#by avery

[femnet]

Both sides of the “argument” on Net Neutrality are so stereotypically American, and if the idea of killing the neutrality wasn’t terrifying, it would be hilarious. On one hand you have capitalism at its height; on the other, you have the essence of freedom. The problem is this capitalistic venture is impeding on its own capitalist values and trodding all over our freedom. Net Neutrality makes it possible for new, small businesses with no corporate sponsorships to rise to the top. Net Neutrality makes it possible for every single person to have access to all the same information. Net Neutrality makes it possible for people who might not have had access to an education to educate themselves.

This is capitalism at its worst. You know how they say communism only works in groups of 200 people? Well, capitalism only works as long as monopolies don’t form. The win conditions for capitalism and the game Monopoly(™) are the same; you own the monopolies- you win, especially if you get the orange ones and the red ones. America was built on the idea that anyone with the idea, the smarts, the know-how, or the luck, could rise up the socioeconomic ladder. If Net Neutrality is repealed, you are giving away your right to an equal market. If they start to slow certain websites and make others faster, they can control what information gets out. This is likely to kill small business, free education, and news media. Giant corporate conglomerates already control so much, why would you willingly give them more power?  

Please call your senators and tell them that you believe in Net Neutrality. It will take about 60 seconds! If you have phone anxiety, or for whatever reason don’t want to call, you can use ResistBot and you can text what you want to say to your representatives and then they will fax it to them. They can even help you figure out who to call/text/fax/email!

You have until December 14th to get your voice heard.

Senate Switchboard Phone Number: [phone]

ResistBot Link! Or text RESIST to 50409 

[femnet]

Simply put, a feminist is someone who believes in equality between all genders. Sure, there are some people who take etymology way too seriously and think that the word “feminism” is sexist itself, but the word was created by a man who believed that “Liberty, unless enjoyed by all, is unreal and illusory.” Charles Fourier called the idea of equality between the sexes “feminism” because he wanted to bring attention to a group of people who had a disadvantage. 

As a white woman, being an intersectionalist means that in my journey fighting the patriarchy, I discovered that my white, middle class ass doesn’t really have that many problems and I should use my privilege to stand beside other people that have different experiences and worse disadvantages. Essentially, Intersectional Feminists believe in equality for all genders, races, sexual orientations, and classes.  

Being an intersectional feminist means I’ll never stop listening and learning. Which means reading or watching stories told from different points of view. Lately, I’ve been trying to consume more media written by people of color. As stated before, I’m white, middle class, and also in a long term heterosexual relationship with a white man. I understand that there are a lot of people with more disadvantages than me. I believe it is my duty to stand beside people when they are voicing their hardships or experiences, and to stand up for them when they don’t have the option to.  

I also have to relearn things. Just the other day, I said something ableist (prejudice against people with disabilities), and my friend called me out on it. I apologized and made a mental note to fix it in the future. Sexism, racism, ableism, and the like are ingrained into our society and internalized in many of our subconsciouses. Many of us have to learn, or relearn, not to have those kinds thoughts and reactions. I am always trying to better myself.

As some of us know, being a feminist can be exhausting. People joke that behind every ‘woke’ man, there is an exhausted woman standing behind him, and it’s true. My dad is a good man, but he also doesn’t believe that women have it any harder than men. Though we often discuss various topics, there are some things that we debate over and over again. For instance, he is convinced that the pay gap doesn’t exist and the reason women make less than men is because women go into less ambitious careers, such as teaching. I have explained to him, many times, that that is not how the pay gaps works, it’s comparing men and women’s pay in the same field, such as teaching, and understanding that usually a man with the same credentials as a woman will make more money than her. We’ve had this same conversation so many times, I could recite it. Debating the same arguments for years gets tiring. Yes, feminists are tired about talking about the wage gap, the red tax, unfair beauty standards, climate change, and gun control too. Maybe it’s time to listen and learn.

