#bucky headcanons

[thenewavengersblog]

[sassandscribbles]

Pervy Bucky Headcanons

A/N : Shoutout to @buckysdecaflove whose smut inspo inspired me to write this nasty little thing

Warnings : 18+MDNI, smut, masturbation, dirty talk, sub bucky

Word Count : 1.2k

Bucky barnes who has the biggest crush on the new shield agent.

Bucky barnes who tries to be subtle about how his eyes keep drifting across the room, stilling when they land on you.

Bucky barnes who tries his best not to get too worked up about how you wear oversized shirts around the tower that are huge enough to swallow your entire figure and makes him think you're not wearing anything underneath

Bucky barnes who swears to himself that his gaze is respectful. That the way his eyes track your movements is professional and that the way his breath stutters when you bend over is a manufacturing defect in him and he's definitely not a pervert.

Bucky barnes who can't resist the lure of his hand finding his cock in the dark of the night, stroking slowly to the thought of you.

Bucky barnes who swears it will never happen again except it does…..When he's in the shower after a long mission, when he's in the training room watching you do squats? When he's in the lounge watching you giggle away as natasha jokes about a couple's questionable chemistry in a rom com movie you're currently watching.

Bucky barnes who has to quickly excuse himself to his room and rid his cock of the tight constrains of his pants with a low grunt. And there goes his sanity again. Because he can't not look at you. You're addictive. And every time he looks at you, his cock takes it personally and he ends up having a……situation

Bucky barnes who makes the worst mistake of his life by letting Steve pair you with him for the next mission.

Bucky barnes who tries to act all grumpy and professional the whole time except he's dying on the inside.

Bucky barnes who freezes mid strike during the mission when he catches a glimpse of you—all bloody, and fierce. Gliding through the enemy lines like a viper through the bushes, eliminating every threat in the way.

Bucky barnes who gets hard immediately when you throw a knife at him, only for it to go past his right ear and hit the mercenary sneaking behind him, straight in the neck.

Bucky barnes who almost drops to his knees then and there when you wink at him, smug at how accurate your throw was.

Bucky barnes who rushes to his room back at the motel without so much as a word with you because he's worried he'll blow if he spends even a single moment longer in your vicinity.

Bucky barnes who shuffles out of his clothes hastily. Sluggishly palming his cock, the images of you—bloody and precise in your art—burning behind his eyes as he lets himself be lost to the fantasy of you wanting him the same way he wants you.

Bucky barnes who is too absorbed in the moment to realise the sounds spilling out of him. But the walls of the motel are thin and your senses, being trained as an agent, are sharp enough to make you realise almost instantly what's happening next door.

Bucky barnes who is right on the edge when he hears “Need a hand with that?” his eyes fly open in pure horror and his hand jerks back from his cock like he's burned.

Bucky barnes who sees his fantasy standing in the doorway of his room. Close enough that he can grab it if he lunged but surreal enough that he didn't dare try.

Bucky barnes who wonders if his life is a fever dream, as he watches you stalk closer and settles down on the edge of his bed. Your hand finds his jaw, grip firm but not harsh “you thought you'd jerk off to me when I'm right next door and I wouldn't know?”

Bucky barnes who is shocked at how domineering you sound and all words, all sanity, all the languages he knows are lost to him.

Bucky barnes who apologises out of courtesy “I'm sorry” and you just chuckle, low and dark “No you're not”

Bucky barnes who realises almost instantly that this is the point of no return. If he thought he was miserable before, right now, he was utterly and completely screwed.

Bucky barnes who let's you guide him back down to the bed before straddling him. Cock trapped between your thighs as you lean forward and rest your elbows on his chest, letting your head fall into your palms.

Bucky barnes who tries to sit up to kiss you only to be shoved back down “you've been a naughty boy, barnes. Why do you think you deserve a kiss?”

Bucky barnes who swore he wasn't the one to be submissive, but now he's begging you for a kiss “please. Just one. I'd be good for you, I promise”

You smirk leaning down “only because you asked so nicely” and brush your lips against his, a subtle message that he can kiss you now.

He doesn't waste a moment. Crashing his mouth onto yours in desperate hunger that's all tongue and teeth. You grind down onto his cock and he moans into your mouth “so eager already” you tease.

