Mike Wheeler was at his desk, the place he always was. He never left the house if he could help it, what was the point? Everyone had moved on, they didn't need him anymore, and honestly it was hard to blame them, he knew he wasn't worth it. Max and Lucas were in California, Dustin in Washington, Will in New York with his boyfriend. They'd all found something and what was he doing? Stuck in Hawkins writing stories in his parents house, except they were gone too. Even Holly had moved away. He was nearly forty, that dawned on him, forty and he didn't have a life. He was writing about everything he wished he'd done in his life under a fake name because even twenty years later he couldn't let himself admit it. Sunlight was peeking through the window, the curtains were practically falling apart but at least it let some light in, he could barely afford to keep his power running. The fan buzzed in the background and he knew he should turn it off because goddamn it that thing was running every hour of the day and if he just turned it off he would save so much. But he couldn't, that would leave him in the silence with his own thoughts or with nothing but clock ticks which felt even worse. He tried music once, all he could think of was the mixtape he stuffed in the back of a drawer years ago that he couldn't let himself think of. The yellow light flooded the room as the curtain rod snapped, well snapped was the wrong word for it, it was being held together by duct tape. He hated this, hated himself, what had he come to? He was useless, he was nothing, he was just like his dad. No. No. No. He couldn't become him, the bitter old man who never gave a shit about his life or anyone else's. The one who lived and died nothing because he didn't even bother trying.
He practicality ran out of his room to find a mirror. All he could do was stand there. His hair was shorter than it had been at any other point in his life, his eyes were hollow. He looked tired but he hadn't done anything meaningful since the upsidedown, he took off his glasses and placed them on the bathroom counter, even in this state he knew he couldn't afford to drop them. It didn't help, all he saw was him. His sweater was grey, it used to be blue, he would know, he'd had it for years. He looked just like him, he was him, he'd become everything he'd swore he wouldn't. Splashing water on his face did nothing, the sound of the water hitting the sink only made everything worse, he'd gotten too used to silence. He punched his reflection as hard as he could, he hadn't thrown a punch in years and it showed. Again, nothing, harder, keep going, again, until the glass shattered, it wasn't enough, he kept going, over and over again until there was nothing left of it and his grey sweater had been changed to red. He knew it was ridiculous, he would have to pay for that with money he didn't have. He couldn't do this anymore.
He walked into the kitchen and grabbed it, a bottle of whiskey and the first cup like thing he saw, he really wasn't sure why, it wasn't like anyone else would drink it. Then he went drawer by drawer until he find the old medication his mum had kept, he did really mourn her, the way he couldn't with his father, but even then he hadn't cried. He hadn't cried in so long he wasn't sure he still had the ability to, hell he hadn't felt in so long he wasn't sure he was human. Found it. He grabbed every bottle he could hold before making his way back to his room. He never thought this would be how he died, he always thought he'd die as something, someone, but instead he was cursed to see nothing but regrets every time he looked at himself in the mirror. If he'd saved El, if he'd written more, if he'd made any effort to keep in touch. If he confessed.
He stared back at his room, more of a mess than he was. The ground was covered in letters but none he was proud of, bank statements demanding he pay his debts, notices from the power company, the water, even the gas. He wasn't sure when the last time he'd sent a letter was, or gotten one that had mattered, but in the corner of his room sat a stack of letters he would never send. Starting when when he was fifteen, still being added to now when he was thirty eight, each and every one of them for Will, each and every one signed 'Love, Mike'. They started about how he missed him, then to how he loved him, now they were all just apologies, because maybe if he hadn't been so fucking scared, if he wasn't still so fucking scared, something would have happened and he wouldn't be here. He still kept every drawing Will gave him, in a folder in the basement, looking at it made him sick with regret. Except the one he'd given him in California, that one stayed on the wall, it always would. When be was eighteen if would give him the motivation to carry on, now it was just a reminder to how he failed every chance at a relationship he'd gotten. Maybe if he could make himself love El, maybe if he'd let himself love Will.
His desk? A type writer he couldn't afford to upgrade, so many half empty cups of coffee to force himself awake, he couldn't sleep much anymore, every time he did he heard his voice, Will's, telling him how much he hated him and how useless he'd become. He missed the past, when they were practicality inseparable, thought they would live out their dreams together. Pages upon pages of confessions that he could never release layed on his desk, they were stories sure, but the world would hate him either way, and it wasn't like those stories weren't based off of the truth. Pill bottles, every brand of antidepressant he could find, none of them worked, every bottle was empty, had been for years, they never worked and he new cared enough to throw them out. Shaking with every step he sat back down at his desk, setting up a new page in the typewriter. 'All I have left are my regrets.' Part of him wondered how long it would take for anyone to find his body, people wouldn't noticed he wasn't leaving, he never did. He had no friends left to check on him, the only person in Hawkins was Steve and they hadn't talked in over a decade thanks to Mike's refusal to acknowledge him. He knew he wouldn't want to see him but he wondered whether there was a chance they would have talked if he had reached out, if he cared enough to.
