Gone With the Wind
Being a massage therapist can be gruelling sometimes, and by the end of the day I’m pretty much in need of a good massage myself! Imagine massaging clients quite literally all day long. I love it, don’t get me wrong, but it can be really tiring! When I can’t get a massage myself, I tend to rely on yoga and meditation at home. Not only does it relax me and sharpen my focus, it also helps me keep in great shape; I’ve never been one for the gym really! So, with all the aches and pains of my job, it’s always a pleasure when something funny happens. Today, something happened that doesn’t happen often; and I always love it when it does.
So, I’m busy working on this guy in his late fifties. He has a good body, and he clearly takes care of himself, but I think it might be getting a little too much protein in his diet. Some of you might know that a high protein diet can give you a little extra gas! Especially if you work out often and use things like protein powders and so on. Then the gas can be almost chronic! And yes, you guessed it, that’s exactly what happened. As a masseuse, this is s perfectly natural thing to happen, but it doesn’t happen often; and you never really get used to it. When it does, it’s very funny. Any massage therapist that tells you they have a good poker face when it comes to accidents like this, is almost certainly lying to you!
I’m moving my hands along my client’s abdomen and applying only a little pressure (because it’s not always the most comfortable place to be massaged) and there’s this loud and long - almost “parp!” - sound. And I’m telling you with no word of a lie, that this was really LOUD! The poor guy must have been mortified. It reminded me of a trombone. It was the classic sliding trombone sound, the type you hear in cartoons and comedy sketches when you see a fat person walking or someone fall over. I managed to ignore it initially, but couldn’t help glancing at his face, which had turned a very deep red colour as he stared at the ceiling. It was then that he looked down at me and saw me smiling. Perhaps it was because he saw that I wasn’t disgusted by his windy accident, that caused him to laugh out loud, and yes… I joined him.
Now comes the even funnier part. No sooner had he begun to laugh and lift himself into a semi sitting position, whilst trying desperately to apologise between his giggling, he did it again. And then again. It was like he was trying to play a tune down there. By now we were both laughing like drains, with me trying to stop, if only to tell him that he shouldn’t be embarrassed and that it happened all the time (even though it didn’t); the usual stuff a masseuse would tell a client who farted! It was then that his mortification, turned into my own, as I let out a massive bottom grunt myself. Talk about us both being loosened up! You’d expect the room to smell awful too, but luckily it really didn’t. These gasses were more than likely disguised among the all the essential oils that I have. Honestly, sometimes it smells stronger than The Body Shop for goodness sake!
So, that was a nice way to start the weekend, I won’t lie to you, it really cheered me up! I’m not saying that I want all my clients to come and pass wind in my room though!
