#changescome

[derrotic]

This year Derrotic will change the world. Until we release further information, come along backstage.

[catanadances]

November 14th, 2014.

Okay. So you said some things last night that need to be addressed because I can clearly see it's bothering you. I'm choosing to do it this way because there are some specific things you said that I want to touch on. I figured this is the most logical way to go about it so, here we are... "I want to learn more about you. The thought of learning more about you makes me really excited and happy, considering I adore you so much. But you pushed the fact that you think you're hard to love without giving me an explanation. I know you're not feeling good, so I understand that.. but I just don't understand it at all and it frustrates and scares me that you say that. I felt like you were trying to push me away some by saying that. I don't know really. I just wanna grab you, hold you and just learn what makes you think you're so... unloveable. What makes you tick. I want to know that so bad it hurts. I'm frustrated because I feel like you tease me with how you are and you always seem so distant when it comes to yourself. I don't want you to leave. That's the last thing I want. I just want to understand you better. Everything from the good to the bad. Please don't be upset." First thing first, I never want to push you away. Having you around has been the answer to my prayers. You make everything seem as though it's worth it. Worth the effort... that I'm worth the effort.. You know I've been going through a mental and emotional battle, but I don't know if you really understand the depth of what is going on and I don't expect you to understand. There's a large part of me that wants to protect you from me and this situation because I feel terrible for putting you where you are. I struggle to let go and speak up because I'm still stuck trying to make sense of things and where I stand in all of this. I love you, but I feel like I am not being fair to you. I already know what you're going to say.. "But you're worth it.." which is still something I'm coming to terms with because I'm not used to this kind of attention. I've built walls around my heart to stop myself from getting hurt again. Please be patient with me... "I feel this way because I love you.. And a part of me is worried that you don't want me too. And if that's the case, I just wanna be told that." There is a small part of me that wishes you didn't love me. Honestly. I feel like it would make this whole situation easier for you. I carry such a sense of guilt in involving you in my relationship issues, but at the same time I have to remind myself that we're both in this together. I love you so much... I really do. I do want you. All of the time. I want to be your best friend and your right hand. I want to wake up next to you. I want to kiss you in public. All of these thoughts make me hurt inside because I know I can't. And you already know ALL of this. Change is hard. "I feel like you're unsure of it. Like there's times where you don't know if you want me to love you or you're scared of me loving you. I don't understand it. I feel like I fucked up somehow." You did not do *anything* wrong. At all. Of course I'm scared. I don't know what the future holds. I've never been through this before. I go from feeling alone and unloved to having my world turned upside down in the BEST of ways. I feel like if it weren't for you, I may have NEVER discovered that I deserve better. I was on the verge of a terrible depression. But you... you have become my everything, my livelihood, my reason for dance.. I am stuck between two very difficult thoughts and feelings. I hope you can understand that it's hard to come out of 6 years of hiding. It's hard to learn to be myself again. All I ask is that you are patient with me. And please. .. please don't give up on me. I need you.

[suke65]

Changes Come // Gus Gus Ice Country Soul !