#christine.caleb

[deersfleur]

do i wanna know? part. 2 | caleb x mentally ill! reader.

author's note: wowie, i didn't expect part one to blow up like it did. i don't often write part-two's but i felt like i had this in the drafts... so why not? i try not to dabble to much in caleb's dynamic cause we would genuinely have such a chaotic relationship lol. with that said..

cw / tw : reader is going through heavy grief. i, myself, am bipolar and have bad coping mechanisms. alcohol, cigarettes and casual hook-ups are mentioned. also, you actually push caleb. i truly just write so that i can understand my brain better lol. and i promise, a very happy ending. you can find part one here!

i've thought it through,

the colonel wasn't going to intervene.

truthfully, he wasn't.

he was too busy. caleb was too focused on his job. he couldn't interject in your life until he had secured the entire universe for you. he truly had to make sure that once he came back, you would forgive him. instantly it was only choice. if he were in your shoes... he would also have lost it a bit (maybe a bit more than you.)

but caleb had to intervene,

and one thing that they both agreed on was that you were so...

fucking stupid sometimes.

he could never say that to your face,

caleb adored you more than the sky that he flew in.

but, he as a colonel; caleb knew what was right and the things that were wrong. it didn't help that he grieved you all the same either. you had manage to occupy his every breathing thought. he hated the choices he made throughly yet couldn't think of any other way. it's a mix of disgust and fufillment. some days he thinks that the chip was what made him aggresive. other days, he knows it's the was the fact that the two of you were lab rats. lately, the fact that he / still is one / makes him furious. everything made him so angry and you couldn't help but do it too. you obviously wanted his attention.

he had been watching. he'd see you, after shifts - getting drunk under the pretext of celebration. you were kissing strangers and flying too close to the sun. he knew that you loved josephine. he knew that you loved him even more. he was an idiot for ever being able to think you were strong enough to do this without him. you needed him. you always did. you always said that.

now wasn't any different.

uniform or not,

you were still his girl and he's had enough.

that's why he's in linkon city.

he couldn't take it anymore.

caleb had a plan, he had everything maped out and there you were,

"do you have plans tonight?" a guy asks. he's irrelevant. he's too tall, he's too lanky - he's not your type. caleb can see your fallen lids and how you're visibly past the point of caring. you smile sweetly and before the words have the fortune of gracing his ear-

"she does."

you're frozen.

you don't know if it's the drinks or the ambiance, but you can't possibly tell. your eyes are much wider now and caleb seems absolutely tugged by your facial expressions. you look horrified. pained. does his memory hurt you so much? was he so horrible that you have to forget he ever existed?

"i'm drunk. i have to go home now. i think i'm seeing ghosts." you tell the flirtatious stranger in a slur of words that are too fast for him to even grasp. you're about to rush away, you hope to run to the bathroom - you had seen him haunting your bedroom but you had never thought it'd be possible to hallucinate him while drunk.

did you miss him that much?

your arm is tugged and it's not until you're recognizing the silhouette. until you're recognizing the skin on your own that you're reacting. it's like your every molecule activates when he's around. the people that are dancing don't seem to notice that your whole earth was shaken over as you're dragged out.

right around the corner - is when the snap comes.

he lied to you.

he's a liar.

he's alive.

you grieved him.

you shove him; the hardest you had never hurt him. you don't know what to think. you're drunk and you're crying. your heart is racing and you feel the twitch on your eye. caleb's stunted in place but he's not exactly surprised. you two often fought as children.

he doesn't even stumble and you don't know what to think. you're drunk. there's nothing but betrayal coursing through your veins. you're furious. you feel your heart grow so heavy with deception that it drags across your chest. you're in a blinded rage.

"pips, stop." he says; his back to you and you grab the fabric on his back. you're turning him around forcefully. he needs to listen. no, he will listen to you.

"you lied to me!" you had never felt rage like this. your head is trembling with every single thing you thought you knew. "you left me when i needed you the most." the height difference between you two is irrelevant. you were holding your ground better than he was. "you are evil, you are cruel- you are-"

with a tumble, you're soon collapsing and being carried home.

twelve hours later, you wish you could tell him every single thing that you thought. you wish that you could tell him to go to hell and to shut the fuck up. you were boiling, furious; you were jealous, you were upset - you don't know how to put a single word on every single emotion that you're feeling right now.

"shut the fuck up." you hiss between wet kisses. it's five in the morning in linkon city and after an extremely long night, you simply bit the bullet. caleb knew your heart. he knew he had fucked up and he knew that this was all his fault. he knew that behind every single insult - you were so glad to see him. he knew it.

the wet noises of your lips smacking together echoes in your bedroom and this is exactly how it ends. it has to.

