Eighty Eight.
It’s been a weird feeling to be having Robyn’ family in the home but not Robyn, she is being extremely stubborn. To say the least, she picked up Rylee from the home and then didn’t stay either. To say that she wanted her family here she isn’t coming here, and on top of that. The very night she left early she went to the club even though she said she is thinking, how can you think when you’re in the club, it makes no sense. She left Rylee behind and went to the club with Mel, she has been very off now. I think she is angry with me; I feel she is anyways. I think she is angry with me that I told Monica, because Monica did mention that she wasn’t happy at all that she knew and was saying that she will speak to me, but she hasn’t really, besides sending me a picture of Rylee with a wig on, that is it but today is the day, taking Robyn to the Getty museum. I have spent so much money on making it up to Robyn that I will not be doing this again, never again. Shit is expensive as hell, but I am going to push through, and I am going to continue to try and get Robyn to break down but it’s so hard, she is being very hard. I didn’t think Rihanna would be so different to Robyn, I know Monica says she is just her daughter, but Rihanna is very much out there, I have fucked up big time. Even though I exposed Drake for what he is, niggas were clowning me about it and TJ said why didn’t I listen to Robyn when she said, I feel like a dickhead, but I will get my wife back, I will, and I know I will. I think I just need to keep getting at Robyn, see if I didn’t have my leg in this cast I would be at the club harassing her, she knows I would be too.
Majesty is watching TV but goes out of her way to sit on my cast, I don’t know why but she does “you annoying uncle again, since she can walk she be doing the most” Noella sat down, I laughed shaking my head “she reminds me of what my daughter will be like, she keeps touching it. I think she is intrigued by it, you know” Majesty does not care and continued to remain on my cast “big day today for you” I breathed out, rolling my eyes as I did “I don’t know, Robyn is being hard headed. Please tell me it’s not just me?” looking over at Noella “she is” she admitted “I think she is acting out; Robyn went through that when things were going wrong with her father. She was so upset, and she went very within herself, very dark, angry. Auntie said that she spoke to her on why she isn’t coming, she is busy but then Monica said she is angry that her mother told her off about things, that her mother is taking sides, but my cousin needs to relax. I hope you can get that out of her” I knew it, I knew she would be upset about her mother “I hope” I mumbled “I have hurt her a lot Noella, she trusted me so much, she said that Rylee is lucky to have me as a father and I let her down with that, I haven’t been around for her, I know that has hurt her. I think she is seeing me as a bad person, it’s me” I am to blame in this.
If I could, I would be pacing around in this room because I am nervous about today, this cast is annoying my life too because I can’t wear what I want, I have to wear something nice because I know my wife will look bomb as hell “Christopher, are you in there” hearing the light knocks on the door, Monica is knocking on the bedroom door “erm yeah, come in!” I spat, I mean I am just sat on the bed waiting for the moment I see Robyn, I am trying to gather myself right now “sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt but you weren’t coming down, are you ok?” she asked “also have you ate? My daughter is stubborn, but she said can I make sure you are fed” I chuckled “erm yeah I have thank you” smiling at my mother in law being so sweet “I wanted to ask when was the last time this home was cleaned?” that reminds me “erm, like about three months? I never changed the sheets since, I don’t want you to do it for me but yeah, since Robyn left” Monica nodded her head “I can tell, you need to get a cleaner to come but I didn’t come for that reason, I wanted to say my daughter is being hard right now but don’t stop” she said “I am not going too, I made the mistake. This is my fault, if I didn’t see a glimmer of hope I would stop but I know she wants me, she is being hard headed but I know she just wants me to be sorry, I will get her back” I am optimistic with her hard ass “good, I just want some peace. I prayed for you both, but if you need help then let me know” Monica turned away, I need to get a cleaner to come actually.
Mel is shouting me to come out, I am here trying to find something to wear for this thing. I don’t know what it is, Chris hasn’t really said what it is, but it’s something. I am guessing a meal, I am sure it will be a meal or something, but I don’t know what to wear “I am here” lifting my sweatpants up a little as I made my way out “take your time, you have people here for you” I haven’t asked for anyone to come so who the hell is this “who?” I said as I got to the living room “oh hi?” why is Mel and Mylah here “we have been summoned to come” furrowing my eyebrows “by who?” I know it’s not me “your husband” letting out an oh “no way? Did he really? How is this man here just booking my people” staring at Mel, she just shrugged “when there is a way Robyn” she has a point “How?” I asked either of them “well what happened was he messaged me on Instagram, I think he also messaged Mel on there too, he said that Robyn has somewhere to go, and I need you to do her makeup” this saves me from doing it actually “he said it’s a little date, there will be things there. He really didn’t give much away but here we are” my smile grew “I am glad actually; I didn’t know what to wear so this saves me so much time, if you want to come to my bedroom I guess” I am just annoyed actually, more at my mom then anything, she just wants me to make an effort and that I shouldn’t have left the home, it is wrong, so I haven’t been home. She said the home is a mess, that isn’t my problem because I am not there either.
