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Fic - Funcle Harold

Title: Funcle Harold

Word Count: 8,605 😲

Summary: When his wife falls ill, Harold must babysit his niece and nephew, Heinrich and Justine, all by himself.

Notes: Another addition to my collection of Harold fics. Inspired by THIS art, the first time I saw it I knew I had to write the events that led up to this. Oh don’t worry, this one is just as much crack bullshit nonsense as all the others. 😂 This man radiates crack energy and I live for it. I’ve said many times that I’ll never, ever stop loving this man and I meant every word of that. He’s already reaching a staggering word count with what I’ve written for him.

And for those unfamiliar with Harold, he is the OC identical twin brother of Harvey, made up by @coindraws and myself. Best place to find out more would probably be his first appearance, HERE. Enjoy!

Summer 26, Year 10

“We should call Harvey and Coin, we should cancel,” Amy wheezed, tossing yet another used tissue into the trash can.

“Babe, we can’t cancel without it being a big ordeal,” Harold replied, gently brushing aside a few stray hairs from the side of Amy’s face. “They’ve got non-refundable tickets for a show tonight, they can’t exactly reschedule this.”

“They’ll understand. Harvey’s a doctor, he knows that this stuff happens,” Amy went on, her voice sounding weaker as she spoke.

“Hey, calm down and stop talking for a bit, you’ll only make yourself sicker,” Harold said soothingly, continuing to run his fingers gently through Amy’s hair. “I think I can handle two kids on my own for an evening.” Amy didn’t say a word, but she tilted her head slightly in disbelief.

“What, you don’t think I can do it?” Harold asked, raising an eyebrow playfully. Amy silently shook her head back and forth. “Well I’ll prove to you and my brother and to Coin that I can do it, no sweat. They’re three and five years old, how hard can it be?” Amy shook her head once more and looked incredibly skeptical.

Amy rested in the bedroom with the door closed while Harold quickly went around the apartment to make sure it was in order. He wouldn’t exactly consider his apartment ‘baby proof’ by any means, but at three and five years old he had to assume that Heinrich and Justine were well past the age of being destructive. After all, the saying was ‘baby proof’ not ‘toddler or kid proof’. Surely they would be fine in his apartment.

Harold jumped when there was a knock at the door, preparing himself to greet his brother and sister-in-law. He knew that there might be hesitance from them if they found out that Amy was sick and would not be joining him in watching the kids, for some reason they seemed more comfortable when Amy and Harold watched the kids together, especially Coin. It would be best to get through this as quickly as possible, maybe they wouldn’t even have to know that Amy was sick. When Harold answered the door, he barely opened it enough to be seen, using the door as a shield to block the rest of the apartment from view. As far as they knew, Amy could very well be standing in the living room.

“Hey, guys, great to see you!” Harold greeted enthusiastically.

“Great to see you too, Harold,” Harvey replied cordially. “Thanks again for watching the kids for us tonight, we really appreciate it.”

“Oh, it’s no problem at all,” Harold replied, shaking his head. “The kids’ll be just fine, you two just enjoy your night together.”

“Where’s Amy?” Coin asked, craning her neck to see around Harold and into the apartment behind him.

“Oh, she’s a little under the weather at the moment, so she’s just getting some rest,” Harold answered casually. He had been hoping that this answer would suffice but in the back of his mind, he knew that there would be hesitance. Sure enough, Coin’s smile fell as she appeared uneasy and Harvey simply looked worried.

“Is everything alright?” Harvey asked, sounding concerned. “Need me to look her over?”

“No, no, don’t worry about it, Harvo, she’s fine, just a few sniffles, she’ll be fine,” Harold answered dismissively.

“Well if she’s sick, should we even have the children here?” Coin asked, looking to Harvey for his advice.

“It’s just a few sniffles, really, it’s not a big deal,” Harold repeated casually. “She’ll probably stay in the room all night anyway to get some rest, the kids won’t even be anywhere near her.”

“Wait, so you’ll be watching the kids yourself?” Coin asked, raising an eyebrow uncertainly.

“What, you don’t think I can handle it?” Harold asked, raising an eyebrow in return. First rule of a counter-argument, answer their question with another question. Law school basics right there.

“I… I didn’t say that,” Coin replied slowly, but she turned her gaze away from Harold and looked at Harvey. She seemed to be turning to him to make the final call.

“Well, you’ve watched the kids before, I’m sure you’ll be just fine,” Harvey reasoned.

Harold nodded in agreement, pleased that at the very least his brother seemed to have confidence in him. It was true, he had watched the kids before, although each time had been with Amy at his side to help him. Still, it couldn’t be that different an experience without Amy there.

“We should get going, we still have to take a cab to the concert hall and pick up our tickets from the box office,” Coin commented, glancing at her watch.

“Oh, Yoba, you’re right,” Harvey replied hurriedly. “Thanks again for watching the kids, Harold, we’d better run!”

Harvey and Coin quickly hugged and kissed their children, bidding them farewell and going through the standard parent speech; ‘be on your best behavior, don’t make a fuss, be nice to Uncle Harold, don’t make a mess’ and the like. When the kids and their belongings were handed off to Harold, Harvey and Coin waved at Harold one last time before turning away to leave.

“You two kids have fun!” Harold called after them, waving as they walked down the hall.

