#carpedium

[pinkcabinetdoor]

“Carpe Diem, Boys.”

[crispypotatoacademia]

Be the change you want to see in the world... basically I’m telling you to write that love letter and put it in that library book. I’m telling you to create a treasure hunt and let a complete stranger follow the clues and find the treasure if they can. I’m telling you to be that weirdo you’re looking for in the crowd. I’m telling you to be the one who changes aesthetics so very often and whose prospects and parts are so very numerous because “i contain multitudes”. I’m telling you to walk up to that cute stranger and give them that card that says “your vibes are immaculate”. I’m telling you to be the one that builds a library with a secret passage containing one of your journals that tells the reader how to find the secret doorway and a snippet of your life for no reason. I’m telling you to be the vampire, the elf, the werewolf and the witch. I’m telling you to be the one that buried the treasure, if you can’t be the one that finds it. I’m telling you to leave little breadcrumbs of mystery and intrigue so someone follows your trails... that will be your legacy. Carpe both the diem and the noctem because you can’t live the rest of your life wishing you could find a letter in a library book when you can be the one who puts the letters in the library books....

Go forth and be awesome.

[urg0nn4m1ssm3]

Ok. I’m up. I’m up! 💋

[keenmantis3073]

Sai fino ad ora non capivo a cosa servisse tumblr, l'ho sempre visto come un social inutile e triste che portava solo depressione e tristezza, ma solo ora mi rendo conto che non è così. Sai caro o cara amica mia il vero posto veramente triste e la fuori, il mondo esterno o se vogliamo si può dire che la vita è crudele o altre stronzate pre fatte. Un mondo senza speranza o giustizia e nemmeno possibilità. Un mondo dominato da stupidi concetti, pregiudizi o falsità perché ammettilo, anche tu lo sei, se sporco quanto me, quanto chiunque altro a questo mondo e lo capirai quando smetterai di mentire a te stesso, e solo allora comincerai a vivere a capire come fare ad essere felice ad essere egoista, ma non in senso cattivo, quello buono quando per prima cosa penserai a salvare te stesso, quando finalmente non sarai più solo un inutile pedone sulla scacchiera.

[anincrediblelife-blog]

A “new normal?” I don’t think so...(?)

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I remember the day like the back of my hand. I had just been admitted to the Johns Hopkins hospital, hooked up to oxygen and IV fluids. I was meeting with my new team of oncology doctors.

They went over my plan of treatment and what to expect. Naturally, as many would also probably respond as, I blacked out. I’m sure it was the lack of oxygen and the mix of pain killers, but I honestly don’t remember any of it. The room went dark, I could hear them— feel their pressence, but my mind had basically burst into a million pieces. So much information given to me in...in what, maybe 30 minutes, tops?

Chemo was a drag, as most would expect. I handled it well, quite honestly. I got sick maybe once or twice my first round, but it was smooth sailing the rest of the way. Fatigue and the emotional sobbing was my biggest problem. It would come out of nowhere. I became sensitive to everything. The sun, the moon, and the stars would pop out and I’d be sobbing. I’d watch my 600lb life... and sob. I’d sit down for morning coffee, and sob. I didn’t fight the tears anymore.

Chemo does weird things to your body and your mind— you’re literally morphing into this lifeless, non-recognizable body. My hair fell out everywhere. My beard fell out. Christmas Day I was in the shower and globs of hairs were just falling out. A few days later I said fuck it, took my clippers, and pulled a 2007 Brittney Spears.

I began to look like my pubescent 11 year old self. It was weird. Just totally taboo.

I was facing a huge challenge now. This really hadn’t hit me yet.

But in all honesty, it wasn’t until my eyelashes, my eyebrows, and the hairs on my legs and arms began to fall out. It wasn’t really until I began to puff up like a fish from all the steroids; and gain the “Freshman 15” that I never did in college. That’s when it really hit me.

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“Holy shit, I have cancer.”

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This “new normal” mentality was brought up so many times to me by so many people in the last year that I have learned to just ignore it...or at least try to.

