For the last 2 hours, I’ve been trying to leave to do errands. Even with my sister here, my Tåta clings to me like I am going to leave him for good. Sometimes, he’ll hold my hand until he falls aslee. I get frustrated at times, especially when he starts talking about death, but this old man has taught me so much about patience and compassion. Through the grace and mercy of God, I’m able to apply this patience every day while caring for Grandpa. He is 92 years old and with each day that passes, he gets weaker. His mind often takes him back to his younger years, then he starts calling me by my dad’s name. He asks me to take him to his brother Ben’s house, or to see his sister Tita - all of his siblings have since passed on. I used to correct him, and remind him that they’re all dead, but now, I just say we aren’t able to go anywhere because of the pandemic. He used to get frustrated, but now he calmly responds, “Okay, Boy.” My grandpa is afraid to die. He’s expressed this to me numerous times. I place myself in his shoes- old, frail, closer to death than he used to be, losing control of his body and mind- and think of how scary that experience must be. Then on top of all that, we have this pandemic we’re all trying to survive through. I’m pretty certain that our manåmko’ hearing about COVID on the news and how they’re most vulnerable adds anxieties to their already fragile mental state. Sitting next to Grandpa’s bed, taking this moment to just be present in this time. I pray for to be more patient, more compassionate, more present. These moments will stay with me always, forever etched in my heart. If you still have a grandparent, show them you love them. Visit them. Talk to them. Be present with them. Hu guaiya hao, Tåta. I’m not leaving you. I’ll be right here until your time is up. Promise. #soulfulliving #reflections #caretakerlife #guinaiya 👴🏼💙 (at Mangilao, Guam) https://www.instagram.com/p/CT8460bLmVCljMmhdznNSLeRhBlrqNi8nKCQVo0/?utm_medium=tumblr