As Coin and Harvey reached the end of the hallway, Coin flashed Harold one final look of warning before disappearing around the corner. The look on her face sent a brief shiver down his spine. And yet the moment they disappeared from sight, Harold closed the door to his apartment and looked at the kids with a large grin.

“So… you kids want pizza?” Harold asked excitedly.

“Mama says we’re not allowed to have pizza,” Justine said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, well, that’s the perks of being a funcle is you can throw the rules out the window and do whatever you want,” Harold replied flippantly.

“What’s a funcle?” Heinrich asked curiously.

“A funcle? A fun uncle!” Harold answered with an amused smirk. “I’m your fun uncle, I gotta defend that title and get you pizza!”

“Pizza! Yay!” Justine and Heinrich shouted in unison.

“Excellent! I’ll just go put some cartoons on the TV and call in the order,” Harold said with a nod.

The kids followed Harold into his living room where he directed them to sit at his black leather couch. He grabbed the television remote and tuned in to a children’s programming channel where a popular cartoon was playing. Harold didn’t know exactly what it was called, but he recalled seeing merchandise from this show at almost every store in town. Once the kids were settled on the couch to watch the show, he disappeared into the kitchen to look up the phone number for the pizza place. Amy had written it on a post-it note and left it on the fridge for him. Even after their marriage, she still helped keep him on track and helped him stay organized. It was a quick phone call to the pizza place, Harold knew he couldn’t go wrong with a supreme pizza for himself and Amy to share and a plain cheese pizza for kids. There wasn’t much he knew about children, but he did at least know that a cheese pizza was the best way to go. Already he was off to a great start with pizza and cartoons, the night was sure to be a breeze.

When the order was placed, Harold returned to the living room to check on the kids and his eyes widened at the sight before him. Heinrich had somehow found a black permanent marker and had drawn a moustache on the television… the very expensive, very large television that Harold had only purchased the month before. Justine was standing off to the side, shaking her head in disapproval.

“Wh-what’s going on in here?!” Harold asked, immediately grabbing the marker from Heinrich’s hand before he could do any further damage with it. The moment he grabbed the marker, however, Heinrich burst into tears and started to flail angrily, kicking and screaming.

“What’s the matter with him?” Harold asked in a panic, turning to Justine for answers. Justine folded her arms and rolled her eyes slightly, flashing Harold an almost pitying look at his ignorance. It was an expression he had regularly seen from her mother.

“Uncle Harold, he’s mad that you took his marker,” Justine answered.

“Yeah, well I’m mad that he drew on my TV!” Harold retorted, gesturing to his now ruined television.

“He’s three, he doesn’t know any better,” Justine reasoned. “Why was there even a marker out that he could get?”

“How was I supposed to know he’d try to draw on my TV?!” Harold asked, nearly shouting to be heard over Heinrich’s continued wails. “Why did he even draw on the TV in the first place?”

“He said he wanted the characters to look like Daddy and Uncle Harold,” Justine answered.

As furious as Harold was about the situation, he couldn’t help the gooey feeling he felt deep down at what a sweet sentiment that was. The gooey feeling didn’t last very long when Heinrich, in his tantrum, started kicking the couch. The soles of his shoes were putting dusty footprints all over Harold’s black leather couch.

“Whoa, whoa, kiddo, alright, calm down,” Harold pleaded, kneeling on the floor next to Heinrich.

He wasn’t sure what he had expected, his words did nothing to calm the situation. Heinrich was so deep in the throes of his tantrum that nothing Harold said was getting through to calm him down. He turned to Justine with a desperate, pleading expression. Crying children were never his area of expertise. Justine shook her head in the same pitying way.

“You took his marker, he’s only gonna calm down if you give it back or give him something else to distract him,” Justine answered simply.

Harold’s eyes wildly searched his apartment for something, anything, that could get Heinrich to calm down. His search was cut short when he heard his phone ping with a text message. When he pulled his phone from his pocket, he heaved a weary sigh when he saw a new message from Amy. Clearly she could hear the commotion from inside their bedroom.

‘Everything okay out there?’

Harold didn’t want to trouble her or worry her in any way, she needed her rest. He very quickly sent back a response, even though he knew she would never buy it.

‘Everything’s fine, we’re good, everything’s fine.’

Within seconds he received a response, he knew that she wasn’t believing him for a second and when he read her answer, he groaned yet again.

‘You just said “everything’s fine” twice, that means that everything is absolutely not fine.’

With another sigh, Harold sent a quick message back and stuffed his phone into his pocket once more, unable to keep the exchange going any longer while Heinrich was still wailing.

‘I can handle it. Get some rest.’

Harold’s eyes resumed their search of his apartment, desperate to find something that would work to distract Heinrich. Nothing in here was exactly kid-friendly, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Harold glanced over to the door of his office and got an idea. He quickly ran into his office, grabbed the container of paper clips from his desk, and ran back into the room where Heinrich was still kicking, screaming, and crying. Justine just stood back to try and distance herself from her little brother. She looked annoyed and certainly wasn’t willing to help Harold calm Heinrich down.

“Hey, buddy, look what Uncle Harold’s got!” Harold said in an almost sing-song voice. He dumped the paper clips onto the floor and picked two of them up, hooking them together. He grabbed two more and continued to hook them together, making the beginnings of a paper clip chain.

“Ta-da!” Harold said impressively, holding the paper clip chain up for Heinrich to see. “Wanna give it a try?”