After an outdated system elected our current president over an experienced, qualified woman I found it hard to see the point in it all. The news was full of stories of hate crimes and I found myself always tired and always sad. Everyone was saying things like,  “We still have to fight! It’s not over. We can make it through.” I knew they were right, so I trudged on through. I joined several feminist groups, I try to stay on top of the depressing news cycle, went back to college, and eventually started to write for FemNet.

Being a feminist is wonderful though. I like surrounding myself with like minded people. I enjoy discussing politics and the effects of media with my friends. The fight against patriarchy can be an uphill battle, which makes the win all the more sweeter. Recently, Doug Jones won his seat in the senate by beating out the evangelical sexual predator, Roy Moore. Despite the eight women accusing Moore, it was a very close race. Thanks to the turnout of African American voters Jones won, becoming the first liberal senator of Alabama in twenty years! When I heard the news, I messaged everyone in all caps and a ludicrous amount of exclamation points. This was history. It’s moments like these that makes it feel worth it. Ultimately, I know that by being a feminist, I’m on the right side of history.

[femnet]

Hot diggity dog am I depressed right now. Frankly, I want to crawl up into a little hole and go to sleep for a thousand years. At this current moment, I can’t seem to feel anything, but I know in a few hours I might be feeling all the emotions ever created all at once. Depression sucks, and some of us have to live with it.

Despite the fact that I low key want to shrivel away into nothingness, I’m still taking positive steps to try and help my mental state. I woke up this morning, brewed myself a cup of tea, put on some happy dance music, and sat outside to get some fresh air and good ol’ vitamin D. This isn’t an immediate cure, but it will help in the long run. At least my aesthetic is on point.

So here is a list some mild suggestions of little ways that might improve your state of mind.

Listen to happy music. I know that right now I want to wallow in Melodrama or go to the Badlands, but at the moment I’m listening to one of our playlists, About A Girl, because it’s about happy love and that’s what I need right now.

Watch a kids movie. I usually pick something I can sing along to like Mulan or Moana. Often times it’s the happiest movie of all: Tangled.

Brush your teeth. It makes you feel clean but doesn’t take as much energy as taking a shower. 

Cry. Hey, I’m gonna do it anyways, sometimes it helps just to let it out.

Go for a walk. Sometimes I take a short walk by myself or with my dog. It gets me out of my sadness zone and gets me in the fresh air. Sometimes this improves my mood immediately, because it helps me get a grip on reality.

Watch a stand up comedy special. Laughter always helps my mood. John Mulaney is a good one, because some of his content is about depression and it’s nice to laugh at the thing that’s hurting you.

Read whatever book that makes you feel at home. For me, reading gets me out of my world and into someone else’s. I usually pick something I’ve already read, because I know it’s happy. Sometimes it’s a humor book, sometimes it’s children’s literature.

These are just some things that help me! Feel free to add things to this list!!!

[femnet]

Sometimes I watch movies or read books and compare the romance to my own relationship. On screen, love is often this all consuming, raw, passionate, enviable masterpiece that only magic soulmates could achieve. It’s hard not to look at my own relationship and wonder if I’m doing something wrong, or even ponder the possibly that I’m with the wrong person altogether. I have seen very few depictions of independent love like the relationship that I have with my boyfriend. 

Honestly? I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, he is everything that matters; kind, compassionate, and open-minded. He’s also intelligent, a people person, a great leader, and if I do say so myself, very handsome. I sometimes joke that if he were born in olden times that he would have been in our history books as an amazing strategist.

We spend most nights in the comfort of our home that we share with our dog and two cats. We spend a lot of time quietly watching TV, or even doing separate things sitting next to each other on the couch. We make each other laugh, I think we have our own brand of humor that only we find funny. Most importantly, we support each other and have each other’s backs. I trust him completely, and he trusts me.

