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I need to know about the mango obsession

Oh, dear me. I am ashamed of this answer, but here goes…

I cannot even express how much I love mangoes. Some of the best shit ever put on this planet.

Although, I can actually pinpoint the exact moment my personal obsession started - four years ago in a little suburb of Paris. I received a scholarship to study there for a few months, and each weekend, I would have dinner at this local restaurant with a mentor of mine. The first time I went there, I had no idea what to order, so she suggested I get the mango puree. I am not that picky, so I was just like, “sure, whatever.”

Well, let me tell you. I had no idea just how life changing such a simple recommendation could be. I took one sip and thought, “DAMN, I better savor this.” But no. It was not physically possible. I drank the whole thing so fast, she gave me the rest of HERS to finish as well.

I didn’t even know how I could wait another week. That shit was SO GOOD, I physically needed more… It honestly tasted like heaven on earth. So, I went to the market and found something similar. The problem was, it came in a big jug, and the place I was living in didn’t have a refrigerator (the puree had to be kept cool). Not to mention, we were not technically allowed to have any food/drinks in our dorm rooms.

Apparently, my desire to possess a constant supply was so strong, it drove me to get creative. This was during the fall, so the weather outside was relatively cool. I am not sure if I should be embarrassed of my ingenuity or proud of what I accomplished through it, but I came up with a contraption to hide the jug outside my window in a gutter. It had a little string attached, which I used to lower and raise it each time I wanted some. Thus, it was kept cool, and nobody ever found it INSIDE my room. (I also found a way to hide wine in the ceiling tiles that nearly got me in big trouble, but THAT is another story altogether...)

I LIVED off that mango shit for months. When I came back to America, I had to find something to fill the hole in my heart. The mango nectar at Trader Joe’s does a damn fine job. I drink it alllll the time. In fact, I have a glass of it next to me as I write this

(Hehe, I don’t think a more fitting mug is possible for it either - I got that from my grandpa 😆)

I love whole mangoes as well, but I try to avoid them because they are a lot of work to prepare. The last time I got one, it didn’t even make it halfway out of the skin. I thought I would just lick a little of the juice off my hand as I cut it, and NOPE. I ate that entire son of a bitch in a minute flat. Ruined my whole supper (not that I was complaining, though).

Anyhow, I learned the hard way that I cannot handle whole mangoes. I usually have to stick to juiced, canned, or dried (especially with chili seasoning - OH MYYYYY) for the sake of self-control. But I gotta get a taste pretty much everyday. Especially with Red Dead on my mind, I just…. good grief, my mouth is watering as I think about it… there is NOTHING better than free roaming with Dutch and a side of mango juice. 100/10 recommend.

But I should most certainly shut up now. I cannot believe I wrote this sober... geez. Nonetheless, I hope it fulfills your need to know about my obsession. I'm a certified manghoe in more ways than one 🥭🥭

#I have a real problem #but you know what? it's a happy problem so I don't give a shit #but ummm yeahhh it's an obsession outside of Red Dead but that game DEFINITELY isn't helping matters #especially since y'know... it's Dutch #daddy #ask #reiadan #mangoes #certified manghoe

Well IF U wanna be a Mango therapist u has to pass my testa on mount Hagen on that party. Don't worry aint Hard, BUT u has to be a tad.. * ahem* insane or crazy to pass it with ease.. ALSO, FINALLY!!! DRAG THAT MANGO MAN OVER HERE!!! Or I'll rip his mustache off or EAT a mango and don't share, hell I'll force him TO watch!!! /ct anon 💋🥭🤣🐦

Damn straight. I wanna certify myself as an official manghoe therapist 🥭

I dropped myself on the head as a baby (true story), so I’ve had a screw loose my whole life. I know I could pass your test with flying colors 🙃

ALSO, WE ARE WAITING OUTSIDE. YOU BEST OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW, BEFORE WE FREEZE TO DEATH. LET US INNNN!!!!!!

Just keep your hands on my beloved Plan Man and his mangoes, or else I will dropkick Colm straight off the side of the mountain 🏔

Good day to you 💜💜💜