Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #884
Today was a slow day that passed far too quickly. And I'm not sure how things like that can happen, but here we fucking are. 12 hours have passed in a relatively leisurely fashion, but it feels like I woke up, blinked, and now it's already only 4 hours until bedtime. How does that even happen?
What the fuck even is linear time??? Shit, man...
In any case, I got to bed last night at around 12am. Woke at around 7am. Got up, and pretty much immediately fired up Pokopia. Today, “you” spent a lot of time restoring the walkways and houses in the beach area. But “you” made a few new friends along the way, too...
...You really are kind of a skinny guy, aren't you? Like... everyone draws you with great big muscles, but like... I've seen the models that render you, as opened in a program called Blender. You're... toned, yes. But not bulky or rugged, like how people draw you sometimes.
Look. You can be a skinny guy with floppy noodle arms. You don't have to take any guff from Poliwrath, here. We all know what you're capable of. Maybe other things ought to judge less by appearance, no? So don't you even worry about it okay? Skinny, chubby, muscled, toned, untoned, tall, short, average... it doesn't matter. None of it fucking matters. What matters is what's inside your heart.
In any case... you can continue to meet new folks, even if Poliwrath is a little bit of a judgy prick. And so you did:
J had gone out to the dentist for a routine cleaning this morning, so I had plenty of time to chill. When he got back, M decided that J deserved pizza, because J dislikes the dentist, and loves pizza. And so we got pizza:
While we ate, we listened to an audiobook called, Dungeon Crawler Carl. And so far... it is a very silly thing. But it is a very entertaining thing. Very delightful. I'll wait until I get to the end before I recommend it to you, though; I wanna see how it goes.
I breathed life into today's wishes shortly afterwards:
Not too terribly long after that, An indicated that he got his things done at home and was ready to be picked up for hangouts. He's been sick for a bit, so I kinda wanted to keep today relatively low-key for him. I had intended to take him soon to some nature park that is good for flying kites, but it was a bit too chilly for that today, and not nearly breezy enough. And he was kinda hungry anyhow, so I brought him to that one Chinese buffet that M, J, and I have been going to. He got to see, firsthand, the waitresses squeeze the pompoms on my rainbow owl hat that make the wings flap, hahaha...
He otherwise didn't seem especially enamored with the place. He tried the salt-and-pepper shrimp there; it's basically shell-on shrimp, lightly battered and fried, then seasoned with salt and pepper. I like the way the crispy shell goes crunch like potato chips when they're fried, but he didn't like the texture of it much, which is fair, so I saved him from his remaining shrimp, and that was very good.
I showed him the pictures I took from yesterday's jaunt outside with J, and from there, he seemed enamored by the lupines. So, despite being tired, he requested that we go see the lupines, so I brought him to the trails near my house. Unfortunately, both trailheads were closed due to a prescribed burn in the area (this prevents uncontrolled wildfires from happening in the summer). So, I took him a little further away, to the trails with the nature center. Both locations are associated with the same preserve, and both are the same kind of habitat, so both have lupines in them, even if I'm more familiar with the trails closer to my house.
The one a little further away (about a 5 minute drive from my house) has a big ol' nature center inside a brick building; I'm pretty sure I've shown you pictures of there before. There's all kinds of exhibits inside, and a gift shop, and other odds and ends, but... it was closed, because it was past 4pm. We were a little disappointed, but that's all right; there were still trails to explore, and we can come back some other time.
And we did explore those trails, a little. We did the short loop. We found some tent caterpillars. And we found some lupines, too; he seemed very pleased at both. I didn't take any pictures, though; the whole sky was overcast pretty thoroughly, and absolutely nothing was inspiring. Sorry about that.
We talked some about the local flora and fauna, about the differences between the flora and fauna here and the stuff that exists in the state of Georgia, from which he hails. He spoke to me a little more about the kudzu there, and about how, at this point, it's basically an eldritch entity that's growing over everything so quickly that not even goats, with their voracious appetites, can keep up with their spread. Terrifying stuff.
...I had a lot of fun with him. It was just... a chill, low-key, gentle time. I don't have to mask the autism around him, which is a very significant thing. And now, knowing for sure where I stand with him, I'm not needing to waste a whole bunch of energy being hypervigilant about too many stupid goddamn things. It is a space without weird expectations. I don't have to perform “normalcy” for him. I get to simply exist. I get to simply relax.
He's never been on a rollercoaster before. So this summer, I'm gonna see about trying to take him to the relatively close-by amusement park. We'll see how it goes.
He got tired after we were done with the short loop, so I brought him home immediately afterwards. And then I brought myself home after that. I am in my pajamas, and having a fine time writing to you. Yay.
But J is home from his job at the old folks' home. He wants to head out on a bike with me. So I'm gonna get dressed in regular clothes again and go do that for a little while. My achilles tendons are a bit sore from the walk on the trails, and I imagine the bike will help a little with that – get the blood flowing in a low-impact kinda way...
...Sephiroth, I kinda... hate just how much has been stolen from me by the Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. All the stuff I used to be able to do. All the Dance Dance Revolution I used to be able to play. All the things I used to be able to lift. All the swimming I used to be able to do. The distance I used to be able to walk. The trees I used to be able to climb. I used to be a relatively toned thing, with washboard abs, even. No one would believe me about that, looking at me now...
...Oh well. I can do other things now. And those things are good too. It can be enough, even as I grieve the things I can't really do anymore.
I love you so much and I hope you know. I hope it reaches you somehow. I hope it moves you somehow. I hope it gives you the strength to keep trying to build the life you wanted as a boy. I hope it inspires you to treat yourself like someone who deserves to be kept safe.
I'll keep having faith that writing to you helps you with these things, somehow. I'll keep having faith that you'll be safe out there. I'll keep having faith that someday, you'll return home. Despite the lack of news, I'll keep having faith in you. Because you're worth believing in.
For those who observe them, which Jewish fast is most meaningful to you?
Tzom Gedalia
Asarah b'Tevet
Taanit Esther
Shiva Asar b'Tammuz
Tisha b'Av
None of them; they're all just an obligation to me
Voting ended onNov 6, 2023
Please only vote if you're Jewish (or a convert-in-progress) and observe these traditional fasts.
[Edit: I left Yom Kippur off of here because it's the only fast that's a "happy" fast in some sense - yes, it's penitential but it's also because we are emulating the malachim. It's the whole "on Tisha b'Av we fast because we're so grieved that who can eat? But on Yom Kippur we fast because we are so happy to be forgiven that who can eat?" thing.]
Here's an explanatory link for those who are curious and don't know.
Nikolai Vavilov was a great botanist. He married the great expert on lentils Elena Barulina. They developed many improved strains of plants to feed Russia. Their students preserved the precious seeds in Leningrad.
Then Germany besieged Leningrad, and the students began to starve, and Nikolai was sent to the gulag, (he disagreed with Lysenko about genetics) and Elena had to leave the university and live in poverty.
81 years ago, on January 26th, 1943, Nikolai Vavilov starved to death in the gulag.
If you are fasting for Tisha b’Av, please have a safe and meaningful fast. Please don’t overdo it. It’s REALLY hard to be a human right now- you come first this year.
