#chasing sleep

[kino51]

chasing sleep 2000

[im-traumatised]

People being suprised I didn't sleep well amuse me

Like brave of you to assume I even sleep every night

[saltgrave-prose-poetry]

Fears and Dreams

It has become so hard

To rest my eyes.

I gnash and gnaw

Till my lips are shreds

And my skull is pounding.

I do not worry about

Going to sleep

And not waking up.

I fear most

Waking up

And no one being there.

I am so afraid of

Walking around, going about my day

And not a single person

Caring that I exist.

No hellos.

No goodbyes.

No “I hope you’re doing better!”

I think I could handle

Being the last person on Earth

Better than

Being so hated by humanity

That not a single person

Acknowledged my existence.

Existence is heavy enough as it is;

We share that weight by caring -

Specifically by showing we care -

And I cannot bear

Doing it alone.

I also have nightmares now

Of memories that are not mine:

A girl who runs from killers to hide in a school bathroom.

They catch me anyhow.

A man who goes to hell in the middle of a war.

The devil had no mercy.

The neighbor who watches wild dogs rip apart his flock.

That one still makes me nauseous.

I see these and

More

When I close my eyes now.

Sometimes I miss out on the violence

And experience new worlds,

Or confusing, pointless stories.

I don’t mind those so much.

They are harder to recall when I wake up though.

My jaw hurts so much when I awake now.

Mouthguard or not,

My teeth feel like pebbles jammed into my gums;

Yes,

I have dreamed of that too.

My eyes are so often red

And under them are bruise-like reminders

Of whatever demon I faced in the night.

Even my stupid hair has less life to it after this year.

I so deeply desire a good night’s sleep.

I am just not sure

How much I’ll have to fight

To get it,

And the opponents are quite daunting.

Will these fears

Continue to haunt

That strange space

Behind my eyelids?

- Shae Saltgrave

[wewillalwaysbebackthen]

“Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep. Everybody’s worried about me.”

~Fight Song by Rachel Platten

[im-traumatised]

Mwahahahahaha (sleepy)

[im-traumatised]

Anyone else get stuck in that loop of like

I don't wanna be awake; but I can't sleep; but being awake and acknowledging that I exist is just agony; but trying to sleep lets the brain drift to memories; but ...

[im-traumatised]

Me: Na I don't have insomnia lmao.

Me: *Takes hours to fall asleep everynight.*

Me: *Doesn't want to try to sleep because of how stressful and hard it is.*

Me: *Wakes up every hour or two minimum when finally sleeping.*

Me: *Stopped from sleep by thinking of trauma or having intrusive memories.*

Me: This is totally normal :)

[angelshimaa-archive]

gn everyone i’m tired and i’m waking up early tmr 😭