So I'm like. In tears about Bolaire and Hal's dynamic (big surprise coming from someone who adores Liam and Taliesin's characters and their relationships with one another), and we're only four episodes in and their friendship means the world to me. But something I thought of that's really just making me scream and cry and throw up, is in the scene where Hal welcomes Bolaire at Thjazi's funeral.
I get the sense already that Hal is a pretty physically affectionate guy, at least with the people he considers family and close friends. He hugs Thaisha and his children, he kisses Hero on the forehead, he allows Murray to kiss his face in greeting, among other little mannerisms we notice that Liam both describes and acts out at the table. When Bolaire arrives, he acts no different, putting his hand on the man's shoulder and welcoming him warmly and gratefully.
But in that scene, after they finish speaking... Liam (Hal) moves his hand up and specifically cups Taliesin's (Bolaire's) cheek.
Bolaire seems to acquire the senses of the bodies he occupies, likely part of why Taliesin described them as being uncomfortable for him. He likely had to get used to being able to do things like taste, smell, touch, etc. Even if he was familiar with some of those sensations to some degree, I've no doubt they hit him on a whole other level once he began living with a physical body full time.
But ultimately, that body is not Bolaire, not truly, anyway. There really is a degree of body horror that comes with it... that idea of occupying something that isn't your own, that isn't familiar, all these extra arms and legs and organs you've never before had to operate or experience operating. When people touch you, you feel it, but it isn't... you. Not really.
For Liam (and, by extension, Hal), cupping Bolaire's cheek was likely a means of showing us, the audience, as well as the other players, that Hal really does not shy away from Bolaire's appearance. The mask is off-putting to some, but not to him nor his kin. Hal sees it as part of his friend, and therefore is not unsettled. And yet, he has no way of possibly knowing... that mask is not just part of his friend. It is his friend.
Do you ever just think about how that must feel to Bolaire? Do you ever just think how disorienting that must be? You are friends with this man, you love him and his family, they are like your family, and yet, you can never let them know the real you, not fully. You are forced to withhold the truth from them, day in and day out. And when they try to show you affection, as most people will do, it is through hugs and pats upon the hand and squeezes of the shoulder on pieces of you that aren't really you, that belong to someone else entirely. You feel them but it always only ever feels wrong, even when you touch back with those same hands, reach forward with those same arms and fingertips.
And then, that friend touches you on the cheek. He holds your face, looks into your eyes, and he says your name, at least the name you have chosen for yourself. For once, for a brief moment, it is you that receives that affection... not this foreign body, not this other person, not this deception. You. And you can feel it.
I don't think the look on Taliesin's face on that scene is the direct result of Liam cupping his cheek, but I love to imagine Bolaire wearing it after Hal does it nonetheless. Because how must that feel? How must that feel?
