#buttcrack santa

[the-golden-onion]

mike grows up to be buttcrack santa 2.0

i am not taking any criticism at this time thank you

[emmettsmantiddies]

The cursed moodboard nobody asked for

[buttcrack-santa]

[jasperwhitcock]

if it is not too much of an ask, would you be willing to reply to this ask with 5 memes that describe your sense of humor and 5 images that show your aesthetic?? if five is too many you could also just do like one or any number. i just am wanting some ideas💖 love, your secret buttcrack santa🎁

HELLO I LOVE U I HOPE THIS IS ALL GOOD N HELPFUL 🤍

[bisexualemmettcullen]

also here's a shirt i spent way too long designing

[ginwhitlock]

Rating Twilight Charcters based on how many shots it would take for me to fuck them

Part 1 (Part 2) humans

The Man, the Myth, The... Pig

1 shot (pls stop judging me) 🐷 👮‍♀️ 👨‍👧

I have a uniform thing... with any uniform. Like I’d fuck a contractor if he had a hard hat on. Plus dilf vibes. Minus a point bc the man is 1. A cop and 2. Pining over his awful ex wife

The Bad Mom Example

1,986 shots (get it?) 👚🤰🏻😖

I only fuck milfs that take care of their kids sorry. Also fuck you that’s my mothers name you stole so now she loves you

Buttcrack Santa

This kings name is Waylon Forge, 0 shots

Mr. Onion Man

“What is green? Good!”/10 shots

I love this man and I have a teacher kink let’s move on

Preachers Daughter

-75 shots 😫🧐🧠

She’s smart. She’s tall. She’s terrified of large crowds. A woman after my own heart. And she def gay, right? Anyway we’re both preachers children and I think we could trauma bond

Her B(eard)oyfriend

As many shots as possible 🌧 👣🤳🏼

This man is gay. Next one

The Golden Retriever

6 shots 🙅🏼‍♂️🤙🏼🐶

The first time I watched twilight I wanted Mike and Bella to end up together bc he was normal. The sex would be missionary only and he’d cum immeditly.

The One Whos Name I Didn’t Remeber but Loved in the Books

0 shots 🚙 🧢🧑🏾‍🦯

I think he’s hot and funny and the best of Bella’s friend group attractiveness-wise. Kissing Bella in the parking lot was weird tho... let’s forget that

(RIP Greggory Boyce)

The Girl Who I Thought Was Gonna be Lauren

4 shots 💅🏼🥴🥱

She feels like the girl in college who only kisses girl’s but wouldn’t date one. Doesn’t make her not hot tho so

[no-one-in-twilight-is-straight]

🍑🎅🏻

[kaquiche]

Hey I definitely could’ve put someone else’s address! Who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 👀

But I’ll give you some answers a la Edward Cullen: yes, no, to get to the other side, 1.77245 🎅❤️

I was thoroughly bamboozled last night. I had had this ask sitting in my inbox for WEEKS and it was all a lie