How do I tell my adult children that they'll have a new little sister?
I (45 M) have found myself in a position I didn't think I would find myself in at this point in my life.
It has been a while since I last posted on this site but the last time, I posted I was met with some really good advice, and even made a few friends, so I'm hoping I can get some really good advice now.
The title is self-explanatory. I have four children already, all adults now, and recently, a social worker contacted me to inform me that I possibly have a five-year-old daughter, now six as I write this. To say I was surprised was an understatement, I actually sat for hours racking my brain trying to remember who I slept with in the last six years, I'm not very active in the dating scene and can only remember having a one-night stand once which lines up with my new daughter's age.
There wasn't any actual confirmation that I was the father, and the worker was asking for a paternity test to locate this child's biological parent. I readily agreed to the test, and the results came back positive. It was then that I learned that my new daughter, who I'll call Kitty because she reminds me of one, had recently lost her mother (I wasn't given any details) and the man who had been raising her up until now had learned that Kitty wasn't his biological daughter and doesn't want anything to do with her, and neither does any of Kitty's maternal family after learning she was born both out of wedlock and is a result of her mother's infidelity.
I want to put out there, that I was under the belief that Kitty's mother was single at the time, I can't even remember her name (although the one given to me by the social worker didn't sound familiar in the slightest) and the number she gave me that night turned out to be for an 80-year-old woman who managed her social groups Tupperware "store", I think I was stuck on that phone call for two hours listening to this kind old lady go through her Tupperware sales speech, forget said speech and then rinse and repeat. And yes. I bought a lot of Tupperware that day. My daughter Pow (20) mocked me endlessly for doing so but had a blast baking to fill those containers.
It goes without saying, but I decided to get guardianship of Kitty, I've already met her. She's weary, which is fair she's going through a lot of changes at the moment and is silent which is a result of her being nonverbal (I've been told that she possibly has autism but hasn't been assessed yet) and strangely enough is already confirmed to be a Shifter; usually, people don't find out they're a Shifter until they become teenagers but she's an early bloomer.
Right now, she's in the hands of Janna's Temple until the transfer of custody can be finalized, I have set up appointments to go visit her so that she's used to my presence in her life and so that her transition into my home can go more smoothly.
My biggest worry at the moment is how my kids are going to react. They're all good kids, minus a few hiccups growing up, and I trust them to act accordingly with her but I also can't help but continuously imagine the worst-case scenario.
Has anyone else been in this situation? And if so, can you offer me any advice on how to navigate it in a way where I don't end up horrifically traumatizing my new daughter?
