i want to start being brave in such tiny ways even the people who know me most would struggle to notice.
i want to stop needing the deep breath before i tell the barista my coffee order. i want to wear brighter clashing colours and dye my hair. i want to go on dates and grin afterwards instead of regretting my word choices. i want the better, straighter posture that comes from knowing my body is not something to hide or be ashamed of. i want to chat to bartenders and hairdressers instead of twiddling my thumbs and staring at my feet. i want to spend less time among friends thinking “they’d like me more if i was funnier, what can i say to please them.” i want to tell the woman on the train i love her coat instead of thinking it and smiling. i want to get more tattoos and show them to my grandma even though she might not like them. i want to tell friends my secrets and blurt out the things i’m thinking until one day the ordeal of being known isn’t so mortifying.
if someone was watching me in a movie they’d label me a mary sue because my type of bravery doesn’t involve swords or armour or muscle, just words and even those still sometimes trip me up. people who might judge me for my stuttering and silence and shyness don’t know that i have come so far already. but i do and that’s what assures me that i can continue to grow in all the little ways that i need to.
