I love secretly closeted Steve Harrington. I love when he knows himself, knows the truth of his identity, knows that how he views men isn't a fluke. I love secretly closeted Steve Harrington who dates girls and has sex with girls to protect himself, to keep an image, to try and earn an ounce of recognition and respect from his dad.
I love secretly closeted Steve Harrington who recognizes Robin's bravery when she came out. But he keeps his secret to himself for a while longer. Who joins in on the joke of just how bad he is at pulling girls. Who upholds an image as just that, an image.
A secretly closeted Steve who gets frustrated at the projection painted onto him. Steve Harrington the ladies' man. Steve Harrington who gets the girl. Steve Harrington who can get into bed with any girl he wants. He's frustrated and he hates all the assumptions, but he can't shake them, can't explain why—not without revealing himself. But he knows who he is. Knows the type of person he wants.
I love when he's nervous, but still proud. Who, slowly and surely, cements his identity within himself—so it transcends knowledge, it's deeply intertwined within. He goes to Robin first, because he feels as though that's a good first baby step—because he knows for certain that Robin will accept him. And, with minor hesitance, goes to Nancy. And with a long conversation, some tissues, and gentle smiles passed back and forth, Nancy then understands, too.
The last person is Eddie. Which is harder. Which frustrates him further. Because Eddie won't stop asking him about women, won't stop categorizing him as straight, some god among men. He just wants to be Steve Harrington. Not Steve Harrington. Not ladies man, Steve Harrington.
Steve Harrington who likes men. Only men. Who compensated for years just so he can uphold a safe life for himself, who was threatened constantly (though not directly at him) by what his dad would say about those queers, who covered for himself the only way he knew how.
And though it takes longer, some deep wounds and harsh words about how he isn't experimenting, that his sexuality can't just be decided for him, that he has a right to explore—even if the exploration never amounted to anything—Steve is able to get Eddie's trust. Eventually, again slowly, get Eddie's hand intertwined with his. And even later after that, a shy kiss; his first kiss with a man that aids in solidifying the last, hairline fracture in his whole.
Steve Harrington who is gay and learns over time to be proud of that. But also, closeted Steve Harrington who goes on the journey to get to the end result—I love him so so so much and he means so much to me. And now I need to write him and make this version a reality.
I need to stop starting these damn headcanon posts with 'Okay so'.
But. Okay, so I have acespec Steve on the brain. Which is 100% me projecting as a fellow Demi/Gray-Ace queer.
Get ready for another long ass headcanon ramble.
I am envisioning a Steve Harrington who gaslights himself into thinking he likes meaningless sex. But struggles in the aftermath because it just never feels right. (Yes this is also why I live for comphet!Steve too)
So of course that leads to the Ladies Man/Casanova reputation as he jumps from girl to girl trying to make it feel 'right'.
Now I personally attempted - but always chickened out before anything overly sexual happened - to do a similar thing in my early 20s before I came to terms with being acespec. So I do see a young teenaged Steve doing this trying to figure himself out while also meeting the expectations of others he feels he has to ie Tommy and Carol, his parents, the school at large etc.
Now a Demisexual Steve forming a romantic attachment to Nancy which finally, finally, feels right. He celebrates. He has finally figured it out only for it all to end up in flames. Which is what makes the Halloween argument/breakup so much worse for Steve.
He would not just be heartbroken but so confused because 'didn't Nancy feel the same connection he did?' Not just romantic but what he figured as the physical connection too.
It's this that causes the dryspell he has before he graduates more than anything else. Then you have him constantly striking out as noted by Robin at Scoops before Starcourt, and then the string of dates with various women after starting at Family Video. Where he clearly falls back into the same confused rut as the before-Nancy times.
This leads to everyone thinking he's still hung up on Nancy and in some ways he is but he isn't in love with her anymore. He's just hung up on the connection they once shared and he is craving a new relationship that will spark the same feelings in him.
Cue Eddie. And the sudden realisation that Steve's sexual and romantic attraction is not limited by gender and the following speed run through a Sexuality crisis. (More of a crisis of "Oh my god I used to be such an asshole and spit slurs at people and I am one of them" then a true sexuality crisis).
Of course Happy Endings only so of course Steddie then get together and live out the rest of their lives in love with one another till death do they part.
It's a fluke that Eddie ends up a gymnast. Wayne only signs him up for summer classes at Hawkins's tumbling gym to burn off his excess six-year-old energy. Nobody, lest of all Eddie or Wayne, expects him to be talented at it.
And now, somehow, he's at his first ever elite gymnastics competition. His coaches all said he was good, but he hadn't really had a frame of reference for what that meant. Not until now. Not until he's in 3rd place after high bar, right behind Steve Harrington.
They tumbled together, as little kids. Steve a tiny boy with an absurd pompadour, monopolizing the mats for insane tumbling passes and lording his high-end competition shirts over the other kids (none of the rest even wore actual gymnastics gear; they were six and it was Hawkins).
