(okay so ccsquiddo obvs isn’t taking the playing a character thing fully seriously lol so this is my silly speculations.)
So uudevious have obviously messed up uusquiddo’s life (burned her house down, blew up her builds/farms on multiple occasions, didnt take her seriously(she doesnt present herself seriously), etc. But she keeps them around and, in my hcs, she resents them cause of all theyve done. But shes squiddo, shes the comic relief yk! And… really who else does she have? JamatoP (BC THEY WERE CANONICALLY FRIENDS GUYS) disappeared, her builders (by the time of the mafia) have all disappeared– who does she have ?
And this Obviously evil guy (ash) teleports into her base when devious are there and spoke tries to say “no ash is chill” but even squiddo can tell hes evil, what?? And then spokepicc leave squiddo with this evil guy and his mood entirely changes. She starts her goody silly squiddo antics. And then ash calls her out. No ones Ever called her out. In a weird way, this obvious villain is immediately the one shes the most connected to in the whole server. And does that mean she’s evil? Does that mean squiddos a villain? Even DEVIOUS DUO, with SPOKE, the most liar of them all, treat her at facevalue, treat her as what she presents. ITS LIKE. She says she cant hear if theyre behind a wall and tehy go along with it. and she knows theyre robbing it but she doesnt take it too seriously. its just items. So devious duo accept her at face value. //Obviously// shes not stupid, but she doesnt know how to //stop// this lie. shes the worlds greatest actor and she doesnt know how to stop.
And she kinda hates devious. And then here’s ash, obviously evil, but the only one who’s ever called her out. What does that mean for her?
So glitchduo talk and its mostly squiddo talking about devious duo and her builder friends, but its the first person sehs talked to like a normal person. And hes //evil//. and fuck, she doesnt even mind.
AND FUCKING SPOKE. SPOKE WHEN I /////GET YOU////
He just treats her like shes dumb !! Squiddo is one of the simple people in his life, one of the people that he doesnt have to think about manipulation with. Shes simple. he doesnt have time to think about how shes acting and lying and fake, because its SQUIDDO. Simple, good ol goofy squiddo. He doesnt have time to unmask her. And he doesnt even care to.
And eventually, he just stops thinking about her as an actor, because well, if shes presetning herself like this, he;ll just accept her like this.
Even tho if he thought about her for longer than a second, he’d realize theyre //so// similar. Theyre both always masking and acting and lying- squiddos just in it deeper tahn he is. She’s making up an entire character. Spoke is the “evil manipulative villain” masker, and squiddos the “goofy stupid side character” masker (if she pretends to be happy, surely itll trick her eventually?? and then she ends up losing herself. she only knows how to exist when its in relation to others. she doesnt know who she is when shes alone).
^ theyre both incredibly manipulative, btu the difference is taht spoke harms himself and others, but squiddo only really harms herself (until she breaks out and joins the mafia. thats when she starts to harm others, indirectly.) The only reason squiddo hasnt harmed others yet, is because no one, //no one// has ever gotten close enough or cared enough to unmask her. Ash didnt count, it wasn’t prolonged, it was a one time thing. And squiddo is just truly, fully, entirely alone. Spoke has people who care about him and want his honest side. //No one in uu cares about squiddo.// she doesnt have that. Shes so ALONEEE AGHHH ITS HEARTWRENCHING. And the wrost part?? THE FANDOM FALLS FOR IT TOO. thy fall for her unreliable narrator self!1! No hate fandom i get it but its so like. YK.
And then she joins the mafia and goes with ash and, funnily enough, its the anonymity that makes her rediscover herself. She gets to explore, to be a different person. She isnt goofy squiddo, shes a copper trim. And her and ash DEF arent healthy, but it’s, horribly, twistedly, //its better than what she had before.// isnt that horrible? Isnt she so horrible for being happier when the mafia is ruining the server?
and then the mafia falls, and she panics, but ash has a backup plan. he runs with her to the farlands (and /this/ is the only person who cares about her? a supervillain?) and squiddo thinks theyre safe until spoke shows up with mapicc and minute and CAN’T THEY LEAVE HER ALONE??? They’ve taken //everything else// from her, does she not get this? The invis is what saves her from having to confront them. She doesnt know if she even wants to or nto.
and when everyone leaves, ash has her take off her invis, and they go to point nemo (that was ashs secret base name right?). And shes actually //happy// there. Shes uninvis and shes rich and shes happy and shes dating a supervillain, but hes nice to //her.// And then spoke shows up AGAIN and RUINS EVERYTHING (does squiddo even canonically know it was spoke that ruined point nemo) and ash sends squiddo away and, again, because of spoke(whether she knows or not,) she has nothing. She has NOTHING.
