#cleanse diary

[healthhappinesslovekindness-blog]

Checking in a month after the cleanse

Can't believe it's been a month since this beautiful adventure.

I'm thrilled to say that the cleanse inspired a lot of positive changes in my life. Here's a few:

I juice now more than I used to (probably because I have a juicer)

My daily food intake is 50-75% fruits and veggies

I stopped weighing myself -- I don't think a number can tell me much about my body

I'm now a "weekday vegan" (still have some dairy products on weekends but it's drastically reduced)

I rest when I need it

I cut back on desserts and now appreciate them more

I'm thankful for my body and all it does for me -- size is not important, function is.

Kindness to others has always been a priority and now kindness to myself is too.

The most beautiful thing about me is my spirit and I now focus more on keeping it healthy and letting it shine through regardless of what may try to dampen it.

I couldn't be happier with the results of this cleanse. I went on it to support a friend who was also going on it and thought I was doing it for her but this experience has taught me that there's nothing selfish about taking care of yourself for your own sake. I began it hoping to lose weight and finished it with an appreciation for what my body does instead of how much it weighs. 

[healthhappinesslovekindness-blog]

Cleanse Diary - Day 20

                Last day!! I can’t believe it’s finally here. I spent so much time at the beginning of the cleanse desperately looking forward to the end and now that it’s so close, I find myself apprehensive to indulge like I had planned. I still very much look forward to brunch tomorrow but I’ve found that the things I missed most aren’t really as appealing to me now. I no longer feel deprived of things like cheese, just generally disinterested. Never thought that could happen!

                My goal for today was to change other aspects of my life to reflect a change in my health. I set this because I’m better at maintaining change if I feel like it’s a major shift and not just a small adjustment. I know that’s generally the opposite of what people want (typically people prefer gradual change with time to get used to each new element) but I tend to overthink things so the more time I have to adjust to the idea of something, the more I’ll just talk myself out of change altogether. If it’s rapid and major, I’ll adjust very quickly and love it. So since I cut my hair very short and got a tattoo over the summer, there’s not much else I could do to alter my physical self. I opted for another aspect of my life: my home. Mom did one of her famous “while you were out” home makeovers during my morning class and I came home to a beautiful, clean apartment. I made her lunch and we went to Ikea to pick out furniture for my new life. Oliver and I want our apartment to look less like a collaboration of our old dorm rooms and more like a real home. We’re having my tempurpedic bed brought in from storage next month so we need a new bedframe and new shelving units to fit around the (substantially larger) frame. Mom’s impeccable taste and undeniable flare for making a 400 square foot apartment hold 2 people, a cat, and all their belongings, is nothing short of amazing and I can’t wait to see how my new home looks once everything arrives.

  Meals:

Breakfast: green juice

Lunch: sautéed haricot vert & jaunes in herb sauce; red quinoa with chickpea, cashew, and green pea curry

Snack: cashews and pistachios

Dinner: sesame peanut noodles with curried vegetables

Dessert: bosc pear slices, raspberries, and blackberries with the tiniest drizzle of agave

  Goal for tomorrow: enjoy the day without boundaries and see where it takes me

[healthhappinesslovekindness-blog]

Cleanse Diary - Day 19

                 Mom arrived today!! My mom’s in town for the weekend which is why we decided to cut the cleanse a day short  – we’re at the 24 hour mark now. When she’s in town we love going out a lot (for brunch, dinner, drinks, desserts…) and there’s just no way to feasibly do that on this cleanse. Daily living on the cleanse becomes pretty routine but any kind of event or outing is very difficult.

                We went out to Café Blossom in the West Village for an amazing dinner. Mom, though notably not a huge fan of vegan food, thought it was incredible. Overall, we had a great time sharing our diet/lifestyle with her and showing her how great it can be but are also thrilled we won’t be on it the whole time she’s in town.

  Meals:

Breakfast: green juice

Lunch: more green juice and a sweet potato (having stomach trouble and veggies were a little too rough)

Dinner: miso risotto with wild mushrooms; chickpea fritters

  Goal for tomorrow: change other aspects of my lifestyle to reflect this positive healthy change and encourage its continuance 

[healthhappinesslovekindness-blog]

Cleanse Diary - Day 17

                  So close to the end. I made brunch reservations at Hundred Acres for my first non-cleanse meal. Mom will be in town and Saturday brunch before our picnic at Gov Island – it seems fitting that I end the cleanse the way I start it.

