🦉We're Demisexual w/ Sensuality-gated Sexuality, meaning we need an few hours of soft touch and physical closeness before we can have sexual thoughts about someone. We're also Autistic, and skin-to-skin touch varies from meh to nails-on-chalkboard/cold-water-on-teeth awful. The combination makes it hard to have a good first experience unless we have full control of the situation. Since that's not always possible, here's some advice for those like us.
long post (3mins) below the break, mentions sex but not explicit
Zeroth Rule: The most common mistake people make in bed is focusing on penetration/climax. Instead, aim for everyone involved to leave happy. Mutual Benefit is the goal, be open to other forms of sex success.
Feeling Close without Direct Contact
Firstly, we want to avoid unwanted contact. Even the most attentive partner will touch the wrong spot, so lets cover those up. Compression sleeves, leggings, and bodysuits can cover up large areas, preventing skin-to-skin contact (which is the biggest issue for us, at least).
You want skintight, which still leaves you many options. Experiment with fabric thickness and location. You want thin enough that to get the endorphins, but not so thin you have overstim. Different parts of your body might have different thickness needs.
Personally, we don't have issues with tag-less synthetic clothes. We find Athletic Compression Sleeves and Biking Leggings are the right thickness, and when possible we wear a Nylon/Spandex layer over everything that's not being actively touched. Amazon's Outdoor Essentials has an example lineup. One nice benefit, skintight underlayers in general look good because they hug your curves.
Another big issue is hands. While you can wear cloth gloves, hands tend to get wet somehow, which is its own host of sensory issues. I've found medical gloves (latex usually) are incredibly helpful in this regard, thick enough to stop the squick, smooth enough that partners don't mind, and as a bonus many people find them hot.
Finally, as a personal recommendation, consider
Exploring your Aroused Contact Threshold
Arousal can alter touch thresholds as well, swinging them more intense, less, or even both. Different parts of the body can change in different ways, as well, making for a whole new sensory landscape to learn.
My advice here is to experiment cautiously but thoroughly with a willing partner. Take a few minutes during sex to try a few new sections of skin and types of touch to see what's okay. And don't stop at traditional sexual locations either; back of neck, upper arms, center of back, under belly, thighs, top and bottom of feet are all worth checking. You might be surprised where touch begins to feel good, and how good it can feel.
It's also possible for stim issues to get /worse/ while aroused, and I have a recommendation here as well: "ghost-limb", prosthetic, or object eroticism. A worn tail being pet, a boot being kissed, a strap on being licked or ridden, all can serve as "nerveless" bypasses to sensory issues that normally would interrupt your mind's arousal and enjoyment. There are lots of variations on this method, and it's not hard to customize to a particular kink or partner's kink.
🦉Today's Minor Annoyance: People forgetting all velocity is relative.
"The space ship projects a field in front of it to pass through into warp, but it has to be going really fast first" -> without a reference point, the ship is both really fast and perfectly still. If it's projecting its own portal, the relative velocity is dependent on the projector, not how "fast" the ship is moving. The portal would move toward the ship at the same speed regardless of the ships speed/thrust.
"This person has Acceleration powers and their partner has Deceleration powers" -> So they both have a mental block or are just ignorant of physics.
"The sun is moving through space and taking us somewhere" -> The sun is simultaneously stationary and moving at light speed. It's taking us in all directions and none. Movement is completely irrelevant unless you're comparing to something else. Relative the center of the our galaxy, the sun is taking us in a circle.
The Hostile Telepath Problem comes from this post by Valentine on Lesswrong. In this series, I'll be re-explaining it in my own words, but if you want to read the original, absolutely check out the above link. If only want my thoughts not reexplaining the original, see the Corollary List here.
The Hostile Telepath Problem, at its most basic, works like this:
You need the Telepath to believe you.
You say "I think X".
The Telepath says "You don't /really/ think X. You're lying."
You now need some way to fool their Telepathy.
Now of course, no one is actually Telepathic. We're not talking about magic here. Instead, the Telepath is using some other rule to check if you "really" believe what you say, maybe microexpressions or body language or tone. Or they might be making it up entirely, gaslighting you by claiming to see some invisible "tell" that doesn't exist. Regardless of why the Telepath believes you're lying, you need to convince them, so you're in a Hostile Telepath Problem.
If you think you've got it, most on to the next post. Otherwise, I'll give some examples below the break.
The prototypical example, pulled directly from the original post, goes like this.
You've Upset your Parent, you're scared
Your Parent demands you Apologize
You say "I'm sorry".
Your Parent replies "You don't sound sorry. Say it and mean it."
You are now in a Hostile Telepath Problem. Some unknown thing has your Parent challenging your reports of your own thoughts.
Here, the Hostile Telepath is giving a hint at how they "know" you're lying: you sounded unrepentant. This gives the kid a hint on how to change behavior. By using a different tone, their apology will be accepted. In more extreme cases, the Hostile Telepath won't hint how they "know" what you're thinking, making the situation even harder to solve.
Here's an example of something that is NOT Hostile Telepath.
"I'll take out the trash"
"You usually forget, I doubt you'll actually get it done."
The other person is making a prediction about your actions, not your thoughts. This distinction matters: we'll see in later posts that it's the "mindreading" part that makes Hostile Telepath situations so impactful and often harmful.
