Pairings: Fratboy!Martin x F!reader
Shaky deep breaths, car windows fogged up, your cold fingers slipping wet on them tracing small hearts lighted up by the city lights running fast over you, staring outside in that three-seated back of the car heading to the first ever college's party, checking your hair in every small reflection you'd walk past to make sure everything was perfect.
That you were perfect.
Suddenly, the chats and chuckles of your friends echoed far away from your mind, too busy thinking about that golden haired boy you were forced to leave behind.
Sound of heels stabbing the ground, smell of tobacco and alcohol getting stronger at every step you took towards that door.
That tought haunted you for the last 2 years. Someday it was quieter, someday it was louder, stronger than it has ever been. You caught yourself multiple times, wondering if it really was that deep or if it was some weird joke your not-so reliable mind decided to play.
You could hear the music playing meters away from the entrance, you could see some boys having fun from the windows, you could... Imagine what your life would have been like if you never had to leave your country due to your father's job.
"Come on Y/n, you can do it!"
Said Rei, your childhood bestfriend, patting you on the back like you two always used to.
"She's right, you've been through so many things just to get there again and... what you're gonna do? just stand there, stare at them like something you can't reach?? They are right there Y/n"
Followed Rika, knowing damn well what your silly little mind was thinking of in that very moment, and which words would have dealed better with it.
But no matter how close you got, there would always be an abyss keeping you apart.
A wound too big and deep to be covered by any bandages.
A heart too small to bear all that pressure.
You took a deep breath and entered the house, almost full with pepole your age and faces you've barely ever seen.
None of them knew.
You made your way to the kitchen, ready to drink the first thing you got your hands on.
None of them knew about your comeback.
You could feel the bitter smell of vodka intoxicating your nostrils as you poured it in your glass, preparing yourself for what would have came next.
Your throat started feeling hotter and your mind lighter, as you filled another glass, ready to chug it in one go.
You were about to leave that room to get back to your girls when you bumped into Juhoon on the door frame. He couldn't belive his eyes and he admitted not to have recognized you at first.
After all, it's been years.
He also looked different. He was taller and his hair grew a bit longer than he used to wear them at the time. They framed his face better, making the cheekbones look higher, giving the eyes more depth.
He immediately called Seonghyeon and Keonho, who were surprised to see you aswell. The first one made sure to tease you and hiding his feelings underneath his jokes as he always used to, while the other, maybe already too blinded by the aclohol, started crying out of happiness, hugging you tight enough to make you stop breathing for some seconds.
After they explained you that James was too caught by the karaoke to even notice his pants almost leaving him how his mother created him, your ears stopped working when your eyes pointed at that tall figure you knew too well to be ignoring.
there he was.
Leaning down towards a small table covered with little filled shot glasses, chugging them one by one, cheered up by an entire crowd of girls, challenging a boy his age, twice his muscular form.
When the boys noticed that you were no longer into that silly conversation, they started looking in the same direction as you were, understanding what kept you so on the edge.
They encouraged you to just go and talk to him as if nothing happened
As if nothing happened..? You were feeling way too guilty to just act as if nothing happened.
Your heart clenched the second your eyes met, you've been staring at him, studying every move he made, trying to grip to what seemed to be an hallucination, to something so unreal that could have just disappeared at any moment.
He quickly looked away, he indeed saw you, but did he really saw you?
He desperately looked for you in every place he stepped into, in every crowd he got the slightes glimpse of your presence, where his mind still played images of your figure which took him way too long to realize was only fruit of his imagination, that you weren't really there.
But now? Was it actually you? Of course not, you lived 12 hours of plane from there. But what if it was really you this time?
You were gasping for air, which definetly wasn't enough in that small room, so you went upstairs and made your way out on the rooftop.
You felt your nose tickling by the quietly sharp wind that was blowing outside, your toughts tangled in unanswerable questions, gazing the stars for the slightest form of solution.
Your hand slipped unconsciously into your small black leather bag, as if it was moving on its own, grabbing that pack of Marlboros you always keep with you.
Your fingers played hard against the lighter which seemed not to give the slightes sign to work. You rolled your eyes, ready to put the cigarette back with the others, when you saw a hand coming from the sky, handing you another lighter to deal with.
Before you looked from where was that hand coming, you already knew. You saw that ring you bought together when thrifting, and that little scar right beneath his pinky he got when playing with your cat.
You finally managed to light it up, but still couldn't look directly into his eyes.
"Since when do you smoke?"
You asked, but the bitter taste of tobacco wasn't the only harsh thing to deal with.
You felt your bottom lip getting warmer as the smoke penetred your mouth, while his sharp voice cut deeper than any knife.
"I don't"
He sat next to you, knowing damn well that you were really there this time, but still unsure on how to react.
"Then why'd you keep that in your pocket?"
"Just in case you needed it"
He revealed, making you finally look in his direction, who was already haunting for your iris.
His gaze wandered all over you face, tracing every detail as if trying to memorize them all over again and comparing them to the last time you met, still in disbelief that you were finally back under his sight.
His presence was overwhelming, like the air suddenly got thicker, heavier to breathe.
You wondered if he could hear how loud your heart was beating, if he could see your hands slightly trembling while you held the cigarette between your fingers, pretending to be calmer than you actually were.
Neither of you spoke.
The moon's ight reflected in his eyes, making them look softer than the ones you remembered.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
You didn’t know if you were talking to him or to yourself.
“I know"
he replied almost immediately, not looking away from you.
“Neither should you.”
You let out a breathless laugh.
Funny how he always knew exactly what to say to make things worse.
The silence fell between you again, but it wasn’t empty. It was full of unsaid apologies, of nights spent missing each other in different time zones, of messages never sent and calls hung up before the first ring.
“I didn’t think you’d ever come back.”
Your fingers tightened around the cigarette.
“I didn’t think so either.”
He nodded slowly, as if that confirmed something he had already known all along. His knee brushed against yours, accidentally. Or maybe not.
You didn’t move, and neither did he.
The city noise in the distance faded until all that existed was the two of you, the wind teasing your hair and the faint taste of smoke lingering between your lips.
“I missed you”
he whispered, almost afraid of shattering that moment
You swallowed hard, your chest tightening. You wanted to say something back, anything, but you simply couldn't.
Your fingers found his hand, and he intertwined his with yours without hesitation.
“You’re here”
he said again, softer this time, like to remind himself that it was real.
“I am"
you breathed out, the corners of your lips trembling.
His eyes searched yours and you could see it, you could feel every memory, every regret, every unsent text and unread message was hidden in that gaze.
He leaned in, slower than the moon's rotation, trying to gather and keep inside his heart every second he could spend again with you. Your heart thudded in pain and hope, until your foreheads pressed together for a brief moment.
His hand gently brushing you chin as he pressed his lips on yours, trying to remember their flavour, which he could swear, stayed just the same.
You melted into it, hands gripping his shirt lightly, holding him close, letting everything fall apart but the bubble only you two were in.
For the first time in so long, you felt at Home
When you pulled back just enough to breathe, his forehead rested against yours.
“I… don’t want to let you go again”
he admitted in a voice barely audible over the wind.
“I’m not going anywhere”
you whispered back, and somehow it felt like a promise that neither time nor distance could break.