"foul language." caleb says, holding your chin. the lines are blurring until there's nothing left. it's odd. he was your best friend. then he died. then comes back. and obviously, of course, you find yourself trying to stain his memory on your tongue. what if he leaves again? "is there something on your mind? use your words."

"i hate you." you say, so quietly. caleb stops, entirely - he wants to look into your eyes when you say it and he seems entirely broken by what he sees. glassy eyes, tired eyes; your mascara is everywhere and the anger has melted into what seems to be -

sadness.

"i missed you." caleb says shakily and you can't help but look away. you bite your lower lip, and you open your mouth - you want to say it back, you have to say it back - but what if he leaves? what if he disappears? - "say it back, baby, please. didn't you miss me?"

that's what breaks you in half; because you missed caleb. you missed caleb so much that you thought you'd die without him, but you know it's not the same. it can never be the same. he's left such a wound in your heart that you're unsure how you'll ever - ever trust him. he'll only break your heart. he's a liar. the thief of joy.

. . .

caleb stares at your sleeping frame. your breathing, the way the necklace that he gaves you falls on your chest and how you snore - even if it's just a bit. he leans over, barely touching your nose and you're instantly swatting it away.

attagirl.

the diamond twinkles with the soft candlelight and his heart is absolutely content. it took you two a while to get here. a lot of arguments. he hadn't seen this version of you and this new version of him got on your nerves sometimes, but you loved him dearly.

you two got married neither in skyhaven nor linkon city. instead, a secret place just for the two of you. nobody would ever know. you two would never tell a soul.

"why are you awake?" you mumble. too asleep and too alert at the same time. he can't help but smile softly. he knew that you'd take a bit longer to adjust to a year without him - but, if you two had anything it was time.

"just admiring my beautiful wife."

"well, your wife wants you to turn off the candle. go to bed." you grumble and he's chuckling quietly.

"i love you too, beautiful girl."

"goodnight, caleb."

[deersfleur]

cosmic mix | fem! li’s x reader [❄️⭐️🐦‍⬛🍎]

author's note: part two of my little mixtape series. these are all little blurbs. let’s all be more #yuripilled now. caleb & zayne is suggestive. let’s keep the pride #going. here’s my fav chappell roan songs + lads. reader is implied to have brown eyes — read as you see fit.

SYLUS - RED WINE SUPERNOVA. 🐦‍⬛

being sylus’ girlfriend was probably one of the best things to ever happen to you.

in the moment, it was scary. sylus was an intimidating woman when needed be. she had those deep ruby eyes and soft hair that made you absolutely melt.

"do you want to go out sometime?"

sylus had no intention of keeping you at first. you reminded her of somebody — something from a memory. a place she used to call home. her heart almost clawed her way out of her chest the first time that she saw you,

she needed you close until she could figure out why. (the fact that you were already so smitten for her was just a plus.)

you try to swallow the blush on your cheeks and you nod shyly. “i’d like that.”

the rest was history. sylus was everything you thought she wasn’t. she was a sweetheart. she spoke about music and vinyls. you could enjoy her presence while feeding the part of you that does enjoy her chaos. she was a dream.

"kitten, are you busy?” sylus asks. the sound of heels pressing on the tile and the lipstick you gave her on her lips. “what do you think?”

“of you missing your auction so i can inappropriately touch you?” you ask, too loosely; too boldly — it wasn’t uncomfortable. granted, sylus and you had been dating for almost nine months now. it was simply the boldness. you didn’t think. you couldn’t think.

her hair is pulled back; grey eye makeup and she’s absolutely gorgeous in the red suit. she’s always absolutely stunning— oh god, you said it out loud.

“oh my god— sy— i—”

she laughs. oh god, so heavenly. she’s taking two steps towards you and burying her face in the crook of your nose. she inhales the sweet perfume on your skin while calming her rapid heartbeat.

“i meant the blazer but i think you can help me change.”

XAVIER — AFTER MIDNIGHT ⭐️

xavi and you had gone out for drinks. it was a horrible mission. your sword had almost broke, xavier almost got hurt — there was a lot on the line. emotions ran high and both of you were excited to simply have a drink.

your elbow’s on the bar and your palm’s holding your cheek. you can’t help but stare at xavier. under the fluorescent lights she can’t stop talking and you’re absolutely smitten. both of you are two drunk to talk about anything serious right now… but it’s the eyes.

it’s your eyes.

big brown eyes, rounded; like a deer. innocent. holding out their heart and xavier felt like a wolf. she felt like she was circling around you with hunger— waiting for a chance to strike.

you had loved her as a man. she had loved you as a plant. would you love her as a woman?

but with your honest and drunk eyes, you spill every single thought. your cheeks are red and flushed — your hand trembles when you two touch. maybe you loved her more now. that excited her.

oh god, what a beautiful thing to love you.

you're staring at xavier, who can't stop talking. you find her truthfully charming. she’s absolutely beaming tonight. she was perfect. absolutely stunning. tara spoke about jenna but xavier was truly it for you.

you didn’t know what it was. maybe you liked the fact that she wasn’t an ideal hunter. maybe you liked the fact that she knew way too many things and slept half of the day. you liked how she knew where you where and hated when you were apart. you just liked her. fuck.

