A simple human. A simple journey.

Inner thoughts and occasional catharsis.

[a-simple-journey]

Have you ever met someone and felt this profound calling to give him a home?

[a-simple-journey]

Being in a relationship is interesting.

I already love my boyfriend a lot. But there are some very specific moments where it hits me — how enormously blessed I am to have him in my life. How happy I am he exists, and how his love is literally a gift from God.

These are the moments when I become even more certain of us. Like, wow. I feel so moved by how he cares for me and how he sees me and how he wants us to walk together, not as perfect people, but in the most real and authentic way 🥺

I really want to make him happy. So the challenge is to surrender, because I've been so worried about my health and own weaknesses that I felt anguish about the fear or not being strong enough for our future. But he invites me to be patient and hugs me amidst my storms.

If God is good, which He is, then I must trust that His power is stronger than my health problems, my circumstances and my fears.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done, but that only shows how much this matters to me 🙏🏽🤍

God, help me trust and surrender.

Help me remember that You are faithful in all circumstances.

And help me rest in You.

[a-simple-journey]

This is funny because I keep encountering new health challenges.

I know I am incredibly blessed with my circumstances (my challenges are not dangerous, but can be hard sometimes, especially for the spirit).

And everytime anguish comes over, my boyfriend reminds me I don't have to be nor perfect, nor ready. For anything. Not even for marriage and motherhood (idea which my perfectionist self finds hard to grasp and process).

This doesn't mean discernment isn't needed, just... that I need to be more patient with myself. And stop thinking I am 'super woman'. As in — 'if it's not perfect it won't work'.

I think God has put him in my life so we can walk with each other and learn to trust God a bit more every day, and surrender a bit more every day, and feel more free not to perform a bit more every day.

Seriously.

This (meaning the past 12 months) has to be one of the hardest years of my life... yet it's also the one with most beauty 🥺🤍

Can't wait to move abroad next year to finally live close to each other🙏🏽

[a-simple-journey]

Have you ever met someone and felt this profound calling to give him a home?

[a-simple-journey]

Being in a relationship is interesting.

I already love my boyfriend a lot. But there are some very specific moments where it hits me — how enormously blessed I am to have him in my life. How happy I am he exists, and how his love is literally a gift from God.

These are the moments when I become even more certain of us. Like, wow. I feel so moved by how he cares for me and how he sees me and how he wants us to walk together, not as perfect people, but in the most real and authentic way 🥺

I really want to make him happy. So the challenge is to surrender, because I've been so worried about my health and own weaknesses that I felt anguish about the fear or not being strong enough for our future. But he invites me to be patient and hugs me amidst my storms.

If God is good, which He is, then I must trust that His power is stronger than my health problems, my circumstances and my fears.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done, but that only shows how much this matters to me 🙏🏽🤍

God, help me trust and surrender.

Help me remember that You are faithful in all circumstances.

And help me rest in You.

[a-simple-journey]

On fear and love

Turns out love is also choosing to heal and fighting for it — for them (and yourself too, of course).

It's interesting because I now realize that love exposes your rawest fears and boy, are they terrifying.

I mean deep, existential fears. The kind you go to therapy for.

Yet, at the same time, I have this strong resolve to do it and just, face the demons.

Even if it scares me literally to tears.

I expected many things from my serious and very healthy long-distance relationship, but this internally epic and dramatic mental and spiritual fight was NOT part of it TT_TT

[a-simple-journey]

Yearning

So I knew LDRs are hard.

And I also know they're totally worth it, as hard as they may be...

But man, I miss my boyfriend SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺

Like — it's been only two months since he left and we're almost halfway there (will fly to see him for Christmas).

But I just die a little inside knowing that next time, we'll probably have to wait like 7 months to see each other 🙃 brb crying

For such an intellectual and 'rational' person, which isn't the most physically expressive, I'm actually IMPRESSED at how much I long for him. In person. As in, it appears that physical touch may be one of my top love languages which sucks for an LDR but well.

Wow.

Can't wait to be in his arms again 🥺🤍 I feel like I won't let go of him when we reunite again. I could stay for hours just being held by him 🤍🤍🤍

It's interesting to be in love for the first time after 30. Because we took it quite slow at the beginning, but now I can't wait to cross the world and move abroad just to start building our future.