Harold handed the chain over to Heinrich and held out a loose paper clip to him. Thankfully, the crying seemed to subside and Heinrich sniffed back tears as he tentatively reached for the paper clips. When he slipped the first paper clip onto the end of the chain, Heinrich smiled and began to laugh, his earlier tantrum immediately forgotten.

“Well alright, problem solved!” Harold called out to no one in particular.

He stood up and placed his hands on his hips, feeling rather proud of himself as Heinrich continued to make the paper clip chain longer. Paper clips aren’t exactly designed to be kid’s toys, but Harold was rather proud of himself for his ingenuity. His pride, however, was short-lived when Justine approached him and tugged at his shirt sleeve.

“Uncle Harold, I’m bored,” Justine whined.

“There’s paper clip chains and cartoons on the TV, I don’t know what else to tell ya’, kid,” Harold replied with a shrug.

“This show is for babies,” Justine went on, wincing overdramatically.

“I thought you loved this show!” Harold replied in surprise.

“Yeah, when I was a baby,” Justine replied with a scoff.

“Kid, you’re five years old, in the grand scheme of things you’re still a baby,” Harold remarked.

“Don’t call me a baby!” Justine yelled, stomping her foot in anger.

It was shocking how quickly she snapped, Harold’s eyes widened at the look of attitude Justine was giving him at the moment. He had heard that five year old girls were almost as bad as teenagers and now that he was on the receiving end of her glare, he finally understood it. And yet before he could come up with a proper counter-argument, he could hear his cell phone ringing from his back pocket. He winced as he reached for it, hoping he wouldn’t see Harvey or Coin’s face light up his screen. Instead, he groaned when he saw the face of his law partner, Nick Langston.

“Hold that thought, kid, we’ll revisit this in a minute,” Harold told Justine seriously, holding up a finger to silence her. “Hang tight here with your brother and don’t let him destroy anything, I’ll be right back.” Harold quickly ran into his office to take the call.

“Hey, Nick, what’s going on,” Harold answered in a hurry.

“Where the hell is the Schroeder file?” Nick asked curtly.

“Whoa, hey, I left it on your desk this afternoon before I left the office,” Harold answered defensively. “Or did I?...”

Harold paused for a moment to replay the afternoon in his mind, it had been hectic getting out of the office for the day. Normally he would rely on Amy to take care of these things for him, however she had left earlier in the day when she wasn’t feeling well. Harold had taken the file, he remembered that much, and he had a definite memory of himself walking down the hall to deliver it to Nick’s desk. But what happened after that? Harold’s jaw dropped when he remembered that he had received a phone call on his way to Nick’s office. It had been a quick call from one of his clients, but it was enough to derail him from his task. By the time he had ended the phone call, he had glanced at his watch and saw what time it was. He needed to be home in time for Harvey and Coin’s arrival so he had thrown everything he had into his briefcase and left the office. Sure enough, when Harold opened his briefcase he could see the Schroeder file sitting right on top.

“Fuck!” Harold swore in frustration. He jumped suddenly when he heard small footsteps behind him.

“Fuck!” Heinrich repeated happily.

“Oh shit,” Harold said to himself, losing a bit of color from his face as his nephew repeated his swear word.

“Shit!” Heinrich went on, giggling.

“Ooh, Uncle Harold said no-no words!” Justine giggled, following her brother into the room.

“No, that’s not what I-” Harold began quickly, but was cut off by his partner.

“Harold, what the hell is going on right now?!” Nick asked in annoyance.

“Sorry, I’m just watching my niece and nephew right now, it’s kind of a bad time,” Harold sighed. He cringed as he could hear Heinrich repeating “fuck, shit, fuck, shit!” over and over again through a fit of giggles. Justine wasn’t helping matters when she, too, joined in on the giggling.

“Yeah, well, it’s a bad time for all of us,” Nick replied curtly. “I need that file, Harold. Right now.”

Harold glanced around the room in a panic, temporarily unsure of what to do. His niece and nephew were still giggling as a trail of curse words left Heinrich’s mouth, Amy was in the next room still sick, and now his law partner was in desperate need of a very important file. Harold sighed and temporarily lifted his glasses to rest them on his forehead, rubbing his eyes wearily.

“You still there?” he finally heard Nick ask, sounding only slightly concerned.

“Yeah, I’m still here,” Harold sighed. “I guess I don’t have much of a choice, I know how important this case is… I’m on my way.”

Harold ended the call, set his phone down onto his desk, and took one last opportunity to rub his face with the palms of his hands in frustration before returning his glasses to his face.

“What’s the matter, Uncle Harold?” Justine asked curiously.

“Fuck!” Heinrich shouted, giggling once more.

“Well, other than teaching your brother a few new words, I now have to take us all on a little field trip,” Harold sighed.

“Where are we going?” Justine asked, her eyes widening in excitement. She certainly didn’t look bored anymore.

“My office,” Harold replied, already closing up his briefcase in preparation. “Thankfully I only live two blocks down from my office so we can walk there, but you kids are gonna have to come with me. I can’t leave you here by yourselves and your Aunt Amy is too sick to watch you.”

“And you don’t want her knowing that you goofed,” Justine added with a smirk.

“Sheesh, you really are your mother’s daughter,” Harold joked, returning her smirk. “Get your coats, kids, time to step out into Zuzu City for a bit.”