Bucky barnes who swears he's gone to heaven as soon as you sink down on his length and your warm, wet walls imprison his cock. “Oh…fuck, baby. You're hugging my cock so tight. It's like you don't wanna let go”

When you start to move, the sounds that leave him makes the tips of his ears turn pink with embarrassment. The kind he'd die before admitting he ever made.

Bucky barnes who realises that you are, in fact, way more perverted than him.

Bucky barnes who has never met a woman with a more foul mouth than yours. His heart threatens to lurch out of his chest when you say “Such a bad boy, barnes. Tell me how many times you've done this, again”

And you just never stop.

“Do you do think about me every night, bucky?”

"Have you painted your shower walls white for me, james?”

“Is this why you're always so grumpy during training, huh? your pants always feel too tight, don't they, Sergeant?”

Bucky barnes who wants to just roll you over and fuck you hard at how mouthy you're being. But he's completely at your mercy now. Utterly powerless. And he knows he'll let you take him, however you want.

Bucky barnes who realises, mid sex, that what he felt for you all this time wasn't just lust. And now that he knows how you feel around him, over him, he'll be damned if he ever let you go.

Bucky barnes who comes with a choked gasp and your name loud in his mouth.

Bucky barnes who lets you kiss him slow after. Lets you clean him up before he pulls you onto him and thanks you. And you being the menace that you are, tease him again “Yeah?” You smirk, pressing warm kisses on his cheeks “Of course, you liked it, you were such a good boy”

Bucky barnes who doesn't know why the praise makes his cheeks warm, and apparently he's learned that about himself today that he likes to be bossed around in the bedroom. And he likes to be called a good boy.

Dividers : @dividers-are-us

Tag list : @redstarleftarm, @sweetserendipity65, @sambuckystony, @nymphhbabiee, @darlingdenise, @venigrantrogers, @i-gotta-go-so-much-bigger, @bstan01, @phoenix-in-writing, @singulartoast, @danerb67, @onyx8514, @globetrotter28, @buckysdecaflove,

Comment or send an ask to be added to tag list

[lasereyebucky]

Domestic Bucky

A/N: This would have been out sooner, but I've been really sick. Now on to domestic Bucky cuteness.

Domestic!Bucky insisting on going with you for grocery shopping, or any shopping.

You zipped up your jacket and grabbed your keys as you called over your shoulder, "I'm going out to grab a couple things from the store. I'll be back soon." "Sweetheart, wait! It's gonna get dark soon, and it would be dangerous to go alone, so take this." Bucky rushes over to you as you stand by the door and holds out his hand. You turn around and look down at his hand, expecting to see pepper spray or a knife, knowing your husband, but what you see instead is his empty hand. "Bucky, that's just your hand." Glancing up, you watch a wide grin spread across his lips as he says, "I know."

Domestic!Bucky who loves dancing with you in the kitchen, with or without music.

"Dance with me, sweetheart." Bucky snags your elbow as you go to leave the room and pulls you back into him. One hand finds your waist, and the other gently grasps your hand in his. He starts off slowly rocking you both side to side, one of his rare smiles lighting up his face. You get a bit distracted by his smile and the loving expression in his eyes. You're stumbling around and occasionally stepping on his toes as Bucky starts moving you around the room. "There's no music, though." You yelp when he twirls you out unexpectedly, disorienting you long enough for him to draw a squeak from you when he tugs you back in. Bucky laughs as he spins you around the kitchen. "We don't need it." He dips you and steals a kiss, smiling as a giggle escapes you, then continues twirling you around the kitchen. You marvel at his skill as he easily maneuvers you both around the room, dodging chairs, the kitchen table, and counter corners.

Domestic!Bucky insisting on helping with the dishes regardless of whether he cooked dinner or not. Any extra time spent with you is never wasted.

"Dinner was amazing, Bucky! I'll get the dishes." You drop a kiss on Bucky's cheek as you go to grab his plate. You feel resistance and glance down to see Bucky holding onto his empty plate. "You wash, I'll dry." You huff and shake your head, trying to pull his plate from his hands. "Bucky, no. You cooked, let me clean." Bucky tugs his plate closer. "Don't care, we're a team. It'll get done faster together." "But-" Bucky grins at you as he stands and tugs his plate from your grasping fingers, raising it out of reach. "I wanna cuddle with my wife, and I know you won't until the dishes are clean." He boops your nose with a finger. "We do them together so I can get my cuddles sooner." You glare at him as he walks over to the sink with, you notice, both your dishes. "Fine, but next time I'm doing them myself." "Of course, doll."