"i want to kiss you, xavier.” you blurt out. you’re biting the bullet. you might die of a wanderer attack tomorrow. you could die tomorrow because of some fucked up backstory from a lab you couldn’t remember. “i want to kiss you." you repeat again, "can i kiss you?"

why are you so hungry for her? why can’t you stop thinking about her? why do you wonder if the morning sun also rose to see her smile? god, why does every single thought revolve around her. you can’t stop thinking about her. you want her on your bed. you want her to tell you every single thought that ails her mind. you just want xavier—

sweet.

xavier’s lips taste of sugar.

CALEB — HOT TO GO (slightly suggestive.) 🍎

“you’re staring, pips.”

“don’t care.” you say, coming closer to your girlfriend. caleb had gotten a haircut and you were absolutely mesmerized with your girlfriend’s short hair. it didn’t help that she was absolutely jacked from all the training she did. your hands find themselves trailing under the fabric. “i like your shirt.”

“what’s wrong with you?” caleb teases, flicking your forehead and you’re pouting. your big eyes are enough to make her giggle and wrap her arms around you. a kiss pressed on the top of your head. “i know you like my shirt but you can’t get too handsy. i have to go get us food.”

“let me eat out—”

caleb laughs, “you’re acting worse than me today. what’s wrong with you? you know i’m your girlfriend, right? i’m going to be here tonight.”

you scrunch your nose. you don’t get why she’s acting so high morale today — she was the one that asked for pictures in the middle of the night and begged to bite your thighs in early mornings. what a (your) ridiculous woman.

"yeah, yeah, whatever, proper backstory... blah blah blah.” you hum. “now go! give me a kiss! get our takeout!”

“i’m going to the supermarket, baby.”

“oh.” you pout.

ZAYNE — PICTURE YOU ❄️ smut drabble.

“have you thought of me like this?”

there’s a thickness in the air. it’s the middle of the night and your weekly girls’ night has taken a heavy turn. the reality has cracked down on the both of you and you’re simply waiting on who breaks first. you pray it’s zayne — but you have no faith in yourself. you’ve never wanted anything as dearly — anything as desperate as you want your best friend.

the moonlight breaks through the window and you can see the delicacy of zayne’s skin. the black nightgown falls from her shoulders and there’s a bud of pink. you can’t help but dig your nails into your thighs. you have to wait.

have you thought about zayne? oh god, when have you not? at first, kissing your best friend was fine. but now you ache for her. you burn for her. and you want to do nothing more than drown in her. that’s what you want to do.

“would you hate me if i said yes?”

a whimper leaves zayne’s mouth and the self-restraint leaves your body. you can’t help but reach for her and you don’t need an answer. you know she wants this too.

zayne’s lips swell when you kiss them. it didn’t take long. her glasses are forgotten inbetween sheets and the nightgown is bundled around her waist. you’re hungry — you’re kissing her as your hand slips in between her legs.

"i've thought of you like this." you whisper and zayne’s head falls on your shoulder.

[deersfleur]

needy.

he might've came back - but the damage is already done.

author's note: i love mc and caleb's dynamic so so much. this is the product of this. reader is mc! i'm unsure if this is angst or if they'll ever have an happy ending but oh well. suffer with me! enjoy! mc / you don't play about caleb essentially.

also, not proofread. i love writing and posting. i'll eventually clean this up. happy reading!

you don't talk about it, but caleb dying shattered you.

you try not to think about it. you try not to talk about it. when the number shows on your calender, you have to swallow the lump in your throat and keep working. you still have the text message - the one that mentioned his death and your grandmother's. you remember how you threw up when you read it.

you don't have to time to dwell. you don't have time to think about anything that isn't work. there's wanderers to take care of, people to protect and you have a job to do. you force yourself to move even when you're shaking in the hunter association's bathroom and fighting the urge to break down in absolute pieces.

and when you see him again, it's like cold water has been poured over you. you don't know what to do. you don't know how to act. there's a thousand emotions crossing your mind and you can't help but freeze. there's a split in your brain. half of you - wants to run into his arms, hold him together and prove that he's real. he's alive. he's back.

but the other half, has rage. has resentment. those were the worst days of your life and now he's a colonel. you want to hate him. you truthfully do. how can he leave you alone? does he not know how much you needed him? he's selfish. he's horrible. he's not your caleb. your caleb would never do this to you.

she had dreamed of this - of caleb being secretly alive. she would be able to forgive him. she promised. but now, with him infront - you're simply torn apart. you feel the desperation of wanting to hold him and you can't help but shake. you're unsure if it's whether anger or absolute joy. or maybe both.

he brings you into his arms and for the first time in your life, you don't know how to feel in his arms. all those years where you'd naturally orbit around him, where your arm was always on his skin - had shifted into anger. into resentment. how dare he - leave.

how dare he forbid himself from where he belongs.

