#capseycartwright

[stevenrogered]

Evan Buckley + tumblr users tags about his lil pink cardigan 

[kellykadesperate]

nicole, all these amazing prompt fills from you are such a treat!

if it sparks any inspiration, 52 is intriguing me!

lorna thanks so much my love!! ur new header is PERFECT!

enjoy some affair era angst. set the day after robert comes to see aaron in hospital and has tried to kill chas with the hit man situation lol

“Nobody needs me.”

Aaron isn’t expecting to see anyone today. His mum has already told him that she has to run the pub practically by herself all afternoon and Paddy’s apparently trying to give him space.

The door does open around half ten though. His eyes are still closed shut and he intends to pretend to be asleep through any nurses checking he’s still breathing.

There’s a scrape of a chair though, he didn’t think they’d actually do that. 

Then there’s a hand on his arm and that’s what makes Aaron open his eyes. He sees Robert staring back at him. The first thing he thinks is that Robert’s hair is a mess, it’s not styled the way it usually is, it’s sticking up in places.

Robert looks the way he does when he first wakes up. Only now it’s clear to see he’s not slept a wink, he looks bone tired, like he should be in this hospital bed instead.

“What are you doing here?” Aaron croaks the words out. Someone has to. Robert makes no point of attempting to do anything other than stroke Aaron’s arm, small gentle circles with his thumb. 

“Seeing you.” Robert says, like it’s obvious.

Aaron looks down at the way Robert is still gently caressing his arm. It’s weird. It’s everything. 

“Not got a takeaway to collect or a deal to do?” Aaron ruins it because it’s what he has to do, it’s what happens. He braces himself for Robert to say something back, something meaner before he ups and goes.

Robert doesn’t do that though. He surprises Aaron by bowing his head; almost surrendering.

“I wanted to see if you were OK.” Robert says quietly, like there’s really no agenda to any of this. “My head was all over the place yesterday.”

Aaron chews his lip. “I told you my mum won’t say anything.”

Robert looks like he’s going to be sick. Aaron wants to reach over and borrow himself in Robert’s head for just a second or two, work out what’s going on in there. It’d be scary, terrifying maybe but Aaron knows he’d still love him. The feeling is just not budging. 

“I know.” Robert breathes all unevenly, so unlike him. “I just — it wasn’t nice seeing you like that, finding you so helpless.”

This doesn’t happen. This is said through breathless kisses and Robert making Aaron feel it when they’re pulled together. It isn’t said like this. 

Aaron carefully pulls a hand towards the middle of the bed and waits for Robert to meet him there. Robert stares at Aaron’s hand but doesn’t move towards him. Aaron curls his hand up into a ball, feels like a fool for a second.

“I’m fine.”

Robert scowls, he shows all this emotion on his face. “You’re not.” He says like it’s just a fact, no debating it apparently. 

Aaron turns his head away. He thinks about lying there in the cold, thinking about completely disappearing altogether. He thinks about how mind went to a dark place as he imagined no one finding him. He was thinking of Robert, he was thinking about the fact that if he did disappear then at least he met Robert, at least Robert knew him. Then Robert was there. Robert.

“You need to properly look after yourself.” Robert says now.

“I’ve had this from my mum, I don’t need it from you n’all.” Aaron runs a hand over his face and knows he’s being childish but he wants Robert to go now. He’s decided. Robert being here and checking in on him is everything he wants and yet everything he can’t have. It’s dangerous, reckless, it feels like something so close to feeling right that it makes Aaron feel dizzy.

“I’m just trying to —”

“Well don’t.” Aaron snaps. “Robert, you don’t need to stay.”

Go.

Go back to her.

Robert sits up straighter. “I know.”

Aaron chews his lip again, harder this time. “It wasn’t your fault.” He whispers. “If you’re here because you feel guilty or whatever.”

Robert looks at Aaron like he’s mad. He’s been doing it more often than not recently. 

“I know that.” Robert says but then he falters just slightly. “I wish we had longer at Home Farm too, you know.” He doesn’t say at his, he doesn’t say mine. 

He says it like he hasn’t made it obvious enough. That’s the thing though, he can’t make it obvious. Robert has to pretend and pretend and pretend and Aaron’s tired of watching it all play out right in front of him. 

He thinks about lying in Robert’s marital bed, kissing and touching and talking until their voices were sore from it. He has no idea how Robert could forget it just like that, with one text from Chrissie, how he could walk away from what this is time and time again. 

“I know. But Chrissie came back.” Aaron looks down at the bedsheets. “Wasn’t needed anymore.”

Robert looks angry. “Don’t say that.” He says, like the thought entering Aaron’s head is a ridiculous one, a stupid one that’s not got any weight to it at all. “You’re always —”

Aaron scoffs at whatever kind thing Robert is going to say.

“Nobody needs me Robert, that’s fine. I like it that way.” Aaron doesn’t. He wants Robert to need him the way he needs Robert. Aaron wants to know that Robert thinks about him when he’s not around, when he’s alone and with her and when there’s already a million other things swirling around his mind.

Aaron wants to know that Robert feels like he’s going slightly insane over what this is between them too. 

He wants to feel less alone but he can’t ask for any of that. He has to settle with the look of anger on Robert’s face at what he’s just said.

“I need you.” Robert blurts the words out without the finesse he usually likes to speak with. 

Aaron holds his breath. “Well I’ll be out of action on that front for a while. Sorry.” He plays with a thin thread of the bedsheet and then hears Robert make this sound. 

Suddenly Robert is off the chair. Aaron thinks he’s gone and for a second, something twists in his chest. It hurts, it always hurts so much.

