#challenging conversations

[ask-jumblr]

Hi i'm planning to convert (in the UK liberal movement) and have been attending services for a couple of years and talking to a local rabbi. Since I don't know many Jewish people my age where I live, it's been kind of hard to get a handle on how some difficult questions are viewed so I thought I'd try here for one specific thing that's been worrying me. How do people view tattoos? I only recently learned that this is a big taboo/forbidden in Jewish law, and it's currently my biggest sticking point because I'm torn between having my own views on this (I see them as creative self-expression, and a good way to reconnect to my body as a trans person) and not wanting to be disrespectful of a serious topic, especially one with fraught historical connotations. I think this is part of finding it a little hard to gauge how to balance respect for tradition and my own views as there is room for so many ways to practice Judaism, especially in the liberal movement.

Due to the fact that this question has many answers depending on your FOR, I am going to request that responders include their FOR. Thank you.

- Mod Nadav

[ask-jumblr]

this is such a petty ask, but i feel like its worth a shot. one of my ex-friends, who i still have to see occasionally due to mutual friends & working in the same circles, is ethnically jewish on his dad's side. his mom isnt jewish, he is not religiously jewish, he doesn't celebrate any jewish holidays, he doesnt practice any kind of prayer or tradition or anything. he says hes atheist. he doesnt even ATTEMPT to interact with any part of the jewish community, and never has. however, (1/)

(2/) he took an ancestry test a few years ago, and now he openly labels himself as "jewish" as an excuse to talk over the few jewish converts in our friend/work circles (including myself) opinions on literally anything and everything, /even if we agree/, because he thinks his opinion is more valuable despite not even knowing he was jewish until VERY recently and STILL not engaging with his jewish ancestry in any way other than just using it as a label. 

(3/)  i feel frustrated, but i dont want to speak over him either. is he right? what might be the best way to address this?

Mod here. This sounds like a really difficult and unpleasant situation. I’m sorry that you have to go through this, anon. While I won’t stop discussion of whether anon’s acquaintance is Jewish and have tagged accordingly, respondents are encouraged to provide social advice. Even if we could all come to a conclusion as to the acquaintance's relationship to Jewishness (which we might), that still would leave anon without advice on handling the conflict.

Much thanks! (Todah rabah!)  !תּוֹדָה רַבָּה

[ask-jumblr]

Is it possible for a Jewish person to believe Jesus is the messiah (while not believing he is God)?

Mod here. Sorry for the long intro to follow. If you’ve been around jumblr for a while and are confident you know the drill, the tldr is to read the new bolded question at the bottom of this post.

People who are recognized as Jewish by a Jewish community believe all sorts of things. Whether someone with that belief would be welcomed into a community, tolerated in a community, or representative of any Jewish community is a whole different question... Jesus in particular is a really touchy subject in many Jewish communities, especially ones in Christian-majority areas.

In agreement with other Jewish communities, Messianic “Judaism” is not recognized as a form of Judaism by this blog. Any efforts to proselytize on this post will be met by swiftly blocking the user. The ask box is open to anyone who wants to discuss the history of Messianic “Judaism,” why it isn’t recognized, various historical and present cases around its handling by mainstream Jewish communities, etc. However, this previous ask (that I’m linking here) about Jewish beliefs around the Messiah might begin to explain why Messianic “Judaism” isn’t recognized by any other Jewish communities.

With all that in mind, I’m going to shift this ask’s question a bit towards an unanswered question that’s a bit more feasible than the entire spectrum of recognized-Jews:

Respondents, in your community, what range of beliefs around Jesus are welcomed or tolerated (e.g. a range), and established or typical (e.g the norm or ideal)? Feel free to share your own personal beliefs, talk about proof texts, etc. if you wish to do so. Community FORs may be helpful here.

Much thanks! (Todah rabah!)  !תּוֹדָה רַבָּה

[ask-jumblr]

I don’t really have a reason for asking, I’m just curious about this. (I’m not Jewish) Do younger Jewish people have the same views on circumcision (i.e. it’s necessary) as the general population? is it okay for gentiles to criticize this practice as (in my opinion) it’s a form of mutilation the same as FGM? I feel very conflicted on this topic because it IS a cultural practice but ultimately it seems like unnecessary harm to a child.