Justine looked thrilled as she ran out of Harold’s office to grab her coat. Meanwhile, Heinrich followed, whispering “fuck shit fuck shit” under his breath through a fit of giggles.

“Hey, Heinrich, knock it off,” Harold snapped authoritatively.

Both Justine and Heinrich froze for a moment and stared at Harold in disbelief. It was the first time he had ever really snapped at either of them, he usually tried his best to maintain the ‘fun uncle’ image, but he was starting to reach the end of his rope. Clearly Justine and Heinrich knew that now Harold meant business, they both silenced themselves and quietly began putting on their jackets. Heinrich couldn’t quite do his by himself and Justine wordlessly helped him get his jacket on and properly zipped up. Once they were ready to go, Justine and Heinrich met Harold by the door and looked up at him expectantly.

“Alright kids, the city streets are nuts and there’s some pretty crazy drivers out there,” Harold cautioned them. “I’ll hold onto Heinrich’s hand and Justine, I’ll need you to hold my wrist and stay close while I hold onto my briefcase, got it?”

“Got it,” Justine nodded.

“Got it, Uncle Harold,” Heinrich answered.

“Good, let’s go,” Harold replied.

Harold opened the door, took Heinrich’s tiny hand in one of his own, and held his briefcase with the other while Justine latched on to his arm to leave the apartment together. Harold stumbled for a bit as soon as he stepped into the hallway, almost knocking into someone who was headed straight for his apartment. It was a young delivery boy, no older than 19 years old, who was holding two pizzas in hand. In the chaos he had completely forgotten that they had ordered pizza. Harold nearly swore under breath before stopping himself. The last thing he needed right now was Heinrich going off on another swearing-spree.

“Hi there, uh… yeah, I kinda forgot we had ordered pizza,” Harold said in a daze, feeling incredibly frazzled.

“Oh… well, uh, someone needs to pay for this,” the kid commented with a hint of attitude.

Harold let go of Heinrich’s hand for a moment and dug around in his pocket to pull out a wad of bills. He didn’t have the time or energy to count it up, but it definitely would be more than enough to cover the pizza and then some. He shoved the wad of bills into the delivery man’s hands and grabbed the pizzas from him. The pizza delivery man glanced down at the money in his hand, his eyes went wide, and he quickly thanked Harold under his breath before swiftly turning around to leave in case Harold demanded change back.

“Guess we’ll have to eat this at the office,” Harold commented, staring at the two fresh pizzas in his hand. “We need to get this file to the office quickly, so there’s no time to stop and eat. We can have a mini pizza party at my office once we get this file delivered.”

“Yay!” Justine and Heinrich shouted in unison.

Harold took a moment to glance at one hand where he was balancing two pizzas and the other where he was holding tightly to his briefcase. It would be impossible to hold both of the kids’ hands and yet he knew Coin would kill him if he didn’t put safety first. With another sigh, he handed the briefcase to Justine and his expression became serious.

“Okay… so I can’t hold your brother’s hand and the pizza and my briefcase and your hand all at the same time, kid,” Harold began, speaking quietly, slowly, and seriously to convey the importance of his words. “I’m gonna have to trust you to carry this briefcase for me. There’s a whole lot of important stuff in there, I’m trusting you to keep it safe.” Justine looked slightly intimidated, even a bit scared, and an idea suddenly struck Harold.

“Consider it a… a quest,” Harold went on, his tone becoming even more serious. “A noble quest for a noble lady.” Harold bowed his head dramatically to her.

“You got it, Uncle Harold,” Justine answered with a look of determination on her face. She suddenly looked very serious as though he had asked her to protect something incredibly sacred.

“But even more important than that briefcase is you,” Harold went on, his tone softening slightly. “The city’s nuts, I need you to stick close by to me since I can’t hold your hand. I need you to stay close and not wander off, you understand? Even brave heroes need to stick with the group.”

“I understand,” Justine confirmed with a nod.

“Then let’s head off on our adventure,” Harold said, taking a deep breath as they headed down the hall.

They were surely an amusing sight to behold, especially when many of the residents of this complex knew Harold and knew of his lifestyle. The sight of Harold entering the elevator of this apartment building holding a stack of pizzas with two kids in tow granted them a number of stares, but it hardly mattered. By the time the group of them exited the building onto the city street, Harold couldn’t help the amusement he felt just watching the kids’ reactions. It was clear that Harvey and Coin didn’t often take them into the city, they both looked up at the tall skyscrapers surrounding them and bright lights that lit up the sky in absolute awe.

“You kids like the city?” Harold mused, smiling at the expression on their faces.

“It’s so glamorous, Uncle Harold,” Justine commented, her eyes resting on a poster for a ballet that was being held at a theater in the city.

“And the buildings are HUGE!” Heinrich shouted, tilting his head so far back to see the top of a skyscraper that he nearly fell backward.

“Maybe some time soon your aunt and I will have to have you kids stay for a few days,” Harold commented thoughtfully.

Of course, no sooner had the words escaped his lips than he immediately remembered the permanent marker on his television and the dusty footprints on his pristine couch… this visit would definitely have to take place when Amy was feeling better.

After only one block of walking, Harold could suddenly feel a pull on his arm. Heinrich had stopped walking completely and froze in place, a pout suddenly appearing on his face.

“Uncle Harold, my legs are getting tired,” Heinrich whined.

“Heinrich, we’ve only walked a block,” Harold reasoned, tilting his head in mild annoyance.