(And the fact that this all happened in a year of physical and mental struggles, which were very scary, and I still want to move abroad and take risks even when I feel more vulnerable, says A LOT about how much I want to be with him. Oh God, I hope I can be brave and strong enough for us. Please please help us).

[a-simple-journey]

Update:

My boyfriend flew all the way to South America from Europe just to surprise me for my birthday 🥹

He stayed with me for a week, and finally we could share some routine (I still got to work and all, like a normal day).

Also: anxiety struck back. BADLY. Once with him, and then again the week after he left. But he's been so supportive, understanding and gentle with me, that I can't believe how blessed I am.

I won't lie: this last anxiety wave has been TOUGH. Physically draining. I even had to work from home for most part of this week... but it seems like my mind and body needed rest desperately, and it was a good opportunity to open to to my boyfriend about everything.

He's truly the best 🤍

We have a long road ahead of us... so I'm just going to try to remember that: we got time. I don't need to 'fix myself' o 'be ready' that soon. I will need time. And he's totally fine with that.

It's crazy... if in less than one year I'm already learning so much in our relationship... I wonder about ALL the things we'll learn together in the future :)

Even in this super hard week, God takes care of me and blesses me through him.

Now, just breathe.

Let go.

And trust.

[a-simple-journey]

Yearning

So I knew LDRs are hard.

And I also know they're totally worth it, as hard as they may be...

But man, I miss my boyfriend SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺

Like — it's been only two months since he left and we're almost halfway there (will fly to see him for Christmas).

But I just die a little inside knowing that next time, we'll probably have to wait like 7 months to see each other 🙃 brb crying

For such an intellectual and 'rational' person, which isn't the most physically expressive, I'm actually IMPRESSED at how much I long for him. In person. As in, it appears that physical touch may be one of my top love languages which sucks for an LDR but well.

Wow.

Can't wait to be in his arms again 🥺🤍 I feel like I won't let go of him when we reunite again. I could stay for hours just being held by him 🤍🤍🤍

It's interesting to be in love for the first time after 30. Because we took it quite slow at the beginning, but now I can't wait to cross the world and move abroad just to start building our future.

(And the fact that this all happened in a year of physical and mental struggles, which were very scary, and I still want to move abroad and take risks even when I feel more vulnerable, says A LOT about how much I want to be with him. Oh God, I hope I can be brave and strong enough for us. Please please help us).

[a-simple-journey]

Okay, I wanna marry him.

I can't believe I'm saying (writing?) this out loud.

But it's true.

And I'm the least impulsive person on this planet, but I'm pretty sure this is it. I pray God gives me courage and helps me grow in virtue, to do what I think He's calling me to do 🤍

[a-simple-journey]

On relationships

So, about this guy I'm (online) dating.

We'll finally meet in person in 6 days.

I'm very excited and a little nervous too.

But mostly, the more I get to know him (we still have correspondence daily), I have realized that being with him makes me want to be a better woman.

Like, I see how strong his faith is, and how kind he is with everyone and it's just... wow. He's a much better person than I am (and I don't consider myself a bad person or anything, it's just... he's so good 😭🤍). And it makes me want to be better 🥺

I think that's a very good sign... I don't feel less or bad, or ashamed or anything. I just feel peace and inspired by him.

Maybe I'll tell him one day.

I feel so blessed to have him in my life 🤍

[a-simple-journey]

Have you ever met someone and felt this profound calling to give him a home?

[a-simple-journey]

Holy cannoli

The guy I've been writing about here?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with him. Slowly, but falling anyway.

I feel like I'm gonna explode when I see him in person this July.

I mean, he's already flying 11,000 km and crossing an ocean (literally) to MEET me.

And he's the kindest soul.

I don't know how this happened but I'm so happy 😭

[a-simple-journey]

Will I ever invite someone to my mental basement again?