Mel got me in a little cute Dior denim dress, I mean I haven no idea if it will fit the event but to me this looks nice as hell. Imagine if he is matching again, I am going to fall out laughing because he does this a lot “am I date ready?” I twirled in the living room “you are, you look hard faced though. Good luck to him” I gasped “don’t be rude, do I?” Mylah nodded her head “you seem like you are in deep thought most of the time, like you want to smile and be happy and speak to people but your mind is elsewhere, your mind is whatever is upsetting you right now. So it’s making you look hard faced” she has a point “I have a lot on my mind that is all, I don’t know what it will bring today. I don’t know what will be said, I don’t know what will happen so I am just having a hard time concentrating you see, but Rylee” I pointed at Mel “are you ok with her, or shall I say to my mom you will drop her off with her?” Mel might have other things going on “I think Ry Ry knows me more then auntie, she may get more upset being with her so I will keep her, I will love spending time with her” that is good, so I don’t need worry about Rylee “take a breather, enjoy yourself and just speak on everything” Mel said, nodding my head taking in a deep breath.
Chris called me an SUV too, he is making sure I really come to this. I love that he is doing the most too, he is making sure I am dressed too with inviting my stylist. I do wonder what the fuck he got going on at a damn museum, like I am wondering what he got going on right now. The driver opened the door for me, I smiled lightly at him as I got out of the SUV. Chris and his damn leg, trying to not smile too much “wearing a shirt now” I pointed out, Chris smiled putting his head down “well I had to look good, you look beautiful” he looked up at me “you really do, I am just glad you came actually” he laughed “I was doubting that you was because there has been a lot going on with us so I was just doubting it so I am glad you’re here” leaning in and wrapping my arm around his neck “well I wouldn’t not come, I like surprises and you know that. I am sad for you though, your leg” I stood back from him “yeah, it’s been a real pain for me but we good. We can still do what we need to do can’t we?” nodding my head agreeing “of course” I breathed out “shall we go in?” he said “yeah, I will go in first. Hold the door for you” stepping ahead of him so I can hold the door open for him, I have to take care of him now “thanks” pushing the door open and holding it open for him “don’t be, if you weren’t like this then I would have made you done it all” which is true.
The double doors opened on their own actually, Chris and I just stood here, and they just opened “oh my god” placing my hands over my mouth, hearing the violin started playing Diamonds just like on our wedding day. The room is filled with flowers upon flowers “happy anniversary, I know it’s late, but I had to do it” I am emotional, I can’t even. The room is beautifully filled with flowers and roses “shall we go in” this looks just beautiful and the song, walking inside slowly. It’s like we are entering an enchanted place, it’s just beautiful “two doves, oh my god” I pointed staring at the two doves just on a branch “they so beautiful” turning myself around looking around every inch of the room, how did he even do this “the erm, the number of red roses here in this room is the same amount we have been married, every rose represents every day we have been married” Chris said, and I am even more of a wreck. I am trying not to cry but I think I will be failing at this soon, slowly walking further in. It’s just the music and the whole set up “butterflies!?” I spat, he is has really gone out of way “I wanted it to be authentic, you know” one just flew by me “this is so fairytale Chris, oh my god” looking up at the ceiling, it’s just pure beauty “I think you need to be my creative director” Chris laughed out, I wasn’t even joking “oh wow, Dennis is here” I laughed, of course he is here “so we can have the memories” he is right, we do need it.
The violinist did amazing “just bought me flashbacks to the best day” smiling at her as she shyed away “thank you” I said to the waiter “now wait a minute” I pointed, Chris laughed “my life wouldn’t be worth living if I didn’t” Chris laughed, this is so sad of me, but I know my waiters “Giorgio Baldi, I swear I could cry right now, wow. Am I predictable or something, like you are just hitting it every time, I am over the moon” the waiter laughed and finished pouring the wine “thank you” I smiled saying “my pleasure” he walked off “so have I done good?” pressing my lips into a hard thin line and then nodding my head “I am over the moon” I have to admit, it’s just so beautiful “good, I am happy you said that because not going to lie but when I was thinking on what to do, I kind of got stuck thinking on what to do so yeah, I am happy you are feeling that way. I know we have a lot to speak on and I want to be the one to start first, but we shall eat first and then I can speak on things, but I didn’t think you would come. Just because you have been off with me, and you have been going out more too” I chuckled “yeah, I uhm. I just didn’t want my mother to know in a way, not in a bad way but she clouds my mind, parents” I laughed “yeah, my dad is the same to be honest so I understand but I wanted to be truthful to her, because she would have come to the home and then be like where is my daughter” I get where he is coming from.
