#comphet critical

[lesbianp1lled]

What is the concept of compulsory heterosexuality ( often shortened to comphet ) and why do I not believe it is real?

Here is the wikipedia definition of comphet. As you can see, it is the theory that heterosexuality is assumed and enforced upon women. Whilst I do agree heterosexuality is assumed by a number of people ( but this is only natural for people to assume, as the majority of people are heterosexual anyway ) I am critical of Adrienne Rich saying heterosexuality is enforced. A lot of people are naturally heterosexual and this makes sense from a biological standpoint. Men being attracted to women exclusively and vice versa makes sense for the purpose of being able to create offspring, there seems to be a biological drive in a lot of people to have babies ( whilst i would argue lesbians and gay men do not have this drive at all )

For a lot of women, heterosexuality is not enforced, it is their natural sexuality. Speak to a heterosexual woman and she will gush about her partner, you can see they are genuinely attracted to men.

In some cases women are forced to get married to men, but this is the exception and the majority of women are NOT forced.

Heterosexuality, just like homosexuality and bisexuality, is natural.

As for the argument that society enforces heterosexuality and can make lesbian get into osa relationships I am critical of this. Despite pressure from family members and friends and heterosexuality being everywhere, a lesbian would not get into a relationship with a man because she knows what she wants and that is not a male. Lesbians do have autonomy over their lives in a lot of cases. Despite what some people want to believe it is not hard to figure out you are a lesbian, many lesbians I have spoken to even from the most homophobic countries say it was something they knew from a young age. Even if you don’t know it is an option to date a woman as a woman, you will know that males are not attractive to you.

[anticomphet]

i think part of why so many women falsely call themselves lesbians is that lots of them believe that being a lesbian is an ENTIRELY different experience than being a bi woman with a strong female preference. that there’s NO overlap between the experiences. that being bi entails a significant amount attraction to men and minimal feelings of attraction are irrelevant. that you’re either fully willing to date/fuck men or you’re not at all attracted to them.

the truth is, there will be overlap between a bi woman with a 99% female preference and a lesbian. if you’re barely attracted to men, you will feel like you need to force yourself to feel more attraction than you do.

being a lesbian doesn’t mean being attracted to men but not wanting to date/fuck them. being a lesbian doesn’t mean having celebrity crushes on men. it means having no attraction to men.

[bi-sapphics]

whats the difference between lesbian repulsion for men, and febfem repulsion for men?

ive been so confused about whether im a lesbian or febfem. with either one i wouldn't engage with men, but if im febfem, and wouldnt be romantic or intimate with a man ever, how do i know im attracted to them?

okay, listen. i'm gonna assume you're using "febfem" in good faith like i once did, but unless you actually are a radfem on my blog for some weird reason then please don't. i literally use the term "bi sapphics" instead to emphasize wlw attraction and i'm not sure how you missed such an obvious replacement for a problematic term if you're asking me somewhat-advanced questions like this. i'm not mad, just a little shocked you're talking positively about febfems in my inbox and i wanna address that first.

but to answer your question, at the end of the day the most general answer is you're the one who indicates that. if you think comphet is valid, you might wanna look into the lesbian masterdoc - you can probably just google it or search for it on twitter or tumblr. i have some beef with it personally and am very critical of it because it definitely contributes to bi erasure and was written without the consolation of bi women so it kinda tends to list very common bimisogynistic experiences as lesbian experiences, buuuuut i think it does actually provide some genuine and helpful relief in the longrun. i think comphet is conditionally real, all in separate lesbian contexts, wlw contexts, and women in general contexts because that's just how the patriarchy functions. maybe see which one is affecting you the most and figure out if that helps.

but like i said before all that, i really can't tell you because i don't live your experiences. what i will say is that i used to identify as a lesbian for a year because i went through something very similar, but then i realized my attraction to men just wasn't comphet. it might be the same for you, it might be different. maybe you'll go with bi sapphic and later realize it actually was comphet instead. nothing you do from here will be morally wrong and you shouldn't let anyone, especially radfems & exclus, tell you otherwise, because they will. even then, you could be super perfectly confident and still end up being wrong in the future. really only you can figure this out, with help of course, but i can't give you a definitive answer. hopefully my suggestion will get you somewhere.

if other lesbians and bi women want to add on, please feel free!! all opinions on the "am i a lesbian?" masterdoc are welcome.