“I’ve got little legs,” Heinrich continued in a high-pitched whine.

Harold sighed in frustration, he needed to get to the office quickly to drop off this file and it was clear from the look on Heinrich’s face that he was done walking. Harold turned his attention to Justine for a moment to check on her.

“You still doing okay, brave adventurer?” Harold asked, glancing down at her over the rim of his glasses. She nodded and flashed him a thumbs up.

“You can count on me,” Justine replied, looking incredibly pleased with herself as she continued to lug Harold’s briefcase with her.

“Excellent, keep up the good work,” Harold replied appreciatively. He turned his attention to Heinrich and shook his head in exasperation. “As for you… guess I have no choice but to carry you the rest of the way. This oughta be interesting.”

Harold continued to balance the two pizzas on one hand while he used his other to scoop Heinrich onto his arm. Thankfully Heinrich was helpful enough to wrap his arms around Harold’s neck to steady himself, though it did make it just a bit difficult for Harold to breathe. That hardly mattered at the moment, though, as Harold continued down the street with determination. By the time they made it to the office, he let out an audible sigh of relief as he set Heinrich back down so that he could open the door to the office building. His law office was still quite a few stories up, but he was sure Heinrich would be able to take the elevator the rest of the way without much fuss. Harold herded the kids into the elevator and pressed the button marked ‘23’.

When they arrived at the 23rd floor of the building, the three of them stepped out into the main lobby of HLA Law Firm to find it deserted. The rest of the staff had gone home for the night and the only sign that there was someone still there was the small light visible at the end of the hall. It was coming from Nick’s office. Harold quietly led the kids down the hall, thankful that they continued to be on their best behavior at the moment. When they arrived at Nick's office, Harold poked his head in to find Nick hunched over his desk, a pen sticking out from behind his ear as he pored over a thick textbook. Papers were scattered all over his desk and there was an empty to-go container off to the side of his desk with a pair of wooden chopsticks poking out of the top. It was clear he had been working nonstop.

“About time,” Nick huffed, rising from his desk to meet Harold by the door.

“Sorry for the delay, I had a lot to juggle,” Harold replied, nodding his head toward the kids and the pizzas in his hand.

“So… where’s the file?” Nick asked impatiently.

“This brave adventurer has the documents you seek,” Harold replied with a hint of whimsy.

Justine held the briefcase out to Nick who grabbed it with an unamused scoff. Nick hurriedly opened the briefcase, pulled the file out, and handed the briefcase back to Harold who simply stared at it, making no attempt to retrieve it.

“You can return it to the lady,” Harold commented, nodding over to Justine. She held out her hand expectantly and Harold had to hold back a laugh at the defeated sigh Nick heaved as he handed the briefcase over to a five year old girl.

“We’re just gonna be in my office for a bit, Nick, I promised these kids pizza and I’m not gonna make ‘em wait any longer,” Harold explained. Nick simply grunted in response and sat back at his desk, immediately opening the file he received from Harold’s briefcase.

“We’re really gonna get to see your office, Uncle Harold?!” Justine asked in awe as they continued down the hall.

“I don’t think we have much of a choice,” Harold answered with a shrug. “That pizza will be stone cold if we wait until we’re back at the apartment, guess we’ll just have to eat it here.”

Justine and Heinrich looked amazed as Harold led them further down the hall, one office over from Nick’s. Just outside of Harold’s office door was a large desk that was very neatly organized. Not a single scrap of paper was out of place. As they passed by the desk, Justine looked and noticed a few framed pictures on this desk, one of which was a picture of Harvey, Coin, a 2-year old Justine, and a newborn Heinrich.

“Uncle Harold, why does this desk have a picture of our family?” Justine asked, sounding incredibly unsettled.

“That’s your Aunt Amy’s desk,” Harold chuckled. “Don’t worry, there’s not some complete stranger out there with your picture on their desk.”

Harold opened the office door and flipped the light switch on the wall, flooding his office with light. Both Heinrich and Justine gasped in awe at the sight of his office. His large, hand-carved mahogany desk was nearly covered in paperwork to the point that you could hardly see the surface, quite the opposite of Amy’s impeccably organized desk. Harold couldn’t quite find a place to set the pizzas on his desk and instead set the boxes down on the two high-backed chairs he kept in front of his desk for clients. In addition to the splay of paperwork on his desk, there was his computer monitor and keyboard, his telephone, a desk organizer, the potted bonsai that Amy had given him, and a few framed photos. He could see Justine curiously eyeing the photos to look for a picture of herself and smiled when her eyes fell upon a family picture of Harold, Amy, Irene, Harvey, Coin, Heinrich, and Justine from the previous Christmas; not long after Harold and Amy’s wedding. Harold’s black leather ergonomic desk chair had been pushed away from his desk slightly so that it was almost pressed against the tall bookshelves positioned along the back wall. The book shelves were filled with a number of law books and reference material that Harold used in his research, he highly doubted there was anything on that shelf that the children would find entertaining unless they wanted to learn about Constitutional Law. As Justine continued to stare at the pictures on Harold’s desks, Heinrich immediately ran over to the window and audibly gasped as he stared out at the bright lights of Zuzu City. From Harold’s office window, one could see almost the entire city; the traffic lights from the sidewalk below, the line of cars weaving their way through the streets, the bright lights of surrounding buildings, billboards as far as the eye can see for everything from bail bonds to theater productions. Harold was lucky to have such a beautiful view of the city, it wasn’t something he was often able to appreciate when he was usually working so hard in his office.