UU!anomaly duo make me sick. Uusquiddo makes me sick. I love her so so much, ccsquiddo is a genius with every character they make. Idk where uusquiddo is now. I wonder if she’s in the farlands, exploring and getting jamba juice with jamato. god.
This video bro. This video. ITS OVER. Planet is a LITERALL GENIUS. The bedrock and pale oak signs vs the simple oak and leave and deepslate. The polished deepslate in this video is my fav. It’s their bridge. It’s a vanilla block and prtty easy to get and looks nice with bedrcok. And like when jj was ummm like making the conversation board look pretty, he used deepslate. AND THE WAY PLANET KEPT BUILDING OFF OF HIM like he extended the olive bran and planet used her god powers to make it grow.
And the way he accepted her bedrock and moved on with it… like sorry if I’m being Girl Who Is Mentally Ill to this… but it’s kinda giving mental illness. She’s building with bedrock, permanent, unignorable, there to stay, and it doesnt make jj quit. He just literally incorpates it into his life— HE LITERALLY BUILDS HIS LIFE AROUND HER. He makes his house bigger FOR HER, to keep HER ADDITIONS, her godly and unplayerlike, inhuman, additions. He accepts and allows her and literally shows off the work. The bedrock is a very beautiful part of jj’s builds.
Like at first she covers his house and it’s hard to accommodate but he does. And then they start building more together. Bedrock and oak dont look the best, but polished deepslate is nice. He extends the olive branch, makes the conversation board. And again, she grows it. SHE is consistently the one adding bedrock and growing the board, making a conversation he is FORCED INTO– and then he says “then ban me.” And ends the board with polished deepslate(reaching out a hand, letting her know she's still a player even if she has more power[aka saying she’s still a person even tho mentally ill]). And she doesn’t ban him. I bet she doesn’t think about it seriously for more than a few minutes. She just takes the olive branch, and grows it. (Turns peaceful mode off)
It’s still a struggle though, don’t think she’s gonna make this easy! Healing isnt linear and withers and wardens definitely don’t help her. Even b4 all of that, she blew up the nether to bits! She almost felt bad about it too. This is her world- she didnt mean to do all of this. But then again, the fun of minecraft is to MINE and that she did. With an emptyspace gun. And then, even with that, he continued. That was a violent outburst, and he was probably greatful that she cleared all the terrain to get him to that nether fortress. How kind of her (again, working with her differences, her godliness and neurodivergence. Tho this one was harder, he still worked with it). The withers and wardens are her strongest
He never gets mad at her differences, her godliness her neurodivergence[would yall believe me if i said i argued in an english class that God from Genesis the bible is neurodivergent], he never gets upset. He works WITH IT. Not even just around it- she says “yeah im gonna place bedrock all over ill only remove it if u answer me” and he says “keep it, i like it” and incorporates it in a beautiful walkway. She didnt mean for that to happen. She adds bedrock to the conversation wall and he adds deepslate. She builds with him and eventually picks up what to do (aka how to behave kindly in a social situation. Am i projecting too much yet), she uses world edit and he doesnt, and so then she stops flying, copies the way he places rows of blocks. She copies his spires and they’re ON THE SAME LEVEL (Thank you @/semifontos for helping me clock that)
Beautiful. The meet up and her suspecting a trap.. i bet he knew too. I bet he knew or at least suspected she was using spectator and could see his tunnels and maybe he thought that she once she logged on after he finished the track, she’d see it immediately. But she didn’t, bc she wanted to play pretend with him, go along. She wanted to be human, be regular. She wanted–
LORD her pale oak vs his oak and her bedrock vs his leaves and then their shared deepslate… GODDD AND and the way she was in creative the whole time, a protective layer (when she hit him and he couldnt hit her back god just say you like to play with your food planet) against him, against a hacker, against vulnerability and humanity. He just wanted to build, wanted to show her how to be human/how to make friends and she let him. Shes weird and in creative (aka neurodivergent) but he ACCEPTS IT and incorporates it into his LIFE IM GONNA BE SICK AND. Dude. The only time she went into survival was to play along, to play pretend.