The fan stopped. He switched it on and off over and over again, nothing, went to the lamp and tried it. Shit. They'd cut his power. Then again it didn't matter, he wouldn't be here in a few minutes, why did he care? He would die here alone, too scared to admit the truth he'd been hiding all his life, waiting until a tax collector came to take what they need before his body was ever found. The silence was enough to send him into a flashback of his memories, his memories with Will, why hadn't he fucking said it? Why couldn't he still fucking say it? What was wrong with him? Why was he like this? Why couldn't he just like girls? He poured the whiskey into the orange mug, remembering how much he hated the scent, it reminded him of his dad. Great, another way he was turning into him. He emptied the bottles into his hand, random assortments of pills he couldn't even begin to know the uses for. All he knew was that this much of anything would kill him. Mike Wheeler had never really wanted to live, he never wanted to die the way he did now, begging for it because it was the only thing that would save him, but he never wanted to live. That day he jumped off the cliff, part of him knew it was a good thing, it meant that this would be over. He wished Eleven hadn't saved him, in that moment and now looking back. It would have been better for everyone. The thought of her didn't hurt him the same way the thought of Will did, he knew why and he hated it. The blood that was still rushing out of his hand reminded him of the times he'd slit his wrists at fourteen, hating himself for feeling the way he felt every time he saw him, called him, wrote him a letter he knew he couldn't send. Or more, he hated what it meant. He blamed his dad for that one as well, for how much he hated that he loved Will the way he could never love any girl. He was never meant to make it this long, should have done this years ago, at least then he would have died a person and not a shadow, pretending he was living a real life. He had the pills at the base of his mouth, mug in the other hand, ready to die the same person as his father.
"MIKE!" He dropped the mug, it shattered onto the wooden floor. It was Will, it had to be, he would recognise his voice no matter what.
"Will?" He threw himself out if his chair and started searching the house like a madman.
"MIKE!" Maybe this was a hallucination, he couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten any sleep, what were the chances of his childhood best friend he was hopelessly in love with showing up the moment he was about to kill himself? He had a key, he was in America, that was about where it ended, still he answered back.
"WILL?" He felt like he had gone insane, throwing open and slamming doors over and over again trying to find where his voice had come from.
"MIKE!" He was still there, his voice was, but part of him knew he wasn't really there. This was hysteria, just his subconscious trying to save him. Funny, even it knew how hopeless he would always be for will, but he asked again because on the chance he wasn't going crazy he want to see him, he missed him.
"Will?" He felt a hand on his shoulders, not like it was grabbing him, like it'd always been there and he'd just felt it now. Shaking him, as if trying to wake him up, but as he looked there was nothing there. "WILL?" This couldn't just be hysteria, someone was really shaking him. He dropped to his knees, sobbing like a maniac, this was it, this was what going insane felt like.
But suddenly he wasn't in his house, he was in the upsidedown and he wasn't thirty eight, he was sixteen. He opened his eyes to see the party looking down at him, worried, waiting for him to say something.
"Mike? Are you okay?" The first voice he heard was Will's, then Steve's.
"Everyone give the kid some space, start settings everything up. Will stay with Mike and make sure he's okay, if anything happens again just shout and we'll get over here." He sent him a silent thanks, still too stunned to speak before noticing Will was sitting on the floor next to him one hand still on his shoulder.
"Will." He wrapped his arms around him as tight as he could. "You're here, holy shit, you're here. I thought I'd lost you." He wouldn't live this life with regrets, he didn't know what that future was but he damn well knew he wouldn't live like that.
"I thought I'd lost you, you were in a trance and we couldn't break you out no matter what we did. I was just yelling your name like a manic hoping it would do something." Tears fell as Mike broke the hug, grabbing his hand instead.
"It worked, you saved me." He was here, he hadn't lost his chance and he wouldn't lose it again.
"Are you okay? You seem shaken up, what did he show you?" He was tempted to make a joke about being shaken out of the trance, if he hadn't just seen what he had he would have. The battle they fight, getting caught, losing El, everyone moving on but never truly happy, him alone and depressed wishing he'd taken a chance.