                                I was much happier today and substantially less tired than usual (thankfully). I got a lot of work done and feel a great sense of accomplishment. I enjoyed an appointment with my therapist today as we embark on an adventure of applying positive psychology to psychoanalytic psychotherapy. It’s an interesting mix. I’ll be curious to see where it takes me.

                  As this cleanse comes to a close, I’ve been thinking more about the ways in which I want to keep up the positive effects of it. I think it’ll mainly be in 3 ways:   1) continue juicing   2) make dessert a “sometimes” treat, not an everyday food    3) keep exercising at least 3 times/week. I’ve already been watching my portions by keeping them small and at least 50% vegetables so I’ll go back to that after the cleanse is over (as opposed to the 80/20 ratio which is just not enough calories for me before I get full).

  Meals:

Breakfast: green juice

Lunch: deliciously spiced savory haricot jaunes and pumpkin pie spiced yams

Snacks: lots of nuts (mixed but mostly almonds and brazil nuts)

Dinner: Brussels sprouts, broccoli, and tempeh in sesame peanut sauce

  Goals for tomorrow:

Swing dancing!

Indulge in the season premiere of a guilty pleasure tv show

Clear my living space, clear my mind

[healthhappinesslovekindness-blog]

Cleanse Diary: Day 16

                 Trouble with sleepiness again. I warned the professor of my Monday morning class (the earliest of my classes) that I may have trouble staying awake because I’m on a very restrictive diet that doesn’t allow solid foods before noon. Today she said  “Thanks for telling me – I can see how hard you’re trying to stay awake and how exhausted you are and now that I know why, I can’t hold it against you.” I appreciate her understanding and patience with me. Falling asleep in class is certainly not the impression I want to make as I’m starting my first year of grad school but being healthy is still a top priority.

                After class I made it to the gym and got dirty looks for running on the treadmill in jeans but at least they didn’t kick me out this time (I still find that ridiculous). Regardless, I was only on the treadmill for about 8 minutes as a warm up to get my heart rate going. In the weight room, people are much less uptight. I feel a little embarrassed by my limitations (for example, changing the weight mechanisms from 90lbs to 30lbs) but I remind myself that health isn’t a competition. I’m not doing this for anyone but me so it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. My health is for my body, not for your eyes.

                Of course as soon as I got home from the gym, I passed out for about 5 hours. My loving boyfriend Oliver tried to wake me up every 2 hours or so but I just wasn’t having any of it. The weird part is, despite these super long naps, I still get a full night’s sleep. I wonder if this is my body’s way of telling me that rest is crucial to the healing/detoxing process. I just need to remember to be patient and kind to myself while my body goes through this process. I’m considering this cleanse to be a thank-you gift to my body, letting it know that I appreciate all it does for me.

  Meals

Breakfast: that green juice

Snacks: a couple of those cookies and a cup of tea in class

Lunch: oops I kind of slept through it

Appetizers: spoonful of peanut butter, apple

Dinner: cucumber tomato chickpea salad, broccoli with nutritional yeast, roasted asparagus

  Goals for tomorrow

eat more

begin positive psychotherapy 

[healthhappinesslovekindness-blog]

Cleanse Diary: Day 14

                Slept in late this morning and woke up to a phone call to from my friend Bryan offering me some extra produce from his crop share. Such kindness! After he came by, I went off to the Abingdon Sq. Market and Oliver went to Trader Joe’s. Despite being able to get most of our food from farmers markets these days, there are still a few things (particularly the cat food) we still have to shop for elsewhere.  We spent a lazy day resting inside until I had to work this evening. I’ve been so exhausted recently that I accidentally showed up at the job last night, having gotten my days mixed up.

                This particular babysitting job has a big fringe benefit that was more of a hassle today. The mom is currently on maternity leave and she does a lot of baking. The dad commutes every week to his job in Paris, bringing back fresh French pastries every weekend for the babysitter. Between the baked goods, the Parisian desserts, and the giant container of chocolates they keep on the table, self-control doesn’t even begin to cover what I required tonight. It was tougher than usual but I managed to get through by snacking on pineapple.

  Meals:

Brunch: green juice

Supper: gluten-free macaroni with heirloom tomato sauce and roasted zucchini; side of heirloom tomatoes

Dessert: pineapple, more of those raw seed cookies, an orange

  Goals for tomorrow:

Be active

[healthhappinesslovekindness-blog]

Cleanse Diary - Day 13

                 Hiking Day! My friend Katie and I had been planning this particular hike for a while now. Our plans changed slightly when I got an email from the mother of a kid I work with, asking me if I could see him that day. I told her I would be hiking but that if her son (we’ll call him A) wanted to come with me, I would be more than happy to take him.

