#cellege

[barlowpng]

I’m a serious student, I swear

[realgarn]

new composition goals:

Tigran Hamasyan

Massive Attack

Willow

Danielpour

Franghiz Ali-Zadeh

[realgarn]

I’m so mad, the D string on this cello is literally....an A string...like it has a different color wrapping but I think they just made an A longer so it keeps having that warp sound. It’s nice and clear in the upper register but then makes a lot of overtones with the A as a result. And since it’s a new cello, everything in fourth position on the lower strings is garbage so I have to break in the cello.

AND....the intervals are smaller? Like I’ve been renting since 2004 so I’m used to adjusting to cellos but the difference is extremely noticeable. I have enormous hands and can fit a major third in third position extremely well within my handspan but making it smaller is almost putting strain on my fingers because I’ve never had to adjust this much smaller than what I’m used to. And it’s not like I’ve been practicing a lot or anything in the past two semesters so my habits with my hands aren’t married to what might have been a slightly bigger cello in Rochester.

AHHHH

[realgarn]

“if I were given a camera”

gosh every time

[realgarn]

I’m so glad y’all offered feedback on that piece ‘water’ (the very first WIP with my voice) because I’m solidly hitting the “it’s trash” phase 4 hours before my lesson and 8 before the concert

[realgarn]

I was in so much pain though and I still am...this is so damn difficult and to sit in the final concert for this season was alskdjf tough. I keep thinking about myself as a composer, and how, ultimately, I am a cellist first. And it really pained me to watch the excellent cello work tonight. It pains me to sit in those uncomfortable chairs with my legs and hands hurting, wanting desperately to practice when I get back to my apartment, and to think about how I’ve had nearly no cello instruction this school year. How I’m leaving without getting to play on that stage - how I had a chance to, but had to miss the concert due to illness.

It is this that is exacerbated when people don’t take me seriously as a composer. I understand that I’m not a fantastic composer. But composition lets me operate - even if I cannot practically execute - on the purely intellectual level, where I know my theory and my music history and my literature. And it doesn’t leave me in nearly as much physical pain as cello. I suppose I naturally assume that I will get the respect for the way I know music far more in composition, but this has not been quite the case (perhaps somewhat, but).

[realgarn]

Camped out with my comp teacher for this Reich symposium and she's left me alone with The Composition Bros

[realgarn]

So I've completed three music theory assignments - one was partially done but the last part was hellish, another I was able to copy from my 2014 version I never handed in - and I'm So Tired yikes I hardly did anything last night and I started these around 3am but better late than never??