#compromised cognitive posts

[digidrakncreature]

Why I refer to one of my kintypes as my "wishtype" (and sometimes "wishkintype")

So a while ago I went around asking about the exact definition of a linktype. Because I wanted to know if the 'type had to be something you intended to make into a kintype/linktype specifically, or if it was also under that if you wanted to be the thing so badly that you'd unintentionally created a kintype of it.

Oh boy. The chronology is already screwed here isn't it. Let's rewind a bit?

I am not a human. I've known that all my life. What I am exactly specieswise wasn't known until recently, but that's not relevant here.

I am not a human. But I love humans. I want to continue to live with them, alongside and intertwined. I just also desperately need my own body and the freedom to act a bit "not human".

This isn't possible on this version of Earth at this current time in history.

Enter Deltarune (and post-pacifist run Undertale). A fictional Earth where presumably humans and nonhumans live together in intertwined societies. An Earth where magic is a natural resource, where the nonhuman beings are just made of magic so their biology doesn't have to adhere to the rules of our Earth. But despite that it's still very very similar to here.

For a bit I indulged in fantasies about living on a version of Earth where I can just be myself and live the life I want to live as a sapient nonhuman being with humans in a mundane modern world without it becoming a creature feature.

And then one day I realized it's not just me and my life I'll never have because I can't go there. I realized I'd never see another monster IRL. I wouldn't be able to hug someone who felt like they were made of inorganic materials while still feeling very alive. I'd never just see other monsters go about their days. And the homesickness I felt tripled.

I'm told this identity feeling, even if I created it by accident, is a kintype. And I agree for multiple reasons. I am not using the word "wishtype" to say it is different or not a kintype. It's just to make it a little easier to talk about for me.

I don't have a "canon" to refer to. I don't have "canonmates" or anything. A lot of fictionkin and such terminology is inaccurate to me which is something I just can't really mesh lol.

And it's easier to group all of the related things together to talk about. My wishself and my wishlife and my wishmates, my wishhome, etc.

Also my "coretype", a mash of all my species identities together, is (sometimes) the same shape as my wishtype, which is a version of myself, my coreself, my coretype, that would be able to exist in person in my wishhome. Just unable to shapeshift and made of magic instead of meat or digital wireframe or whatever. So when there's two identical images of me, Gideon, I can say "this is my wishself and this is my coreself".

And you know what? The word wishkin always felt off to me. It felt mean and invalidating and kinda nasty. So I like the idea of taking the word "wish" back, you know? Wishes aren't bad things. Self-determination, having a piece of your identity simply because you want it to be isn't a bad thing.

[digidrakncreature]

I personally define a kintype as "a species/class/group of beings you identify as a member of" (taxonomy is weird okay lol)

I just feel like that's a little more clear, you know? Like being a member of the human race, or humankind?

Like for me, I am draknkin. I am a member of draknkind. One of my kintypes is drakns. But I wouldn't really refer to myself as "a drakn" without caveats or context?

I don't 100% identify as a pure drakn. I'm more of a mishmash of drakn-changling goblin creature. My kintype is drakn but my core-species-identity (aka coretype) is "demidrakn" (which is semi-inaccurate nomenclature for a gobliny gremliny drakncreature.) (... I'm starting to like how "drakncreature" sounds hmm)

I'm also a monster. I am a member of the population of sapient monster people from a slightly different version of Earth. I've been calling them "monsterfolk" here but there we're just "monsters". That's even more complicated because the reason I'm a monster is because I'm a sapient nonhuman draconic creature that wants to live as a nonhuman person in a mundane modern world.

I don't know what my point is. Mostly that the definition of otherkin/d that's usually said is confusing?

I usually see "identifying wholly or partially as a nonhuman being" or something in that ballpark, and been told that your kintype is like exactly what you identify as? Nobody really managed to explain what "wholly or partially" meant in this context in a way I understood or wrt to having multiple kintypes etc etc.

So idk maybe for some (like me) it makes more sense to identify as a member of their species/whatever instead of directly saying "I am a [kintype]"

edit to add:

I think part of my confusion was because as an individual I'm... not an easy to categorize species?

also I don't identify as human in any amount, and every time anyone defined the "partially a nonhuman species" it was either explicitly or implicitly with the other percent being human?