#character development af

[trr-fangirl]

[miladylocksley]

JESS IS ENCOURAGING LUKE TO OPEN UP THEY'VE COME SO FAR

[holdusfast-a]

;;good days, bad days[cont]

[A short drabble about what happened between Dex and Crimson yesterday. Under the cut because it’s fucking long. @crimson-steel-and-flowey will respond or post separately with Crimson’s PoV. @ any of the family that wants to know about Dex’s character right now.

@thestrangestbar @singingfromthevoid @greenspringstarlight @bad-wolf-moment @DAT FAM YO]

Dex ran his hands over his face. He hadn’t seen Crimson all day. Though, that could be thought of as a good thing, he supposed. But Dex needed to put this to rest before it went any farther. Before it got physical. This needed to end, and it needed to end now. 

He caught sight of Crimson walking outside, from the barn to the house. Ah. Finally. He walked out towards the human and took in a deep breath. “Crimson. I need to speak with you. Alright?”

Not shockingly at all, Crimson just kept walking.

Dex sighed. “I am serious... I... Don’t want to do this. Okay? We need to talk about this before things get to a physical point. Because you and I both know Zax will hear and he’ll step in and he might get hurt.”

Maybe it was a little bit of a low blow, using Zax like that to get Crimson to listen. But Dex also knew it was true. He sighed as Crimson still kept walking, and followed him this time. 

“We don’t have to be friends, Crimson. We just need to... Put this to rest. So no one gets hurt.” 

Finally, Crimson stopped and turned, but still stayed silent. Dex could work with that, though, and took in a deep breath. 

“I... Understand that you’re upset with me for what I said. I understand you and I had. Different lives. And you... If you had to say who your fault was, you’d say this family. The people who have treated you right and kindly and loved you. Right?” 

Dex really didn’t like talking about himself or his past. But he felt this might be necessary to get through to Crimson. He felt Crimson’s eyes find his own and he stood still, a bit like a threatened animal, unsure if he should attack or not. 

“What are you getting at?”

Dex let out a breath, though he was still tense. 

“And... Say something happened. And you had to leave that loving family so you could save someone you love from their family who was hurting them. You love your family, but if you don’t help this person, they will die. And you decide to save that person. You find this person a new family that loves him as mush as your family loves you. And they keep trying to integrate you into their family, too. You reject the idea, thinking of Helios, Wings, Steel, Scout, Zax... And feeling like this new family is trying to make you be a part of this one. And you say that you aren’t, this isn’t your family. But everyone just gets upset. How dare you not just forget who you’ve left behind? We love you. You’re in our family now. But what about Helios. But what about Wings? You... You can’t just throw them all away.”

Dex shifted, awkwardly crossing his arms over his chest. He hated showing all this emotion off. He hated that it was Crimson he was telling it all to. But it had to be done. He had to put this problem between them to rest. Crimson seems nervous, and takes a step back.

“T..Then you’re just Zax’s boyfriend. T-tell... Tell everyone so they don’t.... Have expectations of you.”

Dex was surprised to hear Crimson stuttering. He doesn’t take a step forward, afraid Crimson is just going to run off. 

“Wait.. Just... Then. Uh. You. You get to come home. You see wings. You see. Him begging that you aren’t killed. And. Your mom saves your life. But uh. She gets killed for your mistakes.” Dex’s voice breaks, and he doesn’t even realize he used the feminine pronoun, caught up in his own emotion for a second. “And then... Eventually. Your dad is killed too. And your siblings. And then you return to that family with that gief of seeing every member of your own dead and know it’s your fault and you last out because. They’re saying you’re part of this family again. And you haven’t even. Really had time to mourn Wings and Helios and everyone. And... Maybe. Maybe you’re thinking you’d like to be part of this family but. But you just need some time to grieve for the family you’ve lost.”

Dex felt himself shiver, watching closely as Crimson rubbed at one of his arms, and took another few steps back. He swallowed down tears that were threatening, refusing to let himself cry. 

“Uh... Y-you-you sh-should’ve told them about that because they... They understand.”

Dex gave a weak chuckle. 

“Y-yeah. Maybe you should have. But, ah... I’ve always been kind of bad at talking about what I feel. I guess... What I want to say is. I’m sorry. And... I don’t want to fight with you. Maybe.. It’s my fault for being a dick but... I really, really am sorry.” 

Dex frowned as he watched Crimson. 

“Yeah... That’s okay. I.. Uh.. Sorry.” He muttered, before turning and walking off quickly. 

Dex... Wasn’t sure how to take it. Well.. At least it was over, right? He sighed, and went inside to call Blue.

[holdusfast-a]

;;good days, bad days

[A short drabble about what happened between Zax and Crimson yesterday. Under the cut because it’s fucking long. @crimson-steel-and-flowey will respond or post separately with Crimson’s PoV. I’ll write up Dex’s in a different post so this isn’t novel length. @ any of the family that wants to know about Zax’s character right now.

@thestrangestbar @singingfromthevoid @greenspringstarlight @bad-wolf-moment @DAT FAM YO]

“You are mad at me? Because I let Eridan carrying not me an’ not you?”

Zax’s voice was tentative. Soft. He was afraid. He wasn’t sure if the fear was at Crim exactly, but he did know he was scared. Already jumpy, already halfway to a panic attack. But he should apologize if Crimson was upset with him.He should make it right.

“Did you forget when I held you on my back when you were a kid and ran around? How could you? You don’t even  know him.”

His brother’s voice was steely, but laced with hurt that stung Zax deeply. But anger over took him and his voice rose slightly. Not... Quite yelling but close. Crimson just didn’t seem to realize what Zax meant, didn’t understand why he was upset. 

“You... You was be mean ta’ me though an’ an’ he was not!” 