[a-simple-journey]

Update a year later: not yet

[a-simple-journey]

Update two years later: letting someone in 🥺❤

[queenofnothingkingoftheworld]

no more dating apps when will i meet an itinerant professor of philosophy who will take me to the opera and make me coffee in his little rented room full of books and discuss literature and poetry and transcendentalism

[a-simple-journey]

Plot twist: i met a philosopher on a dating app and he lives thousand of miles away but i'm excited about meeting someone after YEARS and weirdly not freaking out like WHAT

[a-simple-journey]

Update: he writes. And I showed him some of my old writing and he liked it. And he quoted ME back to me 🙃 hope we can meet in person this summer because I'm already very fond of him 🤍

[a-simple-journey]

Did I mention I'm screwed?

I'm totally screwed 🥺😭❤️❤️❤️

[a-simple-journey]

Generational challenges

So, I returned home like two months ago.

And I already feel emotionally tired of living with my parents again. Especially my dad. I love them dearly, but boy is it hard to live with a man who is getting old and has a lot of unresolved emotional issues.

I feel a lot of compassion towards him. He never properly learned how to be assertive or how to establish healthy boundaries, not even with his family members.

On top of that, he didn't do very well professionally or financially (again, I see that his lack of assertiveness also negatively impacted that aspect of his life).

I'm pretty sure he is depressed. And I wish I could do something else to help him. But at the same time, it's exhausting. He is so difficult. He is always in a bad mood. He is slow, unmotivated and instead of properly expressing his feelings and thoughts with the people he should, he explodes at home (constant bad mood swings and all that stuff).

I don't like being home with him all the time. He is not aggressive, but I feel tense. Like walking on eggshells because there are so many things that can make him mad.

I also need to keep my own boundaries.

I see my parents, and I have zero desire for marriage. And I know that's fear speaking. Not all marriages are like that, but it's just scary.

I don't want to be a professional failure. I just want a job and money. I need independence and a ticket out of this country, which I don't even see myself living in.

But I also know I should make my decisions based on what I LOVE, not what I fear.

Still, for now: I pray for a job. I pray for money, which I really need. I pray for opportunity, patience and courage. And for faith.

I've been praying to God for a job where I can put my talents at His service. Yet the university job may not happen. Maybe I'll have to get back to school teaching. IT'S SO CONFUSING.

I just don't want to repeat the same mistakes they did.

I don't.

[a-simple-journey]

UPDATE: 7 MONTHS LATER

It's been 9 months since I returned home.

A LOT has happened. And by 'A LOT', I include a trip abroad, a panic attack (I literally though I was going to die), a new job and yet a new and better job which I'll start in three weeks.

I also have learned lots of things about life, communication and relationships.

Last news: I reconciled with my dad. Not that we were in a fight or anything, but since I returned, I've not had the best relationship with him. After receiving wonderful advice from my confessor and actually applying it, we could finally understand each other better and forgive each other for the (mostly unintended) harm we may have caused each other.

It's been a total relief. I feel much lighter and peaceful now.

Turns out, he was misinterpreting me all the time. So, as a consequence, I was doing the same, and thus conflict was constant. The fact that he actually listened calmly, explained himself and apologized for any offense, feels like a miracle.

All of this made me realize how much I want to heal from other wounds I have.

Because I do. Have wounds, I mean. And I hate talking about them, but I have been hurt at certain moments in my life, and I am afraid of being hurt again. And all of that is limiting me and my choices.

I don't want to be afraid to love.

I don't want to be afraid to open up, be vulnerable and maybe even have a family one day.

And if I'm honest, all of that has terrified me since I came back home (and probably even before).

Seeing the conflict between my parents made me dread the idea of marriage.

Being hurt after trusting and developing feelings for someone made afraid of being vulnerable again. Because I was hurt even if I didn't fall in love. And even when I said no and there was no relationship.

That experience allowed me to learn the importance of boundaries and clear communication, but I think there are still lessons to be learned from it. Like how to trust again. Because it's freaking hard and I have not let ANYONE new in my mental basement for five years.

I pray this can change.

So that's what I want to do. I'm thirty. I'm back home. I'm single (and happy). I'm so grateful for my new job and opportunities, and I trust God's plan for my life.

But I want to heal. To be truly brave, to be free from my many fears. Only then will I be able to truly discern my vocation. And whichever ends up being the answer, it'll be okay :)

As long as I can see the beauty of every path again.

Leaving this in God's hands <3

[a-simple-journey]

UPDATE: 9 MONTHS LATER

It's been 18 months since I returned home.