Uh...Yeah, of course my life is going to change. I was just diagnosed with late stage metastatic ball cancer. I’m 24 fuckin years old, are you kidding me?

I was pissed, so mad at the world. What did I do to deserve this? Everything was finally falling into place for me. My career was taking off, I began to work on my masters degree. I was eating healthy and taking numbers. I had what I wanted. I had security.

I might have struggled financially, but I had begun to get my life together one step at a time.

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I tried and tried to get back to my old self after finishing chemo, going through all these surgeries and getting back to my daily work life and weekend fun.

I was fighting this “new normal” mentality.

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As of recently, I think I’m starting to get what they meant.

I was doing so well, health related. Tumor markers were returning to a normal range, lung mets were still shrinking. I wasn’t worried.

But as I look back from the last few months, I see it now. Something was wrong. My mood fluctuated, my emotions were all over the place. I emailed my urologist to ask for bloodwork for T levels. My hormones went through quite a bit over the last few months— a lot of hormonal changes. T levels came back normal. I started working out again, getting my ass into shape at kickboxing. (What a great stress relief, by the way. I highly recommend.)

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I mean, yeah, I knew I was sorta depressed, but I was back to at least a little bit of what we say ~thriving~ nowadays.

“Living my best life.”

Or so I thought I was...

But then I began to run myself into the ground. I started drinking a lot, being reckless, putting my roommate and my friends through hell. There would be times she would come home and I’d be passed out on the floor from having too much bubbly by myself on a Sunday morning. It wasn’t healthy— for me or for her. I had to get my shit together or I was out. Never did either of us even imagine I’d be struck with cancer. The tension was high. We both knew it, but, at least for myself, I’m not afraid to say I like to avoid conflict.

I was self medicating because thats what seemed what was best for me. In reality, I was self-destructing. And a steady decline I was taking.

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For the last couple days I’ve had a lot of time to think. (Maybe too much time, to be honest.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is.. I can sorta admit that I’m learning to accept these changes— this “new normal” mentality. I didn’t want to at first, but I think it’s ok. Instead of fighting to try to find the old me, maybe this “new normal” is a change that I needed.

A life style change? A new outlook? A restart button? Shut down, and reload.

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Two and a half weeks ago, I had a brain tumor removed. Yeah, the cancer came back. Six months post chemo, six months post surgeries, six months getting back to work, getting healthy— a brain tumor. Surgery went well. They got it all out and I’ll meet with oncology next week for further details and a plan of more treatment if need be. (I’ll be sure to update.)

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What...What I’m trying to say is that this brain tumor and this brain surgery and all that has opened my eyes even more to the “new normal.” The depression seems to have subsided, although I’m not afraid to admit I’m on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds and sometimes I feel like maybe we all should just be on them. I truly feel happier. Everyone wants to be happy— and I can honestly say that I’m getting there. I’m working on it. I have my days. We all do. So I don’t let it bother me.

It’s made me wonder— this latest occurance— to think of it as a learning experience. Some higher power put me in this situation to really challenge me...again. And I’m succeeding.

I refuse to lose. I never was a loser. My competitve side really comes out sometimes, catching people off guard. I’m usually the sarcastic wise-ass in the corner cracking jokes.

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I need to start setting life goals. I want to travel more, I want to experience life like there’s no tomorrow. It’s easier said than done, I know, but it’s turning in a necessity now for me. Tomorrow is not promised. As cliches as it sounds, I want to carpe dium.

And that’s my plan. Carpe the shit out of that dium.

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Enjoy your day, my lovely friends ❤️

[growninhaiti]

Another beautiful day in our neighborhood 🌅 ・・・ 📸 @kristy_davisx ・・・ #growninhaiti #sunrise #solar #haiti #ayiti #landscape #volunteer #view #goodmorning #riseandshine #carpedium https://www.instagram.com/p/BuG1K9RFv4z/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1oqhpcsyymrod

[may-ar]

Y si te quieres escapar yo te puedo acompañar...- Little Jesus

[lonelywhiteflowersworld]

I feel nothing.

I'm lost in this world.

I don't have a reason to live anymore.

@lastreetcestnous