#coping with ocd

[oneleggedflamingo]

I had another random intrusive thought about smt stupid I was going to do two years ago but I stopped myself a minute before to think: "wait a minute, is this smart and will I regret it later? I better sleep on it and decide later." And smh this thought gave me an anxiety peak even though I am pretty sure I did not go through with it and even if I tried to check on it, I think there would be no proof to sway either way. But for ocd the itch is to keep looking to find smt real, but now I understand that there is no reason to go looking for smt that does not exist. I do still feel a bit nervous but I think it will go away the same way the original memory of this disappeared from my mind for the past few years.

[bylersboy]

hey y'all I know we hate on affirmations (and by y'all I mean myself because so many of them are like "I love myself sooooo muchhhh 🎀" and it feels fake as shit and I hate it) but like honestly ive been trying to find ways to help myself cope with fuck ass moral OCD cause ya know it makes my life horrible and its been kind of fun to think of affirmations. its nice to have time to be mindful of what im writing down as well because ocd is a disorder that seeks reassurance and so just getting reassurance doesn't really do much in the long run. anyways here's what ive written in my journal so far !!

my actions do not have malicious intent

I am not the root of injustice

I spread kindness

I am allowed to enjoy things

obviously like its great to be mindful of the injustice in the world and to be conscious of the things you buy and spend money and etc etc but as someone with OCD its not a disorder where these thoughts of "you shouldn't have bought this and you should have reblogged that activism post" are helpful and mindful. these thoughts are internally destructive and they just create such horrible spirals because ill buy a nice piece of clothing and thing "wow I shouldn't have bought that someone else could've wanted this more than me and i'm a bad person for taking this opportunity away from someone" or like today I saw lots of homeless people because I was in the city and I thought "if that homeless person asked me to go into the store and buy him a water bottle I dont know what I would do because if I bought a water bottle it would be plastic and then I would be contributing to the spread of micro plastics and the deterioration of our environment but if I DIDNT buy the water then I would be a horrible person for not helping this homeless man" and so I guess my point is affirmations might not be true for every single person. someone with a shopping addiction shouldn't be like "hey its okay im allowed to enjoy things im excusing my addiction to spending money on clothes" but someone with OCD who struggles with these kinds of thoughts might really benefit from these kinds of affirmations. OKAY THAT WAS SUCH A RAMBLE. im not going to apologize cause its my blog and I can post whatever I want teehee but I do want to say that I think this blog might have more frequent posts about my mental health specifically OCD. not anything really depressing but things that are educational so if you dont want to see that and you just want your dash to be a fun thing where you look at fan art and stuff feel free to unfollow cause you have free will !! okay bye guys

[mental-mona]

[oneleggedflamingo]

I watched a swedish series about ocd and it made me realize that I also do that catastrophic thinking thing and now that I know what it is, I can catch myself when it happens and take away the power of it. Those worst case scenarios still make me feel uncomfortable but they pass sooner.

[oneleggedflamingo]

I think I have finally emerged on the other side of my recent two week long paralyzing ocd spiral which is: whatever happens happens and I can't control any of it so I will just have to accept it all as it is. And so the wheel stops spinning and I am out of the cave.

[oneleggedflamingo]

One of my nightmares is that smt stupid I did as a kid would come back to haunt me (theoretically possible), and this makes me feel painfully stressed randomly through the years. But today I had a good clearing thought that if that would happen then justice would also be served and I do believe in the justice system and facing the consequences of your own actions, so there isn't actually anything to be afraid of. I feel much lighter and I think I can use this way of thinking with new intrusive thoughts aswell so that they don't stick permanently.

[mental-mona]

[booyahpurgatory]

the tricky thing about ocd is it’s using your own brain against you, so finding something that works is always temporary

for now though, what’s working for me is to read about other peoples’ ocd problems, because it’s easier to see and dismiss the mental cage from the outside.  it reminds me that the thoughts aren’t real so much as the ocd.

the real strategy is to continue coming up with new ways of coping so when this one wears out i find something else that works.