The difference between Complicated and Complex
Scanning this geeky page discussing the differences between Complicated and Complex systems makes me think of problem solving within poly. Namely, that it ain’t easy. There often isn’t a way to solving an issue in one area (or with one partner) without causing problems in other areas (with other partners), and this is part of why I find metamour relationships so distressing; ESPECIALLY with more black-and-white type thinkers who reduce friction to simple causes. Few people understand the effort required to pull apart all the knots of complexity, or if they do, are uninterested in putting in the work to do so. General finger-pointing abounds instead (much like the current state of left-vs-right politics).
Especially challenged by my distant metamour these days and hearing how she boils down some of the things we’ve all been through. Despite our shared partner having the most holistic, birds-eye view of the different perspectives and forces at play -- and despite her never having managed two emotional/romantic relationships at once herself to even BEGIN to empathize with the wider picture -- she’s still resolute in her (mis)understandings/judgement of past scenarios. Her capacity for grokking the “emergent whole” remains woefully stunted. Even her boiled down judgements are often so grossly hypocritical, they’d be laughable if I had thicker skin to not be so offended!!
I wish EVERYONE on the planet could think a little more about everything they DON’T know rather than just everything they think they do. The devil’s in the details, people. LIVE IN THE GREY.
Complicated problems originate from causes that can be individually distinguished; they can be addressed piece by piece; for each input to the system there is a proportionate output; the relevant systems can be controlled and the problems they present admit permanent solutions.
On the other hand, complex problems and systems result from networks of multiple interacting causes that cannot be individually distinguished; must be addressed as entire systems, that is they cannot be addressed in a piecemeal way; they are such that small inputs may result in disproportionate effects; the problems they present cannot be solved once and for ever, but require to be systematically managed and typically any intervention merges into new problems as a result of the interventions dealing with them; and the relevant systems cannot be controlled — the best one can do is to influence them, or learn to “dance with them” as Donella Meadows rightly said.