She’s an actual alien to being in survival. As in, she is a god viewing humanity and she is neurodivergent viewing society. The thing that REALLY got me was when they built together and he cut down a tree and she just broke it. It’s like when in nonhuman stories, the nonhuman tries to do something human, like a god trying pain, or an alien trying out food. She broke wood and he didnt say a word. Afaict, she never gave him blocks. She just copied what he did. Like when building that bridge thingie she copied what he did and middle-clicked a deepslate slab. She copied him, learned how to speak his language. He let her help, and they made something beautiful, something with part of each of them. Something beautiful.
GOD The way everything in that world was half oak half bedrock had me choking. The conversation wall with it’s diff levels and diff colors reminded me of 17776 the story abt football and the far future. So beautiful.
And them meeting up and her suspecting a trap and figuring out how to prepare for it, the way she pushed her divinity (changed the max radius of a brush, made unique potions and figured out enchants) and he stayed human… the way she didn’t need the potion or the armor in the end… she was human at the end. She went into survival. She learned how to be nice and i’m not saying that she was shoved into societal norms, I’m saying she didn’t know how to make friends and now she does. In the metaphor. She went into survival, became human, tried to make a friend, and she thought it would hurt, she pushed herself to make resitance 100 potions and put up a bunch of walls– in the end, she was fine. It was scary, but the harm didn’t even touch her. She made a friend (autism aside my girl can COOK /ref).
And the ending. Goddd the ending. It’s growing up and growing apart, for the player lens. It’s dying, for the godhood lens. And it’s not making it in the neurodivergence lens. Either way, no matter what lens, jj is gone. Maybe he just left, got bored. Maybe his parents kicked him off mc, maybe he had to sell his laptop, maybe he killed himself, maybe he died of a disease. He’s gone. Jj, the player, the human, the friend, is gone. Left, one way or another. And he spent his month getting her ready.
Planetlord has to say goodbye to someone she never really knew. How is grief measured? Should she see an item in a store and be reminded of him? See a color and think “oh that was jj’s favorite”? Well, she doesn’t know his favorite color, and she never called him jj. All she has is oak wood and signs and leaves and– deepslate. She doesn’t know him and, tragically, she’s never gonna. She barely even got the chance. And it shouldn’t hurt that he’s gone, because she literally doesn’t even know his favorite color. She barely even spent time with him. Planet is mourning someone she doesn’t know. She’s mourning being able to look forward to whatever shenanigans he did this morning.
She went into survival, but now there’s no one to play with.
can we get ur notes on spoke too?? they're so interesting to read and i just love reading other people's character analyses
okay so thing is spoke never fucking streams and his uu persona is that, its a persona. he never jokes in uu like he does with uhh like he used to when he streamed/appeared on streams. In early uu we had more bc as u know early uu was way less edited but. A lot of knowing how a person speaks is hearing them when theyre not performing... except uu (which is pm the only place we see spoke now)... is a performance. so i have like nothing for you bc i write him entirely on instinct
im sorry this is so nothing burger but i made it just now o7
transcript under cut
Words/phrases
“What’s it called--” (in early uu moreso. Still sometimes when hes nervous but i think he was nervous a lot in early uu bc he wasnt used to playing a character like this)
“Actually?” (instead of really) < not rlly uu
Off of uu he just hponestly says some bullshit like. How to describe him he trolls around pretty much and thats it
Still kinda gives s4 bs like “ __ gaming” and insults that mean nothing like “you smell bad”
Rages for fun. Lovesss being a loud troll. Always some loud shit with him
Whiney loser baby
Also he has or at least had, he never streams anymore so idk, like a Boss mode where he code switches like. I sound insane Okay usually it was when he talked with jamato and sometimes parrot he would codeswitch to using big fancy server words i had to look up to understand. Hes deadass smart with computers like. <-very small thing but i wanted to mention it cuz it means a lot to me
Uu lore mode tho um.