Domestic!Bucky who loves making up secret lives about your neighbors with you.

Giggling fills the room as you and Bucky peer out the window between the blinds. You've been at this game for ten minutes now, and the made-up lives have gotten increasingly unhinged. "Okay, what about Mrs. Hall?" You watch as Bucky narrows his eyes, watching Mrs. Hall digging in her flowerbed across the street. As a smirk tugs at his mouth, you try to stifle your giggles as you prepare yourself for what he's going to say. "See how she's digging around in her garden? She's definitely buried bodies before-" You choke as you try to laugh and gasp at the same time. "Bucky, she's eighty-two!" "She's suspiciously spry for an eighty-two year old woman, sweets." Bucky grins and shushes you when you go to reply. "Now, I wasn't finished. Where was I? Ah, right, has buried bodies. To have that kind of knowledge and skill to not be caught, she must have ties to the mafia." "Are we talking about the same sweet little old lady who loves baking pies for all her neighbors every holiday?!" You stare incredulously at Bucky for a moment, then, like a couple of gremlins, both you and Bucky burst into laughter at the same time. Leaning against each other for support, gasping for air between each fit of laughter, you wouldn't want to share this moment with anyone else.

Domestic!Bucky who loves watching a show you both started together, refuses to watch it when you're too tired to watch.

Bucky flops down on the couch, making sure to adjust to leave a space for you. Remote ready in hand, he turns as he hears you approaching. "Ready for our show, doll?" "I'm sorry, honey. I think I'm just going to head to bed." You rub your forehead as you fight an oncoming yawn. "Feel free to watch without me." "Are you feeling alright?" Flinging the remote, Bucky jumps up, rounds the couch, and pulls you into his arms in seconds. One hand gently rests against your forehead to feel your temperature. You smile tiredly up at him as you shake your head. "I'm doing okay. It's just been a long day, and I'm exhausted." Bucky presses a kiss to your forehead and sweeps you up in his arms as he swiftly makes his way to the bedroom. "Bedtime, it is. I can't let you go to sleep cold, alone, and uncuddled." "What about our show?" "We started watching it together, and that means we watch it together to the end."

Domestic!Bucky who fills his retirement from avenging trying out new hobbies. To varying degrees of success.

Tinkering with his bike is a given. Bucky spends many hours in the garage fine-tuning his motorcycle. That beauty is his pride and joy, after you, of course. Many nights you've called him in for dinner, and he's emerged covered in oil and grease; it's a familiar sight. A sight you enjoy. Especially when he whips his stained shirt off as he walks past you to wash up for dinner. That isn't the only hobby your husband has turned his attention to. Bucky turned your once all-grass backyard into a lush and thriving garden. Carefully curated raised beds with meticulously kept walkways. He's spent days upon days researching the best soil-to-mineral mixture for vegetable growth. Bucky discovered that he gets special enjoyment and pride out of seeing you eat food he grew himself. But that isn't to say he's always successful in every endeavour. His mutterings of "I can fix that" have had you chase after him, trying to gently persuade him away from the toolbox without much success. Bucky's foray into home improvement has left you calling professionals while your super soldier husband pouts and sulks in the background as they fix what he broke.

Domestic!Bucky keeps many cozy blankets and pillows at hand in most rooms of the house, always ready and down for snuggling.

The sun was completely obscured by the thick rain clouds outside. But inside, you're lounging in Bucky's arms on the couch, buried in blankets. You don't remember having this many blankets; you swear you blinked, and Bucky had manifested this pile of blankets from thin air. Not that it mattered. You were warm, comfy, and cozy in your own little world. One of Bucky's fingers was tracing shapes on your back, you weren't sure if it was his name or just random words. You didn't care too much. Your ear rested over his heart, the soothing beat slowly lulling you to a little afternoon nap. Unintentionally falling into Bucky's trap. You had been working too hard with too little sleep recently. As your concerned husband, Bucky felt it was best to harmlessly trick you into resting with him. If that meant stocking every room of your house with enough blankets to make the best blanket fort to end all blanket forts, then he would. Besides, passing the afternoon away with his world in his arms sounds like the best pastime. You're his number one priority; no amount of work, no matter how important it is, is more important than your health and well-being.

