#buffer tag 5

[drippyoil]

your most recent fic has me rolling over this TFA concept where like. OP thinks of himself as very plain and unremarkable (even though we, the audience, have eyes and can clearly see he’s hotter than 90% of cybertron’s population) whereas Meg takes one look at him and is like “you look like a fucking blow-up doll. what the fuck. I’m almost offended the autobots would devise such a blatant attempt to seduce me”

AAA thank you so much for reading and enjoying Megatron's Espionage Kink!! I know it's a theory/hc that relies on either 1) oppy not knowing what a mirror is 2) autobots having diabolical standards of conventional attractiveness, but I love the idea of oppy just. not knowing he's a complete and total bombshell. he's basically identical to any other normal Autobot that rolled off the assembly line, sure even fellow autobots joke about his lips a lot, but they're just fucking around and teasing him surely!

But megatron has Optics and he uses them to fully drink in this visage of pure seduction that would only be written about in the most indulgent filthy smutpads, look at his WAIST?! THOSE LEGS?! HIS PLUSH LIPS MADE FOR ORAL?? and though megatron usually jeers at the bright and clashing colors of autobots, he's got to admit the red and blue and silver (and that sinful yellow on his pelvic plating/helm/etc). (I just looked at a pic of cybertronian oppy again and like HIS HIPS HAVE HANDLES??? I've seen amazing posts about TFA meg assuming he stumbled onto a bang bus when he crashed the autobot ship, cause of how sexy the autobots on board are, and this is exactly what makes it so believable)

But like I was saying I really do love meg assuming oppy Was Made To Distract/Placate Him because how else could a bot perfectly to his tastes be travelling around the galaxy? If he wasn't sent to seduce megatron, this walking talking (and fighting, those sleazy autobots really put effort into making this bot appeal) blowup doll would be in the most elite brothel on cybertron.

And I think "canon" tfa meg is too busy trying to retake cybertron and destroy the autobots to stop his evildoing to play with an Autobot, even if they are the hottest bot he's ever laid eyes upon, but I love to imagine that "what if?" what if meg Did pull out the stops to launch a counter-assault (seduce oppy and fuck him stupid).

(bonus semi-relevant shitpost copy pasted from my tf doc under the cut)

Megatron does NOT want to fuck Optimus Prime. It does not matter that this autobot was clearly designed upon Orion Pax, aka the civilian that Megatron has always found most aesthetically pleasing. However, even Orion was a rather conservatively designed bot. Optimus Prime has a large chest and tiny waist and strong arms and long legs and full kissable lips. All of these are further insults, so clearly designed for interface appeal that Megatron must turn his nose up for the sake of his pride. "Do they all think I have no self control? Is this Autobot some sort of peace offering or an attempt to distract me from retaking Cybertron?"

So yes. On some level, Megatron wants to frag that little autobot until he breaks. Fuck the bolts right off his hips. Turn him into a quivering fluid-drenched pile of loosely assembled truck parts. But he is wise and old enough to know that giving in would be a trap, an elaborate trap designed by Autobots who have finally realized that no tactic is too dirty, even if the prudes have to face the unspeakable horror of acknowledging Interfacing Exists.

Whether this is true or not doesn't matter. The f***toy look could simply be what's "in" for Autobots. Look at Bee and Bulkhead & Sentinel and Elita-1.

Optimus has no idea about Megatron's cute little theory and would strip him down for spare parts starting with his spike if he was ever to voice it to him. It would get Optimus charged up, Megatron admitting he considers Optimus so attractive that it must be an autobot plot, but he can and will ignore that too.

Because Optimus Prime does NOT want to fuck Megatron either. This is just Primus's way of punishing him for harmless private 'facing fantasies half a million years ago. It's a bit overboard as a punishment, however. Optimus wasn't even thinking about that stupid giant ancient evil leader of the Decepticons, just imagining a generic "kind of sweet and romantic in a brusque war frame way" faceless Decepticon soldier above him. Megatron? For all his great manipulation skills and that platinum glossa, the mech couldn't charm the panel off a desperate and overcharged speedster in heat.

There is No romance in the giant servos that almost choked Optimus offline and held him around the waist with ease and wrapped him up in his own grapplers. And those tastes of brutality and being overpowered do NOT excite Optimus even more.

[cloacacarnage]

[wet-nightmare-fuel]

first attempt at the lewd meme. didn’t like it too much because i really don’t think bubba would be one to do that gesture but here it is anyway

[queerbauten]

and yes, I’m still bitter about the Soviet thing, because it shows how many Western “leftists” are actually just liberals who want to co-opt a veneer of radicalism