Often says with a kind of rigidness “mapicc--” or whoever’s name. Minute and planet. Mostly early uu. Like he almost says something but he doesnt
On that note, he’s very restrained and reserved
And LIFESTEAL lore mode too
He was very put together with his words. Thought out. Genuine, would get in-role frustrated like when he asked zam “what i dont get, zam, is why. Why dont you quit?” in s3
Repetition - he doesnt repeat a lot but when he gets scared or nervous or whatever he stutters like fucking crazy. Stutter monster
Idk if this was just an early uu thing bc modernly he (cc and c) plans out his words but he uses/used a lot of filler like “uhh” and “because um. Like…”
It was his fav to say “like…” and then pause to think of words
For my fics he has a lot of italicized internal thoughts bc hes very uhh like. Guarded n shit
Insane. Like clinically. Unspecified psychosis and aspd imo but its up to interpretation.
The most consistent thing across all his characters in my opinion is that he’s always suicidal. Mostly passively but sometimes actively.
Typing
Either like regular lowercase stuff Or He Types Like This… Due To Being Ominous…
Jamato’s voice at the end makes me think like. He actually seems to have changed. I have a better analysis in me at some point but like. Jamato saying that spoke is evil and bad ISNT gonna wanna make spoke change. It made him WORSE esp after losing his best friend. I think jamato maybe realized that, be ause he seems gentler.
jamato appears, he doesnt go silent, he doesnt say something ominous, he says “spoke.” (As in directly looks at and adresses spoke) “iim here to help” and he almost stutters over the word. He seems genuine. And i mean, we dont know a lot about how jamato acts in uu as of late, so magbe hes a master liar, but from what we do know, he doesnt seem like it. Maybe im too caught up on the past, but hes still a little awkward, socially anxious, esp with wemmbu. So I don’t think hes a good liar (i could be getting played tho)
So I think jamato is genuien is saying he wants to help. I think, maybe, he’s not hust saying he wants to help out against the null; he’s saying he wants to help Spoke. Help spokes mental state.
also am i crazy or did spoke lowkey seem to be a little healing this ep. Obviously it could be another situation like the mafia infiltration, district 13, team friendship, or law final stand team, where hes happy bc hes caught up in something… but he seems happier. He says jn the ep a fee tjmes about like. He says “we all have to work together, despite any past actions” and like Oh youd like that wouldnt you.
double also, jamato? Hes. Why are your bases so distinct bro i saw that campfire. Anyeay i mean, why is he here? DID YOU HEAR WHAT THE NULL PLAYER SAID?? “The fabric… uh, of the server” ???? What what what what? Ofc jaamto is there. Of course. MY HEADCANONS WILL ALL COME TRUE !!! Anyway but like jamato bro. Did yall all catch how SCARED the null player was? Of going “back there”? Back into the fabric? That tunnel- spoke said “we should be in the void” and we know unstable has diff build limits (skyciv most obviously but also under the void nether). WHAT HAPPENS IN THE FABRIC???
ALSO LJKE???? We know jamatos connected to the nethervoid ppl the soulkeepers and. Like we. Dude. Is this connected to that? Are there portals? Im ngl i saw that pale oak door (why pale oak. Ig bc white looks good on black) and thought “is this another gateway”
wait wait wiat. The null use netherportals oh my god thats so obvious gateways. Yo am i dumb. I knew it had to be connected to the soulkeepers somehow bc nether, BUT ITS OBVS GATEWAYS LIKE WHAT WEMMBU AND JAMATO WENT THRU. I wonder if there are any main server gateways.. ir even outer server ones… (did we all see mapicc tell spoke thst spoke gets caught bc he stays too close to spawn…)
I have so many thouhts. There is an eldritch horror in the fabric and jamato is on good terms with it. Trust me bro.
spokeishere when everything has gone dark and he can barely feel his own hands, his own flesh, and there is a wall behind him and there is a person behind him telling him there is one way forward …..
Chat whats the ref
if this isnt a ref then. Sorry to get spokeishere analysis from the spokeishere analysis girl but he doesn't necessarily feel hope, I think. I think he feels like a mimic of it. I think uu in general is about not feeling hope, but continuing anyway. Like every pov is about continuing when you dont want to or when there's no reason.
So spoke thinks that he SHOULD be hopeful and should have the indomitable human spirit or wtvr, even tho he doesnt. same with empathy (low empathy nation rise!! #nd), he doesnt feel others' emotions, so he has to learn sympathy. le freakin sigh...