[angelltheninth]

Grumpy Boyfriend Bucky Barnes

Paring: James "Bucky" Barnes x Reader

Tags: fluff, kissing, soft for you, protectiveness, grumpy for others, scary privilege

Ko-Fi | Rules | Fandoms and Characters | Commissions

A/N: This movie brought back my obsession full force.

Grumpy!Bucky always has a scowl on his face even if he's talking to you but those who know him can tell that his voice always softens when he's talking to you or about you

"I don't frown all the time. Only when I need to, which is most of the time. But it's not my fault that everyone keeps pissing me off. And besides, I always have you to make me smile, so I'm not too worried about getting frown wrinkles."

Grumpy!Bucky scares people when he looks at them so you have to remind everyone that he is actually one of the good guys and not there to hurt or kill anyone, it gets really bad at meetings and parties because it creates an empty circle around you

"Better that way no? Least I don't have to look over my shoulder the whole time to watch out for people. They avoid me all on their own. Except for you I guess. You're stuck with me, for live mind you."

Grumpy!Bucky doesn't mind when people tell him that his attitude scares off potential partners, both in romance and in superhero work, he already has a team to belong to, and a really great lover who always makes his days better

"There's no point in trying to please everyone. No one can do that no matter how hard they try. I don't need to attract anyone, I have you don't I? Who more do I need? Well there is my team, I think they're pretty okay with me the way I am."

Grumpy!Bucky isn't easy to fluster even though you try your hardest to, actually some people say it could be an impossible mission, getting the Winter Soldier to blush and or lose his composure in any way

"Care to give it a try? I won't work you know, others have tried. I've been part of honeypot missions before I met you, no one has ever... wait... why would you talk about that in public?! I don't care how good it felt, my friends... teammates are hearing this! Stop!"

Grumpy!Backy only stops frowning when he has something else to do, or he is distracted, for example by a kiss from you, which is one of the only ways to wipe that frown off his face so you resort to that tactic when his scowl gets to be too much for the people around him

"That was a dirty trick. I'm not arguing with its effectiveness, or doubting your strategy, never. Just... maybe try something different when we're in the middle of a serious meeting. Getting kissed like that damages my image. I worked hard to maintain it."

[coofsbear]

Bucky Barnes Headcanons

A/N: Hi everyone! I am a LONGG time reader, first time poster here! I'm currently DEEP in my Bucky/ Marvel rewatching phase, so here are some random head canons i've thought of recently! Enjoy <33

Random Headcanons:

He forgets English 😭 Sometimes, Bucky forgets English mid-sentence because he was forced to speak Russian for so long. I also think Nat would totally translate him for everyone.

Avid knitter Bucky picks up knitting because the repetitive motion helps calm his mind. Now, everyone has a sweater whether they asked for one or not. Sam’s would have little embroidered wings (we love u grandma bucky)!!

Soft hand(s) For someone who’s fought his whole life, his right hand is ridiculously soft. He takes care of it like it’s the only part of him that’s his.

Can't sleep in silence Hydra made him hyper-aware of silence, so he actually sleeps best when there’s some kind of background noise—rain, a fan, soft music. Anything but complete quiet.

Always makes sure you get home safely! Even if it’s just a casual hangout, Bucky will text to make sure you got home okay. If you don’t respond, he will show up. Or even better, he will walk/drive you home.

Sarcasm- bad. If he likes you, he’ll give you the driest, most deadpan responses, and you just have to figure out whether he’s messing with you.

Physical touch If someone rubs his back or runs fingers through his hair, he melts. He doesn’t even know why, but it grounds him in a way nothing else does.

He follows you around EVERYWHERE He never really learned how to just exist without orders, so he sometimes follows people around like a lost puppy.

Food insecurity Hydra only gave him bland, functional food—just enough to keep him alive. He never got to enjoy eating. After getting free, he starts craving real food, but struggles with eating too fast or hoarding food without realising it.

Hates sudden movement He flinches at sudden touch, especially if it’s from behind. He hates being grabbed, even if it’s friendly.

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed these! I will make more, and if you have any requests please feel free to send them through!!!

[geeky-politics-46]

Random Headcanon thoughts...

You cannot convince me this guy is not a big nerd. Ladies man and hottie though he is. Steve was starting fights in the 40's he wanted to go to a science convention. This man would have been a Trekkie.