We have a very independent relationship. Our careers and hobbies don’t really intersect. He loves Magic the Gathering and skill based, one player video games, like Dark Souls or Monster Hunter. Whereas I do everything from crochet and painting miniatures to weight lifting and hiking. We have some similar interests; we both love our dog, binge watching lame TV shows, and we play tabletop strategy games like Settlers of Catan and Descent. But most of the time, we’re doing our own thing. We make sure to tell each other about our days; what happened at work or school, how his Star Wars mobile game is going, what I did during my work out, whether or not our dog pooped when one of us walked him earlier.

We never fight. We do have discussions and they can get heated, but I can count how many times he has raised his voice at me on one hand. A few years ago we had a terrible year, just one thing after another. We discussed all the time about the future- he wanted to stay in Arizona and I wanted to leave for anywhere, he wanted kids and I didn’t. We’ve come to a compromise on most things, if not, we put the topics on hold. That’s the trick to relationships; compromise and communication- you’ve got to know what you’re willing to let go, what you can’t give up on, and how to talk about it.

In conclusion, I got the best boyfriend and all you folks attracted to males are out of luck. I’m kidding! I’m just trying to say that there is nothing wrong with quiet, independent love! If anything, I recommend it! There is nothing better than finding the person who you can do nothing with.

Like everything I do, this dedicated to you, the love of my life. Happy belated anniversary, merry late Christmas, happy early Valentine’s, best wishes for your birthday in June, and while we’re at it, happy early anniversary too. I should probably do more nice things for you, huh?

[femnet]

Sometimes I get so upset over what’s going on in the world that it throws me into a depressive funk. For example, when our electoral college failed us and elected Trump, I cried for two weeks straight. After the inauguration, hate crimes frequently happened all over the country. Every time I read one, I would tell my boyfriend about it and then we would be upset about it together.

My boyfriend is a beautiful, compassionate, intelligent man. He is great at his job, everyone loves him. He’s amazing with kids, he’s my two year old little sister’s favorite person. He’s incredibly generous, he’d give you the shirt off his back. My boyfriend is hands down the kindest person I know. But… he doesn’t pay any attention to current events. 

One day, about a month after the inauguration, my boyfriend said to me, “Babe, why do you read about this? All it does is make you upset.”

“I have to keep up with everything,” I told him.

He was kind of right, though. All it was doing was making me upset. What’s that saying, ignorance is bliss? My boyfriend was certainly happier than me and he never read the news.

So I took a break from the world. I didn’t read the news every night. I stayed away from most social media. They only time I would hear about anything was when my friends deemed something was important enough to tell me about it. Usually is was so depressing that I would end up napping for a few days and I would scour through every related article and hashtag. My “break” from media lasted about a month and a half. I wasn’t any happier, if anything I felt more useless than ever.

After my newsless stint, I came to the realization, that ignorance isn’t bliss. Knowing about current events, locally and around the world, makes people more compassionate and intelligent. Being informed on the issues, forming an opinion, and then voting will change the world. Basic understanding of other people’s culture and religion can help save lives.

I also came to understand that it’s okay not to be on top of everything, especially when you’re feeling down. If the world seems too heavy, take a step back from the media. If you ever feel the same way I do, then I suggest you form a small group of friends where you all send each other important articles and news stories, but you also send memes and cat videos. This helps for your bad days so you can skip the news, but go back when you’re feeling better to catch up on the important topics and also get a little laugh.

Ignorance is just another word for uneducated or stupidity. It’s not worth it to stick your head in the sand. Ignorance is what elected an orange sexual predator into office. Read, understand the issues, form an opinion, and ultimately, vote. It will change the world.

