe forgets to do the dishes one day or leaves a mess somewhere, Zane finds himself back in the old house him and Julien lived in. And its impossible to get him out of the spiral once hes reminded of it. He'll dwell about his memories for days, if he doesn't distract himself quick enough he'll lunge into a panic attack over it.

You could've been a better son. You were built to protect those who cannot protect themselves but you couldn't even protect your own father from himself? How do you expect to protect everyone else if you leave your own father to rot?