Bucky is a huge Star Trek fan.

He's a sci-fi nerd all around. He's not anti-Star Wars or anything. He just prefers Star Trek. Although he does wonder now if Lemar picked his codename because of Battlestar Galactica.

That is the future he was promised and the modern world is sorely disappointing in that way.

He is so bummed that replicators and holodecks aren't real. I mean come on, replicators would have solved the great depression food scarcity?! Why is that not a higher priority?!

If the military in the 1930s/1940s was as science & discovery focused as Starfleet, he would have actually signed up instead of getting drafted. (If you are confused about this see debates over his army id number)

The idea that money is no longer used because people do things driven to improve the quality of life for everyone hits him deep, having grown up in the depression. He remembers all the suffering caused by lack of money. He hates that homelessness is still such an issue, especially among vets and those with mental or health issues.

The Borg are his least favorite alien species/villain. Far too reminiscent of his time as the Winter Soldier and the time he's spent learning not to detest his cybernetic arm.

That being said, he does feel a deep personal connection to 7 of 9's story arc. Going from being the bad guy who was taken against his will to a hero is something he has been & is living himself. He feels like 7 would understand all of the complicated feelings he has about himself.

If you ask him, he'll say his favorite captain is Picard. Maybe Kirk sometimes. In reality, he's a Janeway guy. He loves strong women & he feels just as strongly about coffee as she does.

He has started picking up Klingon. The whole team turns when they hear him call John a petaQ while arguing one day. He doesn't even realize he did it until they ask what the hell it means.

He has 100% bought Alpine a stuffed tribble.

Im sure there will be more added to this gradually. I accidentally hit publish before I was ready so I'm finishing this in a hurry.

Back to main masterlist

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Bucky Barnes taglist: let me know if you want to be added! I've got several Bucky stories in the works.

[faes-fantasies]

Omg soft Bucky hcs in a relationship?

👀 whoever requested this; you're literally my best friend now omg YES. I’m literally obsessed with Bucky rn so thank you for this. This is gonna be so tooth-rottingly sweet and fluffy!!! Also, I am so sorry. You requested this like 3 or 4 days ago, but I just got the notification for it! I got it out as quickly as possible and I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it! 🥺👉👈

< Soft Bucky HC’s in a relationship >

OKAY OKAY OKAY so I think that Bucky would be so sweet and such a gentleman in a relationship.

Obviously, it would take a long time for the two of you to get together, with everything that happened, but once the two of you do, you guys are super close and damn near inseparable.

There would have to be a lot of trust between the two of you for this to work out, so Bucky absolutely feels comfortable being soft and gentle with you.

I feel like, because of Bucky’s past, he wants a super soft, gentle, domestic life. He would be the kind of guy when, the two of you are invited out, he comes up with some lame excuse to get the two of you out of it.

You guys would have lazy mornings, waking up and lounging in bed far longer than you should. Even if you tried to protest and get out of bed to start the day, Bucky would lazily wrap an arm around your waist and pull you back into bed, nuzzling into your neck.

When the two of you would finally start your day, hushed words and soft laughs would be exchanged between the two of you. You would start breakfast, his arms wrapped around your waist and burying his face into the crook of your neck. He is super clingy and affectionate when he’s tired or just waking up.

After eating and cleaning up, as long as there were no missions or errands to run, I think the two of you would just lounge around all day. Watching movies, reading, playing games, and catching up on the week.

For actual going out dates, I could totally see him being super excited to take you to an old-timey diner. I think he’d also like, as cliche as it sounds, nice long walks together, picnics, drive in movie theaters. In general, anything that’s low-key and calm.

Bucky is stupidly observant and practical, especially when it comes to gifts he would get you. That one time you mentioned randomly needing a new food processor? Yeah, he got you the most expensive one, with all the extra fancy bits and bobs for it. You ran out of your makeup? Gift cards to multiple beauty stores. An anniversary or your birthday is coming up? All that and your favorite flowers. Having a bad day or feeling down in the dumps? He either orders your favorite food or makes it himself (Steve totally did it, but he’s taking the credit for it).

His heart totally melts when he watches you interact with Alpine in any kind of capacity. It’s his two favorite people, how could he not?