"He showed me the future, or at least a version of it. We win the battle, we kill him, we graduate, we grow up. Then he showed me my life in twenty something years." He bit his lip, time for the part he could spend the rest of his life never thinking about again.
"Were you not with El?" He tried to focus on Will's hand, but that just reminded him more of what he had to lose.
"She was dead, maybe, or in Alaska, I'm not really sure. But that wasn't the worst part, I lost you. You didn't die or anything, we just lost touch, stopped reaching out, you were in New York. I was stuck in Hawkins." He didn't mention the boyfriend, Will didn't need to know about his deep hatrid of the boyfriend he imagined for him, even in the trance.
"You know that won't happen Mike, you're not going to lose me and El, she won't die. That wasn't the real future, he's just trying to scare you." What he didn't understand is that it was, and that terrified him, the thought of spending the rest of his life scared and alone, that could happen so easily it made him sick to think about.
"You don't understand, it was different from the other trances, it was more real." He stumbled over his words, maybe if he talked fast enough they would hurt less.
"Breathe, slow down, and make me understand. I want to understand, I want to help." So he started from the beginning, letting Will guide him through it with his reassurances every time he felt like he was talking too much.
"I didn't even realise I was in a trance, it wasn't the same way as the others where he shows them memories, it was like he took my worst fears and shaped my future to have all of them right there. Not bad enough that I would notice, it was more in a way where he showed me that even if we win I wouldn't be happy, lose my motivation to fight, maybe drag a few people down with me. He showed me today, us winning the battle, destroying the upsidedown, El with it. It was terrible, like she'd actually died, all the time felt real. I have no clue how long I was out for but it felt like twenty years. And then slowly things go back to normal, we graduate, Jonathan, Nancy and Robin move away and everything felt for the most part normal, like how it would normally. Some things felt off but at the time it just felt like adjusting after what happened. And then you guys moved on, moved across the country, forgot about me, while I was writing books no one was buying in my parents basement. And things got better for everyone but I just kept getting worse until I was forty years old in my parents house alone because they died with barely enough power to keep the lights on." Will's eyes were wide as he still held his hand, Mike tried to focus on everything but the memory, the future, he was telling him. Will's breathing, Steve's voice from far away, the footsteps, the cold air, the feeling of Will rubbing circles into the back of his hand.
"It's okay, you're okay, it wasn't real, even if you think the things he showed you could happen they haven't yet." Focus on his breathing, on red sky, anything that wasn't what he was about to say.
"He showed me turning into my dad, and then my suicide. Attempted, you saved me." He didn't want to think of what would have happened if he didn't.
"Mike-" He already knew what he was about to say.
"It could happen, if I keeping being too scared to tell the truth it will. He showed me a future where I was but I won't be, not anymore" He could do this, he just needed to not freak out, he could do that. "I love you, I wish I'd said it sooner because I have loved you since I was thirteen years old, I was just so fucking scared but this? It scared me, it showed me my life if I spend it regretting everything I didn't say so I'm just going to say it. Will I love you so much." There was a second of shock before either of them reacted, then Will placed a kiss on his lips. It wasn't long or particularly romantic, just a moment, but they had both been waiting for that moment for a lifetime.
"I love you too Mike." He whispered it in his ear, pulling him closer as he slowly started to break down.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Tears started to fall again, he hated that he let them, he'd held them back for so long, why couldn't he now?
"Why are you apologising?" It was a genuine question and Mike couldn't even begin to understand because in his eyes he had everything to apologise for.
"I'm sorry I waited, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry I never sent you letter when you were away, I'm sorry about our fight in the rain, I'm sorry-" He could have gone on like that forever but Will placed his finger over his lips.
"It's fine Mike, you were scared, we both know what Hawkins is like, I don't blame you." Somehow that made it worse, that Will was the same but didn't take it out on him, he always was the better person.
"I thought if I wasn't with you, wasn't talking to you, I could make myself like girls. I know it's stupid but you make my heart light up in so many ways an I just thought that if I got away from that I wouldn't feel that way." He did try, really try, to like girls, he just never could. He tried to love El, he really, truly did, love her the way she deserved but he knew he couldn't.
"You know there's nothing wrong with being gay, even if people try to tell you there is." He used to think there was, he had for years, sometimes still did. That's what the scars on his wrist proved.
"My dad said there was, guess it just sort of stuck with me." Ted Wheeler wasn't necessarily a bad father, he didn't care what they did as long as they left him alone and never really felt like a dad but he knew he could have had it far worse. If he found out about this maybe he would. Mike didn't hate his dad, not in the way he hated Vecna or Lonnie or any of the people that had bullied them but the thought of being like him haunted him like a plauge, threatening to take over him slowly, and by the time he realised it was too late.