Which was right, wasn’t it? No, half of his mind insisted. You followed him outside and shoved him, you caused this you caused this-- But Eridan had been so nice to him, and even if he had caused it he was upset after it and Eridan had comforted him. Zax hadn’t even been thinking about his and Crimson’s fight when Eridan offered to carry him upstairs. All he thought was, my legs hurt, this nice person is offering to carry me. 

“I was being mean to Dex, not you.”

Crimson snapped back. Zax swallowed. He’d been being mean to Dex earlier, yes, but during their fight Crimson had been a little rude. Hadn’t he? Suddenly Zax was afraid he was remembering the event wrong. 

“I-I was jus’ mad an.. An he offer ta’ carry me an I was jus’ so tired..” 

“Okay, but I was mad too. You should know what it’s like when someone is being an ass to someone you care about. Because how you felt for Dex was how I felt for Steel when Dex said he’s not part of our family. You know if Dad and Mom had heard that they would be heartbroken, too, right? And I can’t believe he cares about us at all if he’s doing to talk like that, okay?”

Zax could feel tears gathering in his eyes and he shifted uneasily. Crimson didn’t know the reason why Dex said that and rather than asking everyone had just gotten upset. It wasn’t fair... But Zax could see just how upset Crimson was. He bowed his head. 

“We.. We can jus’ going. If you es feel tha’ way..” He offered. It was a genuine suggestion. He would do it in a heartbeat if he thought it would make Crimson happy. Where would he go...? Cae’s house, maybe. He wasn’t sure. 

“Yeah, just go. This isn’t the solution to everything you know. And it’s not what you do when you love someone either.”

Zax took in a deep breath, trying to collect himself-

“Unless you don’t love us anymore. Which is acceptable.”

Zax felt sick. His blood turned to ice and his stomach dropped. He felt unsteady on his feet, and was convinced he would either pass out or throw up. He managed to reel it in, though, responding in a shaking tone. 

“How.. How c-could you say that t-to me?”

He loved his family. He showed it, didn’t he? He tried his best, he loved his family. He’d made some mistakes, gotten upset but... But Zax loved them all. Was he not showing it well enough? Tears started to fall down his cheeks. 

“Easily,” Crimson said. “Where’s your love for this family? You won’t let anyone help you, you block mom and dad off when ALL they want to do is offer help.”

Zax was shaking. He reached up, tugging at his hair fearfully, his tail swinging from side to side. He shook his head insistently. No. No, that wasn’t true. 

“I-I just... D-don’t want them t-to worry..!” He whispered weakly. Steel had said he shouldn’t stress their parents out. He didn’t want anyone to know. Another rough tug to his curls. 

“They’re still worried as hell you know. And by not talking about it you’re making it twenty times worse!”

Zax was almost certain he was going to throw up now. No, he wasn’t making it worse. Zax was trying to work through this. Crimson had yelled at him for being angry at him, and was now yelling at him for not telling their parents about his pain. What did Crimson want? For him to show his emotions or not? He had no idea, his mind was jumping sides rapidly making his head ache. His chest felt tight, like he couldn’t breathe. As a last ditch effort to explain and defend himself, Zax took a breath and managed to get a few words out.

“I-I-I.. You don’t knowing w-wha’ you es t-t-talk about a-an’ you es.. Jus’ be m-mean t-ta me b-because you es m-mad at Dex!”

Oh, oh God. He was shaking so, so bad. He shouldn’t have said that. He shouldn’t have that, why had he said that why didn’t he just keep his mouth shut?

“I’d NEVER lash out on someone I love!”

But you just did he just did he’s lying/Shut up and listen for once in your life. Why can’t you just SHUT UP

“Do you even KNOW what I mean when I say I LOVE you? I’m just showing you the truth despite how badly it hurts ME to know my words are hurting you right now? I know you’re scared but hiding it is NOT the solution.”

See. See, you’re hurting him because you can’t keep your mouth shut. All you do is hurt people. How dare you hurt your family. You’re disgusting.

Zax wheezed, voice raising to a terrified shout. “W-well... WELL, YOU ES NO REALLY HELP ME NOT BEING SCARE RIGHT NOW!” 

Shut up shut up shut up shut up

“WELL, I’M SORRY I’M SO BAD AT THIS!” Crimson yelled before storming off. 

Look what you did. Look how upset you made him. This is YOUR fault. 

Zax staggered off to the bathroom, and promptly got sick in the toilet.

[robronaf]

18.03.16 // 14.04.16

[holdusfast-a]

He can't stay on this planet with all the sadness and pain he has to find somewhere new but his ship oh goddesses his ship He's never learned how to fix anything like this his hands are all bloody raw from cold and broken metal and glass and digging up the parts that got stuck in the ground and no no NO all the parts aren't even missing he doesn't know where to start Feels like he can't breathe, curling up and tugging at his hair-- just relax just relax take a deep breath maybe go visit Who who?? Everyone's dead or dying or kicked him out and Zax can't help them he can't help anyone he doesn't have a place to go He misses his best friend like he couldn't believe and he missed all his friends on earth Rampant thoughts run through his head, and he can't silence them he can't outrun them he just Needs to be somewhere else He doesn't know where he's going but he's running running away from the town and towards the darkness of the night even though it's body hurts there's nothing left for him here or anywhere and he needs. To start something new What if it always. Ends like this. Zax won't cry hes above that now he's above the pain that comes with hope and caring he's too tired of pain he doesn't WANT to hurt anymore He doesn't want to hurt anymore.

[justlikewealwayssay]

oh my god i don’t have time to be sad anymore

i am a queeeeEEn 

you are TRASH. 

[maya-runs-the-world]

I just realized something

on the first day of high school I sat alone at lunch on the last day of high school I gave the commencement speech