Not all who wander are lost
I do not understand myself.
I have always been an individual with many inner paradoxes.
I have never been quick to decide the path I will follow, not when I was a little girl, a teenager or an adult.
Now, there are two yearnings in my heart.
One, to live a rich, estimulating, academic life. I imagine myself studying philosophy in Spain, learning and growing as an educator. Living a life of service (because education should always be service). Working in order to help people in their quest for truth (and doing so myself). Being a bridge in a world full of walls, where people often act more like enemies than like brothers and sisters. I feel I am called to somehow participate in order to create opportunities for encounter, dialogue and love.
However, I know ideals such as these are just that: ideals. And you can work hard on them, but a life devoted to them may bring both gratitude and pain. (And still, such work is noble and necessary).
On the other hand, I didn’t know I had it in me... but I thing I would love being a mom one day (and a wife, too). I would love to share my life with someone, forever. And have a family, raise our children and just have a small, simple, happy life. No luxuries needed. Just the love of a family and the joys of everyday’s little things. It’s a lot of hard work and sacrifice, but it’s another beautiful way of living and serving.
Now, can I do both? I know that if I marry, my family will be always first. Because I will put them first. Yet, I hope I can develop as an academic or, at least, as an educator.
I feel, in the words of a friend, that I am an elf with a hobbit’s heart. Or, am I a hobbit with an elf’s heart? How should should I know...