Now, he's a swaggering fifteen year old with the same pompadour and bad attitude. They're not on the same rotation, but as Eddie moves on from his floor exercise, Steve makes a point to ram into him.
Eddie doesn't react and maybe that would've been the end of it, but he ends up placing, and Steve corners him in the locker room.
"Come to congratulate me?" Eddie smirks.
"You better watch your back, Munson." Steve shoves him into the lockers.
"I knew you were an asshole, Harrington, but I didn't realize you were a sore loser."
Steve leans close, heat melting into Eddie. "You better count yourself lucky you've gotten this far. Not really a sport for poor kids."
Eddie bristles at this. Yeah, sure, his gear is secondhand, and he and Wayne learned how to sew to mend his competition shirts, gymnastics pants, and warmups, but they work hard, together, for Eddie to do this. "Don't worry about how I afford to be here." Eddie checks him as he brushes past. "Just fix those wobbly flairs on pommel."
The rivalry is hot and fierce and mean, made even worse by the fact that Eddie has an enormous hate-boner for Harrington. It's not, Eddie reasons, his fault. He's gay and surrounded by guys whose bodies are honed for a sport based on strength, endurance, and agility, Steve the most beautiful of all. So he looks, and he longs, and he hates Harrington with every fiber of his being.
Eddie's sure this would continue for their competitive lives, but everything changes the summer before their junior years of high school. They're at a training camp, the kind for world champion, Olympic hopeful types. Steve is practicing ring dismounts when he loses himself in the air, lands hard off the mat, destroys something in his knee. He needs surgery, the recovery time 6-8 months, if he's lucky to be able to compete again.
Maybe a year ago, Eddie would be excited by this development, but now it's kind of devastating. He doesn't bother examining why.
--
Steve comes back and he's--different. His first competition, he comes up, asks, "Eddie, hey, can we talk?" And, well, they've never been on a first name basis before and Steve is so so pretty, so he agrees.
"I just want to say, I'm sorry how I treated you back before. I was a real piece of shit and you never deserved it."
Eddie truly doesn't know how to respond, never foresaw this day coming. "Thanks. Uh--yeah. Thanks."
They stare at each other for a few seconds longer before Steve taps him on the shoulder and walks away.
It's not the only thing that's changed about Steve. There's this big group of feral children that follow him around everywhere now. Apparently, Harrington told them Eddie plays dnd and now they follow him around too.
He also. Has a girlfriend now. She's pretty; delicate looking. Her name is Nancy. And she's nice, or whatever. Eddie definitely isn't jealous. It's just. He's been with Steve in locker rooms for years, and he thought--well, he'd seen the way Harrington's eyes sometimes lingered on a bicep, a well-cut thigh, the intrigue of a pelvic v, and he thought--not that it matters, but he thought--
Anyway, Steve has a girlfriend.
---
They're at the winter classic, when it happens.
Eddie is doing good. Like. Really good. Like his routines, they're not flawless, but he's hitting the big skills and sticking landings, and stays in 2nd throughout the majority of the rotations.
It's not a huge shock when he finishes his final rotation, vault, and winds up finishing in 2nd. What is a shock, though, is that, when the scores go up, Steve is wrapping his arms around Eddie's waist, hoisting him into the sky. And, even after he's back on solid ground, Harrington doesn't loosen his hold.
And it's, like. Nothing, right? It's nothing because he has a girlfriend and, sure, maybe he's bi, but that doesn't stop Nancy from existing.
He's not going to think about it, is the thing. He knows it doesn't mean anything, so he isn't going to dwell. It's definitely not all he thinks about during the podium ceremony, or after when he talks to media, or even later walking into the empty locker room.
Or. He thought it was empty. But Steve is there, smiling, saying "you were amazing out there."
They hug again, and Eddie tries not to enjoy the warmth of Harrington's body, the comforting strength of his toned biceps. Eddie pulls back and Steve is--he's so close, gazing at Eddie's lips and--
Steve's mouth is hot and sweet, like he's wearing cherry chapstick, and Eddie can't--he thinks of Nancy; she's nice, doesn't deserve this, they should stop--
But he's sucking on Steve's tongue and Steve is making the sweetest sounds, hard against Eddie's thigh, and nothing else matters.
---
It goes on for months.
Eddie knows he needs to end it, vows to as soon as they're apart.
It all goes out the window as soon as they're together again. He can't get enough. It's Steve. How is he supposed to resist?
(He needs to. It's horrifying, what they're doing to Nancy)
---
The children who follow Steve around invite him to dinner after the first day of the USA gymnastics championships.
Nancy is there.
It's the worst three hours of his life. He can't look at Steve, can barely speak to him.
Nancy is beautiful and smart and kind and strong. She doesn't deserve any of this.
