#comportment

[convivialdave]

"When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less"

Pictured: Tony Lema, Open Champion for 1964, St Andrews, Scotland.

[mbti-notes]

I believe that you are a great people watcher. I'm introverted and confess that I'm not very observant. I'd like to be more observant of people. I'm curious about what you notice first about people and what things you think are important to look for before turning a stranger into a friend. TIA

I think it’s universally true that the first thing people notice about each other is always related to physical appearance. Studies have shown that it only takes the brain a few seconds to “size up” someone just by looking at them. This is not to say that initial impressions are correct, only that it is a fairly automatic mental process. People are generally unaware of their initial impression unless there is reason to reflect more consciously on it, for example, if you get bad vibes about someone’s behavior. Anyone who is familiar with the concept of ‘implicit bias’ has probably tried to be more aware of the method through which they formulate first impressions.

If I’m just randomly people watching, the first things I notice are “style” and “comportment”. This is one of those situations where I’m painfully aware of not being S because I’m not immediately cognizant of particular physical details such as color, size, or shape, unless the details are so striking/extreme as to be impossible to miss, like they have a peg leg or something. In fact, I’ve gotten myself into some awkward situations because of being quite oblivious to how people look or what they wear, lol. (It’s fortunate that I’ve never been asked to be an eye-witness about criminal activity.)

For me, style is a very nebulous concept. It concerns how people present themselves, overall. It’s less about what exact clothes they wear and more about what KINDS of things they wear. For example, is their style: loose, sharp, casual, slovenly, crisp, edgy, modern, professional, glamorous, nerdy, hippy, parent, dark, bright, eccentric, etc. I think overall style choices provide clues about self-image.

Comportment includes body language things like posture, gait, facial expression, and use of space. For example: Do they slouch? Do they seem energetic? Do they have a meek, confident, open, closed, or defensive stance? Do they walk slowly or quickly? Do they make eye contact? Can they sustain eye contact? Do they stare off into la la land a lot? Do they take up a lot of space when they sit or move? Do they gesture wildly or stay fairly immobile? How often do they smile? I think comportment provides clues about personality and general state of mind.

I don’t often find myself in situations where it would be appropriate to approach a stranger out of the blue. I usually meet new people through friends of friends. I’m generally willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, even if I get weird vibes at first. I’ll give them a few chances to show me who they really are, because I know that not everyone is what they first seem to be on the outside. 

What do I look for? If it’s not obvious already, I’m a predominantly verbal learner, so my way of learning about people is simply to listen to them talk. This is where I enjoy group situations because I can just sit back and take it in. I’ll listen for patterns in their opinions, beliefs, and values - but not because I want to hear agreement with mine. I want to see if they possess a kind attitude (e.g. opinions are thoughtful and understandable), emotional stability (e.g. reasonable reaction to things), humility or self-awareness (e.g. some insight into their own motivations, judgments, decisions). These are the things that serve as a baseline for good friend material, for me at least. To be clear, those who exhibit many baseless opinions, unstable emotions, and inability/unwillingness to look into themselves aren’t necessarily “bad” people; I will just find it difficult to connect with them beyond the acquaintance level.

[chaptertwo-thepacnw]

[bryantmcgill]

Your comportment, manners, vocabulary, diction, and presentation all communicate your essential message. — Bryant McGill

[5wordsaday]

comportment (n.)

personal bearing or conduct; demeanor; behavior

[journeyintowriting]

Word of the Day: Comportment

Comportment (kuh m-pawrt-muh nt, pohrt-)

Noun

1. personal bearing or conduct; demeanor; behavior

[bryantmcgill]

Your comportment, manners, vocabulary, diction, and presentation all communicate your essential message. — Bryant McGill

[bryantmcgill]

Your comportment, manners, vocabulary, diction, and presentation all communicate your essential message. — Bryant McGill