#911 meta

[snowflake194]

Re: Buck cooking vs Buck baking.

Cooking has always been his love language and a way of staying close to Bobby. It's one of the many things he taught him, and Buck carries it as his legacy. He cooks at the station, for his family, for the people he loves. He experiments, tries new things, comes up with recipes and perfects them. Cooking is fun. Cooking is forgiving and flexible, something he can adjust and try again, something that doesn't fall apart if it isn't exact.

Baking though.

Baking is what he does when something in his life is off. It's a way to get some control back when there's nothing he can fix, nothing he can do, and nowhere to put all of it. So he bakes. And bakes. And can't stop baking.

He bakes after Tommy breaks up with him, a way to keep his hands and his mind busy. He bakes when Eddie leaves. He bakes after Bobby dies. He bakes when he moves into the new house, trying to recreate a version of Bobby's recipe he can't quite remember, like if he can just get it right then maybe it will feel like Bobby would approve of this new place, this new version of his life without him.

And now he's baking macarons when Eddie and Chris come over, one of the most precise, unforgiving recipes out there.

Because that's the only thing he can control. It's all just a coping mechanism.

[gayhoediaz]

heavy episode etc, so let’s talk about something equally important: eddie’s eyes.

listen to me. in eight fucking seasons, i have never seen ryan do that kind of acting with his eyes. and now he’s been doing it for several episodes in a row. and we know from firsthand information that (everyone, but especially) ryan and oliver make these deliberate choices down to the most minute detail. (lest not forget the time when oliver confirmed that in 7.01 when buck briefly thought that eddie and marisol broke up, he indeed chose to act that out as if buck was just slightly excited about it. same for eddie with the iconic eyebrow raise in the same scene.)

it’s not that eddie hasn’t always had big brown loving eyes towards buck, but this feels different. there’s a light, something softer that i can’t put my finger on. if we were two seasons in, or if i felt this way about a single scene, i wouldn’t make that much of it. but he just keeps going.

and the only way that makes sense to me eight seasons into this dynamic, eight years of ryan developing eddie and getting to know him better than anyone else ever will—is if we are now at a point where eddie knows.

i feel like the sharp switch-up happened post 9.13. post that scene. last episode was when i first truly noticed it. and in this episode it was even more prominent.

i’m gonna be sick. here we go.

[aashiqeddiediaz]

can't get the image of helena and ramon telling chris that eddie isn't ready to be a dad, or needs to take a break from being a dad while the whole time, eddie's sitting in la beating himself up and waiting until his fucking parents think him worthy again, then eddie in el paso walking around eggshells because he still doesn't feel like he has a right to his own son, and chris thinking eddie doesn't want to be his dad while that is the only thing eddie wants oh i-

[buddiesbuddiess]

I think what’s particularly interesting about the “competition” scene is that, at first, Tommy assumed Buck knew exactly who and what he was talking about. He only started to backtrack when Buck got confused and asked him what he meant - it seems like Tommy had an “oh shit” moment there and realised he’d revealed something Buck wasn’t aware of. But Tommy thought he was.

And I haven’t seen too many people talk about the line “Come on don’t make me say it.” Tommy thought Buck’s feelings for Eddie were so obvious that he shouldn’t even have to put it into words.

I think it’s just very interesting how the writers decided to frame this scene. To have Buck’s ex-boyfriend, who spent a LOT of time with Buck and Eddie, clearly believe that there is something going on between Buck and Eddie that is so glaringly obvious it shouldn’t even need to be said.

And that’s the way it’s framed for the audience as well. Even to GA members who might not be initially aware of the Buddie of it all, as soon as Tommy says “don’t make me say it” you are supposed to immediately know who he’s talking about the way that Buck does.

[thetrialsandtribulationsofeb]

“eddie is the yin to buck’s yang”

buck is eddie’s joy, eddie is buck’s home

[goodluckeddie]

thinking about how when eddie got shot he wasn’t wearing his st christopher necklace. but when he’s in the hospital he’s wearing it. which means SOMEONE (three guesses who) went and got it for him. and clasped it around his neck, not knowing when or if he’d wake up, but knowing it meant enough to eddie to bother doing it. okay.

[thisshitisridiculous]

lots of thoughts on buck’s pill popping being pain medication substance abuse/addition and like yes i get it i see it but right now im really stuck on it being medication for anxiety or trauma stress related issues. not something he’s abusing but something he’s ashamed of needing in the first place. something about the way it’s framed as buck leaving part of himself back in new mexico. the darkness surrounding him when we hint at what’s going on. how he can’t bring himself to have a casual dinner with two of his favorite people. not until he has time to prepare and is shaking with the effort of putting on a front as soon as they leave. how he cracks when eddie confirms that he appears fine. that the facade is holding better than he hoped it would. that he might be hoping it would be seen through. the faux casual dismissal of the source of the stress in the first place. that all screams anxiety disorder in a way that accidentally growing a reliance on pain meds or seeking a numbing high hasn’t quite clicked for me yet

buck hasn’t ever really dealt with anxiety before. with panic attacks. with irrational fear when he should be in a safe space. he’s dealt with tons of trauma. debilitating pain and injuries. near death experiences. emotionally neglectful parents. feeling unloved. unwanted. like he has to give everything, his body, his life, to anyone who will take it to feel some inkling of that loved returned. but he hasn’t really dealt with the emotional off-balance of a fear response to the ordinary. of not being in touch with his own emotions in his own body. maybe even that he doesn’t want to admit that this event has this power over him. that it could take something away from him he took for granted before. feeling safe in his mind and in his body. not being able to be the fun loving buck to the people in his life who look to him for that would hit him hard. would cause him to try and put up the front of it and not tell anyone he’s falling apart. now that he has people who rely on him and need him he’ll do anything to prevent losing that. doesn’t want anything to compromise them feeling like they can rely on him. that he doesn’t want to make it their problem because it’s a by-product of a problem of a problem that he doesn’t even have the words for when he’s experiencing it, doesn’t want to be experiencing it, so it’s better to try and get over it himself before it affects anyone else

but you know who has dealt with similar experiences? maddie and eddie

[semperama]

The thing that really gets me about "I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot," is like........yeah??? I mean, obviously it would be better for a child if their parent was spared????? That's just a given, why are we even talking about it.

Like, Buck is actually totally and completely rational in saying, "I don't matter as much as you do, because you're Chris's dad." He's not being stupid in that moment. He's stating something that should be obvious. To Eddie. To the audience. To everyone.

But then the reaction Eddie has is soooooooo "what the actual fuck are you talking about" that you realize, oh, that's not how the narrative wants you to see it at all. Eddie reacts the exact same way you'd expect him to react if it was Shannon sitting there saying it would be better if it was her. He reacts the exact same way you'd expect him to react if he and Buck were married and Buck has adopted Chris years ago. He reacts like they are both equally important figures in Chris's life, and it's wrong to argue about who should survive.

Buck takes this very understandable survivor's guilt to Eddie like, "I feel awful that you can't be there for your son, and he's stuck with me instead," and in a moment where most single parents would simply be freaking out about how close they came to leaving their child an orphan, Eddie's response is instead, "Excuse you? That's our son. And he needs you too."

HELLO?? WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? GET THEM OUT ALREADY.