Basically what I mean is that Spoke is a big liar and he's trying to learn to be hopeful and the only thing fueling him is his will to get back what he has lost so basically the only reason he is alive is because he is greedy and selfish. Are greedy and selfish bad things to be? More at 11
from 🌟 anon- long post ahead. i’m the yap city mayor ig. i’ve sat here scrolling through all the song asks and wow. guys we’re all Insane in the same way isn’t that beautiful. if we’re doing spoke songs… i’m your man by mitski. oh spoke you’re so deeply tragic. “you’re an angel, i’m a dog / or you’re a dog and i’m your man / you believe me like a god / i’ll destroy you like i am” devious duo ☹️ (falls over and dies) i think spoke has both a superiority and inferiority complex that he switches between constantly. like he perceives himself to be above everyone in canon that let him down/didn’t help him in purgatory. ik you’re not super caught up in the lore but we def see this in spoke’s latest vid with minute. but in your fics spoke just feels so inferior to mapicc. especially the ending of What I Am Not, i really get the feeling that mapicc is this huge shining star while spoke is the surrounding darkness in comparison. black hole mention. and mapicc believes in spoke so much that it leads to his “death” (shh i’m coping mape is alive trust) LIKE the way mape tries to be mad at spoke in purgatory but it’s more *convenient* for them to be allies so they can get out (biggest cope ever mape you love that guy) but mapicc never does. he never gets out. of purgatory or this beautiful awful friendship. like do you think he’s chilling in the underworld thinking about how he wishes he just tried to escape on his own. skiter do you think mapicc misses spoke down there. “i’m sorry i’m the one you love / no one will ever love me like you again / so when you leave me, i should die / i deserve it, don’t i?” like ugh. UGH. again, the inferiority complex. spoke’s suicide attempt in the maze when he jumps off the top and almost misses the water at the bottom. all because mapicc left him. and because jamato exposed his lies. and no one will ever love spoke like that again!!! it’s not that mapicc excused spoke’s bad behavior, it’s that he loved him enough to look past it (until he couldn’t, anyway). it actually breaks my heart to imagine mapicc sitting alone in the underworld thinking spoke never loved him.
and because i’m feeling generous, a bonus! “if i leave” by mitski. “but nobody else could forgive me / quite as often as you” and “but nobody else could see me / quite as clearly as you” and “but who else could love me / quite as kindly as you?” oh my devious. spoke wants to be forgiven and seen and loved and he wants mapicc to do all of those things. but mapicc’s patience only goes so far. also spoke is a black hole!!! “i ride through a tunnel / and it’s dark the whole way” and “it’s been dark the whole way” and “it’s still dark the whole way” because there’s no light at the end of the tunnel for him, especially now that mapicc is gone. spoke is just swallowing up everything he thinks will fill the void.
i have a question for u skiter,, in the post where someone mentioned vampire by olivia rodrigo you said spoke Cannot love mapicc. like he tries to love ppl normally but because spoke believes himself to be funsies diffsies (love that phrase) he won’t let himself love ppl how he Actually can. and like completely avoiding the neurodivergent implications there, i struggle to imagine a world where that’s true. i think there’s love there, but it’s hidden under a million layers of Need and also it’s a fucked up kind of love that looks very different. like we all know spoke goes insane when mapicc isn’t around, and spoke Needs a tether to reality in a sense, someone to hold him accountable, and that’s why the whole null thing is inevitably going to end in disaster. like null are all yes-men, entirely removed from society and solely reliant on their leader, which happens to be spoke, who is the last person anyone should be relying on. the point is, the Need disguises the love from everyone: spoke, mapicc, the audience. and spoke is selfish, and calculating, and insecure and it affects his ability to love the Normal way, which you covered. obviously we could just disagree on this, and we’re all entitled to our opinions, so this isn’t me trying to change your mind or anything. but in his own twisted way, i think spoke does love mapicc. where do you think the love is? does it even exist? does spoke know it exists? does mapicc know it exists?
also thank you for the lfstl recs!!! you’re actually a lifesaver icl i had no idea where to start. and happy 300 :))) thank u for reading my spoke slop
Dude rowan youre not gonna beLIEVE what song rec i just posted my other moot sunfrights suggested THE SAME SONGGG. We’re all so unwell its badddd.
Yeah. yeah. yeah. WAHHHHHH That line is SO THEM DUDE RHAGRAGRA i genuinely think abt it so ofgten while wiritng fic its like. its baddd.
i think spoke has both a superiority and inferiority complex that he switches between constantly.
YOURE GONNA LOVE THIS.