"So did mine, and generally he was wrong about everything." They smiled at eachother, knowing in that moment tht whatever happened with Vecna they would get through it together.
Time passed, a battle ten times harder than what Mike had been shown but they had made it out alive. El made it out alive. The two had broken up years ago but there was an understanding between them, not love, not in that way, just a certain regard for the other. He was happy he didn't have to go through losing her again, for real this time. Graduation had come around and that was when he really noticed the differences between the world and what he'd been shown, as much as he tried to forget that memory he knew he never could. He still remembered so many details and with how often he woke up from nightmares Will could probably describe it just as well as he could. He wasn't completely wrong, that was a future that could have happened, he was just happy it didn't. Dustins hair was longer, past his shoulders and he would be lying if he said he didn't see Eddie when he looked at him. He'd gotten accepted into every college he'd applied to and he and Steve had a trip planned to visit them all since school was over. Robin stayed in Hawkins, she was a counselor at Hawkins High. Mike wasn't sure if it was temporary for the party to have someone that would understand or if she was staying but she seemed to like working with Steve, he was teaching sport and coaching the school basketball team. They'd moved in together near where Eddie used to live; Vickie and Robin were still together. Jonathan and Nancy had moved away and honestly Mike wasn't really sure what they were doing now, Jonathan was helping shoot a smaller scale movie last time he'd heard and Nancy had a journalism project reporting on what happened in Hawkins but the way she talked about it she wasn't planning on staying long. They were sort of back together, they were living together but nothing was official yet, but he was almost certain something was going on between them. Max was going take some time to figure out what she was going to do, she'd barely managed to graduate in time with how much time she spent in a coma so she wanted to slow down a little. Lucas was going to stay in Hawkins with Max until they made a plan, he wanted to go pro for basketball and Steve had offered him a job helping coach the younger kids until he and Max moved. El wasn't graduating with them, she'd tried to catch up but she'd just missed too much to leave with them but she was happy Max and Lucas were staying, even if it was temporary. Mike and Will were moving to New York together, they'd already gotten a deal on their comic, selling the stories of the Upsidedown no one needed to know were real. But right now, before everything changed they were playing their last game of DnD, just the six of them, like they hadn't lived the game less than two years ago. And as they put their folders away they knew they'd be back together soon enough because nothing could ever keep them apart.
"Mike, have you actually started packing yet?" The same question he had been asked for the last week, their flight was in three days.
"I'll do it eventually." He knew he should get it over with but annoying Will made him smile a little too much to give up now.
"This is why you're late to everything." He said with no real spite, they'd had this conversation before and he knew how it would end.
"And you love me anyways." Mike couldn't imagine his life without Will, they were best friends before boyfriends and he knew that they would last forever.
"If we miss our flight because of your inability to be on time I won't." They were happy they could stop hiding, sort of, at the end of the day it was a small town in Indiana, but they're friends knew, they're family knew, and they couldn't be happier. Mr Wheeler was difficult though, he couldn't lie about that, things got angry and loud and ended in violence but at the end of the day they both went back to ignoring the other, destain for the other growing but there was nothing either could do.
"Just shut up and kiss me." And he obliged, pressing a kiss to his lips, teasing him before slipping his tongue his mouth. Mike had his fingers wrapped in his hair, they were completely shut away from the word until-
"-Mike go make out with your boyfriend somewhere else, we want to play." They immediately broke apart, turning to see Holly with her group of friends.
"Learn to knock!" Mike snapped at his little sister, not particularly happy about the audience. Though when Derek waved he couldn't help but wave back.
"I did! You were too busy kissing to notice!" Having no answer Mike just grabbed Will's hand as they walked up the stairs, watching the kids from the top and all he could think of was when that was them. Before monsters and fighting, when they were kids. He made sure none of them noticed the tears filling his eyes.
This is my conformitygate fic, I hope you enjoyed
Basically this is assuming only the last episode was a Vecna vision (though let's be honest we're all hoping everything after the sorcerer was)
If you're here from the first post I made about this fic yes of course you are still free to use this idea, I am honored you want to
I did skim over the actual battle, I'm not much of a fight sequence writer and I didn't know how to wrap up so many loose ends without a good track sheet so yeah sorry about that one
Also here's my visualisation (I think that's the word? Basically I described how it would work in a filmed sequence (please ignore if it doesn't make sense, I never took media as a subject and have no clue how to set any of this up)) for the scenes if anyone wanted them (again feel free to use these for anything you want)
