he was lying in bed while you were in the shower, his own phone dead, boredom slowly consuming him.
"love," he called. "can i use your phone for a sec? i wanna look something up."
"yeah! password's the same,” you responded.
big mistake.
he opens your phone and gets distracted by a notification from tik tok.
"edited 3h ago • kaisagi enemies to lovers."
"..."
he shouldn't. he really, really shouldn't.
5 minutes later, he's somehow on your liked videos. and he’s talking to himself like "... why is this just me with other men."
you come back drying your hair with a towel. "yoichi?"
he slowly turns the phone toward you. it's an edit. him and rin. every clip out of context deliberately looks like rin wants to eat him. caption: "he wanted that damn cookie he don’t gaf about being number one."
"is there... something you want to tell me?"
you blink. "... oh. OH. yoichi, i can explain."
"please do."
"i just think it's funny."
"you've liked 33."
"..."
"AND THEY’RE ALL IN A WHOLE ASS FOLDER NAMED ‘don’t let him find out.’"
"they're well edited..."
"is THAT what we're calling it?"
he scrolls. kaisagi. rinsagi. bachisagi. even one with barou.
"mind you, that’s the guy who called me a donkey."
"yes."
"... and you liked that one, too?"
"the editor cooked."
he spends the next 10 minutes acting like he's getting shot.
"so while i'm sending you good morning texts… you're watching me make heart eyes at rin?"
"well, TV girl was the song choice–"
he starts dramatically sighing every few minutes.
"what's wrong?"
"just wondering if i'm enough."
"yoichi."
"or if i should ask rin out."
"YOICHI."
eventually, he starts watching them with you. his mind starts changing by the 5th edit.
"... okay wait, this transition was actually insane."
itoshi rin
rin discovers it because he hears your phone. he wasn't even looking. he just hears music. you'd left your phone on autoplay while cooking.
he walks into the kitchen, looks at the screen… it's an edit of him… and shidou.
"rin, you weren’t supposed to see that," says you, who is currently hitting the standing emoji pose.
he slowly looks at you. "... why. why are you watching this."
"..."
"... it's got 2 million likes?"
"that’s not the point."
he grabs your phone and starts scrolling. you watch in real time as his expression somehow gets worse. him and isagi. him and shidou again. him and literally every man who's breathed near him.
"am i just community property?"
"RIN."
"why do these people think i flirt."
"because you glare at each other for the entire game."
"that's called hatred."
"it's got chemistry."
"IT DOESN'T."
he opens the comments.
"my divorced parents."
"they're soulmates."
"just kiss already."
you are laughing so hard you're crying.
rin narrows his eyes. “you liked these edits. AND the comments."
"the edits are really good. and the comments are funny."
he sighs. “you're unbelievable."
later that night, he catches you giggling again. "what."
"nothing nothing."
"show me."
"no."
he takes your phone. it's another edit. this time it's him and isagi standing too close during a match. slowed. zoomed in. lana as the audio for that extra devastating effect.
"... they edited the eye contact."
"IT LOOKED ROMANTIC."
"IT WASN'T."
"..."
"... the coloring's nice at least."
itoshi sae
sae finds out because he accidentally opens your twitter.
he wasn't digging through your phone. he was actually trying to send himself a picture. but, instead he sees–
❤️ liked. fanart. him and shidou. sharing one umbrella.
he blinks once. twice. three times. then calmly locks your phone.
when you come back he asks, completely expressionless, "do you enjoy fictionalizing my suffering.”
you nearly choke. “sorry…?"
he slides your phone across the table. you immediately recognize the artwork.
"... sae, listen."
"i am.”
“... the artist is really talented."
"that's your defense?"
"LOOK AT THE RENDERING."
he scrolls more. and more. and more.
"there are hundreds."
"i support artists."
"no shit." he raises one eyebrow. "i wasn't aware people believed i was romantically compatible with every striker alive."
"well..."
"don't."
"the tension."
"there is no tension."
"there's eye contact."
"that's called existing."
he keeps pretending not to care, absolutely stone-faced. until–
"which one's your favorite."
"... what?”
"which ship."
"i... i refuse to answer."
"interesting."
"sae."
"because refusing implies there IS one."