SPOKE THESIS GO!!! I always refer to this as the spoke thesis because it's like, the coire of his character. Spoke needs to be Good, because if he isn't good, then he everyone will leave him. and then for so long he needed to be Good that being Good just became his whole identity in his head. BUT AT THE SMAE TIME he hates himself and thinks he's evil <-thats what makes him self isolate usually. "if im not Good, then im not a person. i dont deserve to live if im not Good" so he goes to extremes to justify to himself that he's Good, and this is just delusions (medical delusions). Because he like. like he kills rose and tries to convince himself that it was good. The post majrose thing with infiltration quartet is so beautiful to me becuase spoke comes clean to mapicc, and mapicc guides spoke into realizing that hes allowed to make mistakes. [also on the mistakes thing, spoke when he is trying to convince himself that he's good will go 'man i just made a bunch of past mistakes but its chill now' like she can never pick a happy medium its always leaning way too far one way. #mentallyill]
but in your fics spoke just feels so inferior to mapicc. especially the ending of What I Am Not, i really get the feeling that mapicc is this huge shining star while spoke is the surrounding darkness in comparison.
OH BOY YOURE GIVING ME SOMETHING TO TALK ABOTU. ive said it many times, ill say it agian, mapicc loves spoke like a god loves their only follower. he wants the best for spoke, he loves spoke. and spoke feels like dirt on the street when compared to mapicc. spokes delusions, in What I Am Not, have shifted away from the "i need to be Good or else im less than human" and into healing. His delusions are less intense, but still there. healing isn't fast. Because in uu, spoke thinks that mapicc is an angel. mapicc is Good. So once the need to be Good has been mostly addressed and delt with, they're left with a vaguely unhealthy devotion. I don't think anyone realized how insane it was that spoke believed(/religious) mapicc enough that he loved himself. Mapicc told spoke "love yourself" and spoke Did It. That's insane. that's absolutely ridiculous and not how normal people works and yeah it's good that spoke loves himself but that's fucking insane that spoke is devoted to mapicc like that. anywya. ya.
MAPICC BELIEVES IN SPOKE SO MUCH THAT IT KILLS HIM. yeah. Yeah. I said this last post too but the fact that spoke loves mapicc is what dooms mapicc. its what kills him.
DUDE YES :M<APOPO LMAOOOOA ALAMOO mapicc is liek "we'll just work together until we're out... i dont car abt you.." mapicc pls girl this is abusive. mapicc ur an abuse victim PLEASE run. It's a little funny but its also so so so so sad because fuckkkkk what can you do? Wht can you do? UGH! And then he never gets out. and hes trapped forever. YES I FUCKING THINK THAT ROWAN YES I THINK THAT SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP as mapicc drops in the void, to what he thinks is his death (hes alive) his 'last' thoughts are about spoke. He wants to hate spoke, but he know it's all love. he knows he loves spoke. spoke is horrible and fucked up and mapicc loves him. I don't... it's like. okay. if my abuser is like, 93% of the last two years of my life, and then suddenly im dropped somewhere where all my senses are deprived and i cant interact with anything but my own thgouhts... i mean im gonna think about my abuser. It's complicated! I don't think mapicc wants spoke back, but he just doesnt know what else to want. do you get it. he misses spoke but he doesnt actually. he yearns.
“i’m sorry i’m the one you love / no one will ever love me like you again / so when you leave me, i should die / i deserve it, don’t i?” like ugh. UGH. again, the inferiority complex. spoke’s suicide attempt in the maze when he jumps off the top and almost misses the water at the bottom. all because mapicc left him. and because jamato exposed his lies. and no one will ever love spoke like that again!!!
yep yep yep. i wouldnt personally call that a suciide attempt like some of his other stuff because he didn't intend to die, but he was 100% considering it yall see how close he was... mmm maybe it was and he was leaving it up to fate to decide if he got to live.. i dont remember how much middair positioning he did.... But it was at the very least like 50% an attempt. I'm only hesitant to call it because that feels very like confining? Like its too messy to be cleanly cut like that imo. AND YES YES YES EVERYTHING ELSE YES. no one will EVER love spoke like that again ever ever ever. mapicc was it.
it’s not that mapicc excused spoke’s bad behavior, it’s that he loved him enough to look past it (until he couldn’t, anyway). it actually breaks my heart to imagine mapicc sitting alone in the underworld thinking spoke never loved him.
