#but doing it

[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

that stupid Tsukasa post took over the Minori parents appreciation post i'm deleting it

[veronicathegoddess]

want him to casually call me his dumb little bitch in front of all our friends and while i look up at him with eyes of adoration, they’re all confused as to why i would let him do that

[porcelain-engine]

last week after workshop a woman gave me a ride home.  she said to me “honestly I just don’t know why you don’t apply to grad school, you could easily get into Iowa. Or anywhere else you wanted to go. Austin.”  (Iowa being the Iowa Writer’s Workshop, which is the best MFA in america. Austin, however, was always my dream school you get funded out the ass and is INTERDISCIPLINARY. It is also not in Iowa. No corn. No cold.)   I don’t know if it was the tequila I had had earlier or what but I’m just like, you know what, fuck it. fucking fuck it. I am going to go get my mfa. I am going to get in a great program, somewhere. Like. This was always my dream and I pursued it with every ounce of energy during my undergrad. My resume is OBSCENELY ambitious. I was ThisClose to apply in 2011 and then fell in love and abandoned the dream for Los Angeles and the aforementioned love. Hopingly temporarily ( I wanted to go to school in LA or was willing to, for love). Then I got so depressed I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror and couldn’t write. I mean I thought that my being an artist DEAD. That got better and I have spent the past 2-3 years independently writing my ass off and pouring myself into this project, my book. But I was still just like “That dream is dead and frankly unrealistic.” So many ppl told me it would be a waste and I thought they were right and my mom wanted me to do STEM even though I am “a brilliant writer” and so I tried for a minute to pursue that and then I thought the world is falling apart, why not be a lawyer?  All the while writing writing writing. I just thought I needed someway to pay for it. And an MFA wouldn’t do that. It seemed like a childish decision or foolish. Like I am not brilliant or intelligent and never was any of those things. I just kept getting more and more lost. So lost. I was ashamed to even mention how badly I had wanted an MFA. Because of my failure to get one and the folly of wanting one in the first place. Plus, I hate the MFAs as a market place. I don’t want some capitalistic validation of my being an artist. I also felt too old. But after that tequila and that car ride home a week ago: Fucking fuck it. Writing is the only thing I am good at or at least it’s the thing I love. So I am just going to go for it because anything is better than the shit I have been up to for five years. It’s better than anything I have done otherwise. Of course it isn’t going to make me wealthy but I am not already. I am on some level everyday miserable about the work I am NOT doing.  I am giving up on giving up on this dream. That makes me feel so so much better and like I have a concrete future. And i have NO DOUBT I could get into a fully funded program because I am a good writer. I still don’t think I am brilliant or intelligent but I also feel like that line of inquiry is 100% useless. So I am just gonna go for it and apply to the very best schools in like…november, lmao.

[h-i-raeth]

Dancing? Is so weird? I don't get it? No coordination? And sometimes it feels like you have to because of social reasons? I make repetitive movements and people are satisfied but it feels so awkward?

[voiceslostinstars]

I'm about to have the first math/statistics lecture after 3 years of being out of school, wish me luck

[cachien]

Kinda want to do PT and clean and study tonight, kinda want to sit around on tumblr and waste away. It’s been one of those days where being productive will make me feel better but the pushing-off part is a struggle.

[glittered-tits]

Don't

Ever make a girl feel like she's second best. Don't leave her hanging. Don't text her now acting like everything is alright. Because she's been waiting for you. Don't get her hopes up and then disappoint her. If you want her, go after her. But, don't fuck around with her feelings.