This whole setting is beautiful, with the violin and the whole things. It’s beautiful “look at that” turning my phone to Chris, a butterfly flew onto my plate. It was so random, it’s just there at the side “that is dope” bringing my phone back, I am going to post it on my story. It’s so pretty and it’s not moving “how is your album coming along? I mean since I haven’t been around you have been working hard on it?” locking my phone and placing it at the side of me “great, I must say this whole situation gave me so much fuel and inspiration. The music is based off your shit” Chris groaned out “my god” he said “yeah, it’s funny because the producers are like what the fuck happened but the album is kind of done, I just need to do a few more songs but thank you for the inspiration” Chris rolled his eyes “I am not sure if that is a good things but I am glad that you have had that inspiration to sing about what happened, I am kind of scared now to hear it. Just because I know the meaning behind it, my fault” he doesn’t even understand how much inspiration I got from this “I can’t wait for you to hear it, I think you are going to hate it or love it.
I can tell Chris has a lot on his mind, I know my husband. He is preparing in his mind, he shouldn’t feel like that he should just flow with it and say it “thank you” I broke the silence between us “thank you for this, the whole meal and the whole set up. This is what I wanted for my anniversary” Chris grinned “so you coming home now? I am joking” he sat back in his chair “I am finding it really hard right now, like not in a bad way but just to explain how much I fucked up. I am so dumb, imagine doing that to anyone let alone Rihanna but I am sorry, I will forever be sorry for this because I let you down in a big way, something I said I wouldn’t do but I did, I am so sorry Robyn. I was so lost in the glamour of Drake and his lifestyle, I was so lost in the fame, the fun that I put that as a priority and left you behind, when he called I was gone, I did think he was a friend and when you told me that, I saw that as you just breaking that up for me, like a threat. I know niggas see you as a lot, meaning sexy and whatever, I know there is a lot of men that would take my place, I know they will and I know I could lose you, there is always someone there and that is because they find you sexy. I know it, I see it constantly and you’re with me so it’s like what the fuck, but you are. And when you mentioned about Drake, it triggered it. I just got uptight, I always know you are better than me no matter what you say, so you saying that I just thought she wants to break something good for me, a friend. I didn’t think he was like that. And it looks so bad because I did choose him over my own wife, I look like a clown, I am a clown. And my mouth, it just runs. When I am in the moment I can never stop, and I don’t ever think either. It’s never ok to disrespect you the way I have, I wouldn’t let a nigga do that to my own daughter but here I was doing it to my wife, missing out on things. I am stupid but then the whole shit with Rocky, I was already like that. But now I think, it was all planned. Everything, he did it all on purpose but then it exposed that you are still messaging him, and I didn’t know, I looked stupid” his voice broke “I am sorry Robyn, I am really sorry. I just miss you so much, I miss you in the home, it doesn’t feel right at all. I just want you to know how much I feel bad about everything, I treated you like shit really badly and you still were there for me in a way, but I don’t deserve you” Chris wiped his eyes.
I don’t like him crying “don’t cry” shifting in the seat “I tested you and I pushed you, taunting you about not being Rihanna, I don’t like it. I bought that out of you, you didn’t want too but you did it because I pushed you to it” nodding my head “I honestly can admit that I don’t treat you any less, what you are feeling and thinking is your own insecurity and you need to let it go, I married you Chris and you need to remember that. I didn’t want anyone else because I love you, you’re my first love but I cannot take the attitude and I won’t stay at a place where I am being treated like shit. I will take fault in the way I said it to you and the way it came out, I didn’t see Drake as a threat, but he was entering my family, he started to cause issues in my home. I kept it away because it meant nothing to me Chris, it didn’t but then he was entering my home and causing those issues, so I had to say it but not in the right manner. I was angry with you because Rakim is just harmless and you started that mess, it was not needed. Yes I have his number still because it’s nothing sexual, it’s just a friend. I have a lot of male industry friends and my mother doesn’t agree but it’s there, it happens, and I don’t know where we go from here if you can’t accept that” I want it to be out in the open “you have your female assistants, I don’t care. You don’t hear me piping up unless it’s Seiko but that is life, females will be around, and males will be too but that is down to you” he can’t always be like this either “but you didn’t say anything about texting him Robyn, it’s stupid for me to not know this. He mentioned it to me and laughed, made me look like a joke” Chris said “you was both making jibes at each other, we could go back and forth on this forever. The industry I am in there will be men and you, you can’t be like this. I am married to you, I love you. How much else you want me to do Chris? If we are being real then let’s be real on this, can you take it? I can’t just stop talking to every man, my mother expects me to just what, text you straight away that a man is there? Then you just don’t trust me, like this can’t go on right?” I can’t continue this when he feels that I am above him and that every man is out to fuck me.