Robert doesn’t go. Instead he sits down on Aaron’s bed and pulls Aaron’s hand towards his own. “I’m not talking about for that.”

Aaron can’t open his mouth for a second. “You don’t — don’t need me Robert.”

“Yeah. I do. For everything.” Robert just says things sometimes. It’s like he doesn’t know he isn’t talking to his wife, like he’s confused or something. “Didn’t I make that clear when I told you I — I love you.” He whispers the last bit out like it’s their second. Aaron supposes it is. 

Aaron does believe Robert, mostly. Robert loves him but he still goes. This isn’t enough. People don’t stay. But Robert loves him in a way that is probably messing with his head whenever he goes home and kisses his wife.

“I wasn’t lying.” Robert says, like he’s a little boy.

Aaron realises he hasn’t said anything. 

Aaron watches Robert run a thumb over their hands that are still joint. Aaron’s palms are suddenly sweaty.

“I know.” Aaron croaks out.

Robert drops his head to look at their hands. “Don’t say you’re not needed.”

“I’m not going to do anything daft.” Aaron says, because he sees this worry race across Robert’s face. 

Robert’s thumb strokes over Aaron’s knuckles. “You better not.” He says.

Aaron studies the look on Robert’s face. He sees this worry, this panic and fear and maybe it was all there yesterday too. The thought makes Aaron squeeze down on Robert’s hand a little. Robert’s shoulders relax at it like they’ve communicated something, like they’re on the same page now.

Then Aaron ruins it. He stares at Robert’s wedding ring. 

“Where should you be then?” Aaron says, because he knows he’s accepted it but he still wants to feel this ache for some reason. He still wants to remind himself every now and again. 

“Here.” Robert whispers. “Right here.” He doesn’t look, doesn’t stop staring at Aaron’s hands and the small cuts and the dirt still pressed under his fingernails.

Aaron accepts the answer for what it is.

[madroxed]

texting @capseycartwright and like. our theory is that mack's not dead, not yet (because lawrence deserves a better scene than that), and that john's going to keep him somewhere and he's actually going to end up dying in aaron's arms in a very dramatic and emotional way that's going to destroy aaron (and us) for months to come

this episode felt like a pause on robron, and robert getting this new (excellent, i'm so in) plot with vic and moira and butlers suggests he's not going to be part of the john story anymore which is also great because it means he can be there fully for vic when it all comes out

and then aaron can grieve and hurt and slowly fall back in love with the idea of being happy

whilst robert builds a life that's his

and then aaron can (probably early next year) be there for robert's inevitable prison ptsd breakdown story

(rip mack, thanks for dropping the "aaron's everything" line and making me feral, can't wait to watch your big dramatic, romantic speech when you die horribly in his arms as danny gives the performance of a lifetime)

[dingletragedy]

soph ‘btw i have a prison husband’ has me cackling on the bus - i hope robert drops it into conversation as casually as that

i fear it’s the only way to do it. they could even have a series of “btw i…” couldn’t they?

btw i have a prison husband

btw i joined the italian mafia

btw i had a kayaking boyfriend that was murdered by a serial killer

btw my prison husband is dying

[robronbrainrot]

georgia, thank you so much for running this poll and making these gifsets! I am so impressed by how many are on the cards - such a fun fun idea!

thank you lorna🤍 it was a big undertaking but i just wanted to find a way to celebrate the good (and bad) of robron's return to us!

[thirdwheelravi]

OBSESSED with the new url

🫶 thank you i truly TRULY did not think i would have occasion to use it when i saved it

[fcntasmas]

ceecee im realising my fourteen year old self would have fought u because i was so against freddie and carly sjsjsj (im on ur side now but she was a seddie girl)

to know that we would have, at the time, been on opposing sides of a war........it breaks my heart. i'm glad we're on the same side now i can't live without you obviously <333

[hoediaz]

“look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel something for mw.” pretty pls

i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?, 9k

or, in which eddie's will reveal is a love confession, and buck takes a second to catch up

Eddie says, “Because, Evan, you act like you’re expendable but you’re wrong,” and he means I don’t know how to live without you. He means I’m so in love with you it shakes something loose from the centre of myself. 

He can see the moment when it clicks for Buck. The moment when Buck, who knows Eddie better than anyone else in the world, understands what Eddie’s not saying. His eyes widen briefly, the furrow in his brow smoothing itself out as he leans back. 

“Eddie,” he says, and Eddie, who knows Buck better than anyone else in the world, understands. 

He shakes his head, already shifting to stand. “It’s okay, Buck.” 

Buck’s jaw works, uselessly, for a moment, and Eddie packs away all of his exposed bits somewhere deep inside him. 

“Eddie,” Buck says, finally, his voice tender and desperate. And Eddie — Eddie can’t, actually. 

He stands, shakes his head again and sets his jaw. “I’m serious, Buck. It’s okay.”

“But—”

“Buck. This isn’t — you’re not just —” He cuts himself off, swallows. He had more time to put words to the will reveal, time to organize his thoughts. He had time to put words to what Buck meant to him after the tsunami, too. Now, he’s grasping at straws, exposing his clumsy affections. He tries again: “You’re the most important person in Chris and I’s life, okay? There’s nothing that can screw that up, not me getting shot, not you being a self-sacrificial idiot, not me…having these feelings and not you not returning them.” 

Buck’s eyes fall shut, something pained and vulnerable sliding into the bend of his eyebrows. “I’m…I’m with Taylor now,” he says, barely a whisper. 

And Eddie’s been doing a pretty good job at being brave about all of this, about not flinching away from Buck’s rejection, but that hits and burrows. 

“Okay.” 

read the rest on ao3