bloody hands + red threads / scm & jsj
lítost - ( n. ) regret and remorse and repentance; a state of agony and torment; or sorrow said to be “created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery.”
second year of caelum, it was still all so new to him. he still felt like a foreigner, there were friends already established and cliques running rapid. yet there he was alone, sitting in the isolated desk away from the mumbling idiots on his first day of school. then she came in, timid and introverted as ever — he could only think of himself. he hadn’t seen her before, or last year even; then again he rarely paid attention. but when he watched her walk into his film class and take a seat next to him he couldn’t help but stare, his head tilted curious; why wasn’t she joining the crowd? ever since then it was all written in history, soojung & changmin were inseparable ( or close enough to that ). two devious and strange minds pressed against one another, conversations endless and mostly revolving around a passion they shared: film.
for years their friendship progressed, expanded, became more serious until he could finally voice that she was his best friend and she was his best friend alone. it wasn’t often that changmin would ever consider someone as such, but they were different; conversations effortless & fun. but they were well on their way to graduation, their last quarter coming to a close and soojung was no where to be found. she had been missing since the beginning without warning, no phone call or text. no matter how many times he tried to reach her, he couldn’t. and being off grounds came with strict rules, rules he didn’t feel like breaking because of the consequences at hand. he was sick of it though, how could she toss him aside so easily? within the first few months of the first semester he came to terms with people came and people went, that was just the cycle of life.
but then new information revealed itself without warning ( he couldn’t remember how he found out ): his best friend’s parents were killed. that must have been why she wasn’t around for majority of the year. maybe she was taking a break. still though, if she valued him the same way he valued her, wouldn’t he have known about this sooner? sick with worry he continued to call, he would try once in the morning and once at night; but he never got a call back. every so often he would send her text messages to see if she were well, but of course those went unanswered as well. he had his observational skills to thank though, for during sometime during the day in between classes the halls hushed rumours around him, lips speaking behind hands with all eyes on him. apparently there was rumour that soojung had been seen on campus, that she had returned and accusations were being thrown around.
throughout his day he decided to ignore it, to not let it get to him to show weakness in front of others. he simply calculated each different rumour and tried to figure it all out for himself, he would find out that night regardless. when all of the classes were said and done he took out his cell phone, thumb driving down the screen to hit her name: call contact. this was it, this would be the deciding factor if the rumours were true or not. if her answering machine was the first thing to greet his ear than it would all be a lie, but if the rings kept coming & coming then maybe there was hope, even if it was false. with a steady hand he raised his cell phone to his ear as he sat on his bed, gaze downcast and strangely concentrated on a small stain on the floor. his breathing was heavy but levelled — there were rings on the other end. his free hand curled down against the bed beside his thigh he braced himself for the worst, no answer. then suddenly there was a click, white noise buzzing on the other end until he broke out in a shaky voice —
“soojung? soojung are you there?”
