basalisk120 said: I’ve honestly never heard of anyone shipping Chitaru with anyone but hitsugi or Tokaku… It feels weird…
:000 you've never heard of chitahitsu o man r u missin out on a lot...... Oh my, oh man, my my my man, why ship Chitaru with the living trash when u can ship her with Shiena, it's probably a lot healthier and fluffier, and also Hitsugi's like 12
ok a little late and not really what i originally had in mind but HERE ANON HAVE ANGSTY CHITASHIE BASED ON THIS POST.
You’re still not entirely sure what you’re doing here, surrounded by assassins, and you’re an assassin, but we’re all playing nice and it feels wrong.
Cold and dark and wrong.
And lonely.
Or rather, you feel very, very solitary and individual in all the worst ways.
Almost, almost, you begin to enjoy yourself. You like drama, after all, and it’s a good opportunity to scope out your opponents. It ends tonight. You’re finally taking matters into your own hands and it ends tonight, and there’s a spiteful sort of revenge that fills your body at the thought. Pathetic.
The two onstage are rehearsing their lines, and there’s obvious chemistry, supposedly. That’s what their all saying. For some reason you hold onto very sceptic beliefs and you refuse to acknowledge it. More proof, that’s what it needs. More proof.
There’s nothing in your book but weaknesses, little crosses and scribbles in red pen. There’s nothing about your friends or what you’re going to do when you get back to your empty (and very cold) dorm room, nothing about your prize or why it is you even bother fighting.
There’s nothing about how good Chitaru looks on stage.
You can’t think about it. There is only one thing you can think about.
One
Thing
Only.
You aren’t allowed to be side-tracked.
Yet you play along, quietly, almost forgetting yourself and why you’re here and why you’re not supposed to be talking with the enemy…
She’s taller up close and she is very close and you pretend it’s fondness you’re seeing and not just a pretence. After all, you pretend it’s admiration you’re feeling when it’s really just a void.
Haha, you laugh, in your head where nobody is around to hear it, this whole thing is a really funny joke just like your entire life has been. Maybe you’re finally getting a sense of humour.
Hitsugi is holding her hand, and there’s a very peculiar look on her face. She looks too happy.
What could she possibly be happy about.
Another trick.
Another lie.
Another girl who deserves justice?
What is justice, you think, as you watch their fingers intertwine gently. Justice is supposed to reward the good. Right?
Right?
So where’s your reward?
You were enjoying yourself once, but seeing Chitaru’s gaze soften at you, seeing Hitsugi’s hand tighten in a death-grip, it’s all too much for your little heart. Your shrivelled heart.
What heart.
We’re all leaving now, you’re leaving too, and it’s time to pack up and leave. It’s almost time. At least when the moment is this close you can take your mind off your self-pity for a second. For a moment.
Then something peculiar.
As you’re all leaving, Chitaru claps a hand on your shoulder, and says something to the effect of “well done.”
The words are enough but there’s more.
There’s sensation, there’s sensation, and something to fill the hole, the void. It’s something you’d never thought you’d see, something indescribable that blossoms out from where you are touching, and spreads across the room. Everything looks different. It looks… bright. It’s like the shades of grey you’re so used to but there’s so many more, so many. Is this colour? Is this beauty?
Then it all retracts and everything is back to normal and it feels dull. Her hand yanks off your shoulder and your happiness, that fleeting moment of happiness, is gone. But you can’t stop your eyes from staying wide, in wonder, hoping, waiting.
She hasn’t even blinked. Not once. She doesn’t feel it. She never felt it. It was only you and you know now what good thinking does for you. Nothing. You’re worthless after all.
Chitaru waves goodbye but you’re too stunned to do much else. Hitsugi gives you a look, and as she reaches for Chitaru’s hand you know Hitsugi feels it too. Hitsugi feels it all the time, even if it’s as unrequited as yours, but you are so jealous it hurts. Your spiteful jealousy wells up and makes your tongue taste bitter. It makes your bones ache and there’s a feeling in your chest that’s worse than fear.
They walk away and each step reverberates through your whole soul, through your heart, until you are sure there is nothing left. All that’s left to do is pick up the pieces and wish you’d never known anything different.