“Like the view here, huh?” Harold asked with a smirk, folding his arms across his chest as he stared out the window as well. Heinrich was too awestruck to answer, he simply nodded as he continued to stare out the window.

“Well, let’s dig in to these pizzas before they get any colder,” Harold commented, leaving the beautiful sight from the window behind as he grabbed the top pizza box.

Harold realized as he stared at the pizza that he didn’t have a plate or napkin anywhere in his office and certainly no surface to eat the pizza on with his desk as messy as it was. Without many options, Harold grabbed the cheese pizza and sat down cross-legged on the floor as he set the box on the ground in front of him.

“Looks like we’re eating out of the pizza box tonight, kids,” Harold remarked with a shrug.

The three of them sat cross-legged on the floor around the pizza box as Harold handed Justine and Heinrich their slices. It was a little cold, but still edible. Heinrich started eating right away while Justine looked over at Harold, tilting her head.

“How come you’re not eating, Uncle Harold?” Justine asked, sounding almost concerned.

“I grabbed another pizza for your aunt and I to share, I’ll wait ‘til I get back home and heat it up in the oven for the two of us,” Harold answered, waving a dismissive hand. “My pizza has veggies all over it, though, you’d probably hate it. There’s even mushrooms on it.”

“I don’t think I’d mind veggies on pizza and I kinda like mushrooms!” Justine proclaimed, puffing out her chest as though she were proud of this fact. Harold couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Ya know, I see so much of your mother in you most of the time, but that’s where I see my brother,” Harold said in amusement. “He was always the kid that liked veggies and mushrooms from a young age, I always thought he was so weird for that. That’s usually not something you start liking until you’re an adult, but not my brother… he was eating veggie pizzas from the time he was around your age.”

“Really?” Justine asked, sounding fascinated. “Would it be okay if I try a slice?”

“Sure, go for it,” Harold replied, reaching for a slice from the other box of pizza.

All it took was one bite to see that Justine was in love, she nearly devoured the entire slice in three bites and it wasn’t long before she had devoured a second. Heinrich, on the other hand, had barely managed to eat a single slice and most of the sauce had ended up all over his face. By the time the kids were done eating, Harold looked at his watch and cringed.

“We’d better head back, according to your mom I was supposed to have you kids in pajamas and start winding you down for the night by now,” Harold noted, glancing at his watch. “Eh, what your mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Still, we should get back before the bars start opening, I don’t want you kids seeing what kind of grown-ups frequent bars.”

With the remaining pizza in one hand and Heinrich’s small hand in his other, Harold stepped out of his office and led the kids down the hall back to the elevator. Just as the elevator doors opened, he felt a tug on his arm and looked down to see Heinrich dancing in place.

“Uncle Harold, I gotta go potty,” Heinrich said suddenly, his eyes slightly wide as he continued to dance in place.

“Can’t you hold it?!” Harold asked wearily. “The apartment’s two blocks down, we’ll be there in no time.”

“I reeeeeally gotta go!” Heinrich whined, his legs crossing as his dancing intensified.

“He’s just barely potty trained, Uncle Harold, he’s not gonna make it and if you don’t hurry,” Justine warned Harold matter-of-factly.

“Fine, let’s head to the bathrooms,” Harold sighed in exasperation.

Harold could feel Heinrich tug on his arm desperately as they fled across the lobby toward the bathrooms as fast as Heinrich’s little legs could go. When they reached the restrooms, Harold opened the door to allow both children inside, but Justine stopped.

“Uncle Harold, that’s the boys’ bathroom!” she gasped, sounding affronted.

“Kid, it’s nighttime in an empty office, no one’s gonna care,” Harold said urgently as Heinrich was now wiggling more than ever and his expression looked desperate. “Come on, your brother really needs to go and I’m not about to leave you here alone in the office.”

“I’m not a boy!” Justine huffed, stomping her foot on the ground in defiance.

“Oh for Yoba’s sake,” Harold groaned to himself. His eyes very quickly traveled between his nephew who was likely seconds away from an unfortunate accident and his niece who was very stubbornly not going to join them. Harold heaved a weary sigh and looked Justine in the eyes with a serious expression. “You stay right here, don’t move, don’t go anywhere, I expect to find you right back here when we’re done.”

“Okay, Uncle Harold,” Justine replied, nodding her head.

Harold set the pizzas on one of the lobby counters and rushed Heinrich into the restroom. He had never had to assist anyone using the restroom before and he fully understood in this moment why he never wanted kids. It was certainly a humbling experience to help a 3-year old properly use the restroom and Harold considered it a victory that only the floor ended up wet and not anyone’s clothing. As they left the stall together, Harold made a mental note to buy the morning janitor a coffee for his trouble. After both washing their hands very thoroughly and even taking a moment to clean the pizza sauce from Heinrich’s face, they left the bathroom together to meet up with Justine but she was nowhere to be found.

“Son of a bitch,” Harold muttered under his breath, thankfully quietly enough that Heinrich did not hear.

His eyes quickly scanned the lobby before them, but it was too dark to see well. Harold started to panic and he quickly scooped Heinrich into his arms as he sprinted across the lobby. He would be able to move significantly faster if he just carried Heinrich the whole time.