"... i gotta go..."
you never let him live it down.
nagi seishiro
nagi doesn't even get jealous. he gets invested.
he's lying on your shoulder while you're scrolling. then he absentmindedly glances down.
"is that me."
"yeah."
"... why am i holding reo's face."
"... fanart." you mumble it so quietly that you hope he doesn’t hear you. but he does.
"that’s cute."
you stop. "you're not concerned?"
"should i be?”
he scrolls. another one. another. another.
"wow, people draw really well."
"that's your takeaway?"
"yeah."
he suddenly gasps. "wait."
"what?"
"they made me taller."
"... that's what you're focused on?"
he spends the next 20 minutes rating fanart. "this one's an 8."
"why?”
"my hair's wrong."
"okay..."
"this one's 10."
"because?"
"they made me prettier. specifically my eyes."
"..."
"this one's weird."
"why?"
"i'd never wear that fit."
reo walks in. "what are you two doing?"
nagi casually answers, "looking at people shipping us. nagireo is more popular than i thought it was."
reo chokes on air. "YOU'RE WHAT?"
mikage reo
reo discovers your pinterest board. the board title? "men who should've kissed."
he clicks out of curiosity. it's literally 99% him and nagi.
and i mean fanart. edits. memes. analysis posts. the board description is literally: "your honor, they're in love."
he calls for you immediately. "baby."
"yeah?"
“... care to explain."
you look over and freeze. "... that's private, reo."
"then why is it a public board on your account??"
he scrolls furiously. "this board has 500 pins."
"..."
"LIKE 450 OF THEM ARE ME."
"...”
"... with nagi."
you nod. "the artists are really talented."
"again with the artists."
"LOOK AT THE LIGHTING."
reo pinches the bridge of his nose. "do i need to compete with my best friend."
"you already lost."
"excuse me?"
"the edits hit."
he gasps so dramatically you'd think you'd confessed to tax fraud. "wow. wow. after everything i've done for you."
"reo."
"i buy you flowers. i fly you to paris. and this is how i find out i'm in a situationship with nagi."
he refuses to let it go.
for the next week he randomly asks, "did nagi send you flowers today? did your other boyfriend remember your anniversary? should i leave you two alone?"
eventually, curiosity wins. he starts reading the comments. and actually finds them quite funny.
you grin. "i know, right?"
"... don't tell nagi."
"too late."
nagi already knows. he liked the post, too.
bachira meguru
bachira catches you because you're sitting on the couch absolutely cackling. not giggling. not smiling. crying laughing.
he flops down beside you with zero regard for personal space. "whatcha watching?"
"nothing, bubs."
"that's a lie."
he leans over your shoulder before you can lock your phone. "... oh!”
it's an edit of him and isagi with one of those doomed ship audios (ricky montgomery probably). every assist they've ever made to each other is edited like a confession scene.
"he found the monster in someone else."
"soulmates separated by fate."
bachira watches the whole thing. "awww."
you slowly look at him. "awww?"
"it’s kinda sweet. the editor really understood the emotional narrative."
"MEGURU."
"what?"
"you're supposed to be jealous!"
"why?"
"because i'm watching edits of you being in love with another man."
"mmm... but i'm not. also, they picked really good clips."
he reaches over. scrolls. there’s more edits. him and isagi mostly. him and rin. him and otoya. him and literally anyone who's smiled at him.
"wow. i'm popular."
you stare. "... that's your conclusion?"
"yeah!"
he keeps watching. every few videos, he gives actual feedback. "they should've used the U-20 match here." or "this transition's clean." or "aw, they made us blush."
“it’s an edit."
"i know. it's cute."
you eventually bury your face in a pillow.
bachira laughs. "hey."
"what."
he grins. "find one where i end up with you instead."
"..."
"those are my absolute favorites."
shidou ryusei
this man discovers your likes. and immediately assumes the worst.
"WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY?"
"ryusei."
"WHY ARE YOU LIKING HIM?"
"... that's you."
"... oh." he squints. "why am i kissing sae."
he starts scrolling. his eyebrows somehow climb higher with every swipe.
him and sae. him and rin. him and kunigami. him and literally every player who has ever looked mildly annoyed around him.
"damn. people think i'm a whore."
"no, they think you have chemistry with everyone."