[deersfleur]

luxurious - fem!caleb x reader | ( 18+) smut drabble.

author's note: june and caleb's birthday? yeah, this was a given. i'm a few days late but! happy birthday to caleb and to those celebrating, have safe fun lol. reader is implied to be black and there's a strap somewhere. happy monday! <3 (i hope this makes sense, this gave me some trouble lol.)

sometimes caleb wonders if she likes skyhaven.

she comes to the deduction that she absolutely fucking hates it.

but the final opinion is that she absolutely loves when you come over to her side of the world. let it be skyhaven, let it be linkon, let it be anywhere

did she enjoy saying goodbye to you? absolutely not. caleb felt like her heart was being pressed when you were hurting. when you looked at her with your big brown eyes puddled with tears and your damp eyelashes.

yeah, she'd rather do a double mission than watch your lip quiver.

her opinion had changed drastically since the second you landed and sunk into her... you automatically shifted into comfort. you could let loose. your hypervigilence was there but you both knew that before anything could happen to you, caleb was there.

that's what she loved.

being reminded that you love her as much as she loves you. being reminded of how much you miss her. being reminded why she's even doing all of this. she loves you so greatly and she can only think of doing what she does, for a future where the both of you are happy. safe, more importantly.

caleb might not enjoy it by herself but the second you were alone with her and you shifted into comfort. it seemed like you could let loose. the sense of security was there and you were absolutely foolish. caleb loved it. she loved walking behind you in a small club; one where nobody knew either of you.

in skyhaven, you're not a hunter. in skyhaven - you can drag her by the belt-hoop and caleb's hand can rest on your ass as you walk in. her fingers are tugging on the short, way too short skirt, that was currently on your body. truthfully, she wanted to grab you and throw you over her shoulder. take you home away from the prying eyes.

until you're you're tipsy enough to lose your social anxiety and you're grinding on her. you're messy. she's constantly trying to tug your skirt and trying to take a peek. the two of you are horrid. neither of you are bending wills and neither of you are using words. it's all shared glances and shared shots. see how far the other will take it. the night keeps moving with the trail of saliva. the heavy bass music in the system thumps in your ears.

"aren't you a treat tonight?" caleb asks, leaning into your ear and you can't help the hum that leaves your mouth.

"am i?"

"what's the celebration?" she asks, bringing the empty glass to yours. it's merely a few hours later and she's burning. she needs to absolutely wreck herself. and by wreck herself, she means kneeling infront of you and receiving praise. she's a dog and in her eyes, the only person that could possible understand her - is here with her.

"don't be silly. it's your birthday." you say gently. in the haze of seduction and the dancing, there's sincerity. she looks over and your eyes are sparkling with so much love. "i'm dancing with my girlfriend for her birthday. when do we get a chance?"

you're insane. why would you say that to her? do you not know that she only wants you? that if she died today; the aftertaste would be sweet as your perfume.

caleb leans in your ear, her heart can't handle this anymore. she needs to do something. anything. so she boldly whispers, "why am i sharing my present?"

"do you want to leave?"

"i have only two hours left of my birthday, let's go home. i want to cuddle." she says and she's wrapping her arms around you. she presses tiny kisses on your cheek. "please?"

"alright. let's go." you say, returning a peck. "guide me home."

. . .

click!

"it's my birthday... you don't mind, right?" caleb asks but her voice is full of insincerity. she knows you won't complain. she knows that you like it. caleb keeps too many tabs on you, she knows what you like and what you don't. she knows you better than anybody else. you were the one that suggested cameras during sex, after all.

you can't speak. nothing leaves your mouth except moans and attempts of your sweet girlfriend's name. you can't feel anything except the softness in your skin and the tightness in the pit of your stomach. caleb had the bright idea of a pretty red strap-on. something sweet.

"do you like the red, baby?" caleb asks. the fun thing about her evol is the fact that caleb's currently thrusting into you and you're still in one position. your tits are on her face and she can't help but bite.

there's a mess of fluids; mostly yours. the vibration rings off the walls and the stains on the pink sheets makes caleb euphoric. caleb swears she's never seen a prettier girl. she holds your chin, making you look straight into your eyes. your eyelids heavy.

"i need a yes, baby. use your words."