#clare2

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Continuing with the theme of strangely brutal violence toward children in this comic, look at how Whiz Kid gets stomped on by this gigantic man. Like, Whiz Kid doesn’t have any physical powers. He builds things. And he gets completely squished here. He’d be a pancake. But beyond all comprehension, he survives this, and awakens to this Junji Ito hellscape.

Ahhhh Jesus kill me again!! Kill me again!! It makes no sense how Taki survived getting stepped on by a 10 ton man, but imagine going through all that and then waking up to a room full of this shit.

“I don’t care if this kid was paralyzed BEFORE he got stepped on, he can talk, SO TALK.” Jesus Cable!! Why are all the adults treating the children in this comic like Hollywood producers on the set of the old Dennis the Menace TV show! Is this a reflection on Fabian Nicieza’s views on kids??  (New Mutants Annual #7 – 1991)

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This confrontation between the New Mutants and Sabertooth and Caliban seems so watered down. Sabertooth is cutting the shit out of everyone but there’s no blood. Look, Rictor supposedly had his “guts ripped out” in the last issue, but he’s perfectly fine here!

That white tank top is spotless! Does “guts ripped out” not mean what I think it means??? Does it not mean having your abdomen lacerated so deeply that your intestines breach your torso and spill out on the floor? And you try to stuff them back in but you can’t because they are way more slippery than you expected  because you’ve never really thought about how hard it would be to grip your own intestines because why would you?? If that’s the case, I guess this misunderstanding is all on me, but if Rictor and Archangel aren’t actually getting their guts ripped out in these comics, then that actually makes the story a lot less exciting. (New Mutants #91 – July 1990)

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I thought it was going to take the whole comic book for Banshee and Forge to save Jean Grey from these messed up Morlocks, but on the very next page all the bad guys teleport away. There’s a real mystery afoot here, and it apparently involves a lot of body horror and vore. My kind of story! Confession time, the only reason I know what vore is is because someone who follows my blog messaged me and told me what it is. What a journey this blog has been! (Uncanny X-Men #262 – Jun 1990)

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Well this is… brutally horrifying. Who knew Lindsay McCabe had this in her! Not me, that’s for sure. However, and if this isn’t a haiku manifested in comic book form, turn the god damn page and you find out she was acting!!

Lindsay McCabe is the greatest actress of all time. She even had me fooled and I’m just some dumb asshole reading about this shit in a comic book!!! What the hell is she doing bumming around San Francisco and Madripoor with Jessica Drew?? She should be on Broadway! She should be winning Oscars! What a national treasure. (Wolverine Vol. 2 #3 – Jan 1989)

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Wolverine is fucking INVINCIBLE in this series. And he does it all with that smug, shit eating smile on his face. “Alright bub, I’m jumping out of this god damn plane but first I need you to hurtle it straight toward that mountain so I can get the lift I need and if you say anything about it I’m going to cut out your intestines and use them as a bungie cord.” He’s like some kind of an asshole that always wins. And god damn it, I’m into it. (Wolverine Vol. 2 #5 – Mar 1989)

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After Wolverine gets literally hit by a truck, he gets captured by the evil crime gang that’s terrorizing Madripoor, and upon attempting to escape their capture, he gets absolutely MURDERED by Razorfist here. Razorfist is a villain that seems like he was completely designed for the sole intention of being Wolverine’s nemesis. He’s big and strong and he’s got blades on his hands just like Wolverine, only they are different KINDS of blades. Makes sense. One very frustrating thing about the fight scenes between these two characters is, even though Wolverine is getting his gal bladder cut out and handed to him, he refuses to pop his claws until the very end of this story, and once he does he kills Razorfist in about 2 seconds. I guess we wouldn’t be able to stretch this story out over 10 issues of Marvel Comics Presents unless the villain first cuts out Wolverine’s gal bladder and drops him over a waterfall, so I guess let’s just hang in there for now. (Marvel Comics Presents #4 – Oct 1988)

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fieldtrip ! leftovers

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helen’s leftovers 2nd yr winter