And when Steve drops by his hotel room hours later, Eddie greets him by saying, "I can't do this anymore."
"I like you, Steve. A lot. But I can't--you have a girlfriend. And I can't keep being whatever this is for you."
Steve nods, won't meet his eyes. "You're right. It's not fair to either of you. I--My parents expect--And I--I'm sorry," he whispers the last part.
Eddie smiles, heart aching. "Sweetheart. I get it. But. Figure out your shit, yeah? Maybe then we can talk?"
The smile Steve flashes him is a broken thing. "Maybe. Sure."
And that's it.
Eddie cries himself to sleep that night.
The next day, he wins first in the all-around.
---
He and Steve stop speaking.
Somewhere around, ohh, the very first time they hooked up, he caught feelings. So sue him if it kills him, seeing Steve at every competition.
They don't speak again until the Olympic trials. And isn't that ridiculous? Eddie at the Olympic trials. It's such an insane pipe dream, being an Olympian, that he doesn't actually have any expectations whatsoever.
So knock him over with a feather when he fucking makes it on the team.
And so does Steve.
The announcement rings out, and Steve is there, out of nowhere, pulling Eddie into his arms. And Eddie's so hyped, so excited, that he just shouts and hugs Steve right back.
He pretends the proximity, the musk of Steve's cologne, the tangy saltiness of his sweat, doesn't bother him, doesn't transport him immediately back to Steve's bed.
They're teammates now; he can keep it casual.
Right before they leave for the games, news breaks that Steve and Nancy have broken up.
---
The Team competition at the fucking Olympics is going well. They've had good routines, with no huge errors, stay consistently within the top 5 scores. But then they're on the last rotation, parallel bars, and he's the very last competitor to go. They'll win bronze if he can score above 14.933.
But
He's inconsistent on parallel bars, always has been, something deep and psychological he can't quite let go of, and now their medal chances are all on him.
He salutes the judges, jumps into his starting position--and his mind goes quiet. Muscle memory, skill, years of training take over--he's flawless.
Eddie sticks his dismount, and the place erupts. He doesn't have a score yet, doesn't know if he's done it, but the rest of the team screams like he has.
They pull him into their arms, but Steve is closest, his grip the tightest. Their eyes keep catching, holding, and Eddie can't really breathe but he doesn't think it's the anxiety or the excitement.
The score goes up.
Not only is it high enough for bronze, it puts them in silver.
Eddie has barely a second to process before he's being hoisted into the air, Steve's arms bracing him up. The crowd's going crazy, his teammates screaming and hugging him, each other, but all he sees is Steve beaming up at him.
He's slowly lowered to the ground, Steve's arms still around him. "You were perfect, baby," Steve whispers. "Never seen anyone like you."
He wishes he could stay right there, Steve beaming at him, but they won the silver--they won the silver at the goddamn Olympics--and they have to get medals, do interviews.
They don't have a chance to be alone together until they're back at the Village, where Steve is just waiting in Eddie's room when he gets back.
"Is this okay?" Steve asks. "I wanted to talk to you and Jason let me in, but I can--I'll leave."
"Please don't." Eddie swallows. "Stay."
Steve smiles, a little. "I needed to tell you that I'm sorry for what I did to you and Nancy. It was unfair to both of you. I love her, you know? But she's not who--I'm not in love with her."
"No?"
"No. I thought it would make my parents happy, settling down with a nice girl. But it turned out it didn't actually make a difference to them, who I dated. And she isn't who I wanted to be with."
"I'm proud of you for figuring out what you really wanted. It's brave."
"I wish I could've been brave earlier." He gives a little laugh. "Before I hurt you."
Eddie doesn't know what to say to that. He wishes the same thing.
"Um, which is also why I'm here." Steve plucks at the waistband of his Team USA Nike joggers. "I wanted to see if maybe we could try again? Officially this time?"
Eddie can't keep his smile from taking over his entire face. "Sweetheart, I would love to."
"Yeah?"
And Eddie just--after all this time, he just--pulls Steve into his arms and kisses him. The silver medals, still around both of their necks, clink together with the force, but neither of them really care.
Steve sighs, nuzzles his nose to Eddie's. "Missed you so bad," he whispers. "I'm so sorry."
"Me too," Eddie smiles. "But kiss me a while."
Eventually, they fall back onto Eddie's bed, which makes a horrible noise as their combined weight topples onto it, and they break apart to laugh. Steve smooths back his hair, wrapping a few fingers through his curls to keep Eddie close, even though he's not about to go anywhere.
"Can't believe we made it all the way here." Steve's looking at him like he hung the moon
"Cause we're taking medals home?"
"Honey," he laughs. "Because I'm taking you home."
I don’t ship steddie anymore but I did back when season 4 came out and lemme tell you I still am obsessed with the concept of comphet steve harrington who can’t make connections with the girls he dates because he’s gay and doesn’t realize it