^this goes with the last thing. mapicc was the only one who stayed. No one else is gonna do that for spoke. No one's saying it was healthy for mapicc (unhealthy ass duo) but mapicc was like. THE only thing holding spoke back, and then he became not enough. It's like. Cuz he was keeping spoke mostly in check right, but then when he came back from being captured by null, its like. Okay, for the past two years mapicc has been reeling spoke in like a leashed animal and theyre equally matched for the most part so the leash stays at a solid six feet of distance. but then mapicc gets captured and cant fight spoke pulling on the leash, so spoke pulls, used to mapicc pulling him back, but there's nothing there. like playing tug of war with all your might and then the other person lets go and you fall on your ass
and dont even bring up the underworld. god. mapicc loves spoke. loves him so much.
"a bonus" and then u kill me
This is so spoke's feeling of inaddquacy. inadequicy. inadequacy. inadequacy. girl what. sorry u get it this is spoek feeling like not enough. "somebody else will love You, but no one could [love] Me". I've gotten so many asks that i don't remember who this was sorry but someone brought up how insecure spoke is and how little he seems to trust mapicc when mapicc has proven his devotion over and over. Like when hes talking to jamatos grave and goes "You really thought mapicc would leave me.. and you almost got him to!" when there's really no world where mapicc willingly seperates himself from spoke like that. he would argue maybe and push spoke and leave for a little bit at max but he'd always return. and spoke doesnt trust him, still. Spoke is so caught up with his "im horrible. im the worst." that he doesn't conisder that mapicc lvoes him. spoke is so bad at love.
also "forgive" as Love yurp thats spokes god he gives confiteors to.
no one klnows spoke like mapicc does. maybe thats part of why he feels so insufficient in comparison to mapicc. Mapicc knows every worst part of him, but spoke just knows mapicc as an angel.
If I leave, somebody else will find you
But nobody else could see me
Quite as clearly as you (You, you)
Only you know, I've let only you know
THAT LAST LINE. OW??? i've let only you know.... spoke has no one else. he cannot see beyond it /ref. AGAIN, no one KNOWS spoke like mapicc does. Nobody nobody. You aren't listening. nobody. nobody nobody. mapicc is all spoke has, mapicc is his entire world. Mapicc is the endling of a species that spoke depends on or his food chain collapses. Mapicc is the only one (only one! Not jamato not ash not minute not jumper not anybody but mapicc) who can see spoke this clearly. And even then, he doesn't see it all. spoke is lonely, to say the least
(rocks slowly back and forth) ohhhhhhhh
How I ride through a tunnel
And it's dark the whole way
I ride through a tunnel
It's been dark the whole way
I ride through a tunnеl
It's still dark the whole way
Yeah youre right. spoke hole theory :pensive: Spoke just doesnt ever have goals i think like. mapicc was the goal holder. mapicc held a lot of things for spoke, and he corrected spokes vision towards their goal of staying alive and staying in love. But without mapicc spoke thinks it's beenn dark the whole way because he keeps looking at the walls of the tunnel instead of the ending. and even then, the light at the end of it seems so far and behind so so many turns. Spoke doesnt know that he can be saved.
Mapicc. Is. All. Spoke. Has.
FANTASY DISABILITY SPOKE!!! Yes it's an allegory for mental illness. okay i dunno if i misexplained or something but spoke like. okay for our purposes theres two versions of love. The standard, stereotypical love that encompasses platonic romantic sexaul-- actually. ill draw it. hang on
^This is how most people see love, this is the "normal"
^further explanation
notice how theyre all contained in pretty circles. This is because Player Centers hold and divide these things. It might sometimes feel vague what a relationship is, but deep down and codally (code-aly) their code(soul??body??) knows how they view the relationship. These can also shift and change and they're fluid, but they are still in these sections. And you might wonder, well what is beyond platonic?? what is to the left of my chart? Outside the circles? Well.