“JUSTINE!!!” Harold called out in a panic, turning the corner to the hallway where his office was.

Thankfully, just as he turned the corner he nearly bumped into someone… someone quite a bit shorter than himself. Justine was running down the hallway back toward the lobby with a guilty expression on her face.

“Justine, thank Yoba you’re okay,” Harold sighed in relief, kneeling down to her level. He set Heinrich back down on the ground and wrapped his arms around Justine, pulling her close for a hug.

“I thought I could make it back in time before you were finished,” Justine said quietly, refusing to make eye contact with Harold as she stared down at her feet.

“Why did you leave the door?” Harold asked, his tone shifting from worry to disappointment. “Kid, I asked you to stay put, I’m counting on you to do as I ask and follow directions, I need to know that you’ll do that. What possible reason did you have for leaving that door anyway?”

“I wanted to leave a note for Aunt Amy when she comes back to her desk,” Justine answered, her head still hung low.

It was amazing to Harold how his niece and nephew somehow managed to misbehave and still make him melt into a puddle. Between Heinrich drawing moustaches on the TV to look like him and Justine disobeying directions to leave a note for her aunt, Harold could absolutely understand why parenting must be so difficult with such unruly yet adorable children. Harold placed a hand delicately on Justine’s shoulder and stared at her until she looked up and caught his gaze. His expression softened and he flashed her an understanding smile.

“Hey, I know your heart was in the right place, kid, but it’s important for me to know that I can trust you,” Harold began gently. “When I give you directions, I need to know that you’re gonna follow them. If there’s something you want to do, all you have to do is ask. I’m your funcle, that makes me obligated to agree to whatever you want to do, you just have to ask me first and don’t go running off. You can more easily get away with running off to do your own thing in Pelican Town, but that isn’t exactly the best thing to do here in Zuzu City. Next time, no running off… you understand?”

“I understand,” Justine answered, nodding her head as she smiled back at Harold. “I didn’t get to finish writing my note, can we go back to Aunt Amy’s desk so I can finish it?”

“Sure thing, kid,” Harold replied, smiling.

The three of them made their way down the hall once more, passing the open door of Nick’s office where he was still hunched over his desk in concentration. It was doubtful that he even knew they were still there. When they arrived at Amy’s desk, Harold had to stifle the ‘aww’ that threatened to escape his lips at the sight of the half-finished note on Amy’s desk. Written in the unmistakable handwriting of a child was ‘get wel soon Ant Amee’ with the ‘g’ written backwards. It appeared that Justine had started to draw a picture of Amy but had only drawn her head and body without finishing her face and hair. Harold nodded to Justine and she grabbed the marker she had been using to finish drawing Amy’s face, hair, and glasses. When the drawing was complete, Justine placed it delicately on her keyboard and turned back to face Harold.

“Are we finally ready to go?” Harold asked with an exasperated sigh. “No more bathroom breaks, running off to write notes, no more distractions?”

Both Heinrich and Justine flashed Harold a thumbs up and together, they made their way back through the office, grabbed the pizza boxes and briefcase in the lobby, and rode the elevator down. This time around, Heinrich barely made it out of the building for ten seconds before complaining that he was tired, and he certainly appeared to be. Harold could see the circles under Heinrich’s eyes and he was yawning quite a bit. The poor kid looked exhausted, he had had a long day. Harold once more scooped him up in one arm and could feel Heinrich immediately rest his head against Harold’s shoulder. Harold couldn’t help but smile, it was a strangely comforting feeling. They continued down the street and back up to the apartment with Justine standing close by, still clutching tightly to Harold’s briefcase while Harold juggled both Heinrich and the pizzas.

When they finally arrived at the doorstep of Harold’s apartment, he could feel the weight of Heinrich on his shoulder and suspected that he had fallen asleep. Harold had to hand the pizzas to Justine, fish awkwardly around his pocket for his keys, and blindly plunge the key into the lock to open the door in order to prevent waking Heinrich from his sleep. And yet Harold’s attempts at keeping Heinrich asleep were all in vain as he stepped into the apartment and was greeted by a strangled cry. Amy was standing in the middle of the living room, her face so pale that she almost looked as white as snow, and she cried out the moment the three of them entered the room causing Heinrich to stir.

“Where have you been?!” Amy asked in a panic, her voice hoarse from her illness. “I’ve been scared out of my mind!”

“Oh… I forgot to tell you, we had to stop by the office,” Harold replied quietly, losing a bit of color in his own face as he realized that he forgot to notify Amy that he would be leaving the apartment with the kids.

“All I knew was that I heard Heinrich screaming his lungs out, then I heard the three of you fly out the door in a hurry, I thought something terrible had happened!” Amy went on, she was close to tears from worry by this point. “I tried calling you to find out what was wrong, but you left your phone on your desk at home, I had no way to reach you, I had no way of knowing where you were. For Yoba’s sake, Harold, I thought you were rushing him to the hospital or something.”

“I’m really sorry, Amy, I should have told you we were going,” Harold said gently. “There was an emergency at the office, something I forgot to do, and-”

“And so you took two young children out onto the city streets at night,” Amy interrupted, sounding appalled. “And why on earth do you have pizza with you?” Amy gestured to Justine who was still holding the pizzas, looking slightly scared. When Amy noticed the look on Justine’s face, her expression and tone softened considerably.

