Last night I had the tendency to commit suicide.
I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, I couldn't escape.
The only reasonable escape was death.
I tried to numb myself from negative thoughts with tv shows. But it wasn't any help.
I faced my darkest fear last night. I hate sitting in the dark, I always have this though that something dark is lurking.
I didn't care, in fact I hoped something would just come out and kill me.
Then the thought "The only monsters are the one that live inside of us."
I just sat there staring into the dark, but nothing popped out.
I ran everything through my head, from my friends that will miss me if I wasn't here.
I tried to reason myself into things, I would tell myself, "They'll understand, wouldn't they want me to be happy? Instead of being miserable in life?
My parents? I'm fed up with them, everything I do for them, just disappears. Once I stop doing that thing, that's when they say "Why don't you wash the dishes anymore? You have to help out, I'm tired. When I was your age, I did.........." Can't they see that I'm tired? & I don't want to deal with shit anymore? I have my own shit to figure out.
Suddenly the thought of my niece came in my head, I told myself it wouldn't be fair to her, she doesn't even know me.
Oh 2012, why don't you happen already? I'm just waiting for death.
Idk what's wrong with me lately, I'm on a emotional rollar coaster.
Forgive me if I seem a little down lately. I have shit to figure out. Sometimes I just don't want to give a fuck anymore.