[innaccurate bc its 2d and i cant fold the model]
^Spoke is disabled. He literally has a different capacity than the normal. This happens because. Okay. The Universe makes a player, and their codal anatomy is standardized and relatively uniform; the code that holds their likes is next to the code that makes them happy. Spoke is what we call a self constructed player, basically a c-section universe birth. The Universe makes Players and it makes them with love, imbuess them with the truth of the End Poem and teaches them how to love and how to speak and people are just made with these things. Self constructed Players make themselves, and, depending what level of done they were when they broke away from the universe, they don't have the blueprints for the rest of themself. In Spoke's case, he has solid like, biology and stuff. He has a species (riftangel), he has a height parameters ('parameters' bc in this world u can change parts of urself. My way to explain skins), his body knows what shape to be. For the most part. Everything beyond that is fuzzy. The first ones and zeroes that made SpokeIsHere had to figure out what he needed and where to put thiings, so spoke doesn't have all the fancy tech that his friends do. he doesn't have mostly distinct sections of platonic romantic sexual, he doesn't have the standard and defined groups of love, because the Universe did not create his love. He has no idea how to handle it. He's special, unique, and no one has ever had the exact parameters of love that he does.
Okay. So, you ask "why can't spoke love mapicc? Where do you think the love is, if it exists? Does spoke know it exists? Does mapicc?" and these are AMAZING QUESTIONS AND I LOVE YOU.
Spoke is... hm. he's complex. he's hard. He thinks himself to be so different from every other thing because, on some level, he is.
He doesn't have the truth of the End Poem, because the Universe didn't get to imbue him with it. On some level, spoke is different, but the issue arises when he thinks that because he is different, he is bad. he thinks bc he's fundies diffies, he is seperate from the rest of the Universe. He thinks he's alone.
He is not alone. He is not seperate from every other thing.
Just because the Universe didn't get to tell him this doesn't mean it isn't true. The Universe loves Spoke, because he is love. He and his unique parameters,, are love. He is love. He is loved, and he can love others.
Spoke struggles to love mapicc, because he's attempting to speak a language he doesn't know. He's trying to love mapicc in the standard way, when he can only love mapicc in SpokeIsHere's way. Spoke can love mapicc. he does, in fact! But he's so caught up trying to flatten his 4d experience into 3d that he doesn't realize it. Spoke thinks that he is so wretchedly different, but the truth is that he's just.. different. There's no moral value to being different. In my opinion, it's fascinating but that's because im aroace and weird about love.
SO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me finally answer your questions.
Where do you think the love is?
I think spoke has tried very hard to bury anything he thinks is Different. capital d because different is BAD AHH!!
has tried to bury the difference so much so that he has actually squished himself down. Pretend that the little tail is going like upwards to symbolize consumption and intimacy. I wish i has a 3d model but alas
the love is there. but its underneath a lot of societal pressures that spoke has half forced on himself. jamatop and ashswag are ABLEIST for telling him he was meant to be a villain /silly but there's like a modicum of truth there
Does the love even exist?
Does spoke know it exists?
On some layer of himself, yeah. he knows the true form of his love deep down in his code. But he's fabricated a version so well to himself that he is profoundly aware of always that he's neglected that version. You know how the body keeps the score? Spoke's body knows how to love. His body is the one that made him love like this, after all. It keeps track of the parameters and ignores his pleas to be normal. But Spoke, the soul part of him, doesn't really know the true like, bounds of his love. Becuase it's amazing. He has so much lovespace in him and he's blocking it off from being filled
Does mapicc know it exists?
This is interesting. No. Simple answer, no. Mapicc hasnt heard of self constructed players, he can only really comprehend spoke's love in terms of the universes blueprint, because he has yet to realize there is more. I headcanon a buncha shit idk if u know what lorelocks are but basically mapicc and spoke dont remember anything outside of uu until theyve left uu, which they cant do until they lose their attachments. Offserver, off of uu, lifesteal mape knows about self constructed players, and he lets spoke love him in wtvr way spoke needs. most lifestealers do. But uu mape just doesnt know.
uu mape thought that spoke loved him in the universe blueprint's way, but he isnt sure. Becuase to him, lying is a very very clear sign of hate and being enemies. So he isn't sure. He doesn't know. It's very conflicting. He misses spoke.
Yw for lifesteal recs ^_^ HAPPY 300 :TADA: yayyy win for me!! Dude. thank you for this oppurtunity to rant i hope i didnt overwhelm you :sob: our wonderful spoke slop
blah blah blah we all know spoke hole theory what about devious duo bridge theory
the idea that like. If you remove one side of the bridge the other falls. I think spoke is going to kill himself or get himself killed wkthout mapicc. Hes nearly done it before, and onyl stopped because mapicc found him (or the one time he found mapicc)