Some basics about A and my work with him:

He is 15 and has high functioning autism

I started as his babysitter 4 years ago and am now his social/behavioral aide

I would (and sometimes do) happily spend time with him without being paid

I consider him, his brother, and his parents to be family

I based my colloquium (undergrad thesis) partially on my experiences with him

  So I was thrilled when A’s mom told me he wanted to join us for the day! She covered expenses (rental car, apple picking costs, etc.) and paid me my usual rate which I felt extraordinarily guilty about since I was just doing exactly what I had planned on doing on my day off anyway. I love my job but I feel extraordinarily sad that it exists: my job at this point is really just to be a friend to A, be kind to him and patient with his quirks and let him feel comfortable with himself in social interactions. I’m confused that this isn’t what all people just do without being paid. Isn’t this just a basic courtesy we owe our fellow human beings? I’m sad for A and sad for the world of people who won’t interact with him because he’s a little different; they’re missing out on an incredible person. More importantly, individual uniqueness is what makes people so fascinating – if we can’t be patient and understanding of people’s differences, we miss out on the beauty of the world.

Back to the hike. The 3 of us went to Bear Mountain, had a picnic by the docks, hiked part of the Appalachian Trail, and walked through the zoo. We went apple picking at Wilken’s Farm just outside of Peekskill and talked about sustainability and the new composting program coming to NYC. It was better than any day off I could’ve imagined and I loved the fact that I got to spend it with A.

  Meals:

Breakfast: green juice

Lunch: stirfried veggies with tempeh and edamame, homemade zucchini chips, some nuts, a clementine, and some of those delicious raw vegan sugar-free seed cookies

Snacks: more clementines, more nuts, more “cookies,” a freshly picked apple

Dinner: raw zucchini noodles with garlic, tomato, & lemon; steamed broccoli with nutritional yeast; edamame

Dessert: more clementines, more cookies

  Goal:

Try to get others to see how amazing people like A really are

[healthhappinesslovekindness-blog]

Cleanse Diary: Day 11

 Woke up exhausted and ran to a class my adviser just put me in (3 weeks late but I’m happy to have gotten in at all). I skipped my juice since I was in a hurry and spent most of the class trying not to fall asleep. The professor is incredibly kind and seemed happy that I participated at all on my first day when the rest of the class had had a few weeks to acclimate and were still reluctant to raise their hands. I talked with her after class and we decided to embark on a research project together! She gave me the details of one she’s been wanting to do but couldn’t find an assistant who’d be able to stick around long enough to be a part of it. Lucky for her, I have no intentions of living anywhere other than New York for the foreseeable future. Although I’ll have a lot of work to catch up on for this class, I think coming in late helped me make a memorable impression on the professor and I’m grateful for the opportunity that afforded me.

After class I went to the library to get some work done and mostly wound up falling asleep in the book. After a couple hours spent on 1 chapter, I gave in and decided to go home for a nap. Unfortunately I fell asleep before I could set an alarm and wound up sleeping through most of the day – and my swing dancing lesson! I was upset at first but quickly realized that I clearly needed the rest. I turned on some music and spent half an hour dancing around the apartment as a consolation prize for missing swing dance club..

At around 8, I realized I still hadn’t eaten all day so I drank my green juice (finally!) and started preparing dinner with Oliver. We made the absolute best sesame peanut noodles and coconut curried veggies I’ve ever had. Just a few tweaks to our usual recipe made it absolutely stellar. We even got to finish the night with a sweet treat: vegan, gf, sugar-free, natural cookies. They have like 5 ingredients and all of them are real food!

The best part of the day by far was an amazing conversation I had with my aunt via email. We talked about body positivity, raising young girls to have positive self-images, linking beauty to nature and heritage, meditation, health, sex education…really anything and everything. The emails went on all throughout the day and I loved being able to chat with her like that. I shared the blog with her and am thrilled to know that I have her support.

  Meals:

Green juice

Rice noodles in sesame peanut sauce with broccoli, squash, zucchini, peas, and edamame in a coconut cream curry

2 mini natural cookies

Goals:

Reach out more to family

Have more incredible conversations that keep me thinking all day

Dance on days I can’t make it to the gym