I Can't
Keep doing this to myself. The back and forth. The 'what was' the 'if only l' or the 'if I would've just said'.
What's done is done.
Lessons have been learned. It is because of all the emotional turmoil that I am able to look at myself in the mirror, say "you did your best, champ". To live is not to have loved, but to live IS TO LOVE and be LOVE. To this day
I.
Still.
Don't.
Think.
You. EVER. Loved Me.
Until you realized I was really leaving you.
I feel I was a convenience to you. A body to hold, warmth at night. At one time, a listening ear. Now all I hear is Blah..Blah..Blah. Sure, you called me immature for that; but I was mature enough to walk away from the toxcity that was beginning to eat away at my soul.
I'll never get those pieces of me back. Ever.
It's all copestetic tho, I feel better without them.
You were my answered prayer; I thought my saving grace.
I can't keep doing this to myself.
What it was, was a series of events in our lives that painted a picture of happily ever after. In the end all I could see was a montage rage, pain, spite. Control; just because i thought you had that authority
Over me.
You repeatedly said you didn't know what love was;
love is what i gave you.
-well, I did my best to show you. Past neglect not only blinded you but numbed your heart
To me As well.
Now? Now you see me and all the attempts I made to show you what it meant to me be loved unconditionally. How I loved you past your past, your pain, your walls, your barriers, your self loathing.
I hated that the most. I hated how I just gave and gave and gave without thinking what about me?
I eventually came around to realize you didn't know what to do with me, with who I was, with the love I gave you.
it all I felt like a waste of time; pain I'd have to feel until it finally dissipated itself within every fiber of my being, creating a core of the fiercest burning passion I've come to know.
Reassuring me;
It's ok to love and be love
Even if it's not reciprocated.
The point is to love yourself through everything that doesn't feel lovable.