He’s such a simple, soft man in a relationship. Like, I genuinely believe this with my whole heart and soul. It takes time, but when he gets to this point with another person, he’s just so clingy and loving

[winters-light]

Don't Forget You Love Me

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 1.9k

Summary: Sort of based on Don't Forget you Love Me by Calum Hood / the vibes of his whole album tbfh. Kind of angsty I guess but you and Bucky get in a fight because he thinks he's not good enough for you and he walks out. Months later he's sad and alone and finds himself at your front door full of whiskey and regret.

A/N: sorry i kind of posted two things then died for 6 months but thank you for all the love on my previous posts and hope you enjoy this!

Fuck. He shouldn’t be here. He had promised you he would stay away for good this time, yet he just couldn’t help himself. It was past midnight. What was he doing? You would have gone to bed hours ago.

This was stupid. He was stupid.

Why was he such a fucking idiot? You deserved so much better than him and that’s why he had to stay away.

But here he was.

The rain continued to lash against the windshield of his car, parked haphazardly a block from your apartment. The city was quiet - too quiet - compared to his head which was too loud. All he could do was watch your apartment window through teary eyes and bring the half empty bottle of whiskey from his passenger seat to his lips. It did nothing. He felt nothing. That stupid serum kept finding new ways to ruin his life. 

He could have died years ago.

He should have died years ago. There was nothing left for him anymore. His whole life, all he was was controlled and manipulated and used as a weapon. In truth, he had wished he’d just died when he fell from that train more times that he could count.

At least when Steve was found, he was welcomed back as a hero - the great Captain America. But what was Bucky? A murderer? A criminal? In all honesty, all he’d ever been was a fuck up. You were the one good thing he had finally found in his life and he’d fucked that up too.

He took another long sip of his drink squeezing his eyes shut in a futile attempt to drown out the pain pressing against his chest as he thought back to the last argument you’d had. He pressed his forehead against the steering wheel, breath fogging the glass.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, her voice played like a broken record.

“I won’t beg you to stay."

He hated himself for the way he’d left, even though he had convinced himself it was for the best. 

Another swig. Another memory. 

Before he knew what he was doing his hand found itself pulling his phone out of his pocket and your contact information was on the screen.

The photo of the two of you taunted him.

You smiled whilst he pretended to look annoyed at the picture - even though he’d secretly loved that you wanted to take pictures and show him off like he actually mattered. That you were proud of him. That you loved him. You made him believe he was actually worthy of love - even with all his broken pieces. And he’d destroyed that too, just like he destroyed everything.

His finger hovered over the call button. 

He knew he’d fucked up and hurt you. He knew he’d promised to stay away, to leave you alone for good this time, but he ached to hear your voice again.

What would you say?

Surely you hated him by now anyway, plus you were sleeping, you probably wouldn’t even pick up. Besides, even if you did answer, what would he actually say to you? Sorry wouldn’t even begin to cover it.

He let out another huff of frustration, switched off his phone and roughly shoved it back into his pocket. His metal hand flexed once on the steering wheel. Then again.

Then it opened the door. 

The rain hit him instantly – cold and sharp, like it was punishing him for even thinking of doing this. He hadn’t bothered with a jacket. Didn’t even care enough to lock the car. What was the point in anything anymore?

He kept his head down and whiskey close as his feet instinctively led him up to your door. His hair was soaked and had begun to stick to his face, the bitter taste of the hair gel you had bought him, mixed with the saltiness of his own tears and he hated everything even more. Boots heavy on the wet pavement, each step echoed the same question.

What the hell are you doing, Barnes?

His heart was pounding and his breathing had become ragged by the time he’d made it to your door. He was afraid like he’d never been afraid before. He was terrified of what this might do to you. To him. Of what it meant to finally admit he was wrong. Nerves and guilt weighed so heavily against his chest, he almost turned around. 

Almost.

But there he was at your door, metal fist hovering just inches from the wood. His fingers curled. Relaxed. Curled again. 

The smell of your apartment made him nauseous. He was so close to you, so powerless against the tidal wave of memories that washed over him. The two of you, happy in that apartment. Your hand in his hair, whispering how you’d always love him. 

But that was before. 

Before he broke that promise and every other one he’d made to you.

He saw the two of you the last time he was here, tears streaming down both your faces. The way he wanted to hug you and kiss them away and hurt whoever had made you so sad – except it was his fault.

It hits him.

Like a punch in the chest. Like a panic attack soaked in regret. 

It was his fault.

