#catholic squad

[kool-aid-bby]

Helena @ Logan: Okay Mr I Can Hear Better Than Everyone In The Room Combined

Remy: To be fair to the rest of us, you really lower our average

Helena:

[littlegilan]

I'm a simple girl. I hear newsies. I hear Catholicism. I come running. What's this I hear about a Catholic squad??

Okay, so you’re the third person to ask about the Catholic Squad(TM) so I guess I have to push this to the front of my post list.

Members include : Spot, Elmer, Race, Crutchie, and Albert

there is a schism or like a sub-groups between (1) Crutchie, (2) Elmer, (3) Spot and Albert, and (4) Race because they are all slightly different Catholics (read: Quebecois, Polish, Irish, and Italian) so like some tiny bits are different.

they aren’t really practicing catholic anymore but like.... they grew up v catholic so basically imagine John Mulaney

When the Catholic church switched over to the new translation they were all SO SALTY about it

except Crutchie, who was only mildly salty (for once) because he was already still learning the English Catholicism (versus the French that he grew up with) so it was less of a shock

“And also with yo- FUCK - and with your spirit.”

Crutchie snacks on communion wafers (it’s a Quebecois thing) and all the others were just.... shook...

Elmer is the only one that actually goes to Church on Sundays and whenever anyone asks him why he just... ??? 

he has no clue why and sometimes it’s entirely unintentional and he just comes to and realizes he’s at church

Elmer is also friends with all the Babushkas in the nuns since he normally gets brunch with them after Sunday service

they’re all still queer as hell, obvs.

Pope Francis Fanclub, all of them

The five of them always host a Christmas party and always bring their own bits and pieces (everyone comes but the Squad plans it all)

like Elmer brings olplatki and makes everyone (who wants to) go to midnight mass

Race always makes some dope seafood dish

Spot and Albert always build a lil nativity scene

but like, it’s never too serious

Crutchie makes a dope maple syrup pie and also he makes everyone eat dinner really late

OH MY GOD LENT YOU GUYS

they all fast on Ash Wednesday and go to church in the morning (Elmer makes the Squad) to get ashes

OH MY GOD STORY TIME so for like YEARS the pastor at the catholic church was Filipino and had an accent so he couldn’t pronounce the “sh” sound - it was always “s”

so “ash wendesday” was “ass wednesday”

“from asses we come and asses we shall return”

“everyone come and receive your asses” 

the first year this happened Albert was CRYING and Crutchie was just wanted to die a little because he felt bad for the pastor because yeah accents but also

the next year the Squad convinced other newsies to come to the service so they understood the hilarity

The Squad always gives something up for Lent and they hold each other to it

Crutchie always goes balls to the wall with Mardi Gras because, okay it’s a French / Cajun thing but hey he’s francophone so fight him it’s close enough

at Easter they have a nice party and always get a stick of butter shaped like a lamb and then they have a contest to see who can behead the lamb

anytime they travel places they always HAVE TO visit the citadels and cathedrals even though they may not be practicing

[littlegilan]

oh man so I'm v Catholic and the mere idea of Catholic Squad gives me LIFE. just imagine one of the guys making a joke abt how Catholic families are the size of small countries and elmer starting to object and then remembering that he's one of 10 kids. or everybody asking race to find stuff for them bc his given name is antonio and he was named after the patron saint of (finding) lost items. also he most definitely caused a fire while altar serving as a kiddo (candles and incense, man)

OH BOY AM I GLAD SOMEONE MENTIONED THE CATHOLIC SQUAD!

another anon asked about the catholic squad too so Imma write up a post on it so STAY TUNED!

[kool-aid-bby]

When the Catholic Squad goes to church Helena and Remy aren’t allowed to sit by each other anymore. The seating order is now Remy, Erika, Kurt, Helena because those two goof off too much. This especially works out for Remy and Erika because he is fidgety and will spend the mass fiddling with her fingers, playing with her hair, etc.

[kool-aid-bby]

Love how up until a couple weeks ago the Catholic squad didn’t exist and now it is a staple

Anyway, Helena and Remy committing absolute fuckery while Erika and Kurt are chillin

Helena • Erika

[kool-aid-bby]

Erika: I’ve always wanted to get married in a cathedral but I suppose it isn’t meant to be. The outdoor wedding will be nice though

Helena: The kingdom of God is inside you and all around you, not in a mansion of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood and God is there. Lift a stone and you will find God

Erika: What verse is that?

Helena: Black Veil Brides [sips wine]

Remy: I thought it was from that movie Stigmata

Kurt: It’s from the Gospel of Thomas you heathens

[vaticanomenon]

Catholic Peeps

Not to be cheesy on main, but I’d really like to thank the Catholic peeps that haven’t unfollowed me. Thank you for tolerating and respecting me, guys. I know I’m bad at Catholicism and annoying and gay but I feel supported by your presence in my life even if it’s via likes and shit. Like maybe I can be who I am without disgusting God, or something. So, yeah.