[radiqueer]

I'm lowkey thinking of the idea of comphet and how it's rooted in radfem ideas of sexuality in ways that are actively harmful to all wlw even beyond the biphobia and transphobia inherent to the concept

[radiqueer]

"Suffer attraction to guys" is the exact way non-lesbian women are framed on this site. I have dropped too many people in fandom spaces because they called every woman interested in a male character heterosexual. Forget trans people, m-specs, a-specs and woc in general, if you aren't wlw 100% of the time you're one of THOSE hetties. Hell, even straight women are punished for having a sexuality. Like I get the frustration with men but can y'all stop shitting on attraction to men?

see there’s this thing - which you’re probably familiar with if you have a passing acquaintance with the feminist sex wars - with radfems, where men are not just bad because they are privileged by the patriarchy and leverage that privilege against minorities, but because they are men. because people born with penises have this like, innate need to do harm to women. all men are rapists, literally, because there’s this ‘power differential’ between men and women that means that consensual interactions between them are impossible. that’s why things like kink and porn are wrong - because they bring men sexual pleasure, and that’s a moral bad, period. the fact that porn stars are treated badly in the industry is almost secondary. men having sexual pleasure is bad, and we must punish things that bring men sexual pleasure. women enjoy those things too? fake. handmaiden. sellout. go fuck yourself, how dare you think you have any agency whatsoever. your life can belong to men who want to use you for sex and will never love you or it can belong to your cisters, the collective womxxn of the world. either way, no agency. either way, no choice in what happens to your body.

this is, of course, a horrible, insidious lie. the world is complicated. sometimes, women enjoy being tied up and humiliated by men, and it doesn’t mean anything. or maybe it does! but it’s her life and her choices, and not every decision a woman makes has to fall into a dichotomy of empowering/disenfranchising. sometimes you can do a thing because it’s fun, and your pleasure matters. and sometimes they don’t. but any woman who doesn’t live up to your narrow standards of acceptable womanhood does not cease to be a women, because you are not the grand arbiter of womanhood. nobody is. 

my original point got away from me a bit; that radical feminism punishes any expression of women’s agency that coincides with what men seem to want, and you can use that seed to extrapolate most radical feminist ideas. thus, the punishment and hatred and active villainisation of straight/mspec, poly, and kinky women.

[radiqueer]

with a concept like comphet, it’s difficult to take out all the ugly, transphobic, biphobic, anti questioning rhetoric that’s built into it from the very start. you’re much better of just using coercive heteronormativity.

[radiqueer]

yo so are you done being a vicious bigoted homophobe and denying comp het is a thing or what's up

it’s very funny because every few months I’ll get an ask like this...pretty much exactly like this, anon’s always bitching about my ‘homophobia’ and how evil i am for being critical of comphet, and usually i’ll block anon. and then, idk, they borrow their friend’s phone or something and send me more hate! that’s amazing. that’s a lot of dedication to a stranger on the internet! it’s quite surprising to me that my humble little blog has attracted such devoted ire. 

anyway, anon, i suggest getting a life filled with things that bring you more joy. i would recommend reading the article in which Rich introduces comphet, since you seem so enamoured with the concept. perhaps reading this article will teach you what i never can - that whatever Rich’s intended definition of the term was, it is nowhere near its current usage. and that despite this, comphet remains inextricably rooted in her violent transphobia and biphobia. 

that would require an ability to read, and I have my doubts about yours. 

[radiqueer]

I hate comphet because not only does it alienate m-spec women but I keep seeing it used against ace/aro women as well. Like ugh a lot of lesbians will claim that women who are ace/aro or use a-spec microlables are just coming up with ways to deny that they aren't attracted to men. Like oh if you're a demisexual or aromantic or grey-ace you are just a lesbian who is scared to admit that you dont like men and are desperate to not let go of men becuase of comphet. I hate it so much.

it all boils down to ‘women can’t really know themselves or what they want, unless they’re cis lesbians, in which case they know everything about non straight sexuality for everyone all the time’. which is definitely something radical feminism pushes, whether it’s obvious or not. radfems have a built a horrible little vagina fetishist cult, and they take any indication that you don’t want to be a part of that cult - that getting in it isn’t the sole purpose of your life - as a personal slight on them.