sa taft,
minutiae (latin) - smallness; small or unimportant matters; precise details; index circumstances—technicality. nabasa ko ‘yan sa law book na hiniram ko sa office. sinubukan ko lang ulit magbasa. sinubukan. lang. ulit. magbasa. sinubukan. lang. ulit. magbasa. sinubukan. lang. ulit. magbasa. ulit. sinubukan.
nagandahan ako sa word kasi ang literary ng dating. and usually, they don’t really utilize those kinds of words. naisip ko, ang galing, ‘yung dalawang mundo (out of x) ko, tumatawid sa isa’t-sa—law and literature.
namangha rin kasi ako sa way ng pag-gamit ng salita. in a literal sense, minutiae means small. not that important, or not at all. but the mere fact that it was written in a law book, weaved between the words that discusses rigid rules and regulations, does it mean that it is still just as small as it was technically defined?
these days, i’ve been cultivating/ creating a home for myself. literally, since i recently moved to another place bcs of work. panibagong address nanaman, bulong ko sa sarili. i’ve been intentionally acquiring new things to incorporate to this new chapter; ‘yung ulamp (ulap na lamp) that i recently bought that i’ve been wanting for 2 years now, a vase that i recently thrifted for my fresh flowers whenever i think of buying just because, up until the old and new photos and prints na dinikit ko sa walls ko. those small and little things that make it a home. those minutiae trinkets….na hindi pala small things lang. na hindi lang naman alikabok lang sa dati kong buhay. and if it’s just an alikabok, it’s THE alikabok that i will gladly keep until i can still hold it. ang sentimental. parang ‘yung batang ako ang nagsusulat; ‘yung batang ako na hilig magtago ng mga cute na resibo’t packaging—hanggang sa nilanggam na siya dahil sa box ng donut na pili’t at piniling hindi muna itapon. okey lang, kagat lang naman ng langgam.
“parang dati lang,” sabi sa podcast ni yani. pinag-uusapan nila ‘yung buhay nila noong college sa elbi. natatawa ako sa sarili ko kasi bakit ako nagkaka-sepanx sa lugar na: a) hindi naman ako nabuhay b) hindi naman naging saksi ng malaking parte ng buhay ko. pero sige, masasabi kong gets ko na siya o sila dahil sa recent trip namin ni kim sa elbi. ah, my first ever trip as a working woman. sana malibot ko pa ang pilipinas.
at oo parang dati lang, ganito’t ganoon tayo. pero ngayon, andito na. halong lungkot at ligaya, sa totoo lang. ‘yung paglaki ng mundo ng bawat-isa. pero siguro, with those paradoxical things existing, mas naeexcite na ako. hindi lang takot lang. puro kasi takot last time eh.
hindi ko na alam kung anong iisang patutunguhan ng entry na ‘to. dapat ba meron? hindi naman ‘di ba. ah basta, sa muling (at siguro huli na muna sa ngayon, but who knows? baka doon pala ako magreview for bar eh no) pag-uwi kahapon sa taft, masasabi kong naramdaman ko na ‘yung closure ko from that place. and the micah who was once lived a whole life there. kahit na almost three years lang ‘yun. time is time. it’s the most luxurious thing one could have. i lived a life there, i life that i love. despite the everything that went wrong. despite the nights i couldn’t be alone to the extent that i needed to phone a friend and make them stay overnight. i love it there because of the loud noises my friends and i once made over our dinner and lesson plans. i love it there because of the laughs shared on the floor. the cries in between when heavy things started to stir. i love how i can always hear the train passing by. i love how for a while, i deprived myself of having a curtain and the warmth of having it entails. i love the mess that i once created there and the time i slowly took to clean everything up. with a friend or without. with my bare hands. i love the versions of me who only existed between the small corners of that room. the one who got betrayed and managed to believe again. not because of the pressure but the patience that came after it. i love the version of me who went to her first day of teaching day with a big bag of materials and a shaky hands, i love her outfit at that time. in fact, it is still one of my favorite fits ever. i love how my friends and i shared a whole can of delimundo after a long day at school/ internship. i love how we always linger long in my floor. and how we managed to fit ourselves despite the tiny space. and i love the fact that i could still go on and on with this list because of the love and gratitude that i have in that very space.
unimportant matters. minutiae. precise details. what if my whole life is a mosaic of such?
lagi,
mayka.
ps: hindi ko na ‘to ipproof read. hindi ko muna gagamitin lisensya ko. at oo nga pala, mag-iisang taon na.