Mod here. Please be gentle chaverim.

I debated breaking this into separate asks but I wanted to give folks the opportunity to answer holistically. However, I am going to separate out some questions to help folks get started or break it into manageable chunks:

What is the overall view on circumcision in the Jewish circles (please mention some kind of communal FOR) you participate in? Does that view seem to you to differ by age?

Are circumcision and FGM medically/physiologically* the same? do they have any psychological** or ethical similarities? do you see either/both as a net positive/negative?

What is your view on circumcision and how do you feel about gentiles chiming in about religious circumcision? What level or types of involvement do you think are appropriate?

As always, respondents, you don’t have to answer. If you don’t have the energy, someone else will likely bring up similar points. Any Muslim folks (or other people whose religious tradition includes infant or child circumcision) who are seeing this post are welcome to answer questions 2 & 3, just please be clear that you aren’t Jewish.

Much thanks! (Todah rabah!)  !תּוֹדָה רַבָּה  

* Please cite a source from someone with expertise. Ideally, choose a source that is or is backed-up by peer-reviewed studies.

** Please cite a source (even if that’s “me” or “a person in my life”) and be clear about the type of source you’re citing (whether it’s anecdotal versus a broad scope from an expert versus a consensus statement from lots of experts versus peer-reviewed studies versus etc., etc.)

[ask-jumblr]

Hi! I'm a conversion student who keeps kosher, and I am often asked why I do it by nonJewish family/friends. The most honest answer, that I just feel called to live Jewishly, does not seem to make sense to others. I think they want a "reason" for the laws, which of course I can't really give them! My question is, does anyone else experience this? What do you say? All perspectives welcome!

Mod here. Let’s all assume that anon is working on keeping kosher under the guidance of their converting rabbi.

Much thanks! (Todah rabah!)  !תּוֹדָה רַבָּה

[ask-jumblr]

Hey, this is a non-question ask I think but does anyone have advice on coming out as gay in a frum community? (FOR: I’m modern orthodox)

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[ask-jumblr]

Help! I am trying to convert, but also work in restaurants and have a hard time getting Friday’s or saturdays off as it’s our busiest time. Any other restaurant people have this problem? Any advice or should I just try to explain to my boss

Mod here. Please be gentle chaverim. While “change fields” or “move to a Shabbat-observant Jewish business” might be the only approaches you see, please respect that these might be difficult or impossible for anon, at least for now. If you suggest something complex and challenging like that, it may be helpful to provide some further guidance, or suggest resources that may be available to help anon make any necessary shifts.

Much thanks! (Todah rabah!)  !תּוֹדָה רַבָּה

[ask-jumblr]

FOR: Orthodox. I've been suffering from really bad migraines since my teen years, but this past year has been particularly severe. I discussed with my rabbi what I should do for fast days, as skipping just one meal can trigger a weeks worth of debilitating migraines, but he told me to fast on Tisha B'Av, and drink some water if I get a migraine. I get the sense he didn't really understand: I *will* get a migraine, and it's not just the fast day but the week/month following I worry about. Advice?

(migraine-faster ask cont'd): For further context I am exempted from minor fasts. My rabbi also just lost his day job and had another child, and so I feel guilty bothering him about this again, especially because migraines being an invisible condition often mean people don't really get them/compare them to a bad headache, and sometimes I feel self conscious baring how much I struggle because people often act like I'm just whiny 

Mod here. I don’t generally allow health questions. They are better navigated by health and halachic authorities. However, it sounds like anon has tried those routes. I would encourage respondents to provide advice on handling the social nuances of this situation or finding additional credible resources over direct discussion of the medical/halachic situation but will allow some leeway on the latter (e.g. experience, sources/responsa). Readers, including anon, should remember that respondents to this post are unlikely to be your medical or halachic authority. Responses should not be treated as personal medical advice or psak and respondents shouldn’t present their responses as medical advice or psak.

I’ll also remind respondents that there’s a halachic FOR restriction of Orthodox. Respondents may want to consider specifying where within Orthodox Judaism their answer lives. As for respondents who can’t speak from an Orthodox FOR, the ask box is always open.

Much thanks! (Todah rabah!)  !תּוֹדָה רַבָּה