favorite lines from "THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY"
and it hits me, i just dont understand
how you dont miss me, in the black dog
that was intertwined in the magic fabric of our dreaming
and i may never open up the way i did for you
now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes, and hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons, even if i die screaming, and i hope you hear it
and i hope its shitty, in the black dog
i still cant believe it, cause old habits die screaming
honey, i can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean
whether im gonna be your wife or, gonna smash up your bike
i hear the whispers in your eyes, ill make you wanna think twice, youll find, that you were never not mine, youre mine
flip the script and leave you like a dumb house party, or i might just love you til the end
whether im gonna flip you off or, pull you into the closet, i haven't decided yet i told my friends i hate you but i love you just the same, pick your poison, babe, im poison either way
a rose by any other name is a scandal
cross your thoughtless heart, only liquor anoints you
locked me up in towers, but id visit in your dreams, and they tried to warn you about me
and when that sky rains fire on you, and youre persona non grata, ill tell you how ive been there too, and that none of it matters
the devil that you know, looks now more like an angelso cross your thoughtless heart, shes the albatross, she is here to destroy you
your hologram stumbled into my apartment, hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named chloe or sam or sophia or marcus
as the decade would play us for fools
if you want to break my cold, cold heart, just say, "i loved you the way that you were", if you want to tear my world apart, just say you've always wondered
you said some things that i cant unabsorb, you turned me into an idea of sorts
i changed into goddesses, villains and fools, changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules
back to the moment i crashed into you, like so many wrecks do, too impaired by my youth, to know what to do
will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon
cause i wonder, will i always, will i always wonder?
and so a touch that was my birthright became foreign
the empathetic hunger descends
we learned the right steps to different dances
soon theyll go home to their husbands, smug cause they know they can trust him, then feverishly calling their cousins
guess who we ran into at the shops, walking in circles like she was lost, didnt you hear they called it all off
say it once again with feeling, how the death rattle breathing, silenced as the soul was leaving, the deflation of our dreaming, leaving me bereft and reeling, my beloved ghost and me, sitting in a tree, d-y-i-n-g
well tell no one except all of our friends, but i still dont know, how did it end?
i wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you
tell me bout the first time you saw me
ill drink what you think, and im high, from smoking your jokes all damn night
your friends are around, so be quiet, im trying to stifle my sighs
are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me? (kill me), its just a game, but really (really), im bettin on all three for us two (all three)
no ones ever had me (had me), not like you
truth, dare, spin bottles, you know how to ball, i know aristotle, brand new, full-throttle, touch me while your bros play grand theft auto, its true, swear, scouts honor, you knew what you wanted and boy, you got her, brand new, full-throttle, you already know, babe
do that impression you did of your dad again
im sinking, our fingers entwined, cheeks pink in the twinkling lights, cause i feel so high school (i feel so high school), every time i look at you, but look at you
if comfort is a construct, i dont believe in good luck, now that i know whats what
no mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears, im there most of the year cause i hate it here, i hate it here
everyone would look down cause it wasnt fun now, seems like it was, never even fun back then, nostalgia is a minds trick, if id been there, id hate it, it was freezing in the palace
i hate it here so i will go to lunar valleys in my mind
im lonely, but im good, im bitter, but i swear im fine, ill save all my romanticism for my inner life, and ill get lost on purpose, this place made me feel worthless, lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me, and in my fantasies, i rise above it, and way up there, i actually love it
quick, quick, tell me something awful, like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy
and it was always the same searing pain, but i dreamed that one day, i could say
all that time you were throwing punches, i was building something
and it wasnt a fair fight, or a clean kill, each time that aimee stomped across my grave
screamed, "fuck you, aimee" to the night sky, as the blood was gushing, but i cant forget the way you made me heal
everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman, but she used to say she wished that you were dead
wrote a thousand songs that you find uncool, i built a legacy that you cant undo
and so i changed your name and any real defining clues, and one day, your kid comes home singing, a song that only us two is gonna know is about you cause
screamed, "thank you, aimee" to the night sky, and the stars are stunning
i had died the tiniest death, i spied the catch in your breath, out, out, out, out, out, out
i look in peoples windows, in case youre at their table, what if your eyes looked up and met mine, one more time
what are the chances youd be downtown, downtown, downtown
im addicted to the if only
so i look in peoples windows, like im some deranged weirdo, i attend christmas parties from outside, i look in peoples windows, in case youre at their table, what if your eyes looked up and met mine
one more time
hand on the throttle, thought i caught lightning in a bottle
pad around when i get home, i guess a lesser woman wouldve lost hope, a greater woman wouldnt beg, but i looked to the sky and said
please, ive been on my knees, change the prophecy, dont want money, just someone who wants my company, let it once be me, who do i have to speak to, about if they can redo the prophecy?
poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand, oh, still i dream of him
and i sound like an infant, feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen, a greater woman stays cool, but i howl like a wolf at the moon, and i look unstable but even statues crumble if theyre made to wait, im so afraid i sealed my fate, no sign of soulmates, im just a paperweight in shades of greige, spending my last coin so someone will tell me itll be okay
i was in my new house placing daydreams, patching up the crack along the wall
so they killed cassandra first, cause she feared the worst
i was in my tower weaving nightmares, twisting all my smiles into snarls
bloods thick but nothing like a payroll, bet they never spared a prayer for my soul, you can mark my words that i said it first, in a mourning warning no one heard
when the first stones thrown theres screaming, in the streets theres a raging riot, when its burn the bitch, theyre shrieking, when the truth comes out its quiet, its so quiet
forgive me peter, my lost fearless leader, in closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids, is it something i did?
are you still a mind reader?, a natural scene stealer, ive heard great things peter, but life was always easier on you, than it was on me
we both did the best we could do underneath the same moon, in different galaxies, and i didnt want to hang around, we said it was just goodbye for now
and i wont confess that i waited, but i let the lamp burn
cause loves never lost when perspective is earned
forgive me peter, please know that i tried, to hold onto the days when you were mine, but the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light
you said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, you said you were gonna grow up
you said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, words from the mouths of babes, promises oceans deep, but never to keep, never to keep
a curious child, ever reviled, by everyone except her own father
excellent fun til you get to know her, then she runs like its a race
"oh, we must stop meeting like this"
ended with the slam of a door, then hell call her a whore, wish he wouldnt be sore
but as she was leaving, it felt like breathing
all her fuckin lives, flashed before her eyes, it feels like the time, she fell through the ice, then came out alive
and at first blush, this is fate, when its all roses, portrait poses, central park lake in tiny rowboats, what a charming saturday!
and she just knows. she must bolt.
theres escape in escaping
ended with the slam of a door, but shes got the best stories, you can be sure, that as she was leaving. it felt like freedom.
out window panes talking utter nonsense, you have no idea
way to go, tiger, higher and higher, wilder and lighter, for you
long may you roar, at your dinosaurs, youre a just ruler, covered in mud, you look ridiculous, and you have no idea
buried down deep and out of your reach, the secret we all vowed, to keep it from you in sweetness
you got the dragonflies above your bed, you have a favorite spot on the swing set, you have no room in your dreams for regrets
now and then she rereads the manuscript, of the entire torrid affair
he said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was soon theyd be pushin strollers, but soon it was over
she thought about how he said since she was so wise beyond her years, everything had been above board, she wasnt sure
and the years passed, like scenes of a show, the professor said to write what you know, lookin backwards might be the only way to move forward, then the actors were hitting their marks, and the slow dance was alight with the sparks, and the tears fell in synchronicity with the score, and at last, she knew what the agony had been for
now and then i reread the manuscript, but the story isnt mine anymore