And, oh boy. Last year was hard. 2024 ended in a rush, and with tons of lessons. It was very hard to feel so lonely. Most of my close friends are gone abroad, my job is good but INTENSE and I basically had zero social life last year.

Then, enter Juanuary 2025.

I travelled to Costa Rica again.

I got sick (like, very sick). Not dangerously sick, but sick for weeks.

I had an anxiety crisis (worst one ever).

I finally got contacted to start therapy #YAS

I met someone online (through Catholic Match).

All in the span of like, a week.

Basically, God has allowed me to go through and accelerated character-development episode. Which has been truly difficult, tough and also very positive if I consider the whole process (I would have loved to skip the illness part, but I think there was a reason for ALL of it).

So, I had many lessons and experiences:

In Costa Rica, I reconnected with great friends.

My sickness allowed me to rearange priorities, know myself better, identify what I have to do to take care of myself better, for the future. I'm not healed yet... but it's all in process.

The anxiety crisis also allowed me to learn about myself. Mental and physical health are directly connected.

Therapy has been a GIFT. I finally understand where all the perfectionism and fear come from. And it's helping me heal a lot of wounds and fears.

And the person I met... well. I like him a lot. Yet, I'm not 'crushing' on anyone. It just feels peaceful. We have been talking for almost 3 months now. There's an intention of meeting in person, and seeing him so openly intentional about all this makes me feel very safe. For the first time, I feel quite alright with the concept of 'we'll see'. Also, the fact that he lives an ocean apart and still is asking me about my holiday weeks to visit me, is a gift. I don't know what will happen with us, but he seems like a good man, and I can only wish him to be very happy and to always be close to the Lord 🤍 That's it.

Now, FINALLY, I feel like I'm healing.

It was the main goal of the year, and I've been praying a lot to God about this.

It will be (is being) a year of healing and discernment.

Thanks be to God, marriage doesn't terrify anymore.

I'm not saying I'm going to marry this guy (we are only getting to know each other), but I'm happily surprised that I have opened up and am not running away from this. Feeling safe and not feeling terrified of eventual vulnerability, feeling curious and excited about this process is a gift. Because, for a long time, I thought it was something I was uncapable of feeling.

So, I'm very grateful.

Now, also due to my healing process, my priorities are changing. My dreams are changing. I crave freedom and peace more than I crave a great career. I am even considering moving abroad for the sake of moving (not just for studies or a PhD, but because it is good for me). And the fact that this guy lives in the continent I want to go is a plus, but not my main reason for wanting to move.

So now, I may have to make some big changes, eventually.

I trust that God will lead the way. He always does. And He is never outdone in generosity. He has always given us more than we need. This is an opportunity to grow in faith. To trust in Providence and His love :)

Yesterday at mass during my cousin's wedding, the Gospel was about the wedding at Cana. Life is hard and it will be hard, but I pray that God will strengthen my faith to NEVER forget that He doesn't just provide, but He always give us the best wine 🙏🏼

[queenofnothingkingoftheworld]

no more dating apps when will i meet an itinerant professor of philosophy who will take me to the opera and make me coffee in his little rented room full of books and discuss literature and poetry and transcendentalism

[a-simple-journey]

Plot twist: i met a philosopher on a dating app and he lives thousand of miles away but i'm excited about meeting someone after YEARS and weirdly not freaking out like WHAT

[a-simple-journey]

The wave

I can't stay.

This year has been difficult and great at the same time.

I've grown a lot, professionally.

But loneliness is not going anywhere.

I felt it during my birthday, and now again during holidays.

What's the point of having a great job that you love if your personal life is lacking? I mean, I have my family, but that's it.

Even my friends are all almost gone. And family changes too. I don't think it's enough reason to stay.

I'm just afraid of starting over somewhere, all to end up here again.

This sucks.

[a-simple-journey]

I'm so stressed I wanna cry.

[a-simple-journey]

Okay, but Blue Eye Samurai was like a mix of Vagabond and Legend of Basara

A blood-thirsty samurai? Not afraid of death? Who learns more about life throughout his path of violence? A secret identity chosen to fulfill higher objectives? An existential conflict between being a woman a being a warrior? Not knowing whether to be a ronin or a bride? Opening up to others versus traumas and trust issues?

Man, I missed these kinds of stories...