“We were leaving the apartment just as the pizzas arrived, we didn’t have a choice except to bring the pizza with us to eat at the office,” Harold explained. “Look, this entire night has been a string of unfortunate mishaps, the kids are exhausted, we’ve all had a long night, let’s just… relax for a bit.”

“I don’t want to fight in front of the kids, but we will have words about this, Harold,” Amy whispered harshly, narrowing her eyes so that only Harold could see how truly upset she was.

“I’m sure we will,” Harold replied with a defeated sigh. “But for now, the kids are fine, we’re home safe, you should go lay down and get some rest. You’ve had a long night as well, you need to lay down. I can bring you some pizza in a little bit once I reheat it in the oven.”

“I’m not hungry,” Amy answered curtly, turning on her heels. She stormed back into the room and slammed the door behind her.

“Is Aunt Amy mad at you?” Justine asked, looking up at Harold with a curious expression.

“She’s just scared,” Harold answered honestly. “When grown-ups get scared, sometimes we also get angry. It’s how we cope with being worried, afraid, and nervous. She’s not really mad at me, she was just so scared that something bad might have happened to you kids. She loves you both so much, I think she probably spent most of her night terrified.”

“Can I go give Aunt Amy a hug?” Justine asked, her eyes turning to the door that Amy had disappeared behind.

“I’m afraid not, kid,” Harold answered, shaking his head with a slight frown. “Amy’s sick and I’m pretty sure your dad would kill me if I let you get too close and you got sick as well.”

“Daddy would kill you?!” Justine asked, her eyes going wide with fear and shock.

“It’s just an expression, he wouldn’t actually kill me,” Harold chuckled.

Once more Harold could feel the weight of Heinrich against his shoulder, he had clearly fallen back asleep. Harold crossed the room and laid Heinrich down gently on the couch, patting his head affectionately as he slept. As he looked down at Heinrich, his stomach twisted as he realized that Heinrich was still dressed in his day clothes when Coin had specifically instructed Harold to have them dressed in their pajamas at a reasonable hour… this was hardly a reasonable hour.

“Justine, do me a favor and grab your stuff, I gotta hurry up and get you kids changed into pajamas,” Harold uttered quickly.

Justine nodded and reached for the bag that her mother had packed while Harold very gently roused Heinrich from his sleep.

“Hey, buddy,” Harold said softly, trying not to startle the poor kid. “Wake up for just a second, I gotta get you into your pajamas.”

Heinrich turned to Harold, only half-awake as he tried to figure out where he was and what was happening. Harold knew there wasn’t a lot of time left so he regrettably didn’t have time to be much more gentle than he was already being. When Justine arrived with Heinrich’s pajamas, Harold did the best job he could to get Heinrich changed but it was difficult with a sleepy toddler who wasn’t cooperating. Thankfully, Justine was self sufficient enough to be able to change out of her day clothes and into her pajamas without a hassle. Harold had just finished buttoning the last button of Heinrich’s pajama shirt when he heard a knock at the door, causing the knot in his stomach to twist even worse. Heinrich’s eyes flew open at the sound of the knock and both Heinrich and Justine ran to the door, knowing exactly who was going to be on the other side. Harold quickly grabbed the children’s bag and met them at the door. He took a deep breath to not appear winded or frazzled, then opened the door to find Coin and Harvey standing outside of his apartment.

“Mommy! Daddy!” Heinrich called out, rushing out the door to grab Harvey around his knees. Harvey chuckled in amusement and leaned over to pick up Heinrich and hold him in his arms.

“Did you and Daddy have fun?” Justine asked her mother, also stepping out of the apartment to greet her parents.

“We sure did,” Coin answered, hoisting Justine into her arms to hold her. Coin kissed Justine on the cheek before turning her attention to Harold in uncertainty. “How were the kids?”

“They were great, didn’t have any problems,” Harold replied quickly, though perhaps a bit too quickly. Harvey seemed convinced, but Coin’s expression fell in an instant and her sudden scowl was enough to tell Harold that she didn’t believe him for a second.

“Thanks again for watching the kids, Harold,” Harvey said pleasantly, his warm smile providing Harold with at least a small amount of comfort. Amy was mad at him, Coin was incredibly suspicious, and yet Harvey at the very least was blissfully unaware of what was going on and at least appeared grateful. It was the most Harold was going to get tonight.

“Any time, little brother… it was great spending time with the kids,” Harold replied, smiling at both Heinrich and Justine who both smiled back.

They all exchanged quick goodbyes before Harvey, Coin, and the kids left and Harold stayed in the doorway to watch as they left. As soon as they disappeared around the corner, Harold went weak in the knees and leaned on the door jamb for support. It had been an overwhelming few hours.

‘I can fool Harvey, but I can’t fool Coin…’ Harold thought darkly, resting his head wearily in his hands.

Between the impending talk with Amy and the phone call from Coin he was sure to get once Heinrich and Justine told her about their little adventure in the city, Harold was not looking forward to the blowback he was going to receive for all of this. And yet there was a small part of him in the back of his mind that wouldn’t change any of this night. Though the television was ruined, the couch was dirty, the unexpected trip to the office was daunting, and he was likely to face the wrath of two very annoyed women, it was actually quite fun to spend time with his niece and nephew like this. He may have lied about there not being any problems, but he didn’t lie when he said that it was great spending time with the kids… that part was undeniably true.

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