Hostile Telepath is a class of social problem, where one party is "mindreading" the other, claiming to have (and maybe having) special knowledge about their inner thoughts. This class of problem is especially relevant to childhood, abusive households, autism, passing, masking, and plurality.
Origin of the Idea: The hostile telepath problem by Valentine
Main Series
Hostile Telepath - Problem Overview: What is the Hostile Telepath Problem?
Hostile Telepath - Solutions: What are some responses when you find yourself in a Hostile Telepaths situation?
Hostile Telepath - Subconscious Masking: How does self-deception become necessary around Hostile Telepaths, and how can you tell if you're doing it?
Hostile Telepath - Breaking Out: How do you notice when you're Subconsciously Masking, and how do you convince your subconscious that a thought is safe?
Corollary Posts
Hostile Telepath - Childhood: How parental "mindreading" cause children to confront this problem early.
Hostile Telepath - Abuse: How abusive households often cause Subconscious Masking, and how this can stop people from noticing Abuse.
Hostile Telepath - Gaslighting: How gaslighting attempts to subvert common solutions to the Hostile Telepath problem.
Hostile Telepath - Autism: How autism creates a functional Hostile Telepath problem against the rest of society, leading to Masking.
Hostile Telepath - Passing: How minorities are faced with a Hostile Telepath society, and how this creates Double Consciousness.
Hostile Telepath - Plurality: How having two Hostile Telepaths in your life can lead to split personalities and memory loss.
If a post is missing a link, that's because I haven't written it yet. Please bother me if you're interested in a missing post, I have motivation issues.
🦉If you haven't seen it before, Flowerbound is a crunchy but expressive and prosocial sex TTRPG. With classes called "Gendertropes", plants called "Erosynthites", and magical monsters called "Orgasmophages", it's got a hell of a setting.
What it doesn't do is proscribe how sex "should" work. There's no win condition, except what the players add themself. Sex ends when someone is exhausted, unable to get off, or when the involved characters just want to stop. "XP" is assigned on orgasm, with different pools for getting off, getting someone else off, or getting off simultaneously. It's rules light regarding the rest of roleplay, but still has a familiar stat against DC system.
I particularly love how the system handles unusual body shapes. Essentially, any organ can be Squished, Grabbed, Penetrated, Ensheathed, Or do those actions. EG, Hands can Squish, Grab, be Grabbed, Penetrate, or be Ensheathed. Organs also have a Contour (how much they can pleasure something) and an Erogeny (how much pleasure they can receive). This makes it easy to homebrew new organs to fit in any character.
There's also a lovely Rock-Paper-Scissors element, when characters want to, well, sex-fight. Grinding beats Teasing, Thrusting breast Grinding, Teasing beats Thrusting.
This blog focuses on Long Form writing about mental health and perspectives. You can expect long text posts with occasional diagrams. While you won't see any NSFW images, topics like sex and kink are discussed. Reblogs are rare. Asks & DMs encouraged.
Profile Picture by Kresendoe
Main Blog (Text only) (NSFW) - @circuitfurscaleandvine
Casual/Image Blog (NSFW) - @circuitfurscaleandvines2
List of Index Posts below the break.
Post Series:
Hostile Telepath: on Childhood, Abuse, Autism, Passing, Masking, and Plurality.
Free Energy Minimization: on Living Things and Living Ideas.
Color Model: on Meta-skills, predicting others, and giving advice.
Dom/Sub Language: How to use tone to shift impact for the same meaning.
If a post is missing a link, that's because I haven't written it yet. Please bother me if you're interested in a missing post, I have motivation issues.
🦉&🦎 Plural brains, like singular brains, have thoughts (Wow!). One difference, however, is that plural brains then try to assign the thought to a headmate. There are many different patterns for this, but we want to focus on something related...
What happens when it goes wrong? What happens if your little thought assigner can't decide?
Unassigned thoughts go to the Host or Core personality: If an unassigned thought happens, it must belong to the biggest personality in the head!
Unassigned thoughts go to the current Front personality: If an unassigned thought happens, it must belong to the personality currently dealing with reality.
Unassigned thoughts go to a Walk in or Fragment: If an unassigned thought happens, that's a new personality.
We're sure there are other strategies too, our experience is limited. It's still amazing to us that this little pattern effects so much. The first two strategies correlate with having a default fronter, while the third correlates with polyplural.
We didn't really have a point with this one. We just noticed that multiple of the new plural systems we know use the first strategy, while complaining about how their Core can't switch out. Of course switching strategy is not trivial, but invariably once they figure it out, they have more fluid switches and balanced fronters.
I keep seeing hdg stuff on my feed and im insanely curious but also a tiny bit scared to actually read it
Am i just being an anxiety bean? Should i just read it?
🦎 Depends on why you're scared, i guess, but like probably just go for it? If you've got helecopter parents checking your web history, okay maybe that's a legit reason to worry. But generally, I don't think you need to be /afraid/ of reading anything. You can always put it down if you feel uncomfortable.
🦉HDG appeals most to certain demographics. People comfortable with the lens of Lifestyle Dom/sub, Physical or Mental Disability, Transgender/human Identity, Caregiver/little, and situations that make the above erotic. If any of those interest you, you'll likely enjoy HDG.
🔥Of course you should dear. Follow your curiosity! It will lead you to all sorts of new experiences <3 Keep in mind, HDG is a setting with many authors! Different stories will have different tones~ If you're not sure where to start, why don't you give Wellness Check a try <3