[femnet]

SOME OF THE BEST SONGS FROM 2017

i. sign of the times by harry styles ii. i feel it coming by the weeknd & daft punk iii. i feel it still by portugal. the man iv. now or never by halsey v. castle on the hill by ed sheeran vi. dna. by kendrick lamar vii. havana by camila cabello & young thug viii. malibu by miley cyrus ix. 1-800-273-8255 by logic & alessia cara & khalid x. perfect duet by ed sheeran and beyonce xi. chanel by frank ocean xii. bad liar by selena gomez xiii. strangers by halsey & lauren jauregui xiv. strip that down by liam payne & quavo xv. feels by calvin harris & pharrel williams & katy perry & big sean xvi. mask off by future xvii. the man by the killers xviii. stay by zedd & alessia cara xix. woman by harry styles xx. green light by lorde xxi. …ready for it? by taylor swift xxii. attention by charlie puth xxiii. new rules by dua lipa xxiv. bodak yellow by cardi b xxv. congratulations by post malone & quavo xxv. paris by the chainsmokers xxvi. thunder by imagine dragons xxvii. there’s nothing holdin’ me back by shawn mendes xxviii. wild thoughts by dj khaled & rihanna & bryson tiller xxix. rose-colored boy by paramore xxx. flicker by niall horan xxxi. supercut by lorde

(listen on spotify)

[femnet]

My Nana passed away almost five years ago. She was an amazing, kind, beautiful woman who loved Christmas. Every year, she would deck the halls and put out those light up reindeer in our front yard. Our tree was gigantic and covered in memories. The best part about Christmas though, were her sugar cookies. They were soft but crunchy on the edges, and they had the faintest hint of oranges. After she passed away, my mom started making sugar cookies. They weren’t as good as my Nana’s, but it was okay; they still had a faint taste of oranges and it gave me a faint feeling of her in my heart.

This year, I asked my mom for the recipe so I could make them myself. Turns out, my mom didn’t have the recipe. She just used Alton Brown’s sugar cookie recipe and added a tablespoon of orange juice.

As much as that hurt, it was also kind of funny. My Nana always did that kind of thing to me, she just wanted me stay a kid and to be innocent for as long as possible.

During the last years of her life, my Nana lived in a cabin with about a dozen chickens, two turkeys, two pigs, and three horses. It was a lot of upkeep, but also a lot of fun. When my Nana got sick, she started to sell off the animals because she couldn’t keep up anymore. The turkeys were the first to go, the people who picked up them up also took about half the chickens. Then the pigs, and then finally we sold our horses to some family friends. My dad took the rest of the chickens and they lived out their lives with him.

Not too long afterwards, I was staying with my Nana and I was cooking breakfast for the two of us. We had planned a huge breakfast, because I was going back home later that day. We had the works: sausage, toast, eggs, bacon, pancakes- we could have fed probably five more people.

I noticed the wrapping on the bacon was weird, not like what you would buy in the store, so I asked her about it.

“Oh, that’s just from a co-op,” she said.

I didn’t know what a co-op was, but that satisfied my simple curiosity and I left it at that. We had an amazing breakfast, and I will never forget it for the rest of my life.

About a year later, my Nana got really sick. Chemo was killing her, she was a shell of herself. She couldn’t fight the battle anymore. I try to live my life without regrets, to accept that I make mistakes because I’m human, but I will regret not spending more time with her in the hospital before she died. I avoided going to see her like she had the plague, but really she just had cancer and I wasn’t strong enough to be there for her.

The second to last time I saw her, she took my hand and looked me dead in the eyes. “Peanut, do you remember that breakfast when we had the bacon from the co-op?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“That bacon wasn’t from a co-op,” she was starting to cry.

“It’s okay.” I knew where she was going with this. I was starting to cry too.

“No, it’s not. It wasn’t from a co-op! I don’t even know what a co-op is!”

“I don’t either!”

“I’m sorry you ate your pig!”

We cried together for a long time. She told me stories of how she lied to me to protect me. Some of them I didn’t even remember, some I knew that she was lying to me, but most of the time I just told her that it was okay and that I loved her.

It’s been almost five years since she left us. I think about her every day. Despite my beliefs, I hope she was right and she’s in heaven looking down on me. I hope she’s proud of who I am and who I’ve become. I hope she’s happy in the afterlife with my childhood dog, Molly. I hope she knows how much I miss her and love her.

And thank you, Mom, for letting me believe I had a little piece of her still. Here’s to lying to your kids to keep them innocent and happy just a little bit longer.