"eh, same thing."
he opens the comments.
"they flirt through attempted murder."
"enemies to lovers speedrun."
shidou snorts. "that's kinda funny."
you blink. "you're not mad?"
"nope."
"..."
"although." he suddenly wraps an arm around your shoulders. "you could've just asked."
"asked what?”
"i'll recreate the poses."
"WHAT?"
"come on." he points at a piece of fanart. "i can carry sae like that."
"RYUSEI."
"actually." he thinks. "nahhh. he'd complain."
he scrolls again.
"THIS ARTIST MADE MY ABS LOOK SMALL."
now that's the real issue.
karasu tabito
karasu catches you because you're sitting across from him on a train, smiling at your phone like somebody in love.
"who’s got ya grinnin' like that?"
"nobody."
"lemme see."
"no.”
“that's exactly why i wanna see."
he reaches over. you fail spectacularly at hiding it. and he catches one frame: him and otoya. holding hands.
"..."
"... seriously?"
you sigh. "i can explain."
"can ya?"
he takes the phone and begins to scroll.
“geez… i'm gettin' passed around."
"tabito–"
"me and otoya. me and hiori. me and shidou. me and yukimiya. hell, somebody even got me with barou."
you burst into laughter.
karasu clicks another edit. it's one of those silly overanalyzed videos with arrows, zoom-ins, and ironic captions: "notice how karasu looked at otoya for 0.8 seconds longer than everyone else..."
"... these people got too much free time."
"..."
“keep playin'."
you do. 5 minutes later–
"okay… that stare did look suspicious."
"SEE?"
he points at the screen. "that's bad camera angles tho.”
after 15 minutes of this, he shakes his head, laughing.
"can't believe my own girl ships me with my coworker."
kaiser michael
kaiser finds your secret twitter bookmark folder. its name? "yaoi national archives."
"... bitte (pardon)?"
your fight or flight kicks in. "give me my phone."
he doesn't. he does the complete opposite: he opens it. first bookmark: kaiser and isagi. second: kaiser and ness. third: kaiser and literally everyone breathing.
he looks at you. then the phone. then you again.
"... am i... the main character?"
"yes."
"... good."
"THAT'S YOUR RESPONSE?"
he sits down, crosses one leg over the other, and begins watching. he doesn't even pretend he isn't interested.
"hm."
"..."
"this editor understands my good side."
"mihya, please."
"they used my left profile, which is objectively correct. after all, why do you think i got my tattoo done on that side instead?"
he keeps scrolling. you slowly begin sweating. because eventually, he finds the fanart. it's him and ness dancing. soft smiles. foreheads touching. golden lighting.
he quietly studies it. finally, after a moment: "that's beautiful."
"... you really think so?"
"the composition."
you exhale. "thank god."
he looks over. "don't misunderstand. i'm complimenting the artist."
"..."
"although i do look incredibly attractive."
"you are unbelievable."
he smirks. "tell me."
"tell you what."
"which ship wins."
"... i plead the fifth."
he smiles. "good answer."
ness alexis
ness finds out. and this boy immediately enters the 5 stages of grief.
"what… what is this."
you slowly look up. "... oh. oh no."
he's holding your phone with trembling hands. on the screen? a kaisagi edit with 300,000 likes.
"... schönste, you liked this?" his tone quivers with betrayal.
"... yes."
he keeps scrolling. another. another. another.
"why."
"they're well edited."
"STOP SAYING THAT."
he looks genuinely distraught. "kaiser would never."
then he opens the comments, which is the killer blow.
"the actual look of love.”
“KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE.”
he frowns. "you should block all these accounts."
you try so hard not to laugh. he keeps scrolling anyway.
eventually, he lands on… kaiser. and himself. it’s fanart. beautifully painted with a watercolor effect. they're laughing together.
he studies it for another few seconds. "... their coloring technique is incredible."
you grin. "right?"
"... don't tell kaiser i said that."
"why?"
"because then he'll think i was looking."
“nessie bear."
"..."
"you've been scrolling for 20 minutes."
"... i'm conducting research."
"on what?"
"... the fandom."
he absolutely starts sending you fanart afterward. always with the same caption: "the anatomy here is objectively impressive. ignore the subject matter."