He felt like he was paralysed. He couldn’t breathe. It was like watching himself fall off that goddamn train. Except it was worse.

Suddenly, he was back in your bedroom.

He was standing in the doorway, watching as you stood opposite him with your arms crossed over your chest like it was the only thing holding you together. He remembered the way your voice cracked, and the way his heart cracked all the same, as you spoke.

“Just talk to me, Bucky. Please.”

And he hadn’t. He’d looked away. You had a way of reading him like an open book and so he’d always look away whenever things got too real. He had kept his face blank as you continued to plead with him. Truly, he had thought it was for the best. Even if it hurt you now, you would get over it - over him - in time, you’d move on and find someone better. 

“Say something… Anything…” you whispered, shaking your head sadly. You knew exactly what he was doing, he did this every time. Every. Single. Time. You’d had the same argument more times than either of you would ever care to admit, and you both knew you couldn’t keep going on like this.

Bucky had been pulling away for weeks. And you had tried to lie to yourself and tell yourself you were overthinking too much. In favour of avoiding unnecessary conflict, you had forced yourself to believe his vague excuses about being busy with work or too tired every time he’d cancel plans. You’d offered to be a shoulder to cry on and compromised countless times just for him to refuse you endlessly. You knew he had his troubled past to deal with but the more you’d try to be there for him, the more he’d push you away. You didn’t know what else to do. 

“Fine. I can’t do this anymore. Just go, ” you managed to choke out finally after another long silence. "If you keep choosing to be alone, I won’t beg you to stay."

He knew what you were doing. It was a test. A final attempt to get him to wake up and realise he was making a mistake. He knew he should have said something. Done something - done anything - to try and fix this. But in truth, he was falling apart. He couldn’t think clearly anymore. The nightmares had returned worse than ever and he was terrified that he would lose control and that the Winter Soldier would hurt you. That he would hurt you. He had started believing that loving you was selfish, that you deserved peace and someone who wouldn’t carry death in their hands. And so there was nothing else he could do. Leaving you alone really was for the best. 

He just stood there, watching the best thing that ever happened to him slowly slip away.

Part of him wanted to fall apart too. To drop to his knees and admit to everything he’d kept buried. To tell you how he wasn’t pushing you away because he didn’t love you, but because he did. So much it terrified him.

But instead, he let silence win. Told himself he was doing the right thing. That you’d be better off. That one day you’d understand.

So he turned around and walked out of your life.

He should’ve looked you in the eyes. Should’ve told you the truth. That he still woke up screaming. That he still didn’t know how to be held without bracing for the moment he’d fuck up and you’d pull away. That every time you told him you loved him, it felt like a countdown.

But he hadn’t said any of that.

He hadn’t said anything at all. Just turned his back on the only person who had ever stayed.

And now here he was at your door. Metal fist raised and shaking, merely inches away from the hard wood. His breath hitched in his throat. The rain was still coming down in heavy sheets, soaking through his clothes, dripping from his hair into his eyes, but he didn’t move.

He stood there like a ghost haunting the life he’d almost had.

Every part of him screamed to knock. Just once. To see your face. To say he was sorry. That he never stopped loving you.

But what would he even say?

That he didn’t mean it? That he was scared? That he thought you’d be safer without him?

Would it even matter now?

Maybe you'd moved on. Maybe you’d finally found someone who could show up when it counted. Maybe the only thing left between you was this silence - and maybe that was kinder than dragging you back into his mess.

His hand dropped to his side.

“I love you, I’m sorry,” he whispered, barely audible - not that anyone was around to hear it. In truth, it wasn’t really for you anyway. It was meant for no one but himself. He just needed to say it. At least one last time.  

He let out a long, heavy sigh. His heart ached with the weight of everything he’d never said, the pieces of it lodged somewhere between his ribs and throat.

Momentarily, time stood still.

He listened through the rain half hoping you’d somehow hear his whispered confession and respond. That the door would open. That you’d be there. That you’d forgive him - even though he didn’t deserve it. 

But there was only silence.

The same silence he’d left between you on that last night.

There were a million things he wished he had said back then. A thousand ways he should have fought for you. But he hadn’t. He’d walked away.

And now, there was nothing. Nothing he could do to fix it.

He swallowed hard.

“Just don’t forget you loved me,” he breathed into the night.

One final, desperate plea.

Then he turned around, and walked back into the rain like he’d never been there at all.